RAZOR Wrestling Episode #7

Oh damn, is it already Sunday? Pyro, ballyhoo, all that good stuff opens Episode #7 of RAZOR Wrestling. The fans are cheering, the energy is high, everyone is excited. At the announce table we see our beloved commentary team for the evening.

DICK DELAURIER: Welcome wrestling fans one and all to RAZOR Wrestling Episode #7 right here on GRBG: A Streaming Platform. I am Dick Delaurier and I am joined tonight, as always, by Fiona Metz!

FIONA METZ: As always? As soon as I pay off my student loans. I’m out of here!

DICK DELAURIER: Don’t you owe your friend Shmitty money for when he covered your bail last summer?

FIONA METZ: Shmitty will get his fucking money when he admits that he sabotaged my niece’s Bat Mitzvah by releasing all those snakes.

DICK DELAURIER: Poor Shmitty. We have a fantastic show for you tonight folks and we are going to kick things off with our Interim General Manager!

FIONA METZ: Our what?

DICK DELAURIER: Don’t you read the memos?

FIONA METZ: I try not to.

DICK DELAURIER: With General Manager Hank Malone in Mexico searching for President Molly Bones, RAZOR Wrestling is left without a leader.

FIONA METZ: I volunteer as tribute.

DICK DELAURIER: The position has been filled, I’m afraid. Assistant to the General Manager Sophie Whimm will be in charge tonight and I’m told that she has an announcement for later this evening. As for now we take you backstage to one of the competitors in tonight's main event.
The scene opens with Gregory Murphy looking in a spot of discomfort as he adjusts his neck brace, still evidently suffering from the chokeslam onto the gravestone by Samhain a few weeks ago.

GREGORY MURPHY: I mean honestly, Mark! Look at me right now, do you see this?!

He looks down at his brace, his eyes alert and wide.

GREGORY MURPHY: I'm your manager goddamnit, I shouldn't be having to wear a neck-brace and deal with this but here I am, having to to sacrifice my damn body when that's your job, not mine!

He points at Storm, who nods his head.

MARK STORM: I know, Greg, I know.

GREGORY MURPHY: Then what have you got to say for yourself, man? What have you gotten yourself into? I mean honestly, everybody in this place is out to kill you and you wanna stay?

MARK STORM: You're damn right I wanna stay.

GREGORY MURPHY: For what?! Some world title? C'mon man, we can pack our bags and go to a place with some decent folk in the locker rooms, at least. You've got some sick fetish, I'm convinced, getting fucked over the way you do... it's sickening Mark, and you need to stop -

Before Murphy can continue, Storm intervenes;

MARK STORM: You just don't get it, Greg and you probably never will. RAZOR Wrestling has already become my home and already I feel as though I've become a staple here. I don't care about what you think, and I'm sorry that you got hurt during all of that madness but you also know the risks you take, walking down that ramp and joining me ringside. You know it, Greg, and you take it anyway, every single time.

Storm points at Murphy and his face turns, as he knows Storm is right.

MARK STORM: You love this just as much as I do, though you wouldn't admit it because you're in a goddamn neck-brace right now. But that's all gonna clear up and this moment will pass, and greener pastures will be on the horizons. Just you wait. Your Hero, and Mine going for that RAZOR World Championship means that I have to have my full attention on the task in hand. Pascal Gaudin, isn't a joke and I know that tonight isn't going to be easy. Nor was Ivanov, or Samhain but still, I'm standing, aren't I? I'm Your Hero, and Mine, aren't I? I can overcome anything and everything and Pascal, will be no different. Tonight, I edge my way closer to the world title and buddy, our ride here is just beginning.

He pats Murphy on the shoulder, his signature smirk plastering over his lips as Murphy strikes a fake grin, shaking his head sideways in dismay as the scene gradually fades out.
We cut to the locker room where newcomer Sherman Dewey sits “criss-cross-applesauce”, as his kindergarten teacher Mrs. Blatt used to say. His trusty wooden sword lays across his lap. His eyes are closed and he appears to be deep in meditation. Several staff walk awkwardly around him as he has placed himself squarely in the center of the space, seemingly unaware of the social faux pax of it all.

He opens his eyes calmly. He pauses for several seconds before turning his attention to his right hand. He slowly alternates, opening it to reveal his palm and closing it to a fist. He repeats the motion several times and then raises it high above his head, shutting his eyes again, this time with more intent and focus. He seems to be trying to summon an energy into the the hand.

After a moment, his hand begins to shake, lightly at first but then with more ferocity. At the apex of this he quickly clenches his fist and brings it down to eye level.

He opens his slightly shaking fist slowly and we see, wait, that can’t be. Is his palm glowing?! Before we can know definitively if it’s a trick of the light or something more arcane, Dewey clasps his hand back to a fist and nods approvingly. He springs to his feet with surprising agility—despite his appearance there’s something different about him now. More confidence? No, something deeper but we’re unable to verbalize exactly what.

Dewey retrieves his sword, inspects the “blade”, and marches out of frame. We see several very confused staff asking each other what in the world just happened.


The first match of the evening sees Sud Ognya make their spooky entrance, with the monster Samhain dragging his headstone on a chain following patiently behind “The Mystic Tsar” Sergei Ivanov. Ivanov enters the ring and Samhain stands sentry at ringside with his weapon in hand.

DICK DELAURIER: Despite not having ever won a match, Sud Ognya are one of the most feared forces in all of RAZOR Wrestling.

FIONA METZ: They don’t care about winning. They care about Zagovor and inflicting pain.

DICK DELAURIER: What do you know about Zagovor, Metz?

FIONA METZ: It’s fun to say.

Newcomer, “The Paladin Of Plainville” Sherman Dewey is already in the ring when referee Zach Ebra calls for the bell. Ivanov charges across the ring and clotheslines Dewey into the corner! Dewey almost falls face first into the canvas but Ivanov shoves him back into the corner and treats him to a throat thrust!

DICK DELAURIER: Welcome to RAZOR Wrestling, Dewey.

FIONA METZ: I get the vibe that this guy is kind of an idiot. Guy thinks he is destined to be a hero. We all know how Sud Ognya feel about heroes.

DICK DELAURIER: A match against someone like Ivanov will see what kind of hero Dewey is destined to be.

Dewey is holding his throat, his face beat red as he tries to breathe. Ivanov stalks Dewey and grabs him by the back of the head. Ivanov hits Dewey with several headbutts to the base of the skull and then drives his face into the top of the turnbuckle. Dewey bounces backward right into a back suplex from “The Mystic Tsar”.

DICK DELAURIER: Dewey has yet to do anything of note in this contest. Could Ivanov be en route to his first victory in RAZOR Wrestling?

FIONA METZ: I mean if he can’t beat this pigeon then I don’t know who he can beat.

Ivanov flashes the Zagovor gang sign and calls for the end of Sherman Dewey’s night. Ivanov sets Dewey up for Bezmozgi (Ripcord Bicycle Knee). On the follow through Dewey drops to a knee, stands behind Ivanov, and does some kind of weird pose that I can’t describe because I’m not a nerd. Ivanov turns to face his opponent and gets hit with a rolling Kappo kick! Ivanov is rocked! Dewey pops up and delivers a head scissors takedown that sends Sergei to the outside and the floor!

DICK DELAURIER: Some life from The Paladin Of Plainville!

FIONA METZ: This is only going to serve to piss Ivanov off.

DICK DELAURIER: He isn’t already pissed off?

FIONA METZ: Zagovor is about having a calm mind.

DICK DELAURIER: Is that right?

FIONA METZ: I don’t fuckin’ know.

Vegas is starting to get behind Dewey as he recovers from the early onslaught. Outside the ring, Samhain helps Ivanov to his feet. Ivanov whispers something to the monster and then ascends the ring steps. Dewey welcomes Ivanov to enter the ring but Ivanov takes his time. Ebra tells Ivanov to get back into the match but Ivanov ushers him to come close for a conversation.

DICK DELAURIER: Don’t do it, Zach!

Ebra walks over to Ivanov and Ivanov grabs him by the collar. Dewey is about to intervene when Samhain grabs him from the apron and wraps the chain around Dewey’s neck! Dewey tries to fight out but Samhain lifts him off his feet, effectively hanging him! Ebra tries to fight out of Ivanov’s grasp. Ivanov gives Samhain a nod and “Hell’s Refuse” releases Dewey. Samhain drops off of the apron and Ivanov lets go of Ebra.

FIONA METZ: Another core tenant of Zagovor is choking anyone you can with a chain.

DICK DELAURIER: I find that hard to believe.

FIONA METZ: You should! But Ivanov is so smart. He knows that Ebra is so green as a referee that he pisses grass. He knew he’d fall for it.

Ivanov enters the ring just as Dewey gets to his feet. Ivanov measures Dewey and blasts him with the Chernobog Elbow (Roaring Elbow)! Dewey is turned inside out and the fans boo Ivanov. Ivanov prays and looks up at the ceiling as Dewey rolls out onto the apron. Ivanov looks to grab Dewey but gets hit with a gamengiri! Ivanov staggers to the middle of the ring and “The Paladin Of Plainville” climbs to the top rope! Dewey leaps off of the top rope and takes Ivanov down with a hurricanrana!

DICK DELAURIER: This is your moment to be a hero, Dewey! You have to capitalize!

FIONA METZ: No more heroes! Sud Ognya won’t let another one of these delusional clowns gain traction in RAZOR.

Vegas is all for the PoP as he gets back to his feet. He measures Ivanov as the latter gets to his feet. Dewey rushes at Ivanov but at the last second Ivanov gets him caught and looks for a uranage! Just as Ivanov is about to spike Dewey into the mat, Dewey swings his legs around and takes Ivanov down into a crucifix pin! Ebra makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, “The Paladin Of Plainville” Sherman Dewey!

“Paladin” by Freedom Call plays and Las Vegas is in complete shock. Referee Zach Ebra raises Sherman Dewey’s hand. Samhain enters the ring and instead of running, Dewey steps right to him. Samhain tilts his head in disbelief.

FIONA METZ: I think the choke that Dewey suffered earlier cost him some brain cells. Why hasn’t he bolted from the ring?

DICK DELAURIER: Because that’s not what heroes do!

FIONA METZ: This is what morons do!

Sergei Ivanov is up now and he stands behind Dewey. “The Paladin Of Plainville” is trapped between both members of Sud Ognya but he is not backing down. Dewey raises his fist to the sky and seems like he’s…charging up? Samhain isn’t having it, he grabs Dewey by the throat with both hands. He lifts Dewey up and tosses him into Ivanov who in one fluid motion catches Dewey and delivers a German suplex.

FIONA METZ: Back to Wizards Of The Coast for this doofus.

DICK DELAURIER: Are you a D&D player, Metz?

FIONA METZ: No. I’m not a gross virgin. I’m a gross sex addict.

“The Mystic Tsar” climbs to the top rope as Samhain gets Dewey up in an electric chair position. Ivanov lets out a primal roar and then leaps off the top rope with a spear that takes Dewey off of Samhain’s shoulders — The Trial By Fire. Dewey is laid out as Sud Ognya stands tall.
“Eternal Loneliness” by Alex Norre begins to sound across the whole arena, seconds later Adam García appears from behind the curtain holding a microphone in his hand.

ADAM GARCÍA: Cut my music, cut my music.

Adam gestures towards the people working backstage, and as soon as the music fades he switches the microphone to his left hand and approaches it to himself.

ADAM GARCÍA: Ladies and gentlemen. My name is ADAM GARCÍA, and I am THE Spanish Ace, which makes ME…

He points to himself with his right thumb, and then holds his right hand to the air with just the index finger up.

ADAM GARCÍA: NUMBER ONE, and you should remember that.

He points his right index towards his forehead and then towards the audience.

ADAM GARCÍA: As you may know, today is my debut against Shinja-Saaaaan.

He says mockingly

ADAM GARCÍA: But I ain’’t scared, afterall why should I fear a man who does not fight with all his might?. Why should I fear a man who seems to lose match after match after match. Shit the only thing I'm worried about is if this company will make me pay your hospital bills after I kick your ass.

And look I ain’t gonna complain about an easy match, but it’s such a shame it had to be against a pushover like yourself. Shit, I could even have a better match against your shitty dog.

You see Shinja…I have fought against many opponents throughout my short career, and every single one of them put their life on the line while doing so, and I still won against them EVERY SINGLE TIME. So tell me Shinja, are you ready to show me your might?.

Adam drops the mic as he takes his shirt off and begins to warm up for incoming match.
We return from commercial break and “Senior Salesman” Bob Regan is already in the ring. This is our first look at the “weekend warrior”. He tries to hide his nervousness and he is startled slightly when “Juggernaut” by Cave In cues up. Fans clamor to get an in person view of the “new” Jack McGrath. As we saw on Shotgun, McGrath comes out with an eye patch over his left eye. He stomps to the ring, a determined look in his…eye.

DICK DELAURIER: Something has to be said for Jack McGrath’s fighting spirit. A week after losing his eye in that brutal Too Many Tables Match to Murder Ninja, he wrestles on Shotgun and wins. Now just a week after that he is here on GRBG.

FIONA METZ: Fighting Spirit or stupidity. Bob Regan barely knows a wrist lock from a wristwatch. But he’s dangerous. He is here because he wants to fight, he doesn’t seem to care about winning.

DICK DELAURIER: Insightful.

FIONA METZ: I have my moments.

McGrath enters the ring and referee Wes Eastman calls for the bell. Regan puts his fists up and McGrath just shakes his head. McGrath is prepared to grapple but Regan doesn’t seem poised to apply your standard collar and elbow tie-up. McGrath shoots in and Regan pops him in the eye. The left eye.

DICK DELAURIER: Good lord. Why is Dr. Costa letting this happen?

FIONA METZ: She merely offers advice. You know that Bones has all the wrestlers sign a “hold harmless” agreement. They could wrestle with their guts hanging out if they wanted to.

DICK DELAURIER: I feel like we aren’t far off from seeing that.

FIONA METZ: We can only hope!

The crowd gasps and McGrath staggers back into a corner, covering his eye. Regan sees his opportunity and he awkwardly charges in. Regan hits a big body blow and McGrath is forced into a corner. Regan looks like he’s fighting for his life as he hits McGrath with rights and lefts to the body.

DICK DELAURIER: Bob Regan is quite the brawler, even if his technique is lacking.

FIONA METZ: Decades of serving in an office environment can make someone very angry.

DICK DELAURIER: Are you speaking from experience?

FIONA METZ: Maybe.

“Senior Salesman” takes McGrath down to a seated position with a snapmare and applies a chinlock! Regan’s grip is loose and his hands slip. Regan tries to reapply the hold but ends up driving his fingers into McGrath’s eyes! The crowd gasps again and McGrath has seemingly had enough.

DICK DELAURIER: You want to speak about anger…I think we’re about to see some.

FIONA METZ: I think you’re right.

McGrath fights up to his feet as Regan clambors to take hold of his opponent. McGrath, blood starting to run down his face from beneath his eye patch, snarls and clobbers Regan with a lariat. Within a second, McGrath peels Regan off of the canvas and puts him back down with a powerslam!

DICK DELAURIER: Jack McGrath may not be the most experienced man on the roster but he is lightyears ahead of Bob Regan.

FIONA METZ: I think Regan is about to end up on another plant.

DICK DELAURIER: I’m inclined to agree.

Regan sits up in a daze and opens his eyes just in time to see McGrath come off the ropes and hit him with Union Made (Lariat to seated opponent)! Regan is floored and before long McGrath has him back up and then drops him with Things Fall Apart (Vertical Drop Brainbuster). McGrath covers and Eastman makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, Jack McGrath!
No music plays as McGrath has commandeered the microphone from Big Mouth Mindy. The crowd silences as McGrath starts to speak.

JACK MCGRATH: Las Vegas... this is not what I had in mind.

An infuriated McGrath paces the ring, pointing at his eye patch. He wipes some of the blood off of his cheek but doesn’t seem worried about it.

JACK MCGRATH: I am one to typically hold my head up high and be proud of who I am. I am one to give it my best every damn night. And tonight, I don't think I can look in the mirror and say I accomplished those things. I realize I lost a fucking eye two weeks ago...

He takes a deep breath, and looks around the arena.

JACK MCGRATH: ... but, my performance tonight was not FUCKING good enough. Sure, I won the match, and sure, I just suffered the biggest, most gruesome injury of my career, but I need to get better. I need to adapt. I came here to prove my worth, and I am ready to get there at all costs.

The crowd shows their appreciation for the warrior.

JACK MCGRATH: The support truly means the world to me, and in two weeks--

– before McGrath can continue the lights in the arena take on a dim hue and “Desire” by Dilly Dally cues up. A few pockets of fans in the arena freak out because they know who is coming out. The curtain at the top of the stage draws back and a man steps out with a championship title over his shoulder and a microphone in his hand.

FIONA METZ: Oh what the fuck is this guy doing here?

DICK DELAURIER: I have no idea! That’s Reid Ashford, the last CARNAGE Pro World Champion!

The music slowly fades out and Ashford raises the microphone to his mouth. He fumbles with it briefly, as if he’s not sure that it’s working.

REID ASHFORD: This on? Can you all hear me?

The crowd roars.

REID ASHFORD: Good. Then shut the fuck up. And you–

Ashford points at the ring, at McGrath.

REID ASHFORD: –shut the fuck up too. Some of you might know me. Most of you probably don’t. My name is Reid Ashford. I’ve been some places, done some things. Most recently I was signed to CARNAGE Pro in Tokyo before it up and died. It was there that I won this…

Ashford takes the championship off of his shoulder and holds it high in the air. The way that he moves suggests that he might not be exactly sober.

REID ASHFORD: When I won it, it meant something. Now? It doesn’t mean shit.

With some difficulty Ashford lobs the championship into the crowd! The fans pool around it like wild animals, trying to take possession of it.

REID ASHFORD: I was the top guy. I gave the company everything. And then it just died. No explanation. No warning. Just dead. I figured that as the last World Champion, I’d get offers from companies all over the world. I got exactly one. This fucking place. So here I am because it is my only option. I come here to sign my contract and the first thing I hear is this…

Ashford gestures to the ring.

REID ASHFORD: This little bitch whining about winning. I know that RAZOR is the bottom of the barrel but come on. This is fucking pathetic. You, One Eyed Jack, YOU are pathetic! I’ve signed my contract. I’m here and I’m not too pleased about it. Now if you really wanna feel bad, I’ll come down there and take your other eye…

McGrath gestures for Ashford to come to the ring but Nick Brave and his security team come out onto the stage. Ashford throws his hands up in an “I’m cool.” gesture and we cut to a commercial.


All three competitors are in the ring and referee Kate McHale calls for the bell. Harvey Francis immediately throws a superkick at Persona Non Grata but his boot gets caught. PNG swings Francis’ boot sideways and it catches Duffy in the chin. Duffy eats it and blasts PNG with a headbutt that staggers PNG. Francis attempts a cutter on Duffy but he gets shoved right into a lariat from PNG that turns him inside out.

DICK DELAURIER: We expected chaos from this match and that is exactly what we’re getting.

FIONA METZ: Chaos is kind of the whole vibe of the GRBG Title, no?

DICK DELAURIER: Touché.

Francis powders out of the ring as PNG and Duffy come face to face. Duffy points at his own chin and screams “Come on!”. PNG doesn’t hesitate, he blasts Duffy with a hard right hand. Duffy is rocked but he fires back with one of his own. Mestizo scurries around ringside, either out of concern, or he sees something shiny. PNG fires back with another shout but Duffy evades it and drives his knee into PNG’s midsection.

FIONA METZ: Got ourselves a donnybrook, Dick.

DICK DELAURIER: Seems that way.

“The Bastard” levels PNG with a European uppercut and then pulls him in for an Exploder suplex. PNG fights out of it with some elbows to Duffy’s collarbone and shoves Duffy into the ropes. Francis is up on the apron and he catches Duffy coming in with a gamengiri to the back of the head. Francis shoots into the ring with a springboard and catches PNG with a blockbuster! Francis covers.

1..

2!

Duffy leaps onto the pile and breaks up the fall. Duffy puts Francis on his back and swings a right hand but Francis moves his head and Duffy connects with the canvas. Francis bucks him off and Duffy stumbles forward into the ropes, catching himself. Francis rushes at Duffy, looking for a front dropkick to the back of the head but Duffy moves. Francis shifts, lands on the middle rope, hops up to the top rope and springs backward with a Sandusky Stomp I (Diving Double Footstomp)! To the prone PNG! Francis looks to cover again but Duffy tosses him through the ropes to the outside!

DICK DEALURIER: What a mid-air adjustment from Harvey Francis!

Mestizo approaches Francis on the outside. Mestizo tilts his head, like he’s looking at an alien. In the ring, Duffy gets PNG up and tries to Irish whip him into the ropes but PNG reverses the momentum and catches Duffy with a MASSIVE lariat. PNG quickly peels Duffy off of the canvas and grabs him by the throat. PNG hoists Duffy up and plants him into the canvas with a chokeslam! PNG falls into a cover.

1..

2..

..!

Duffy kicks out at the last second. Vegas isn’t sure who to cheer for but what gets them cheering is Mestizo, who is on top of Francis and he is BITING him! Francis tosses Mestizo off and the little gremlin collides head first with the guardrail. PNG sees this and stomps across the ring. He reaches over the ropes and grabs Francis by the head. PNG lifts Francis up onto the apron in an impressive show of strength but Francis grabs the back of PNG’s head and drops him over the top rope with a guillotine!

DICK DELAURIER: Do you think PNG actually cares for Mestizo?

FIONA METZ: Can you care for a trench goblin?

DICK DELAURIER: Is that what it is?

FIONA METZ: According to my personal definition, yes.

PNG staggers back to the center of the ring and Duffy catches him with the Narrowback Neckbreaker (Cobra Clutch Backbreaker followed by a Hangman's Neckbreaker)! PNG is down and just as Duffy looks like he’s going to make a cover, Francis flies into the ring with a springboard crossbody! Duffy is down and Francis pounces onto PNG with a cover! McHale makes the count.

1..

2..

..!

Duffy has rolled out of the ring and collected something. Francis is up to his feet and he tries his best to set PNG up for Fallen Lotus (Small Package Driver)! PNG fights out of it and hits Francis with an atomic drop! Francis stumbles into the ropes and then turns around and walks right into Mexican Magma Drive (Cobra Clutch → Half Nelson Throw) from PNG! Mestizo is back up and he gets up onto the apron.

FIONA METZ: The trench goblin wants to see PNG get this victory up close.

DICK DELAURIER: It isn’t over until it’s over, look at Duffy!

FIONA METZ: Is he hiding?

DICK DELAURIER: Looks like he is waiting for his opportunity.

PNG sets Francis up and Duffy watches, crouched at ringside. PNG sets Francis up and hits him with Sacrificio (Crucifix Cutter)! Francis is down but before PNG can cover Duffy is in the ring and he cracks PNG in the back of the head with the shillelagh! PNG staggers forward and falls through the ropes to the outside. Mestizo drops off the apron and then just stands beside the prone PNG, staring at him. Duffy covers Francis.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner and Number One Contender to the GRBG Championship, “Bastard” Brogan Duffy!

"Never Fight a Man With a Perm" by IDLES kicks up and Kate McHale raises Brogan Duffy’s hand. Persona Non Grata is back up, holding the back of his head. The injury doesn’t stop PNG from getting back into the ring but by the time he is through the ropes, Duffy has fled through the crowd. He won this battle, there is no more fight to be had for him tonight.
Backstage, Aroa Ramma is warming up for his match against Murder Ninja. Jahkay Miller walks into frame.

AROA RAMMA: Hey babe, I have a question.

JAHKAY MILLER: What's the question?

AROA RAMMA: When you wanna go for the tag titles?

JAHKAY MILLER: Whenever they decide to make them and give us a shot. Speaking of that, there's gonna be a tag tournament to crown tag champions. So this is what we're gonna do: Insane Fortune is here to grab them titles and declare ourselves as the best tag team here in RAZOR Wrestling.

AROA RAMMA: I mean by far we are the best team so far, probably there is no other team here especially with as much chemistry as us. But even if we weren't, who could stop us?

JAHKAY MILLER: Nobody. ‘Cause we have something the others don’t. We have the Heart,

AROA RAMMA: The Drive.

JAHKAY MILLER: The Courage.

AROA RAMMA: The Charisma.

JAHKAY MILLER: And the one thing that will make us deadly…

AROA RAMMA: …the love.

Aroa kisses Jahkay.

AROA RAMMA: Because I'm insane enough to be fortunate…

JAHKAY MILLER: And I'm fortunate enough to be insane.

AROA RAMMA: ALL DAY.

JAHKAY MILLER: EVERYDAY.
[/div]A black Lincoln Navigator crunches stone and sand under its tires as it rolls along a dirt road. The shot pulls back and we see that it is approaching the unsightly warehouse in the middle of nowhere with a sign that reads FLG: Fábrica de Lucha de Guadalajara. The Navigator comes to a stop and the driver steps out to open the back right passenger door. “The General” Hank Malone steps out and buttons his suit jacket.

HANK MALONE: Keep it runnin’, will ya?

The driver gives Malone a nod. Malone clears his throat and enters the building. Once inside, he is greeted by two dozen luchadors of varying ages and sizes. They all stand before him with their arms crossed and Malone suddenly wishes he had brought some back up of his own.

HANK MALONE: This an Oliver Twist kinda thing? I’m here to see Fagin.

The crowd parts and RAZOR Wrestling roster member Craneo comes to stand before Malone.

CRANEO: Hola jefe. What brings you to Guadalajara?

HANK MALONE: You know why I’m here. Don’t be pussy footin’ around because I ain’t in the mood. Where’ve ya got her stashed?

Another figure walks through the crowd and stands beside Craneo.

HORADO BASA: Stashed? Like luggage? Hank, my old friend, you should have more respect for your employer, I think.

HANK MALONE: Long time, Horado. Good to see that ya ended up in a place that suits yer personality. Dirty and broken.

HORADO BASA: Always with the jokes. I must say, Hank, I am very surprised that you outlived your partner Razor Rockwell. We all thought that you’d have died long ago.

HANK MALONE: Mama said I’m like a cockroach. By the looks of this joint, you know all about ‘em. So where’s Molly? What the fuck is this all about?

A third figure appears. Molly Bones, in perfect health. She actually looks better than she has in years, which confounds Malone.

MOLLY BONES: Hank. This isn’t what you think it is.

HANK MALONE: You alright, Mol?

MOLLY BONES: I’m fine. Horado had a good reason to bring me down here. He isn’t welcome in the U.S. right now for a litany of reasons and he needed to show me something in person. While I do not love the idea of being forced to come to Mexico – I’m glad that it happened.

HANK MALONE: Don’t leave me in suspense, what is going on?

MOLLY BONES: We have to go to Europe. Italy, specifically.

HANK MALONE: Y’know we’ve got us a company to run, right? I can’t be leavin’ Sophie in charge forever.

Molly approaches Hank and puts a hand on his shoulder. She looks deep into his eyes.

MOLLY BONES: He’s alive, Hank.

Silence. If Bones is talking about who Hank thinks she is talking about then everything has changed. Cut to black.



The main event is up next. Before the competitors could make their respective entrances, perennial asshole and RAZOR Wrestling World Champion PJ Lemon waltzed out onto the stage, wearing the title like a Ms. Universe sash. Lemon confidently skipped down the ramp to “Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet, which was completely drowned out by the boos from the crowd. Lemon took no notice but what she did take was a pair of cans as she sat down at the announce table beside Fiona Metz and Dick Delaurier.

PJ LEMON: You’re welcome, cunts.

DICK DELAURIER: For what, exactly?

PJ LEMON: I’m here to elevate the commentary for the main event, you big dumb bitch. Fiona, love, you’re great. But Dick, you need some fuckin’ help in the worst way.

FIONA METZ: I have been saying this for months.

"Symphony No. 5" by Ludwig van Beethoven plays as “Maître Artiste” Pascal Gaudin makes his way to the ring with Sabine Moreau on his arm. He gets an ass load of boos too but not on the level of the World Champion.

DICK DELAURIER: Do you have a preference of who you would like to defend your World Championship against, PJ?

PJ LEMON: I’d love to defend it against you just so I could break your jaw and stop you from asking dumb questions.

FIONA METZ: Get in there, Dick! Earn a shot at the gold.

DICK DELAURIER: Unnecessary.

“Your Hero And Mine” Mark Storm is out second with the neckbrace clad Gregory Murphy in tow. Storm gets a massive reaction from Las Vegas. Storm doesn’t take time to soak it in, he is on a mission here tonight. Clearly.

PJ LEMON: I really don’t get the love for this cunt. He’s like Wonderbread that’s been left out in the sun. He’s not my hero. My hero is Matthew Tkachuk.

DICK DELAURIER: The hockey player?

PJ LEMON: No, you muppet. He’s my accountant. Real piece of shit. Love him to bits.

Both competitors are in the ring and referee Diego Leach calls for the opening bell. There is a brief feeling out process, with Storm and Gaudin both poised for a lock up. Storm is the first to lunge forward but Gaudin evades him and then scolds Storm with a wag of his finger. Storm doesn’t let it get to him, he shoots in again! This time Gaudin barely escapes Storm’s clutches. Gaudin prances around the ring, clearly pleased with his technique so far. Storm shoots in one more time but this time he stops short, moves to where Gaudin ends up and hits Gaudin with a hard right hand.

DICK DELAURIER: Gaudin went to the well too many times and it cost him.

PJ LEMON: Mark Storm isn’t so great. I would already have Gaudin on his ass if that were me in there.

DICK DELAURIER: But it isn’t.

PJ LEMON: Thanks for that, Captain Obvious.

“Maître Artiste” is shocked! And mad! Madly shocked! Gaudin goes for a strike of his own but Storm expertly takes him by the wrist and puts him on the mat with a beautiful Japanese arm drag. Before Gaudin knew what had happened, Storm had him in an arm bar! Not wanting to suffer such damage so early in the match Gaudin did whatever he could to wiggle out of the hold. He ultimately makes it to the ropes.

FIONA METZ: Did Storm really think that he could end this so quickly? The Artiste is far too clever for that!

PJ LEMON: Storm is showing me a lot right now. Cunt has very little patience.

DICK DELAURIER: I’m starting to lose mine too.

PJ LEMON: Oh don’t bitch. I’m helping you. Commentary is heaps better with me out here.

Gaudin is horrified. He shakes the feeling back into his arm and goads Storm to try that again. Storm has no problem engaging and this time Gaudin eats the Japanese arm drag but rolls out onto the apron to safety. Storm stands back and allows Gaudin the space to re-enter the ring. Gaudin takes this act as completely disrespectful and starts shouting at Your Hero And Mine in French – which he knows Storm can understand, as he has shown his multilingual ability in the past.

PJ LEMON: Fuck is this cunt saying?

FIONA METZ: I think he is asking where the bathroom is.

PJ LEMON: Ah that makes perfect sense.

The Frenchman goes to enter the ring but Storm meets him with a powerful forearm. Gaudin nearly falls off the apron, but hangs on for dear life. Storm takes a few paces backward and rushes Gaudin but the top rope is low bridged and Storm tumbles out onto the apron with his opponent. Gaudin hits a few stiff stomps, which prompt Storm to quickly get to his feet. Gaudin tries for a toe kick to the midsection but Storm swats it away and in a flash he has dropped Gaudin on the apron with a brainbuster! Storm lands on the outside and soaks in the cheers from Las Vegas.

PJ LEMON: Oh get back in the ring ya dumb cunt! This shit is far from over! Boo!

DICK DELAURIER: Please don’t boo the competitors.

FIONA METZ: She can do what she wants! She’s the champ!

PJ LEMON: That’s right! I have diplomatic immunity.

DICK DELAURIER: Please. Someone end the damn match so I can go home.

Storm rolls Gaudin back into the ring and takes a moment to listen to some choice words from Sabine Moreau. Storm brushes her off and slides into the ring, right into a cover! Diego Leach starts his count!

1..

2..!

Gaudin is able to get his shoulder up and then scrambles back up to his feet, clearly still reeling from that apron bump. Storm swings wildly on Gaudin but Gaudin comes back to life just in time to catch Storm’s wrist! In one fluid motion Gaudin takes Storm over with a Judo throw and transitions beautifully into The Masterpiece! Storm lets out in pain as Gaudin wrenches back with all of his might.

PJ LEMON: That’s what you get, cunt! We all saw your match on Shotgun. We know you hurt your shoulder against that big fat bitch.

DICK DELAURIER: PJ, we don’t like to body shame on this broadcast.

PJ LEMON: But people can get their eyes cut out? Fuck off, Dick.

The Masterpiece is locked in perfectly and Gaudin’s plan is coming to light. Storm desperately reaches for the ropes, shifting his body to get closer. Gaudin wrenches back even harder, shouting a “tabarnak” every few seconds. Storm is about to grab the bottom rope when Moreau casually pulls it back and out of Storm’s reach!

PJ LEMON: Oh that’s fuckin’ brilliant. I need a heater to come and do that shit for me.

DICK DELAURIER: You’ll have to find someone who can do it better because Gregory Murphy sees what Moreau is doing!

Murphy approaches Moreau and lets her have it. Leach takes notice and decides that he doesn’t have time for this shit. He ejects both of them! Moreau tries to argue but Leach isn’t having it. Brave Security escorts them both up the ramp and Storm grabs the bottom rope. Leach makes Gaudin break the hold! Storm gets no time to recover as Gaudin lifts him up and then plants him with a hammerlock scoop slam! Storm lets out in pain, his shoulder is in a bad way.

PJ LEMON: That’s a shame. I quite enjoyed looking at Frenchy’s broad.

DICK DELAURIER: Are you trying to get canceled?

PJ LEMON: I’d love to see ‘em try.

Storm rolls out onto the apron to try and recover but Gaudin is on him like white on rice. Gaudin reaches over the ropes and tries to take hold of Storm’s head but Storm drives his shoulder through the ropes, into Gaudin’s midsection! But Storm is slow to capitalize and Gaudin kicks him in the face! Storm stands right up and Gaudin pie faces him off of the apron! Storm falls to the floor and his face smashes off of the announce table.

PJ LEMON: Oh look who has come calling! Fuck are ya doing out here, cunt? Can’t win on the outside. Are ya simple?

Storm stands up and is face to face with Lemon. Lemon pulls the title up in front of her face and starts cackling like a weirdo. Storm says something inaudible to her but he should have been focussed on his opponent. Gaudin has slipped out of the ring and he catches Storm with The Artiste Statement (Half And Half Suplex) on the floor! Gaudin quickly slides Storm back into the ring and makes a cover.

1..

2..

..!

A kick out! But Gaudin quickly goes back to working the arm with a grounded cobra clutch. Storm knows that he can’t afford to stay in this hold for long and musters all of the strength that he can to get out of it. Storm stands, with Gaudin hanging on his back like a spider monkey. Storm takes a few quick steps backward and sandwiches Gaudin into the corner! Gaudin releases his grip, Storm reaches back, and takes Gaudin over with a snapmare. Storm follows it up with a quick low dropkick to the back of Gaudin’s head.

DICK DELAURIER: Mark Storm has fought back from the brink of defeat!

PJ LEMON: Gaudin tripped. Storm hardly did anything.

“Maître Artiste” is up to his feet, favouring the back of his head when Storm hits him with a bicycle knee that stuns him to the point that Gaudin drops to a knee! Storm then takes off to the ropes, bouncing off of them to return to his opponent with another bicycle knee. One For All! Gaudin’s eyes are glazed over and Storm covers.

1..

2..

..!

PJ LEMON: Great job Frenchy! Thought you were a goner!

Gaudin rolls out onto the apron again. Storm tries to pull him back in but Gaudin grabs Storm’s bad arm and drops to the floor, trying to pull it out of the socket! Storm lets out in pain and Gaudin slides back into the ring, looking for the kill. Gaudin grabs Storm’s bad arm and applies The Masterpiece for a second time! This time Storm is able to quickly get to the ropes and Leach makes Gaudin break the hold.

PJ LEMON: If only Moreau didn’t use her one “get out of jail free” card. Frenchy would have had him there!

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t disagree.

PJ LEMON: Don’t suck up to the champ, Dick. It doesn’t look good on ya.

As Storm recovers on the mat, Gaudin takes a few steps back and then charges forward. He hits Storm with a punt to the side of the head and Storm appears to be out cold! Gaudin climbs to the top rope and after some showboating, he leaps down onto Storm with The Brushstroke (Froggy Bow)! But the pool is empty! Storm moves out of the way! Storm is back to his feet, as is the dazed Gaudin! Storm sets Gaudin up and then levels him with Storm Strike (Rainmaker) with his bad arm! Storm is in agony as he collapses into a cover, hooking the leg. Leach makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner and Number One Contender to the World Championship, Your Hero And Mine, Mark Storm!

PJ Lemon is quickly into the ring and she tries to hit Storm with the World Championship! Storm sensed something like that coming and he is able to evade it. The momentum of the swing sees Lemon do a complete 360 and she is met with a Storm Search (Springboard Cutter)! PJ Lemon is laid out and the fans are losing their minds.

FIONA METZ: Uncalled for! What is Storm doing? She was just trying to congratulate him! She wanted to show him what he could win!

Lemon is down on the canvas with the World Championship laying at her side. Storm looks down at the title for a few moments but chooses not to pick it up. The final shot of Episode #7 is Storm standing over the World Championship – looking into a possible future.