RAZOR Wrestling Episode #8

We forgo the standard opening to RAZOR Wrestling on GRBG and instead we are taken to the treacherous and lawless parking lot of the Bobby Shitake Arena. There are various staff members milling about and a hoard of fans can be heard in the distance.

DICK DELAURIER: Wrestling fans, welcome to RAZOR Wrestling on GRBG. What you are seeing right now is the parking lot here at the Bobby Shitake Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada.

FIONA METZ: They know that, Dick. The scene description already explained it.

DICK DELAURIER: Of course. How silly of me.

We sweep across the parking lot to “Gosuto Sutori” Reid Ashford sitting on the hood of a black 1987 Cadillac Brougham. Ashford is smoking a cigarette and his eyes are masked by a pair of black Ray Ban Wayfarers. He is dressed in a black tank top and jeans – the street fight uniform.

REID ASHFORD: I was hoping that One Eyed Jack was going to take me up on my invitation. I have said a lot of shit about him. I asked him to meet me here but I’ve been waiting for over an hour. I’ve watched most of the roster arrive and yet…no Jack.

Ashford takes a long draw on the cigarette.

REID ASHFORD: I should have known that he didn’t have the guts to come and meet me face to face. Unfortunately for all of you that cheer him I have to tell you something that might break your heart. One Eyed Jack…he’s soft. The world of RAZOR Wrestling is just too much for him…

Out from the shadows Jack McGrath enters the scene, wearing a white tee and black jeans. The simple black eye patch covers his mangled eye. He breathes heavily staring at Ashford.

JACK MCGRATH: I heard everything, Ashford. And I’m not impressed with your theater. You think RAZOR Wrestling is too much for me? I was the guy who lost a fucking eye, and wrestled on the next show.

McGrath stalks towards “Gosuto Sutori.”

JACK MCGRATH: Perhaps all that booze is altering your reality. I can smell it from here. All I know is that I am made for this shit. Two weeks ago I promised the fans that I would get better…

Another step closer.

JACK MCGRATH: And I’m ready to prove that right now. So, why don’t you take off those stupid sunglasses and step up?

REID ASHFORD: I thought you’d never ask.

Ashford slides off of the hood of the car and calmly removes his sunglasses. He takes one final drag from his cigarette and then flicks it in McGrath’s face! It collides with McGrath’s good eye and before he can recover Ashford has him on the ground with a double leg takedown.

FIONA METZ: I’m surprised that it’s taken this long for us to have a good old parking lot brawl!

Ashford tries to mount McGrath but gets bucked off. Ashford scrambles back up to his feet but McGrath drops his head and drives a shoulder into Ashford’s midsection. Both men slam into a concrete pillar but Ashford breaks McGrath’s grip with a double ax handle to the back! Ashford sends McGrath into the pillar face first!

REID ASHFORD: I’m impressed that you showed up, Jack. Really, I am. But…

McGrath is seated, his back against the pillar. Ashford drives a knee into his face.

REID ASHFORD: …now you’re going to see what I mean. This place is meant for scum.

Another knee to the face.

REID ASHFORD: This place is meant for monsters.

A third knee to the face.

REID ASHFORD: This place is meant for…

Ashford winds up for another knee but McGrath explodes off the floor and drives his shoulder into Ashford’s midsection again! The two slam against the front grill of the Brougham. McGrath levels Ashford with a hard shot that sends the latter up onto the hood of the car. McGrath steps up on top and drops a knee onto Ashford’s head. The impact of the back of Ashford’s head leaves a dent in the hood.

JACK MCGRATH: You don’t get to decide who belongs here.

McGrath hauls Ashford up to his feet and then delivers Things Fall Apart (Vertical Drop Brainbuster)! Ashford’s head goes right through the windshield of the Brougham! McGrath sits up. His expression is a mix of rage and regret. He calmly slides off of the hood and walks out of frame leaving Ashford laying in broken glass and blood.


The first match of the evening sees “Trailer Park Barbie” Daisy Duke take on the debuting “The Space Shaman” Ace Sky. Both competitors are in the ring and referee Zach Ebra calls for the bell. Sky tries to engage but Duke gives him the “one second” finger as she speaks with Jamie Mayer. The two are telling secrets like those mean popular girls from high school who now are involved in MLMs.

DICK DELAURIER: Daisy Duke has yet to find her rhythm in RAZOR Wrestling. If she isn’t careful a veteran like Ace Sky could make short work of her.

FIONA METZ: To counter, Ace Sky may not be ready for someone like Daisy Duke. She’s a tough, country girl who knows how to make chicken salad from chicken shit.

DICK DELAURIER: Are you saying–

FIONA METZ: No I’m not saying she eats shit.

The whisper session ends and Trailer Park Barbie sees fit to start this wrestling match. On a wrestling show. Thank fuck! There is some tension as Duke walks right up to Sky without any malice indicated. Then she slaps him in the face. There’s the malice We get a Jerry Springer-esque “Oooh” from the audience and Sky doesn’t look like he knows how to take that. “Badly” would be my suggestion but I’m not his life coach.

DICK DELAURIER: Daisy Duke is trying to throw Ace Sky off of his game.

FIONA METZ: Or maybe she just feels that he has a face worth slapping.

DICK DELAURIER: Could also be that.

Sky goes for the lock up but Duke slaps him in the face again! Can you believe this chick? She’s really leaning into the “mean girl” thing here. They fought in that movie right? Who can remember? The crowd can’t believe the audacity of this competitor who grew up in a trailer park. It’s shocking, really. Sky shrugs it off and goes for another lock up. Wouldn’t you know it, Duke attempts a third slap. But wait just a second, this time Sky catches her by the wrist! Minor pop! Sky wags a scolding finger in Duke’s face. Bigger pop!

FIONA METZ: Only took him three times to stop her! He’s learning!

DICK DELAURIER: Ace Sky is trying to have a wrestling match. Daisy Duke was content to try and make him look foolish.

FIONA METZ: She still has time!

Duke is put on the mat with an arm drag but is right back up to her feet because she’s feisty that way. She tries to retaliate but gets hit with a perfect dropkick from The Space Shaman. The veteran has some hops lemme tell ya. Duke recovers but she is clearly beyond frustrated and that causes her to be a touch rash! She walks right into a leaping leg lariat from Sky!

DICK DELAURIER: Ace Sky’s speed is incredibly impressive. You would think that a competitor of his age would have slowed down in recent years.

FIONA METZ: How old is this guy? He looks like a baby!

DICK DELAURIER: I disagree.

FIONA METZ: A man sized baby!

DICK DELAURIER: So…an adult?

The crowd is behind Ace Sky. Is it because they like him or because they don’t like Daisy Duke? I didn’t have time to ask each audience member so I will say – yes. Duke crawls to a corner and she reaches out for Jamie Mayer, who is helpless at ringside. Duke stands up in the corner just as Sky charges in looking for a shotgun dropkick! Duke moves out of the way! Sky collides with the corner and finds himself hung up!

FIONA METZ: I told you! Daisy is crafty!

Ace Sky finds himself in a bad way. Daisy Duke is right mad but she sees her opportunity to turn this match on its head. She charges in with a dropkick of her own and it connects! Duke is now in control of the contest! How the tables have turned. Duke gets Sky up to his feet and then takes him over with a hip toss…

DICK DELAURIER: Look at this agility!

…but Ace Sky pops right back up and takes a bow. Daisy Duke doesn’t like that. Not. One. Bit. She rushes Sky but he drops onto his back and then kips up, standing behind her. Vegas loves his showmanship, which is weird, because Vegas isn’t known for such things. Duke turns around just in time to eat a second leaping leg lariat from Sky! The Bobby Shitake Arena erupts and “Go Ace!” chants can be heard in their infancy.

FIONA METZ: Where have I heard this chant before?

DICK DELAURIER: You haven’t. Put it out of your mind.

FIONA METZ: I seem to recall an incredible mane of hair…

Trailer Park Barbie scrambles back to her feet but alas she gets hit with Lightyear Busaiku Bolt! Daisy Duke is down and Ace Sky hops up to the top rope. With a brief acknowledgement of the crowd, Sky jumps off with the Galaxy Leap (Perfect Shooting Star Press)! It connects! Sky hooks the leg and referee Ebra makes his count.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, “The Space Shaman” Ace Sky!

“Eye In The Sky" by The Alan Parsons Project cues up and Zach Ebra raises Ace Sky’s hand. Jamie Mayer enters the ring to check on Daisy Duke. Sky bows in their direction and then climbs to the top rope to celebrate with his new legion of fans in the Bobby Shitake Arena. It’s a lovely scene, definitely not one that the fans in Vegas are used to seeing.

The shot falls on an office that is usually inhabited by General Manager Hank Malone. Only now the placard on the door is taped over with a glitter caked piece of paper that reads “Interim General Manager” Sophie Whimm. The word “Interim” is in a very small font, of course. Inside the room Whimm sits behind Hank’s desk. She has perfect posture and in front of her is a pink notebook with a graphic of a unicorn on the cover.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Sorry to interrupt the show wrestling fans but I, RAZOR Wrestling General Manager Sophie Whimm have a huge announcement.

The crowd groans collectively. Impressive, really.

SOPHIE WHIMM: I have been in constant contact with RAZOR President Molly Bones while she is away in Italy. She has asked me to announce that in four weeks from today RAZOR Wrestling will present our first ever supershow!

Okay the fans like this. The mood has changed!

SOPHIE WHIMM: On August 13th we will be live on GRBG with Superunknown! The card will be announced in the coming weeks but I can tell you that we will see the semi-finals and finals of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic! Heck yes!

Heck yes? Who the fuck talks like that?

SOPHIE WHIMM: I look forward to announcing more super cool matches for all of you super cute fans! But as of right now we will go to Trash Land right here in sunny Las Vegas for the Trash Land Invitational!


ROXI FARROW: Is he actually going to show up this time?

The referee shrugs, standing at the entrance of Trash Land and looking at his watch. A few moments later a pea-green conversion van with wood paneling pulls up to the entrance and the side door opens, Ollie Maverick blurred face and all emerging seemingly finishing getting dressed in his ring gear (though there is decidedly no ring present).

OLLIE MAVERICK: Sorry sorry sorry, my driver likes to use paper maps and no GPS like the caveman he is so we got a bit lost and had to get directions at a real crummy gas station but the good news is I took a bunch of shady gas station supplements and I am PUMPED, I am FOCUSED, and I don’t know what the hell ‘horny ostrich extract’ is but my dick is doing stuff I didn’t think it was even capable of right now. Like, non-euclidian stuff. Hey Kahuna! How’s the face?

Kid Kahuna rubs the bandage on his head. Referee Wes Eastman shrugs and calls for the opening bell, which is rung by a man in a Raccoon mascot costume. Unsure of the rules, the competitors collectively shrug and start throwing punches at each other

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hey….HEY!

Everyone stops for a moment.

OLLIE MAVERICK: BORING! We’re trying to do a big fun thing here so I expect a little frivolity from you all. This is Trash Land! This is about having a good fun time! I brought you guys something to celebrate.

Everyone braces themselves as Ollie reaches into his ring jacket but then he pulls out… a set of raccoon ears? He passes them out to all of the competitors and they each put them on. It looks like the attitude is getting whimsical and light-hearted here. The cheerful park music kicks in and the rides all start up. Ollie puts raccoon ears on himself.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Get creative! Have a good time! Ride a few rides! This is all just to promote the park so you’ll have cameras on you while you do so! Snacks and drinks are all on my tab!

This is absolutely NOT what the participants in the match thought was going to happen but everyone just kinda shrugs and scatters to enjoy the park. Ollie watches as they go with what we at home can only assume is a smile on his face that we can’t see. He releases a wistful sigh before going back to his van and taking out a golf bag packed to the brim with sports equipment, sharp gardening tools, and a few light tubes. Ollie slings it over his shoulder.

OLLIE MAVERICK: This is going to be the best day of my life.

“I’ll be honest, I’m a little pissed off!”

We hear the words of the World Champion PJ Lemon as she sits on the counter of a concession booth somewhere in Bobby Shitake Arena. She is shoving handfuls of popcorn into her mouth as the World Title lays across her lap. A frightened concession stand attendant is to her left, a teenage girl.

PJ LEMON: It’s like…any fuckin’ time I want to do something fun I get turned down. Can’t hit people with my belt. Can’t set old fucks on fire. Can’t have the entrance curtain just be a giant picture of my gob. This Ollie cunt shows up and he gets to take over an entire theme park? I call bullshit.

The teenager doesn’t say anything. Lemon offers her some popcorn but she is too scared to move.

PJ LEMON: I guess that’s what I get for being Top Titty. Gotta be in the main event. Gotta face boring cunts like Stormy. Gotta be a role model for young women like yourself. Right?

Likely out of pure self-preservation the teen agrees with a frantic head nod.

PJ LEMON: You DO look up to me right?

A moment of consideration and then another head nod.

PJ LEMON: Of course you do! Why wouldn’t you? I am a strong, independent woman, who came into this shit hole and made it my kingdom! This bitch runs on Sour Power. Not lightning, or wind, or whatever the fuck Mark Storm thinks. Right?

TEEN: Uh-huh.

PJ LEMON: But he keeps sayin’ otherwise. Guess I’ve gotta show ‘em. I’ve gotta show everybody. Doesn’t matter that I’ve already defended this shit in two extremely intense singles contests. People keep doubtin’. People keep schemin’. Can’t have that, can we teen fan?

TEEN: No Ms. Lemon.

PJ LEMON: Right you are! So I’m gonna go rearrange Stormy’s face and then maybe, just maybe, he’ll fuck off. I’m gonna do it for adoring fans like you.

Lemon grabs the teens chin and gives her a pat on the forehead.

PJ LEMON: Gotta say.

Lemon grabs her belt and her popcorn, hops off of the counter and walks out of frame. The teen breathes a sigh of relief until Lemon comes back and dumps the popcorn on her head. With an obnoxious “Ha!” Lemon once again leaves the frame.

We rejoin the fun and festivities in Trash Land, the camera now following Roxi Farrow as they eye the ‘Scrambler’ while finishing a tray of the ‘delights’ on offer at the ‘Food? Court’ area of Trash Land. The Scrambler, for those unfamiliar, is double-rotating classic carnival ride known equally for it’s thrills as it’s effects on the human stomach.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hey there! Thinking of taking a ride! Go on ahead, I’ll start it up for you.

Ollie shoves Roxi into one of the seats of the ride and quickly brings the ‘safety’ bar down.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hmmm…that does not inspire confidence but I want to make sure you’re safe soooooo….

Ollie removes ‘The Club’ from his golf bag of tricks and uses it to completely lock the safety bar in place. Ollie removes the key from the club and flings it a great distance away. Roxi was now officially trapped in the seat of The Scrambler as Ollie heads to the ride controls..

OLLIE MAVERICK: I envy the things you’re about to see. So long!

Ollie smacks the big red button on the console and the scrambler begins.

OLLIE MAVERICK: I’ll be back to check on you later! You need anything? Cotton Candy? A soda?

After only the fifth rotation Roxi vomits but Ollie is too busy doing a few taps on his Apple Watch to notice.

OLLIE MAVERICK: …popcorn? I can do popcorn. Back soon!

Ollie notices Corvo Proteado and Torementa hopping onto a boat that slowly lurches forward into a dark tunnel.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Tunnel of love? Those two? Man, I had no idea. Love is love I guess.

Ollie says this without a hint of sarcasm, irony, or judgment as he looks to the sign above the ride queue to see what the ride was.

OLLIE MAVERICK: ‘It’s a Trash World…?’ How the fuck has this place not been sued into oblivion yet?

Ollie shrugs. He grabs a toy from his golf bag and leaves the bag at the ride entrance and instead of hopping on the next boat he jumps into the below-knee-deep and wildly filthy water. He begins to march forward, his steps sloshing as he goes.

The camera rejoins Proteado and Torementa on the boat as they pass displays of raccoons and possums of all nationalities snacking on all sorts of yummy trash from all around the world.

A world of crap

It's a world of scum

And a world of scrap

There's so much in the street

So there’s plenty to eat

It's a Trash World after all

It's a Trash World after all

It's a Trash World after all

It's a Trash World after all

It's a Trash, Trash World’

TOREMENTA: This place is going to get sued int-

OLLIE MAVERICK: Into oblivion. Yeah, that’s what I said.

TOREMENTA: Yeah I…

Torementa looks around for who said that and only sees Proteado looking equally confused.

The next thing they see is a small oar. But like….moving really fast. Ollie springing out of the water covered in filth to smack Torementa across the face with a plastic kayak oar which instantly breaks.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hey guys! Enjoying the park?

The tone of Ollie’s voice is genuine and not aggressive in the slightest. You get the impression that Ollie would be confused if he were to learn Torementa and Proteado weren’t having as much fun as he was right now.

Ollie hums along to the tune of the song and Corvo Proteado tackles him, sending them both off of the boat and into the filthy shallow water. A few mounted punches to Ollie’s face really seems to bring him to life as Corvo climbs off of him to take stock of the filth he was now coated in… only for Ollie to spring up with a capoeira kick that knocks Corvo off balance. His balance is further troubled when Ollie springs up to drop Corvo with a hurricanrana that causes an immense splash. Corvo is quick to his feet and decides to try and make a break for it. Ollie picks up the handle to his broken oar and hums along to the tune of the song as he watches Corvo splash-run away. He closes one eye and sizes up the throw and then…nails it. Right between Corvo’s legs as he runs causing him to trip and fall hard. Corvo gets up to a hunched over standing position only to be instantly leveled by PLANES, TRAINS, AND PLANTAINS (A Leapfrog Cutter) that creates an immense belly flop splash. Ollie chuckles as he stands up, propping his unconscious foe in a sitting position so they don’t drown.

Satisfied for now Ollie trots away, having heard the song on repeat enough times in these few moments that he’s picked up on the lyrics.

OLLIE MAVERICK: It’s a traaaaaash traaaaash woooooorld.

Ollie steps out of the ride exit which heads right back to the entrance so he grabs his golf bag right as an alarm goes off on his watch.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Oh, perfect!

Ollie grabs a half eaten bag of popcorn from a trashcan he passes on his way back to the scrambler which has just now come to a stop. Roxi Farrow is struggling against the permanently locked lap bar.

OLLIE MAVERICK: I didn’t forget! Here ya go!

Ollie throws the popcorn bag to Roxi then again smacks the big red button, starting the ride up once more.

ROXI FARROW: Please PLEASE NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Ollie releases a wistful sigh.

It’s finally time for the first match of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic. The debuting team of Jimmy Campbell and Colby Bruce are set to take on the mainstays Sergei Ivanov and Samhain. Vivian Rosser is the referee and we’re ready to go. Campbell enters the ring to square off against Ivanov as Campbell’s girlfriend, Susie Ratcliffe, cheers her man on from ringside. The bell sounds and before the action begins, Campbell makes the tag to Colby Bruce. Campbell instructs his protege to get into the ring.

FIONA METZ: So these guys are a band?

DICK DELAURIER: It is my understanding that Jimmy Campbell was in a band and Colby Bruce was one of their biggest supporters.

FIONA METZ: So now they wrestle?

DICK DELAURIER: That is correct.

FIONA METZ: Fucking cool.

Ivanov smirks and he decides that his protege should get into the ring too. Ivanov tags in the hulking monster that is Samhain and the crowd reacts with a collective gasp. Bruce tries to act like he isn’t scared but c’mon – look at the size of this fucker. Samhain gestures for Bruce to come at him and the kid has no choice but to get after it. Bruce charges across the ring and he nails Samhain with a forearm smash. It does nothing.

FIONA METZ: This kid wants to die.

DICK DELAURIER: I think that he is showing incredible courage.

FIONA METZ: Or stupidity.

Bruce tries another forearm but Samhain grabs his arm and launches him across the ring with a beal. It’s like Bruce weighed nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all! Bruce rolls through and pops back up to his feet. He glances back at Campbell but Campbell just gives him a motivational clap. Bruce hangs his head and then darts across the ring but Samhain is waiting and he turns Bruce inside out with a clothesline. Campbell winces and Ivanov just smiles that creepy smile that he has come to be known for.

FIONA METZ: Says something about Campbell that he sent Bruce to the gallows in their first fucking match in RAZOR.

DICK DELAURIER: He wants Bruce to get experience.

FIONA METZ: A near death experience, maybe.

Samhain peels Bruce off of the mat and launches him into the nearest corner. Bruce staggers out and Samhain lifts him over his shoulder. Hell’s Refuse drops Bruce onto the top rope with snake eyes, hits the ropes, and blasts Bruce with a running big boot. The kid is down but Campbell doesn’t look the least bit concerned. Bruce starts crawling toward his corner and Samhain lets him!

FIONA METZ: Samhain wants a real challenge, not a muppet baby.

DICK DELAURIER: Jimmy Campbell has nearly thirty years of experience. He has faced men like Samhain before.

FIONA METZ: Samhain isn’t a man! He’s a demon! Pay attention.

Bruce reaches up for the tag and Campbell reluctantly accepts it. Campbell enters the ring and Samhain invites him to try his luck. Campbell charges at Samhain and narrowly avoids a clothesline from Hell’s Refuse. Campbell drops to a knee, pivots, and takes Samhain down with a chop block! Samhain is down to a knee when Campbell comes off of the ropes and blasts him in the side of the head with a knee trembler!

DICK DELAURIER: The veteran takes Samhain down to a knee!

FIONA METZ: I honestly did not see this coming.

Samhain is instantly back up to his feet but Campbell connects with a quick succession of thigh kicks! Chop down that tree! Campbell hits the ropes and comes back at Samhain with some momentum but Samhain grabs him by the throat. He pulls Campbell in close and roars in his face. Campbell is launched across the ring into the Sud Ognya corner as Susie watches with great concern. Samhain makes the tag to Ivanov.

FIONA METZ: Zagovor is in the house!

DICK DELAURIER: Do you even know what that means?

FIONA METZ: It refers to Russian black magic.

DICK DELAURIER: Touché.

Ivanov keeps Campbell subdued with some clubbing blows in the corner and then shouts something to Samhain in Russian. Ivanov Irish whips Campbell out of the corner right into a big boot from Samhain! Colby Bruce watches on and extends his arm for a tag. Campbell is almost within reach when Ivanov yanks Campbell to the middle of the ring by the boot. Ivanov turns and charges at Bruce. The kid has no time to react and Ivanov blasts him with a shot that sends him off of the apron to the floor. Campbell is back up but Ivanov meets him with Leshy’s Test (Bicycle Kick)! Campbell is floored! Ivanov makes a cover.

1..

2..

..!

Campbell’s shoulder shoots off the canvas and Las Vegas cheers. Susie starts pounding her hands on the apron trying to motivate her man. Ivanov peels Campbell off of the mat and tries to Irish Whip him into the Sud Ognya corner but Campbell reverses the momentum and sends Ivanov right into Samhain! Their heads collide and Samhain is forced to drop off of the apron to recover. Campbell nails Ivanov with a big boot and then turns to his corner. Bruce is back up on the apron and Campbell plays a little air guitar. You knew it was coming. Campbell makes the tag to his protege and the Steel Rockers are finally in control of this contest.

FIONA METZ: Here’s a great idea – when you’re winning a match you should tag in the kid! He’ll get the job done!

DICK DELAURIER: We know very little about this team. Colby Bruce wasn’t signed because he is a bad wrestler. Have faith.

FIONA METZ: I suppose that’s a good point and I suppose I hate you for making it.

Samhain tries to enter the ring to help Ivanov but he is met with a double clothesline from The Steel Rockers. It only serves to rattle him, he stays on his feet! The Rockers aren’t deterred, they both hit the ropes and hit him with a second one. This time Samhain stumbles a little more and catches himself on the ropes. Campbell grabs Bruce by the shoulder and they take off for the ropes again. They come back looking for a third double clothesline but this time Samhain looks for two clotheslines of his own! Both Campbell and Bruce (Bruce Campbell?) roll through, pop up, and hit Samhain with stereo dropkicks that send him over the top rope to the floor.

FIONA METZ: Okay Spinal Tap is cooking.

DICK DELAURIER: Steel Rockers.

FIONA METZ: Just let me have my fun! Fuck sakes.

With Hell’s Refuse on the outside, Campbell and Bruce set about putting in some work on Ivanov. He rushes The Steel Rockers but Campbell catches Ivanov and drops him with a neckbreaker. Campbell lifts Bruce up and releases him which sends Bruce down with a knee drop onto Ivanov’s dome! Samhain gets back up on the apron but Bruce springs forward and nails him with a dropkick that takes him down to the floor yet again.

DICK DELAURIER: Samhain has been neutralized!

FIONA METZ: But for how long?

DICK DELAURIER: Hopefully long enough for the Steel Rockers to hit something big!

FIONA METZ: Hopefully? Please try to be professional, Dick.

Susie cheers for her team as Campbell nails Ivanov with the Hit Single (Superkick)! Ivanov is out but Campbell wants to make a statement. Campbell shoots Ivanov into the ropes and on his return Ivanov is planted with Album Of Destruction (3D) from The Steel Rockers! Bruce scrambles into the cover as Campbell watches his six. Rosser makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners, advancing to the semi-finals of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic, Colby Bruce and Jimmy Campbell, The Steel Rockers!

There is no time to celebrate as Samhain is back into the ring. He rushes at Jimmy Campbell but Campbell hits him with the Hit Single! Samhain is staggered but Campbell lifts him up and The Steel Rockers connect with another Album Of Destruction! Sud Ognya are down and out! Susie Ratcliffe enters the ring and holds up the arms of her team as we cut to a commercial break.
We return to Sophie Whimm’s office and two figures are standing in front of her desk. Er– the desk that she has taken over. “Spitfire” Harvey Francis and “Sales Supervisor” Bob Regan stand before her. Whimm appears overjoyed, as usual.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Spitfire, Sales Supervisor — thank you SOOO MUCH for joining me.

BOB REGAN: I do not understand why I do not have a match tonight. I am missing my son’s soccer game to be here.

SOPHIE WHIMM: I’m SUUUUPER sorry about that, Bob.

BOB REGAN: Mr. Regan.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Of course, Bob. I am sorry that you weren’t booked tonight.

BOB REGAN: It is fine. He is awful.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Sooo sorry to hear that. Anyway, the reason that I wanted to speak to you both is because I’ve noticed that you’re both having a bit of a sad time so far in RAZOR. I want to turn your frowns upside down!

HARVEY FRANCIS: I’m not frowning. I’ve also only lost once.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Yeah but that was a BIG loss wasn’t it buddy? Anyhoo, I am going to give you both a really big opportunity, okay? You’re both going to be in the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic.

Both Francis and Regan look puzzled.

BOB REGAN: I am without a partner. I suppose I could ask Janice from payroll, she appears to have the body of an athlete but—

SOPHIE WHIMM: Super weird thing to say Bob! But don’t worry about it because I’ve got it all sorted out. The two of you will be each other's partner! Isn’t that sparkly?

BOB REGAN: No.

HARVEY FRANCIS: Not at all.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Too bad! It’s already booked. Like it or lump it, I don’t care. We’re a bit thin on teams and I think you two need a boost! It’s a classic “can they coexist” scenario! What fun!

Francis rolls his eyes but Regan looks intrigued.

BOB REGAN: I accept this opportunity.

Regan turns to Francis.

BOB REGAN: I will make a formal declaration tonight of our intent to succeed. You will know it when it happens. I look forward to a profitable working relationship.

HARVEY FRANCIS: I don’t.

Regan doesn’t acknowledge Francis’ comment, he walks out of frame. Francis sighs heavily and Whimm still looks out-of-her-mind happy.

Trash Land’s ‘Haunted Double Wide’ is typically only scary because of the roach infestation but as we rejoin the action in Trash Land we find Snackbar Willy and Kid Kahuna trying to be quiet. They’ve heard the screaming coming from the Scrambler and Kid Kahuna specifically has learned by now not to trust when Ollie is being nice.

SNACKBAR WILLY: So is this elimination rules or…?

KID KAHUNA: I don’t know if anyone has thought that far ahead, Uce. Just be quiet and we can wait this out.

The lame projected ghosts suddenly all stop projecting at once and the fog machines in the building kick on…

??: Kee-Kee-Kee Ma-Ma-Ma

SNACKBAR WILLY: Did you hear that?

KID KAHUNA: Of course I heard it…

??: Would you guys prefer Halloween? I was always more of a Halloween guy. Dundundun-dunundun-DUNDUNDUNDUN-

Kid Kahuna turns to see Ollie wearing a hockey goalie mask and wielding a barbed wire bat. It sounds like his breathing is heavy until he takes off the mask.

OLLIE MAVERICK: See, people keep telling me to just wear a mask if I don’t want my face seen but like I have no peripheral vision with this on and I get sweaty so fast and….no the face blur thing is the way to go.

Ollie is interrupted by a decorative skeleton being thrown at him while he isn’t paying attention.

OLLIE MAVERICK: The flying skeleton! From my nightmares! Oh. Oh no wait it’s fake.

While Ollie is seemingly distracted, Snackbar Willy takes a run at him and the big guy drops Ollie with a clothesline. Willy gets Ollie back to his feet and Willy whips him toward Kid Kahuna who is quick to heft up Ollie and SLAM him through a fake Fortune Tellers table with a Samoan Drop. Kid Kahuna and Snackbar Willy take one moment to look at each other in amazement before Kahuna makes a cover and surprisingly enough a referee is there to make the count.

One…two…

Kid Kahuna is forced to break the count when a hollow glass sphere that was supposed to be the fortune tellers ‘Crystal Ball’ smashes into his face courtesy of Ollie’s hand, causing Ollie to roll over so he’s essentially straddling him and for the second time this month Ollie is wiping up as much of Kahuna’s blood as he can and wiping it on his own face. Ollie ducks an attempt from Snackbar Willy to swing a golf club from Ollie’s own golf bag at him and for his effort Snackbar is swiftly knocked onto his back by a shotgun dropkick.

OLLIE MAVERICK: I was gonna do this whole slasher thing and then you guys didn’t run and just…you know what? No. I’m not gonna let this ruin my park day, OUR park day.

Ollie gestures to all of them there in the room. It’s clear he’s trying to make sure everyone is having his definition of a ‘good time’. Ollie climbs onto a higher platform where a few ‘Grim Grinning Ghosts’ are singing a song about how rad being dead is and Ollie take a brief moment ot judge the height and distance to Snackbar Willy, then proceeds to jump off for an OLLIE-GO-ROUND (Somersault diving headbutt) that knocks Willy out cold. Ollie shakes off the cobwebs of the headbutt and turns to look for Kid Kahuna and….he’s gone.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Aw beans. He can’t have gone far. If I look around I ca-

Ollie’s watch beeps at him.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Eh, I’ll find him eventually. Gotta head back to the scrambler!

Ollie picks up his bag and leaves, whistling ‘It’s a Trash World After All’ as he goes. We close on the distant screams of Roxi Farrow as the Scrambler starts once more.



The second R&M Tag Team Classic Quarter Final is up next. Araña Oscura and Calavera stand ready on one side of the ring while David Gibson and Thomas Bane stand across from them. Referee Kate McHale calls for the bell and both teams fly across the ring toward one another! Oscura engages Gibson and tries for a wheelbarrow life into a bulldog but Gibson tosses her across the ring and she smashes into the corner Oscura lands hard on the back of her neck.

FIONA METZ: Oh I like this! Let’s get into the mayhem right away!

DICK DELAURIER: Kate McHale is going to have to restore order here. Only one of these teams can advance and no one wants this to end in a shmozz.

FIONA METZ: A fucking what?

DICK DELAURIER: A schmozz. Look it up in your Big Book Of Wrestling Tropes.

Calavera and Thomas Bane start throwing hands with Calavera dealing some heavy damage. Calavera winds up for a clothesline but David Gibson grabs her arm from behind and pins both of her arms behind her! Bane hits Calavera with some quick shoot style kicks and then takes her over with a snapmare! Gibson hits a roundhouse kick to the side of her head! The fans are enjoying this rush of offense and then they pop even louder when two people walk out from behind the curtain.

DICK DELAURIER: It appears that we have some guests.

FIONA METZ: The Boyfriends are on the scene! I was wondering when they’d pop up again. I just love them.

DICK DELAURIER: As do our fans, listen to this reaction!

Insane Fortune, Aroa Ramma and Jahkay Miller appear at the top of the ramp with some luxurious looking chairs wheeled out behind them. Miller and Ramma take their seats and start watching the match. The Shinigami Foundation take no notice of the new spectators as they haul Calavera up to her feet and then drive her head into the canvas with a snap double DDT! Araña Oscura is back up and she hits a springboard splash that takes both David Gibson and Thomas Bane down!

DICK DELAURIER: The Shinigami Foundation need to be careful. They are new here and they don’t know how cut throat Destructoras can be.

Kate McHale does her best to restore order with Araña Oscura and Thomas Bane being the legal competitors. Both Calavera and David Gibson have powdered out of the ring. Insane Fortune are shown via picture-in-picture and they are whispering to one another. How quaint. Oscura blasts Gibson with a shotgun dropkick that sends him into the ropes. He rebounds off and Oscura takes him down with an arm drag. Oscura applies a standing wrist lock as Calavera gets up on the apron.

FIONA METZ: Sisters are doin’ it for themselves!

DICK DELAURIER: Explain.

FIONA METZ: It’s a song. Look it up. Banger tune.

DICK DELAURIER: I’ll take your word for it.

Oscura keeps wrist control of Bane and she tags in Calavera. Oscura whips Bane into Calavera lifts Bane up for an Alabama Slam! As Calavera whips Bane down to the mat Oscura hits him with a backstabber! What a combination! How inventive! Calavera makes a cover as Oscura stands guard.

1..

2..!

Thomas Bane kicks out as Oscura heads out onto the apron. Calavera mounts him and starts hitting him with a serious ground and pound. But attention diverts from the ring as there is a commotion on the stage!

FIONA METZ: Uh oh. The Boss is on the floor!

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t even think he is the boss of his day job.

FIONA METZ: He is a supervisor!

Bob Regan has appeared behind Insane Fortune. The Senior Salesman grabs Jahkay Miller by the back of the head and sends him sailing off the stage! The audience can’t believe it! Miller crashes through some tables that had odds and ends of production equipment atop them. Aroa Ramma is horrified and he turns to engage Bob! Bob throttles Rama with a right hand that drops him. Regan removes his tie and wraps it around Rama’s neck! He pushes his knee into Rama’s spine and wrenches back with all of his might.

DICK DELAURIER: What the hell is Bob Regan thinking?

FIONA METZ: This is his declaration of intent! He wants to win the tournament with Harvey Francis.

DICK DELAURIER: Is this the best way to show that?

FIONA METZ: It’s controversial! Hell yeah!

“Spitfire” Harvey Francis appears on the stage and begs his “tag team” partner to stop! Regan releases Rama and then turns to argue with Francis. In the ring Calavera tries to send Bane into a corner but Bane reverses the momentum with impressive force! Calavera slams into the corner, staggers out, and walks right into a belly to belly suplex from Bane! Before Bane can further capitalize, Bob Regan has entered the ring!

DICK DELAURIER: Get out of there, Bob! You aren’t in this match!

FIONA METZ: The Sales Supervisor has seen enough!

Regan punches Bane in the back of the head and starts stomping away on him. Fearing a full on breakdown, Kate McHale has no choice but to throw the match out! As Regan keeps attacking Bane, Gibson enters the ring and attempts to help his partner. McHale speaks with Big Mouth Mindy through the ropes.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: As a result of a disqualification, here are your winners, advancing to the semi-finals of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic,…Thomas Bane and David Gibson, The Shinigami Foundation!

Destructoras join the fray and there is a two and a half team brawl! Harvey Francis has walked down to the ring and just watches as his partner for the tournament is involved in this mayhem. Francis seems as if he isn’t going to get involved but Aroa Ramma comes bounding down the ramp and he attacks Francis from behind! It’s absolute chaos as BRAVE Security descend on the scene to try and restore some order.


Jenny Suplex is not sure what knocked her out but he is very shocked when he awakens to find herself restrained to a big fake horse with a light tube in her closed hand.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hey there sleepyhead!

The Carousel at Trash Land was very unique in that it was three circles of horses: the outer ring spinning clockwise, the middle ring on a different track spinning counterclockwise, and the inner ring completely broken and not spinning at all and mostly serves as a spot for regular parkgoers and occasionally park employees to do heroin or meth. This setup meant one thing in the eyes of Ollie Maverick.

Jousting!

The ride begins and the horses begin to move. Jenny is quick to pick up on the nature of this game and ducks a light tube swung at her as her and Ollie’s horses pass each other. His tube breaks against the pole of the carousel sending powder and broken glass flying.

JENNY SUPLEX: What the hell is wrong with you!?

OLLIE MAVERICK: My brother says it’s fluoride the government puts in the water but I think he’s just crazy.

Ollie takes another light tube from his golf bag and waits for them to pass each other again but this time Jenny takes a swing and misses, her only light tube breaking against the carousel pole as well.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hell yeah! Nice swing. You almost got me! Fuck this isn’t fair. Hang on.

When Ollie circles back Jenny flinches but when she opens her eyes she finds Ollie has set another light tube in front of her for her use.

JENNY SUPLEX: You…really just think this is all of us just having a fun time don’t you?

OLLIE MAVERICK: Uh…yeah? Are you not having fun?

There is genuine disappointment in Ollie’s voice which almost loses him the joust but he moves and a second light tube breaks.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Nice try distracting me!

JENNY SUPLEX: I’m not trying to distract you, you crazy bastard! I’m trying to tell you that this isnt fu-

Jenny is interrupted as another lap is completed and a light tube breaks on her head in a burst of broken glass. Blood begins to flow and she screams.

Ollie hops off and stops the ride.

OLLIE MAVERICK: I won! Okay I’m thinking this next round we each get a cricket bat since they’re less likely to break an-

Ollie’s watch beeps.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Oh hang on. Be back later. You sit tight.

Ollie runs over to the scrambler and is seemingly ignorant of the anger in the eyes of Roxi Farrow.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Sorry, I’ve just been having such a good time that I almost forgot.

ROXI FARROW: It’s….It’s fine….say I think I saw someone go into the house of mirrors.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Oh dang, really? That sounds fun. See you later!

Ollie hits the big red button again to start the ride and leaves to head to the house of mirrors, the camera remaining on the scrambler for a few moments as it comes to a stop. Roxi looks around confused and sees Kid Kahuna at the controls. She releases a sigh of relief as he holds up a small key for her to see.

We then cut to inside the house of mirrors where Josh Mac is carefully attempting to navigate the halls. Ollie gets frustrated the first two times he walks directly into a wall.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Okay, time to speedrun this bitch.

Ollie takes a cricket bat from his bag and leaves the bag behind for now. He begins smashing up the mirrors, leaving piles of broken glass as he now much more easily makes his way through the maze. Josh Mac finally catches sight of The Manic Marvel and rears back to throw a punch at him and….of course punches a mirror and recoils in pain.

OLLIE MAVERICK: See this is why you bring a bat. Really makes this much easier.

Ollie gives Josh Mac a running tackle that sends them both through the mirror and the very cheap wall, knocking down several more flimsy ass walls that leave them a bit of a clearing that has a LOT Of broken glass on the floor. Josh rolls to have Ollie pinned down on the floor and begins raining down punches.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hey…can we talk for one sec?

Josh Mac stops punching, seemingly baffled by Ollie’s calm question.

JOSH MAC: I….yes?

OLLIE MAVERICK: You’re having a good time, right?

JoshMax.exe has unexpectedly crashed. Rebooting.

JOSH MAC: Of….course not!

Ollie growls and gets his knee pressed against Josh’s groin, wrapping his arms around his neck and flinging him backwards into something of an improvised laying monkey flip that sends him backfirst into quite a bit of broken glass. Ollie stand to show he has quite a bit of glass stuck in his back now as well.

OLLIE MAVERICK: I put SO much effort into this and you guys just don’t appreciate it I…

Ollie stops and takes a few deep breaths so he doesn’t start crying. Josh gets to his feet and bulldogs Ollie, sending them both back into the broken glass but Ollie definitely taking the worst of it.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Oh! So THAT’s how you like to play! You like blood, too? We should hang out!

Ollie stands and looks down at the blood now trickling down his body and releases a laugh. Josh takes a run at him but Ollie snaps off a hurricanrana with ease then springs back to his feet. The area is quickly becoming a grisly display. Ollie taking a few steps up onto the wreckage of the walls to get a little height as Josh struggles back up to his feet.

OLLIE MAVERICK: I’m glad you came around! There’s something for EVERYONE at Trash Land!

Ollie says this right before hopping off of pile of junk to give Josh a FACE ERASER (Springboard Sitout Facebuster) right onto the broken glass. Blood begins to pool where his face meets the ground and Ollie stands, feeling a little light-headed from the blood loss but otherwise re-energized. He looks at his watch and wipes blood off of the face.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Shoot. I should find a good place to watch the fireworks!

The bloodied Ollie leaves Josh Mac in the mess of blood and broken glass as he heads out the way he came in, grabbing his bag again as he goes.

“Eternal Loneliness” by Alex Norre begins to sound across the Bobby Shitake Arena, the boos of the fans of RAZOR Wrestling fill the arena as "The Spanish Ace" Adam García makes his appearance after opening the curtains while holding a microphone in his left hand.

DICK DELAURIER: Last episode we saw the Spanish Ace destroying Masaru Shinja after sending him to Planet Peach. Now we see him again two weeks later, with mic on hand.

FIONA METZ: Well with the way this García kid talks before his matches, he should consider switching his job, maybe starting a podcast instead of angering his opponents before an important match.

The camera focuses on Adam, as he gestures to the backstage folk to cut his music, his theme fades as he holds the microphone near his mouth.

ADAM GARCÍA: Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Adam García, and I am, THE SPANISH ACE…which makes me…

He points to himself with his right thumb for a second, then hands his right hand to the air with just the index finger up.

ADAM GARCÍA: ...NUMBER ONE and you should remember that.

His right index points towards his forehead and then towards the crowd, as soon as he finishes his usual entrance he makes his way to the ring.

ADAM GARCÍA: Well, how you doin’ folks?

He flashes a smile towards the direction of some fans, who obviously start booing him harder.

ADAM GARCÍA: Yeah yeah, I love y’all too. Well let’s do a recap for those who did not see the last show m’kay? Last week i told you all i would win my debut and send Shinja to the hospital and I did. So let's see whats on the menu for today shall we?

ADAM GARCÍA: Today guys, you will see a natural one beating a nat twenty. A battle between a god among men, and a stupid schizophrenic kid from Indiana. I mean I already sent a man to a hospital, i should just send this one to the nearest mental asylum right? Aight lets make this quick. Unlike him, I got some beautiful ladies waiting for me at my place and I wouldn't like to make them wait.

He toss the microphone to the ring and begins warming up

Zach Ebra checks Adam García for weapons and shit as “The Paladin of Plainville” Sherman Dewey makes his way to the ring. Once Dewey is through the ropes Ebra checks him and the match is set to begin. Garcia tries to start off quickly with a running V Trigger but Dewey dives out of the way. Dewey looks concerned but Garcia isn’t deterred. Garcia holds out his thumb and index finger while mouthing the words “That close”. The two lock up and go through the standard tug of war before Garcia shoves Dewey backwards and the latter spills through the ropes out onto the apron.

FIONA METZ: Here is what I know about Adam García so far. He’s number one and he likes sending people to the hospital.

DICK DELAURIER: Half of that statement is disputable.

FIONA METZ: No he for sure likes sending people to the hospital. Masaru Shinja is still laid up! Poor guy.

Garcia rushes Dewey but Dewey hits him with a gamengiri! With Garcia stunned, Dewey springboards into the ring and catches The Spanish Ace with a hurricanranna! Garcia spills under the bottom rope to the outside and Las Vegas cheers The Paladin Of Plainville on! Dewey acknowledges the fans with his standard pose and then hits the ropes. He darts across the ring and dives to the outside with a tope suicida that takes Garcia down!

DICK DELAURIER: Sherman Dewey like a bullet! I don’t think that Adam García was expecting this kind of fight out of The Paladin of Plainville.

FIONA METZ: I sure as shit didn’t. This guy is the human equivalent of a pocket protector. Actually pocket protectors are far more effective at facing evil.

Sherman Dewey slides Adam García back into the ring and then hops up onto the apron. There is a swell of fan support that Dewey seems taken aback by. He knew that he had the audience on his side by the way they were actually chanting his name! Dewey couldn’t help but crack a smile but this momentary lapse in focus gives Garcia an opening. Garcia springs off the canvas and blasts Dewey with a forearm smash. Dewey is rocked but he hangs on to the top rope. Garcia grabs Dewey by the back of the head and smashes his head off of the turnbuckle. Dewey keeps hanging on so Garcia smashes his head into the turnbuckle and Dewey melts off the apron and lands on the floor.

FIONA METZ: About time we had some head trauma on this show!

DICK DELAURIER: Haven’t you had several severe concussions?

FIONA METZ: Yes but they were all self-inflicted.

The Spanish Ace taunts Las Vegas and their cheers for Sherman Dewey turn to boos for Adam García. Garcia dismisses them with a wave of his hand and then he turns to Dewey, who is starting to get to his feet on the outside. Garcia charges toward Dewey and hits him with a baseball slide! Dewey slams into the guard rail and Garcia is on the apron. Dewey gets back to his feet but Garcia comes off of the apron with a double axe handle that takes Dewey down. Garcia peels him off of the floor and sends him head first into the ring steps!

FIONA METZ: Well that sounded gross. Bone on steel.

DICK DELAURIER: Sherman Dewey’s eyes are rolling back in his head!

FIONA METZ: And all he can see is darkness.

DICK DELAURIER: What?

FIONA METZ: I’m saying he has no brain.

The camera closes in on Sherman Dewey and we see that his head is busted open. Blood starts to run down Dewey’s face and Adam García looks beyond pleased with the result. Garcia rolls Dewey into the ring and follows. Dewey starts to stand up but Garcia meets him with a running V Trigger to the face! A fine mist of blood shoots into the air and Dewey is down. Garcia immediately mounts Dewey and grabs the back of his head. Garcia looks around into the crowd and starts repeatedly driving the point of his elbow into the open wound on the top of Dewey’s head.

DICK DELAURIER: The Spanish Ace with all out brutality here tonight.

FIONA METZ: I love it.

There are pockets of the audience that are super happy to see some blood but by-and-large the crowd feels bad for Sherman Dewey. Zach Ebra tells Adam García to ease up but Garcia shoves him aside. Garcia stands Dewey up and applies a reverse waist lock. The audience boos as Garcia lifts Dewey up and plants him with a German suplex! Garcia floats over, looking into the crowd, and makes a cover. Ebra breathes a sigh of relief and makes a cover.

1..

2..

..!

Sherman Dewey kicks out! Vegas cheers for The Paladin of Plainville but those cheers are silenced when Adam García applies a modified neck crank. Blood is still flowing from Dewey’s head as Garcia wrenches on his neck. Zach Ebra is there looking for the verbal submission but Dewey refuses. Garcia screams “Tap!” but Dewey shakes his head—well as much as he can. Growing frustrated, Garcia stands Dewey up and whips him hard into a corner. Dewey smashes against the corner, staggers out, and Garcia blasts him with a rolling lariat. Dewey is turned inside out and he lands on his face. Garcia falls into another cover.

1..

2..

..!

DICK DELAURIER: Are you kidding me!?

Kickout! Sherman Dewey refuses to die. Las Vegas starts chanting his name and this draws the ire of Adam García. Garcia mounts Dewey again and starts up the elbow strikes to the top of the head once again. Blood paints Garcia’s elbow as he brings it down again and again and again. Zach Ebra tells Dewey that he is going to call the match if he doesn’t start fighting back. This is the inspiration that Dewey needs and he catches Garcia with an uppercut! Garcia stumbles back into the ropes and checks his mouth. He is bleeding now.

FIONA METZ: Way to go Sherman! You made Garcia bleed his own blood!

DICK DELAURIER: Who else’s blood would he bleed?

FIONA METZ: Don’t be obtuse.

The Spanish Ace is infuriated. He charges toward Sherman Dewey but Dewey leaves his feet and catches Garcia on the chin with a flipping dropkick! Garcia falls back into the ropes and then walks right into a leg lariat! Vegas has come unglued as Dewey, a bloody mess, starts hulking up! Garcia stumbles to the middle of the ring and Dewey catches him with a spinning heel kick! Garcia is down! Dewey covers.

1..

2..!

FIONA METZ: Not today wizard!

DICK DELAURIER: He’s a Paladin.

FIONA METZ: The FUCK is the difference?

Adam García kicks out and Vegas boos. Sherman Dewey gets to his feet and holds his fist high in the air as if he is charging up. Vegas starts an “Oh!” that rises in volume the longer that Dewey holds his fist in the air. Garcia gets to his feet and Dewey measures him. Dewey shoots his arm forward and…Garcia knees him in the face. Garcia hits Estampida (Knee into Ripcord into Kamigoye) and the air leaves the building. Garcia gets Dewey up and plants him with Grand Finale (Blade Runner). Dewey’s head leaves a blood stain on the mat and Garcia covers.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner and number one contender to the GRBG Championship, “The Spanish Ace” Adam García!

Referee Zach Ebra raises Adam García’s hand. Ebra glances over his shoulder and sees that Sherman Dewey isn’t moving. Ebra immediately drops to his knees to check on Dewey. After a brief moment to assess the situation Ebra signals for the EMTs. Garcia posts up into a corner, looking very pleased with himself as Dr. Kelly Costa and her medical team come to ringside with a stretcher. The Spanish Ace strikes again.


Kid Kahuna is bleeding profusely as he slowly makes his way toward the front of Trash Land. The exit is in sight and it looks like the other participants have realized this as well, making their way toward the front so they can just leave… it looks like Jenny Suplex is going to be the first to make it to the exit until… there is a burst of white dust and broken glass as Ollie pops out and cracks her right across the face with a light tube.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hey! Where are you guys going?! We haven’t even ridden a roller coaster! Plus, none of us have done the animatronic President thing! I’m told ‘A Great Moment with William Henry Harrison’ is a GRIPPING two minute speech before he dies of pneumonia.

Ollie looks at the crowd of participants in the invitational and notices….the one who got away.

OLLIE MAVERICK: …….KAHUNA! BUDDY!

Kid Kahuna turns and immediately runs away. The other participants are happy to get out of Ollie’s way as he gives chase, stopping only for one brief moment to start the Scrambler up again before he finally finds Kahuna in desperation getting on the Ferris Wheel. Ollie hops into the seat right next to him but then the trap is sprung. Kahuna dives out of the seat and before Ollie can stand as well Roxi Farrow slams the lap bar closed and uses Ollie’s own Club from earlier to lock it closed.

He probably should have checked to make sure Roxi was still on the Scrambler when he started it up again on his way here but he was in too much of a hurry to catch up with Kahuna.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hey! Come on guys! Why do you want to leave so bad?! I thought we were having fun!

Roxi is VERY happy to press the button to start the ferris wheel, the other participants in the Invitational gathering around to watch Ollie getting a taste of his own medicine. The Ferris Wheel starts and Ollie sighs as he takes a moment to reflect and pick out a few shards of glass from the house of mirrors still stuck in his flesh. Why did all his new friends want to leave so early? Was Ollie not being a good host? He looked down at them all gathered down below him…getting farther and farther away and checking on each other's injuries and realized… he brought them all closer together! He knew it. He was the PERFECT person for this… but every perfect theme park day needed to end the same way.

Fireworks!

Ollie takes the spare Club key from his pocket (they always get sold with a spare) and unlocks the Club, then takes off the safety bar. Realizing he’s broken free Kahuna presses the button to stop the ride. Ollie is really REALLY high up. He looks down at them all crowded below him…

OLLIE MAVERICK: NEW BEST FRIENDS!

They are very confused.

JENNY SUPLEX: What did he just say?

OLLIE MAVERICK: TRUST FALL!

Before anyone can properly realize what this means, Ollie has turned and has backflipped out of the Ferris wheel and drops from an ABSURD height into the gathering of his new best pals, taking everyone out with the damndest moonsault you’ll probably ever see. Kahuna was spared from this as he had broken from the group to stop the ride and is now heading for the exit. It’s quiet. The coast is clear.

Until…

OLLIE MAVERICK: It’s…

Ollie struggles up to shaky feet. He’s taken quite a fall and has lost a lot of blood by this post but he is DRIVEN to be the BEST THEME PARK BUDDY EVER and Kahuna just STILL DOESN’T GET IT.

OLLIE MAVERICK: It's a world of dumpsters, A world of crap.

Ollie slings his bag back over his shoulder, draws his last golf club, and makes a mad dash toward Kahuna, singing all the way.

OLLIE MAVERICK: It's a world of scum, And a world of scrap

Ollie catches up and smashes the golf club into the back of Kahuna’s knee, dropping him to a kneeling stance.

OLLIE MAVERICK: There's so much in the street, So there’s plenty to eat. It's a Trash World after all.

Ollie unzips the pocket for golf balls and tees on the golf bag and takes out a thing of lighter fluid and a zippo. He takes a knee and coats his own kickpad.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Iiiit's a Trash World after all. Iiiiit's a Trash World after all. Iiiiiit's a Trash World after all.

Ollie lights the zippo and only gives pause when he hears singing from the kneeling….mentally broken man in front of him.

KID KAHUNA: It's…..It’s a Traaaaaash, Traaaaaash World.

The censorship of Ollie’s face uncovers only his mouth in this moment so we can see him smile the most perfect, joyous million dollar smile anyone has ever seen right before he sets his own kickpad on fire.

OLLIE MAVERICK:I knew you’d get it, friend.

There is a loud CRACK as Ollie very suddenly connects with a FLAMING variant of his GRAVY TRAIN! (A devastating buzzsaw roundhouse kick to the head of a kneeling opponent.) just as the scheduled fireworks of Trash Land begin to burst in the air signifying the park will be closing soon.

Ollie just sits there a few moments, as exhausted and happy as you’re supposed to be after a good theme park day. He watches the fireworks as the lighter fluids sputters out until his moment is interrupted by someone clearing their throat. He looks up to see his attendant from the asylum Leslie Lillyhammer standing next to referee Wes Eastman.

LESLIE LILLYHAMMER: Mister Fitzsimmons, I’ve been advised the police will be arriving soon and I will be forced to release you into their custody if they approach regardless of your current work release contract with RAZOR Wrestling and GRBG.

OLLIE MAVERICK:Shit….right. Okay. One sec.

Ollie rolls up Kid Kahuna for a cover.

1…2…3!

WES EASTMAN: Your winner! Ol-

Ollie stands and shoves past Wes and makes a break for his van, the camera catching it driving off right before several police cars arrive. The final firework explodes and then the light dies out.



A lavishly decorated boardroom within the historic home of Italy’s premier wrestling organization. RAZOR Wrestling President Molly Bones sits at the table beside General Manager Hank Malone. Bones impatiently taps her fingers on the glass table.

HANK MALONE: Still not sure why ya wanted me to come. Fuck can I do against these gangsters? Maybe I could hold my own in the 90s but I don’t know about now.

MOLLY BONES: We have both known Enzo for decades. But Enzo is Enzo and he might refuse my request as I had the misfortune of being born a woman.

HANK MALONE: Yeah you’re right about that.

With a stern look from Bones that shakes him to his core Malone corrects himself.

HANK MALONE: That he doesn’t respect women. Not that it’s bad that you were born one.

MOLLY BONES: Thank you for the clarification Henry.

Bones stands and Malone follows suit as Wrestle Italia owner Enzo Dante enters the boardroom with his personal assistant Justine at his side. She is a beautiful young woman and the way that she sticks close to Enzo suggests that their relationship might be more than professional.

ENZO DANTE: Molly, Hank so sorry to keep you waiting.

Dante kisses Bones on the cheek. Malone extends his hand but Dante acts as if he didn’t see it. Malone withdraws his hand with a scowl on his face.

ENZO DANTE: It is wonderful to see you, Molly. I had hope that you would bring your beautiful face to Italy at some point over the last two decades but, what is it that you Americans say, better late than never?

MOLLY BONES: I am a busy woman, Enzo.

Dante takes a seat across the table from the RAZOR representatives. There is a tension in the room until Dante lets out a satisfied exhale.

ENZO DANTE: Ah yes of course. You’ve started a little wrestling promotion of your own. That is very ambitious of you. It is doing well, my son tells me.

Justine stands sentry beside Dante, here eyes fixed on Bones.

MOLLY BONES: Because it’s a tough industry or because I am a woman?

Dante laughs and Justine follows suit. It’s weird.

ENZO DANTE: Ah so sensitive. That will not serve you well as a promoter. So tell me Molly, why is it that you are here? Horado told me that you were coming but he is a man of secrets and he would not tell me why.

HANK MALONE: We heard that he is here. That he is alive.

Dante looks taken aback. Justine produces her cellphone and starts typing away, trying her best not to look frantic but Malone takes note.

ENZO DANTE: He speaks! I thought you had taken a vow of silence in your old age, Hank. But you’ll have to forgive me, I do not know what you are talking about.

MOLLY BONES: Horado told me that he is alive. My brother, Bobby Shitake.

Justine looks startled and Hank cocks an eyebrow. Justine starts typing on her phone again, this time much more quickly.

ENZO DANTE: Ah, Molly, why are you putting me in such a position? I do not want to get involved in family squabbles. It is not my place.

MOLLY BONES: Listen. I know why you sent your son Carmine to me in America. You can downplay what I have done with RAZOR all you want but that doesn’t change the fact that you sent your youngest son to me.

ENZO DANTE: Alas I did not want him to go. He just left. It was up to me he would have gone to work with Horado Basa but there is not much I can do now. But if you are threatening his safety if I do not give you the information that you seek, then we are having a very different conversation.

HANK MALONE: The kid is safe. He’s learning. He’s doing well. You ain’t gotta worry about that.

ENZO DANTE: I have no doubt. For you understand what would happen if that were not the case. As for your brother…

Bones’ eyes widen. Dante lets his words hang in the air for a moment.

ENZO DANTE: Yes. He is here. Or at least, he was. He and his travel companion both left yesterday for Manchester. To be honest, I thought you were here to discuss the person who left with him.

MOLLY BONES: And who is his travel companion?

Both Justine and Dante are shocked. Dante’s expression morphs into a smug grin.

ENZO DANTE: You mean you don’t know? He has been hiding here with your husband.


Our first of two championship matches is up next as “Bastard” Brogan Duffy makes his way to the ring with a shovel in hand. He passes by the makeshift grave that is positioned to the left of the entrance ramp. There at the head of the grave is a tombstone that reads “DEE SEISS’ FUNERAL SHACK - JULY 16th, 2023”. Duffy scoffs and continues to march down the ramp. Duffy enters the ring and gives referee Vivian Rosser a nod.

FIONA METZ: How the fuck is this legal?

DICK DELAURIER: I honestly don’t know.

FIONA METZ: I mean I love it but there is no way we’re going to get away with this.

"Suffa" by (hed) PE kicks up and GRBG Champion Murder Ninja’s entrance video starts playing. Brogan Duffy stands in the ring with his eyes fixed on the ramp and he doesn’t see that Ninja has slipped into the ring behind him. Ninja tosses the GRBG Title to Rosser and in his other hand is a shovel! Ninja swings and smacks the blade of the shovel against Duffy’s spine! Duffy drops his shovel and crumbles to the mat. Rosser calls for the bell, which she could have done before Ninja started his attack, but whatever.

FIONA METZ: This is why he is the champ! Crazy like a fox!

Ninja starts putting the boots to the downed Duffy and then drops on top of him. Ninja pushes the shovel against Duffy’s throat and it’s all that Duffy can do to stop it from crushing his windpipe. Duffy bucks Ninja off and when both of them are back up to their feet Ninja swings for the fences. Duffy ducks underneath it and he drills Ninja in the nose with a headbutt! Ninja staggers and Duffy smokes him with a European uppercut! Ninja spills through the ropes, leaving the shovel behind, and lands with a thud on the outside.

DICK DELAURIER: Would you want to fight Brogan Duffy, Metz?

FIONA METZ: Depends. Can he use his fists?

DICK DELAURIER: Yes.

FIONA METZ: Absolutely not.

Duffy takes both shovels and exits the ring. Murder Ninja stands and Duffy swings both shovels, sandwiching Ninja’s head between them. Ninja stumbles backward and Duffy throws one shovel like a javelin! It catches Ninja blade first on the bridge of the nose! Ninja is rattled when Duffy does a golf swing with the shovel and hits Ninja right under the chin. Ninja flies backward and lands with a smack on the entrance ramp.

FIONA METZ: I bet that felt great.

Bastard stomps the absolute shit out of Ninja on the ramp and Las Vegas seems to like it. Duffy doesn’t give a shit about them, he’s here to win. Duffy stands Murder Ninja up and takes him over with a suplex. Ninja’s back bounces off the steel ramp and he lets out in agony. Duffy floats over and mounts Ninja, smashing him with a vicious ground and pound. With the champion sufficiently subdued, Duffy stands him up and Irish whips him off the side of the stage toward the grave!

FIONA METZ: Has that grave been here the entire show?

DICK DELAURIER: Yes.

FIONA METZ: Why haven’t we commented on it?

DICK DELAURIER: I mean no one really talked about it all week so…yeah.

Brogan Duffy advances on Murder Ninja, who is on his hands and knees. When Duffy is close, Ninja stands and tosses a fistful of dirt into Duffy’s face! Duffy is blinded and Ninja hits him with a flying thrust kick! Duffy drops and finds himself only a few feet from the grave. Ninja charges and soccer kicks Duffy in the ribs. Duffy falls into the grave in a heap and Ninja raises his hand. He thinks he’s won!

FIONA METZ: That’s it? Underwhelming.

DICK DELAURIER: No. You need to dump the dirt from the bucket of that Bobcat on your opponent to win the contest.

FIONA METZ: LOL this is mental.

Referee Vivian Rosser says points toward the Bobcat and Ninja is furious. Ninja starts to walk toward the Bobcat but Duffy’s hand reaches out of the grave and trips Ninja up! Ninja lands face first into the dirt. Bastard lifts himself out of the grave and looks more pissed off than ever. Ninja sits up but can’t react in time as Duffy charges toward him and hits him with a Yakuza kick! Ninja is down again and Duffy calls for the end. Rosser watches on, GRBG Championship in her arms.

FIONA METZ: These boys are going to need a shower after this.

DICK DELAURIER: One of them might need a hearse.

FIONA METZ: Ooh dark. I like it.

Seeing that Vivian Rosser is cradling the GRBG Championship, Duffy rips it from her grip. Murder Ninja gets to his feet and Duffy has him lined up. Duffy explodes forward looking to bash Ninja in the skull but Ninja cuts him off with a boot to the midsection. Ninja blasts Duffy with an enziguiri and the latter is teetering very close to the edge of the grave! Ninja gives himself some space and then runs forward. He leaps and hits Duffy with a running blockbuster into the grave! Both competitors are six feet deep and Las Vegas is collectively on its feet!

DICK DELAURIER: Good Lord! This is getting out of hand.

FIONA METZ: No, it’s been out of hand. Like when that grave magically appeared. That’s when it got out of hand.

An overhead camera materializes and we can see both Brogan Duffy and Murder Ninja laying in the grave. There is a moment where they both appear to be out cold but then they both start to stand, using one another for support. They start throwing bombs at one another in the grave until Duffy hits Ninja with a headbutt right on the bridge of the nose. Duffy then puts Ninja’s face into the dirt wall of the grave, trying to smother him! Vivian Rosser doesn’t know what to do as this probably constitutes attempted murder. (No pun intended.) Duffy pulls Ninja back and plants him in the grave with an exploder suplex!

FIONA METZ: Did he just try to smother him in dirt?

DICK DELAURIER: He did.

FIONA METZ: Wow. New kink unlocked.

Brogan Duffy pulls himself out of the grave and looks toward the Bobcat. Duffy stumbles toward it and eventually gets into the driver’s seat. Well, it’s the only seat but you get it. Duffy starts the Bobcat up but Murder Ninja has pulled himself up and out of the grave. Duffy growls and exits the Bobcat. He moves to engage Ninja but Ninja steps off of the gravestone and takes Duffy down with a hurricanranna!

FIONA METZ: Way to use the environment, champ!

The champion is in control and he takes a minute to recover, sitting on the tombstone. Murder Ninja looks down at his GRBG Championship in the dirt and looks to do what Brogan Duffy failed to do. Ninja grabs the title and waits for Duffy to get up. It takes some time but Duffy gets to his feet. Ninja lunges forward and tries to hit Duffy with the title but Duffy kicks him in the midsection and plants him with Irish Goodbye (Package Piledriver)! Both men are down and Vegas is cheering wildly.

DICK DELAURIER: So just to be clear, this does not end by pinfall.

FIONA METZ: (mockingly) Oh I had no idea thanks for the info. Fuck sakes.

Brogan Duffy picks up the GRBG Championship and starts smashing Murder Ninja repeatedly in the face with it. Ninja is bleeding from the nose when Duffy kicks him in the ribs. Ninja rolls into the grave and lands with a thud. Duffy looks over at the tombstone and walks behind it. Duffy spits into the grave and then kicks the tombstone into the hole! The crowd gasps but Duffy doesn’t care. Ninja could be dead but we doubt that the tombstone was made of actual stone. Plaster maybe. Duffy gets in the Bobcat, positions the bucket, and dumps the dirt into the grave. Vivian Rosser calls for the bell.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner and new RAZOR Wrestling GRBG Champion, “Bastard” Brogan Duffy!

"Never Fight a Man With a Perm" by Idles cues up and Vivian Rosser retrieves the GRBG Championship. She hands it to Brogan Duffy and then raises his hand. A variety of RAZOR Wrestling staff appear with shovels to dig Murder Ninja up. Duffy doesn’t look concerned at all, he walks to the back with his prize in his grasp.
The scene opens in the backstage area, with Your Hero, and Mine, standing in front of a Razor Wrestling logo'd backdrop. Alongside him are his stablemates, the duo known as Strike 2 Kill, Liam Richardson & Miles Watson, with their manager and agent, Gregory Murphy, lingering in the background. He clasps his hands together in excitement, still wearing the same neck brace he's been sporting for the past several weeks. Storm runs his fingers through his hair, clearing his throat before speaking;

MARK STORM: Tonight... PJ and I, we create history. You and I, PJ, we're bound, whether you'd like to admit it or not. Everything has been leading to this moment right here, PJ, and now it's time for me to show the world why I am, Your Hero, and Mine by becoming the RAZOR Wrestling World Champion.

His signature smirk plasters across his lips as he pauses.

MARK STORM: Las Vegas, Nevada, you've been good to me despite all the fuckeries since I've got here, and I'm gonna ask you again to keep on supporting, tonight more than ever.

He clenched his fist, nodding his head at the camera.

MARK STORM: I am finger tips away from greatness, on the cusp of destiny, in a moment that can't be recreated. This is an opportunity that many would die for and I for one, am not gonna waste it. PJ, that Razor Wrestling Championship needs to be in the possession of someone who's gonna hold it with honor, dignity, and respect. You, do not possess those traits, you, are just another trickster, posing as a champion, but soon... that will all be exposed, and you won't have to worry about any of that much longer. It's gonna be my responsibility, PJ. From Your Hero, and Mine.

The scene gradually fades out.

Main event time! "Short Change Hero" by The Heavy cues up and Las Vegas goes absolutely insane. “Your Hero and Mine” Mark Storm walks out onto the stage to a massive reaction. His manager, Gregory Murphy trails behind him. The duo walk down the ramp with Storm soaking in the adulation from the fans. Murphy has a look of trepidation but he does his best to put on a brave face. Storm enters the ring and greets Referee Diego Leach.

DICK DELAURIER: Is it safe to say that this is the most anticipated match in RAZOR Wrestling history?

FIONA METZ: I think so. People have wanted to see PJ Lemon kill Mark Storm ever since he showed up here in RAZOR.

DICK DELAURIER: I think it’s the other way around.

FIONA METZ: You think wrong.

“Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet starts to play and the entire vibe in the Bobby Shitake Arena shifts. RAZOR Wrestling World Champion “Sour Power” PJ Lemon steps out from behind the curtain. Lemon scowls at the audience, who is essentially chanting for her death, but then her expression changes to a large smile. With the World Championship wrapped around her body like a bandolier Lemon jogs down to the ring. Reaching the bottom of the ramp Lemon blows a kiss to Gregory Murphy and then enters the ring.

DICK DELAURIER: Both of these competitors are undefeated. PJ Lemon most recently defended her championship against rookie Carmine Dante on Shotgun.

FIONA METZ: She’s a fighting champion!

DICK DELAURIER: Dante barely has a year as a pro and she embarrassed him.

FIONA METZ: Welcome to the business, kid!

PJ Lemon hands the World Championship to referee Diego Leach. Leach shows the title to Lemon, then to Mark Storm, then holds it high in the air for all to see. Leach calls for the bell and Lemon immediately tries to leave the ring. Storm is quickly across the ring and he grabs Lemon from behind. She catches him with an elbow to the mush and then dives behind him and rolls him up. Leach is down to make the count.

1!

Mark Storm immediately kicks out and both he and PJ Lemon are up to a knee. Lemon smiles and then rests her chin on both of her hands. Storm shoots in for a collar and elbow tie up but Lemon slips behind him and tries to apply a sleeper hold. She barely has it applied when Storm lifts her up for a back suplex. Lemon does a backflip and lands on her feet. Lemon shoots forward with a chop block attempt but Storm jumps up in the air and she misses! Lemon spins around on one knee, still smiling.

DICK DELAURIER: I do not think that PJ Lemon thought that would put Mark Storm away. She’s playing with him.

FIONA METZ: Of course she is! That’s what she does!

Champion and challenger start circling one another as Gregory Murphy watches on from ringside. The competitors lock up with Mark Storm forcing PJ Lemon down into a side headlock. Lemon tries to shove Storm off into the ropes. Storm takes one step and then hunches down, syncing the hold in tighter. Lemon flails her arms frantically and Storm spins around to apply a hammerlock. Lemon reaches up, looking for a leaping snapmare but Storm releases his hold and tosses Lemon forward. The champion lands with a thud and curls her back in agony.

DICK DELAURIER: If this is a straight up wrestling match then Mark Storm has the advantage. PJ Lemon typically relies on tricks and cheating to get her victories.

FIONA METZ: That’s defamation!

Your Hero and Mine takes hold of PJ Lemon and shoots her into the corner. Mark Storm charges in after her but Lemon catches him with a back elbow. Storm staggers to the middle of the ring as Lemon hoists herself up onto the top rope. Storm turns to face his opponent and gets caught with a second rope dropkick from the champion! Lemon pops right back up and takes a bow toward the audience. She turns on the spot and gives Storm the ol’ suck it crotch chop.

FIONA METZ: Oh God I would.

DICK DELAURIER: Please, Fiona.

Mark Storm stands and PJ Lemon tries to meet him with a knee to the chin but Storm catches her leg and pulls her into an expertly executed hip toss. Storm does a cartwheel, claps his hands, and smashes Lemon with a basement dropkick to the face. Lemon rolls on the canvas and tries to leave the ring but Storm reaches over the top rope and stops her. Storm pulls Lemon up to her feet and then suplexes her over the ropes from the apron, back into the ring! Only he doesn’t drop her! Storm takes two steps to the center of the ring and then brings Lemon down with a brainbuster. Storm floats over and covers the champion. Diego Leach makes the count.

DICK DELAURIER: What strength from Your Hero And Mine!

FIONA METZ: Don’t be a suck up.

1..

2..!

Sour Power’s arm shoots off of the canvas and Las Vegas boos. Imagine a World Champion losing after a brainbuster. Bet that’s never happened. Mark Storm keeps PJ Lemon grounded with a reverse chin lock but Lemon kicks her feet out and gets them on the bottom rope. Diego Leach calls for a clean break. Gregory Murphy just happens to be standing right by Lemon’s feet and she tries to kick him in the face through the ropes. She fails. Storm stands Lemon up but she catches him with an eye poke and a sit out jawbreaker!

DICK DELAURIER: That is the break that PJ Lemon needed. That’s how she can win this match: by capitalizing on Storm’s mistakes.

FIONA METZ: And he does make mistakes, despite what these fans might think.

A moment of respite and PJ Lemon is up to her feet. Mark Storm is up but he is holding his jaw. Out of desperation, Storm throws a wild lariat but Lemon darts behind him and catches him with the Lemon Drop (Backstabber)! Vegas groans as Lemon gets to her feet and laughs maniacally to herself. She looks over to the top rope and gets herself an idea. She climbs up to the top, taunts the fans, and leaps off looking for the Riot Act (Flying Headbutt) but Storm moves at the last second and Lemon eats canvas!

FIONA METZ: No! Lemon!

DICK DELAURIER: A rare miscalculation from the champion. The door is wide open for Mark Storm to turn this match around.

FIONA METZ: She did that on purpose!

DICK DELAURIER: I can’t see how that would be true.

Holding her mouth in pain, PJ Lemon gets to her feet. Before she sees it coming Mark Storm hits her with a hesitation dropkick that sends her like a bullet into the corner. Lemon smashes against the turnbuckles and then stumbles forward right into a sling blade! Out of instinct, the World Champion stands right up albeit in a daze. A bicycle knee stuns Lemon to the point where she falls onto one knee. Storm then takes off to the ropes, bouncing off of them to return to his opponent with another bicycle knee. One For All! Storm covers.

1..

2..

..!

PJ Lemon barely kicks out and Mark Storm can’t believe it. Lemon rolls out to the floor again and this time Storm is not quick enough to catch her. Storm sticks his head through the ropes to try and grab her when Lemon, on her knees, spits a fine mist of lemon juice into his eyes! Storm falls back onto the mat, grabbing at his eyes. Lemon slides into the ring and although she is on roller skates, she hits Storm with the Applause Break (Leaping Superkick) she hits it and it sends Storm’s head right into referee Diego Leach’s face! Leach falls to the mat.

FIONA METZ: Well would you look at that.

DICK DELAURIER: This is not a good development for Mark Storm.

The crowd is silent with concern as both Mark Storm and referee Diego Leach are down. PJ Lemon sees her opportunity and she exits the ring. Lemon takes the World Championship from timekeeper Chuck Lock’s table and makes for the ring. Gregory Murphy watches on helplessly but apparently has a flashback to Samhain destroying him and opts not to get involved, to his great shame. Storm stands and Lemon blasts him in the side of the head with the championship!

FIONA METZ: Haha Murphy, you coward!

DICK DELAURIER: Can you blame him for not getting involved? He was chokeslammed on a slab of stone only a few weeks ago.

FIONA METZ: If that had happened to me I’d be at the bar that night.

Las Vegas is…displeased. PJ Lemon drops the championship onto the mat and positions Mark Storm face down on the center plate. Diego Leach is still down as Lemon measures Mark Storm but someone runs down the ramp! It’s newcomer Carmine Dante! Dante reaches the ring with a towel around his neck and he gets up on the apron. Inspired by the rookie’s bravery, Gregory Murphy gets up on the apron too!

DICK DELAURIER: These two aren’t going to let PJ Lemon get away with this!

FIONA METZ: Get out of here Carmine you loser!

With both Carmine Dante and Gregory Murphy distracting PJ Lemon, Mark Storm, who is bleeding from the back of the head, slowly gets up on all fours. Murphy shouts at Lemon until Dante smashes him in the side of the head with an elbow! Murphy crumbles and falls off the apron. Lemon lets out a massive cackle and shoots finger guns at Dante. Lemon then backs into the ropes and stomps Storm’s head into the championship belt! Lemon slides the title out of the ring, rouses Leach, and covers Storm!

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

DICK DELAURIER: MARK STORM IS STILL ALIVE!

PJ Lemon can’t believe it! A bloodied Mark Storm sits up and then gets up to one knee. Lemon snarls and then takes off for the ropes. She hits a springboard and comes back with Sour Creamed (Springboard Shining Wizard)! Storm is blasted in the face. Murphy is back up in a daze and he watches helplessly as the World Champion covers the challenger. As Diego Leach counts, Lemon doesn’t break eye contact with Murphy.

1..

2..

..!

DICK DELAURIER: MARK STORM WILL NOT DIE!

FIONA METZ: I’LL KILL HIM MYSELF!

No! Mark Storm kicks out again and Bobby Shitake Arena explodes! PJ Lemon immediately takes Storm’s back and starts smashing him in the back of the head with forearms. Storm is defenseless as Lemon pummels him. Carmine Dante approaches Gregory Murphy on the floor and hands him the towel. Storm is not defending himself and after a dozen more shots to the back of his client’s head Murphy reluctantly throws in the towel. Diego Leach sees it and calls for the bell.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner due to referee stoppage…and STILL RAZOR Wrestling World Champion, “Sour Power” PJ Lemon!

“Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet kicks up and Carmine Dante enters the ring with the World Championship. He hands it to PJ Lemon as Diego Leach raises her hand. Gregory Murphy sits on the ring steps with his head in his hands. In the ring Lemon stands above the bloodied Mark Storm with her championship held high as Episode Eight comes to a close.