Turkey Luchadors
Aug 13, 2023 1:42:50 GMT
Post by Peregrina Loca on Aug 13, 2023 1:42:50 GMT
Linda Rankin Givens Elementary School, Las Vegas
Voted worst elementary school in the second worst school district in the USA!
The desert sun beats down on a squat building out of which children have been trickling for the past 45 minutes. Most of the exuberant noise has diminished, leaving mostly kids whose parents have arrived late to pick them up - or the swotty tryhards staying behind to help teachers, and attend extracurricular clubs.
Let's not posit on which of these describe Peregrina Loca and her daughter Guadalupe. The latter is currently being dragged along the smoldering sidewalk by the former, both clad in their simple uniforms. For Pera, this is a pair of unbranded gray sweats, and a well-worn neon green tank top bearing the faded legend, '¡Lucha Súper Grande!' in hot pink Comic Sans.
They're chatting away about everything and nothing, working off their mutually shellshocked looks - school is, after all, no less of a battlefield than the wrestling ring. It's a sweet enough scene, a little heartwarming...
Until the pair run headlong into a young man in a dusty suit, stood staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the school parking lot. Pera reflexively cringes, steering Lupe a little behind her as she peers at this latest in a run of weird strangers.
PEREGRINA: Señor Kind?
GUADALUPE: Bebé tiburón, doo doo doo doo doo doo~
PEREGRINA: ¡Shhhh, Lupe!
It's Razor mic-slinger, Brick Kind. He blinks rapidly and robotically turns to face Pera.
BRICK KIND: Wrestling fans, I'm here with the one, the only, Peregrina Loca on the eve of her official Razor Wrestling debut at Superunknown. Peregrina, you're set to face Daisy Duke in a contest I'm sure many are anticipating, even though--
PEREGRINA: Even though it's a dark match? Sí, never mind this. Why were you waiting in front of my daughter's school?
BRICK KIND: Uh, I'm... here for an interview...
PEREGRINA: You were staring at a very young girl, in her gym uniform.
BRICK KIND: I was?
Pera frowns concernedly, waving a hand in front of the interviewer's face. He doesn't react, staring ahead with his microphone ready.
PEREGRINA: Hmm, okay. Look. This little miss Daisy, the Trailer Park Barbie? Her resumé is starting to read like a 'who's who' of every up and coming, exciting young talent in Razor Wrestling. I am honored to join the company of men who are striving to make this little company great, in taking her tight little, short-clad booty and giving it a firm spank.
GUADALUPE: Mama, no!!
Her daughter looks horrified, and scared as she's abruptly hushed up with a raised finger.
PEREGRINA: Not you, Lupe. A very bad woman, who has been very naughty.
BRICK KIND: So you mean to punish the Trailer Park Barbie, Daisy Duke?
Pera nods emphatically.
PEREGRINA: Sí, I do. She is a woman who cuts corners, a woman who cheats to get her way, and she has the bare-cheeked audacity to tell everybody she always get what she wants? By any means necessary?
She wags a finger.
PEREGRINA: No, no. This bad mamacita doesn't step to a pug-nosed puta on a power trip.
BRICK KIND: Do you think her speed and cunning stratagems might pose a danger for you?
Pera actually laughs, clearing her throat juuust before she does so too long, or too loudly.
PEREGRINA: I know I regularly run rings around a little girl half her size, and there's nothing 'cunning' about cheating. Is there, Lupe?
The girl bites on her lip, looking uncertainly between Pera and Brick, before blurting out:
GUADALUPE: Cheaters get spanked, and then they have to take the test again.
PEREGRINA: From the mouths of babes, chico.
BRICK KIND: So you're going to bend her over and--
Pera, alarmed, cuts in swiftly.
PEREGRINA: I'm going to dropkick her little friend into the Razor faithful, flip my way back into that ring, scoop her up - tiny little coochie and all - and bodyslam her so hard she sees tiny little birdies. Then I'm going to force her to tippity-tap-tap the message to all of Razor Wrestling, that I am not the mami to trifle with. She thinks this is about her...
With a sly grin and a twinkle in her eyes, Pera taps Brick on the nose. He doesn't move.
PEREGRINA: It's about me, chico.
GUADALUPE: Sí, it's always about mama...
The dejected note causes another look of alarm, and Pera swiftly pulls her daughter up into a hug, smiling apologetically at Brick as she starts to steer around him.
PEREGRINA: Please don't believe that, it's not always about me. Lupe, we're having turkey luchadors tonight!
There's a muffled 'yay!' from where the girl's face is nuzzled into her.
BRICK KIND: You mean turkey dinosaurs? I love turkey dinosaurs...
For the third time, Brick makes Pera pull a face.
PEREGRINA: No, I mean turkey luchadors; because this little one is going to eat well, get strong, and grow up to be just like me.
GUADALUPE: Sí! I'm going to eat luchadors for breakfast, señor chico.
BRICK KIND: But it's dinner time...
This, fourth cringe brings with it a dawning note of sympathy, as Pera studies Brick's thousand yard stare, briefly glancing at the school and the last few students departing from it, before she smiles warmly, and lays a hand on the interviewer's shoulder.
PEREGRINA: You seem lonely, why don't you come home with us and I'll make you some turkey luchadors too?
BRICK KIND: Do you have... baked beans?
PEREGRINA: Oh, sí, sí, you'll find there's very little I don't have.
GUADALUPE: 'cept for her sanity.
From the mouths of babes, indeed. It's spoken with quiet, innocent conviction. Pera opens her mouth. Closes it. Smiles again.
PEREGRINA: Except for that. But I make a mean turkey luchadors and beans, señor.
Not taking no for an answer, Pera hefts her daughter more comfortably onto her shoulder, and reaches for Brick's hand, dragging the interviewer away from the school and off to somewhere where he can stare into space less suspiciously.