Superunknown

The GRBG logo flashes across the screen and fades into the RAZOR Wrestling signature. We’re inside Bobby Shitake Arena as pyro explodes in sequence from either end of the stage. Once it meets in the middle a massive display of white shoots up from the top of the ramp. The fans are raucous, the hype is real. Superunknown has begun!

A crane shot surveys the audience so you viewers at home can get a feel for how wild our audience in Las Vegas is. They are losing their fucking minds. Hopefully they can keep that energy up all night but with the abundance of beer, energy drinks, and cocaine readily available in this city that shouldn’t be a problem. We go to ringside and the announce table.

Dick Delaurier is dressed in his usual white button down shirt and black blazer. The man is groomed to the nines because this is a big goddamn show! Conversely, Fiona Metz looks like she just rolled out of bed. Which is likely the case.

DICK DELAURIER: Welcome wrestling fans to RAZOR Wrestling Superunknown! My name is Dick Delaurier and I am here to call the action alongside my pickled colleague, the irreplaceable Fiona Metz! Fiona, how is she tonight?

FIONA METZ: She is hungover. The festivities for Superunknown have been going all fucking week and I honestly didn’t think I was going to survive.

DICK DELAURIER: And yet here you are!

FIONA METZ: I might be pregnant.

DICK DELAURIER: I most definitely am pregnant with sheer excitement for our show tonight. Nine massive matches, three titles on the line, it’s our biggest show ever?

FIONA METZ: I have to find a way to match your energy.

DICK DELAURIER: You can’t! Speaking of matches, let’s run down the card for this evening. The Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic will conclude here tonight but we need to determine who is going to the finals. Our first Semi-Final Match will see the odd couple tag team of Harvey Francis and Bob Regan take on The deadly Shinigami Foundation.

FIONA METZ: That match could go so many different ways. Bob Regan is old as fuck, he might turn to dust mid-match!

DICK DELAURIER: Anything is possible at The Bobby Shitake Arena. But who will the winners face? We’ll find out in our second Semi-Final Match when the red hot Los Rebeldes del Bien face the undefeated tandem of The Steel Rockers.

FIONA METZ: Steel Rockers are a sleeper in this tournament. They’ve been quietly racking up wins. I fully expect that they will either pull off the upset or completely waste the opportunity and careen off into obscurity.

DICK DELAURIER: A rock solid prediction, Metz. We’re also going to see Hijo de la Muerte take on The Tempest in the latter’s televised debut. How are we feeling about that one, Metz?

FIONA METZ: Muerte has yet to “wow” me. Maybe tonight's the night? But we haven’t really seen what The Tempest can do. What I did see was that dude backstage and he did like 500 chin ups without stopping so…if we’re basing this on chin up ability…I’ll take Tempest.

DICK DELAURIER: We aren’t but I like the prediction. We’re also going to see a grudge match as Adam García takes on the man that many people are saying cost him the GRBG Championship in the Supermarket Showdown, Ace Sky.

FIONA METZ: Someone got Ace Sky out of that refrigerator? I was expecting a Jasper Beardsly situation where he walks out asking about moon pies.

DICK DELAURIER: I have no idea what that means but the GRBG Championship will be on the line again tonight as gutsy champion Brogan Duffy faces his toughest challenge yet when he enters Trash Land to take on Ollie Maverick.

FIONA METZ: Trash Land must not be doing so well if they can afford to let us shut it down for matches this often.

DICK DELAURIER: It is the worst theme park in the continental United States! It is quite fun, I've heard. What won’t be fun is when Reid Ashford enters the squared circle to take on Jack McGrath in a Las Vegas Street Fight. These two men have been at one another’s throat for weeks. How do you see that one playing out, Metz?

FIONA METZ: I’ve heard some predictions that by the end of the night Jack McGrath will just be a head in a jar. Guy loves to lose appendages so I’ll go with that.

DICK DELAURIER: The Mars Attacks! Finish. A classic. What is also destined to be a classic is our main event. Mark Storm gets one more shot to take the World Championship from the absolutely dominant PJ Lemon inside the Oblivion Cage!

FIONA METZ: I am horny for this one. A roofed cage with weapons, exploding walls, and guaranteed bloodshed? That’s my absolute shit.

DICK DELAURIER: Don’t I know it. But tonight we are going to kick the action off with a literal monster battle as Samhain faces off against the Kaiju SHADOWJIMA! Let’s take it to the ring and Big Mouth Mindy.


BIG MOUTH MINDY: The following contest is schedule for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first, from Hell, weighing in at 323lbs., being accompanied to the ring by Sergei Ivanov, representing Sud Ognya, “HELL’S REFUSE”, SAMHAIN!

The lights, they go out. The crowd, they are silent. The mood, it’s tense. Said tension is broken when “Halloween” by Misfits cues up. The lights take on an orange hue as Samhain appears from behind the curtain dragging his tombstone on a chain. Sergei Ivanov appears on his flank and the duo march to the ring. They actually get a bit of a mixed reaction, which is of no consequence to them. Samhain reaches the bottom of the ramp, releases his chain, and steps up onto the apron to enter the ring.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: And his opponent, from Megijima, Japan, weighing in at 303lbs., being accompanied to the ring by Shinobu Tsutsumi, “TSUTSUMI’S PET KAIJU”, SHADOJIMA!

“Changgwi” by Raon Lee starts playing over the p.a. Before long SHADOJIMA rips back the curtain and steps out onto the stage with Shinobu Tsutsumi not far behind. She is wielding a baseball bat, for whatever reason. The duo walk to the ring and the fans that line the ramp are in awe of this man’s sheer size. They reach the bottom of the ramp where SHADOJIMA sees Samhain’s tombstone. After a moment of consideration, SHADOJIMA steps on it! The Kaiju enters the ring and Samhain is fuming, pacing back and forth like a caged animal.


New referee Jerry Walkam calls for the bell and the two monsters instantly collide in the middle of the ring. They are throwing BOMBS at one another but neither of them is getting an edge. That is until Samhain kicks SHADOJIMA in the midsection and takes off for the ropes. The ring SHAKES as the monster stomps across the ring. He hits the ropes and comes back at SHADOJIMA with a shoulder block. Nothing! SHADOJIMA just absorbs it and does the classic snarl/flex combination.

DICK DELAURIER: Samhain has never failed to knock someone down. At least, to my memory.

FIONA METZ: Perhaps when he was a child he had trouble? Like as a baby?

DICK DELAURIER: My sources tell me that he was never an infant.

FIONA METZ: I feel for his mother’s uterus.

SHADOJIMA decides to show Samhain how it’s done. He takes off for the ropes and on his return he tries for a shoulder block of his own. Samhain stumbles a little bit but doesn’t go down. In response, Samhain grabs SHADOJIMA by the throat. Is he gonna try to chokeslam him? Doesn’t matter because SHADOJIMA breaks his grip and catches him with a throat thrust that sends Samhain reeling backward. SHADOJIMA follows that up with a running clothesline that takes Samhain over the top rope to the floor. To everyone’s amazement, Hell’s Refuse lands on his feet!

FIONA METZ: This match could go on forever. They could destroy this whole building. Was it the smartest move in the world to put this on first?

DICK DELAURIER: Probably not but Sophie Whimm is trying. I imagine that losing her mentor is weighing heavily on her.

FIONA METZ: So fucking what. Do your job! In all likelihood I am legally dead but I’m here. I’m doing it.

Samhain looks to Sergei Ivanov for guidance and is told to get back into the ring. Samhain climbs up onto the apron but SHADOJIMA trucks him off of the apron with a running shoulder block! Samhain flies through the air and collides with the barricade! SHADOJIMA climbs over the ropes and drops to the floor. He lumbers over to Samhain and connects with a stiff boot to the side of Samhain’s head. Shinobu Tsutsumi watches on, screaming “Again!”. SHADOJIMA tries to oblige but Samhain catches his boot. Samhain stands, pulls SHADOJIMA in, and hits him with a clothesline. Once again SHADOJIMA just absorbs it and stands tall.

DICK DELAURIER: If Samhain can’t do anything to hurt SHADOJIMA then I feel very bad for the rest of our roster.

FIONA METZ: I don’t. It would be cool to see this big fucker just run through everyone. Eating people, tearing down buildings, gangster shit.

Sergei Ivanov is starting to look worried. Appropriate. SHADOJIMA catches Samhain with a palm strike to the face that sends Samhain reeling backward. He catches himself on the railing but SHADOJIMA charges in and blasts him with a big boot! Samhain spills into the front row and lands on some people. Luckily they are all adults because if it were a child, that child would easily be dead. The crowd scatters as SHADOJIMA steps over the barricade in pursuit of Samhain.

FIONA METZ: It’s Rampage World Tour!

DICK DELAURIER: What does that mean?

FIONA METZ: It’s a lovely play by Oscar Wilde. A hidden gem, if you will.

Referee Jerry Walkam urges both wrestlers to get back into the ring but a “SHUT UP!” from Shinobu Tsutsumi ends that campaign. Best to just sit back and let this play out, Jerry. In the crowd SHADOJIMA pursues Samhain, who has put some distance between himself and his opponent. Once SHADOJIMA is within striking distance Samhain catches him with an uppercut. SHADOJIMA is stunned! Samhain grabs a chair, with a fan still sitting on it, and sends the fan to the ground. Samhain winds up and blasts SHADOJIMA in the head with it! SHADOJIMA still doesn’t go down!

DICK DELAURIER: A massive chair shot and it did nothing! What does Samhain have to do to weaken this monster.

FIONA METZ: When physical violence doesn’t work…attack the heart. That’s my move.

DICK DELAURIER: You must be a nightmare to have a romance with.

FIONA METZ: Oh baby you have no idea. I’m so fucking toxic.

If we could see Samhain’s face my money says that he would look frustrated. Hell’s Refuse winds up again and CRACKS the steel chair over SHADOJIMA’s head. This time SHADOJIMA almost drops to one knee. Samhain sees that he is making progress with this strategy so he winds up a third time and looks to bring the steel chair down on the top of SHADOJIMA’s head. But it’s caught! SHADOJIMA grabs the chair and there is a bit of tug of war between the two monsters. Samhain kicks SHADOJIMA in the midsection and drops him with a DDT on the concrete!

DICK DELAURIER: That had to do it! SHADOJIMA is finally down!

FIONA METZ: I think his dome cracked the concrete.

DICK DELAURIER: It wouldn’t shock me!

Samhain is up to his feet and he is dragging SHADOJIMA back toward the ring. He hefts the Kaiju up and dumps him over the barricade. Sergei Ivanov has his arms crossed, watching with a neutral expression. Samhain tries to get SHADOJIMA into the ring but SHADOJIMA stuns him with a headbutt! In an incredible show of power, SHADOJIMA grabs Samhain under the arm and sends him like a projectile into the steel steps with the Kaiju Beale! The steps practically explode and both pieces scatter around ringside. Bobby Shitake Arena is in shock!

FIONA METZ: Alright I am loving this match. How about you, Dick?

DICK DELAURIER: I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

FIONA METZ: What the fuck are you talking about?

DICK DELAURIER: That’s an Oscar Wilde quote.

FIONA METZ: Fucking who?

SHADOJIMA grabs Samhain by the hair and rolls him into the ring. Shinobu Tsutsumi is practically foaming at the mouth with how happy she is. SHADOJIMA takes his time entering the ring. Once inside, Samhain hits SHADOJIMA with a desperation gut shot. Nothing. SHADOJIMA grabs Samhain by the throat and stands him up. But Samhain grabs SHADOJIMA by the throat! The two monsters stare at one another for what feels like an eternity and then start throwing bombs again!

DICK DELAURIER: We can hear the impact of each of these strikes over here at the announce desk!

FIONA METZ: Sounds like meat on meat, baby!

Samhain hits SHADOJIMA with a throat thrust and then shoots him into the ropes. On his return Samhain grabs SHADOJIMA and plants him with a sidewalk slam! The ring shakes as if an earthquake was happening! (It wasn’t.) Instead of covering, Samhain gets up and climbs to the top rope. Odd. SHADOJIMA sits up, stands, and looks around for his opponent. Shinobu Tsutsumi screams instructions but it’s of no use, Samhain comes off of the top rope with a flying clothesline! Both monsters crash into the mat and Bobby Shitake Arena sees everyone on their feet.

DICK DELAURIER: Are you kidding me? Samhain just came off the top rope!

FIONA METZ: He’s not the only one who ca-

DICK DELAURIER: Don’t even bother.

FIONA METZ: (moans)

Samhain sits up and he is actually being cheered. Hell’s Refuse collects SHADOJIMA and gets him to his feet. Samhain grabs SHADOJIMA by the throat but the Kaiju comes back to life and absolutely floors Samhain with the Servant Blade (Discus Lariat)! Samhain is rocked but he does not go down. Shinobu Tsutsumi shouts instructions and SHADOJIMA responds by hitting Samhain with a second Servant Blade! This one puts Samhain down on the mat. SHADOJIMA covers and has everyone in the arena believing that this match is over. Jerry Walkam makes the count.

DICK DELAURIER: This has to be over!

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: And yet…it isn’t.

At the last possible second Samhain’s shoulder shoots off the mat. SHADOJIMA stands and gets Samhain up to his feet. Samhain responds with a throat thrust! SHADOJIMA fires back with a haymaker! Samhain hits a standing clothesline! SHADOJIMA hits one of his own! Samhain fires off a headbutt! SHADOJIMA hits a third Servant Blade! Samhain is down and SHADOJIMA is done fucking around. SHADOJIMA snarls as he peels Samhain off of the mat, lifts him up, and drops him head first into the canvas with Into The Shadows (Tombstone). SHADOJIMA covers, roaring as he does so.

1..

2..

..3!


BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, “TSUTSUMI’S PET KAIJU”, SHADOJIMA!

“Changgwi” by Raon Lee cues up. Jerry Walkam tries to raise SHADOJIMA’s arm in victory but the Kaiju is not having it. Shinobu Tsutsumi is in the ring and she raises the monster’s hand. Sergei Ivanov is also in the ring and he is standing over his protege, shaking his head.

The music dies down and we are focussed on Sergei Ivanov standing over Samhain. The mentor is shaking his head, he is disappointed. His monster lost the battle of THE monsters. Shinobu Tsutsumi approaches Ivanov and is laughing in his face. Ivanov immediately steps to her but SHADOJIMA is right there for protection. Ivanov stares the Kaiju in the eyes and seems ready to fight.

DICK DELAURIER: I can appreciate Sergei Ivanov’s willingness to throw down but…this is just not a good idea.

FIONA METZ: I think it’s a great idea! If anyone can stop this big fucker it’s a cold hearted Russian.

DICK DELAURIER: Who has yet to win a match…

Samhain has pulled himself up using the ropes, which Sergei Ivanov notices. Ivanov turns to face his protege and slaps him on the chest. Ivanov points at SHADOJIMA and says something in Russian. Samhain drops his head as Ivanov continues to berate him for not getting back into the fight. SHADOJIMA and Shinobu Tsutsumi watch on with great interest.

DICK DELAURIER: Did SHADOJIMA break Samhain?

FIONA METZ: He broke his spirit at the very least.

Ivanov continues to shout at Samhain and this prompts Tsutsumi to take a step forward with her hand outstretched. Samhain sees her hand and Ivanov is shocked. Ivanov screams some more in Russian but that quickly ends as he is grabbed by the throat…by Samhain! Samhain looks into Ivanov’s eyes and growls. In an instant Ivanov is up in the air and then is sent crashing to the mat with Hellbound (Sit Out Chokeslam) from Samhain!

FIONA METZ: Yes! That’s what you get, Putin!

Shinobu Tsutsumi says something to SHADOJIMA and the Kaiju leaves the ring. He isn’t gone for long as he returns with something…it’s Samhain’s tombstone! Samhain is stomping on his mentor as SHADOJIMA approaches. SHADOJIMA offers the tombstone to Samhain and after a brief moment of consideration Samhain accepts it. SHADOJIMA stretches out Ivanov’s left arm and holds it in place with his boot. Samhain lifts the tombstone high over his head–

DICK DELAURIER: Dear God!

–AND BRINGS IT CRASHING DOWN ON IVANOV’S LEFT ARM! You can practically hear the bone break but that sound is immediately replaced by Ivanov screaming. The monsters aren’t finished. SHADOJIMA stretches out Ivanov’s right arm and Samhain drops the tombstone on that! Ivanov is rolling on the mat with two broken arms. And still…they are not finished.

DICK DELAURIER: This can’t happen. We need security out here.

FIONA METZ: We need a fucking tank to stop these two. That probably won’t even work. You’ve seen the military in those monster movies, useless!

SHADOJIMA separates Ivanov’s legs but Ivanov tries to sit up. Shinobu Tsutsumi swings for the fences and cracks Ivanov in the face with her baseball bat. Samhain brings the tombstone down again onto Ivanov’s left knee! BRAVE Security has come to the ring during this time but no one has the guts to try to get into the ring and stop this! One last time Samhain brings the tombstone over his head but before he finishes the job we can hear him say something--

SAMHAIN: Ivanova bol'she net.

–and he brings the tombstone crashing down a fourth time, this time onto Ivanov’s right knee! They have broken all four of his limbs. Someone in the front row has vomited! This is one of the most disgusting displays that this company has ever seen and that is saying something.

DICK DELAURIER: I can’t believe what we’ve just witnessed.

FIONA METZ: This is the greatest night of my life and this is only the first match!

Sergei Ivanov has passed out from pain. Dr. Kelly Costa and her medical team have joined BRAVE Security at ringside, waiting for their moment. Shinobu Tsutsumi instructs SHADOJIMA that it is time to leave. SHADOJIMA exits the ring and the mob at ringside parts like the Red Sea. Tsutsumi turns to look at Samhain, who is admiring his own handiwork. Tsutsumi whistles and gives Samhain a “come hither” motion. Samhain follows.

FIONA METZ: Go with them you sexy monster! Be with your own kind!

The trio (who I will not call the Monster Squad because of the seriousness of their actions) walk up the ramp and it appears to this journalist that Shinobu Tsutsumi has added another Kaiju to her collection.

A haphazardly put together interview set is shown. The monitor playing the Superunknown signature on a loop is askew, the curtain behind it is covered in dust, there is literal trash on the ground. No matter, new RAZOR Wrestling Interviewer Champ Marlborough stands there in all his glory. The presence of a new member of the broadcast team distracts you from the absolute state of this set.

CHAMP MARLBOROUGH: Howdy. Name’s Champ Marlborough. Brick Kind is…well we can’t find that little rascal so I’m steppin’ onto the scene early. I’m here to get the low down about our next match from one of the teams ready to compete. Folks, welcome Harvey Francis and Bob Regan.

Francis and Regan walk into frame, Regan looking particularly annoyed.

BOB REGAN: I prefer to be referred to as Mr. Regan.

CHAMP MARLBOROUGH: And I prefer a new blonde twenty-something to grace my sheets each night but that just ain’t in the cards, partner. Now tonight y’all are facin’ a real tough team of sons of bitches named the Shinigami Foundation. How y’all gonna put ‘em away?

HARVEY FRANCIS: We have a plan, Champ. Bob… uh… Mr. Regan and I have been working together a lot recently. We’ve been training and we’ve got some new stuff to try out tonight.

CHAMP MARLBOROUGH: You think that the Semi-Finals is a good place to start tryin’ out new strategies? Why not stick with what done brought you to the dance?

BOB REGAN: In business it is always a sound idea to entertain new tactics in order to achieve your sales goals. I am an infant in the world of professional wrestling, however, having our opponents looking left when we go right seems like it will be a profitable strategy.

CHAMP MARLBOROUGH: Yer confoundin’ me with that one, Bob. I’ll just have to see how ya get it done. One last thing I wanted to ask you gents about is that we’ve got some fans and people on the internet callin’ yer team “Fire Sale”. How do y’all feel about that?

BOB REGAN: I do not care for it. A Fire Sale implies that we are going out of business. We are not. We have never been more profitable. You will see proof of that when we defeat the Shinigami Foundation and go on to win in the Finals.

Regan walks out of frame with that bold statement hanging in the air.

HARVEY FRANCIS: You heard Bob. We’re gonna fuck these dudes up!

Spitfire gives an obnoxious smile to the camera and then he too walks out of frame.


Referee Danielle Pollock is in the ring and we are ready for our first of two Semi-Final Matches. The surprisingly beautiful silver Riggs & Murtaugh Trophy is on display at ringside. It sits atop a wobbling pedestal that is draped in a picnic tablecloth which is just lousy with holes and dried condiment stains.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a Semi-Final Match in the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic!

"Mimi's Delivery Service" by Good Kid cues up and out comes “Spitfire” Harvey Francis. The fans still adore him but he doesn’t engage them in his usual way. He is focussed and his eyes are fixed on the ring. Bob Regan joins Francis on the stage. The two share a brief volley of words and share a nod. They are down the ramp with all expediency and into the ring.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Introducing first, at a combined weight of 405lbs., the team of “SPITFIRE” HARVEY FRANCIS & “SENIOR SALESMAN” BOB REGAN!

A brief “Fi-re Sale” chant kicks up much do the annoyance of Bob Regan. "Whatever it Takes" by Hollywood Undead starts playing to drown out the chants. There is a respectable crowd pop as Thomas Bane and David Gibson walk out onto the stage as the tron sports the logo for the Shinigami Foundation. The two advance to the ring as the fans continue to show them some love.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 490lbs., Thomas Bane & David Gibson, THE SHINIGAMI FOUNDATION!

The Foundation both slide into the ring and Danielle Pollock is wise enough to stand between the two teams. She doles out her instructions with both teams nodding in agreement. David Gibson and Bob Regan go to the apron in the respective corners and we’re ready to cast off.

The sound of the opening bell is still reverberating throughout Bobby Shitake arena when Harvey Francis takes off from his corner like a jackrabbit and unleashes a sudden superkick that catches Thomas Bane right on the chin! Bane falls backward into the ropes and is propelled forward slightly. Bane wanders right into an arm drag from Francis!

DICK DELAURIER: There was a promise of a much more intense Harvey Francis here tonight and we are seeing it right away Metz.

FIONA METZ: He doesn’t strike me as someone with a good amount of stamina. Calls himself Spitfire and all that.

DICK DELAURIER: I’m not sure what you are inferring.

FIONA METZ: That’s why I’m here. To say what you can’t. To promote deep thinking from our fans.

Bob Regan watches from his corner with a gaze of pure focus. Harvey Francis allows Thomas Bane to stand but when Bane is completely vertical Francis starts peppering him with kicks to alternating thighs. Bane is trying to absorb the strikes but Francis is hitting them each in rapid succession. Bane finally breaks through and shoves Francis towards the ropes but Spitfire hits a springboard and lays Bane out with a cutter. Francis makes a cover and referee Danielle Pollock almost seems surprised by the early attempt, she flops into a count position.

1..

2..!

Without much trouble Thomas Bane is able to kick out. Harvey Francis wisely transitions into a laying front face lock and deliberately lets Bane up to his feet while maintaining control. Francis backs Bane into his corner which gives Bob Regan the opportunity to make a blind tag. Regan enters the ring and Francis uses one hand to elevate Bane’s arm, exposing his ribs. Regan hits a hard stomp and then Francis releases their opponent only for Regan to apply a loose sleeper hold!

FIONA METZ: That is, without a doubt, the worst sleeper hold I have ever seen.

DICK DELAURIER: It is not great but you have to respect Bob Regan’s tenacity.

FIONA METZ: I don’t have to do anything of the sort!

Anybody with a cursory knowledge of professional wrestling could see that Bob Regan barely has this sleeper hold applied properly. Thomas Bane easily breaks free with some elbows to the mid-section of the Senior Salesman. Bane delivers an expert level knee strike to Regan and then looks to tag in his partner but Regan lunges forward and applies the sleeper hold again, albeit this time with much better technique. Bane starts to fade as he reaches out for partner David Gibson – to no avail.

FIONA METZ: Thomas Bane is gonna go to sleep from a guy who barely knows how to apply a sleeper hold. Never change, RAZOR.

Understanding that he has mere seconds to get the hell out of this sleeper hold, Thomas Bane goes into desperation mode and reaches out with his feet for the ropes. Bob Regan is forced to yank Bane backward and Bane uses that momentum to back pedal Regan hard into the corner. Bane grips each of the top ropes, breaks free, and catches Regan with a mule kick to the gut! Regan staggers forward right in to a belly to belly suplex! Regan sits right up, straight as an arrow. He gets up to his feet but Bane puts him back on the canvas with an EXPLODER SUPLEX! The ring rattles and Bane covers. Danielle Pollock is right there to make the count.

FIONA METZ: Get in there Spit Take! Help your boy!

1..

2..!

Thomas Bane, with a good portion of the Las Vegas crowd on his side, is finally able to make the tag to partner David Gibson. Bane hauls Bob Regan up to his feet and then feeds him right into a high roundhouse kick from Gibson! Regan is staggered but goes down after a rolling wheel kick from Gibson. Bane gets out on the apron and Gibson has some serious momentum. Gibson stalks Regan and then plants him with a double underhook suplex, floating over into a cover.

FIONA METZ: Francis you big dumb bitch, get in there!

DICK DELAURIER: You only get one save per match.

FIONA METZ: Since fucking when?

1..

2..

..!

Bob Regan is able to kick out and Harvey Francis breathes a big sigh of relief. David Gibson maintains wrist control on Bob Regan and he drags the latter over to the Shinigami Foundation corner. Gibson makes the tag to Thomas Bane and then stands Regan straight up. After a toe kick to the solar plexus, Bane and Gibson lift Regan up and after a few seconds of stalling the duo bring Regan down on the crown of his head with a double brainbuster. Gibson pops right back up, darts across the ring, and knocks Francis off of the apron. Bane covers!

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: Goddamn Bob Regan is a tough old chunk of coal.

DICK DELAURIER: Shinigami Foundation are without question the more experienced team but Bob Regan refuses to die. What do you do in that situation?

FIONA METZ: Convince him.

The Senior Salesman kicks out again! Harvey Francis has quickly recovered from his spill to the floor and he is once again up on the apron, reaching out for a tag. Regan is crawling with all of the strength that he has, trying to find salvation. None to be had. Thomas Bane peels Regan off of the canvas and sends him hard into a corner. Bane follows that up with a running knee strike and then unleashes a combination of forearms and elbows on Regan in the corner.

DICK DELAURIER: How long can Bob Regan stand up to this onslaught?

All that Harvey Francis can do is watch on as his partner is getting the shit beaten out of him. Or is he? After a half dozen strikes from Thomas Bane, Bob Regan stops reacting. He is just staring at Bane as the latter unloads on him. After one mistimed strike, Regan slips under Bane’s arm and turns him around in the corner. With the fury of someone who has sat behind a desk for thirty years, watching other people be promoted instead of him, Regan unleashes the fucking FURY on Bane. Bane pushes Regan away but Regan launches forward with a HEADBUTT to the bridge of Bane’s nose. Regan himself is rocked and he stumbles backward. As he falls, he turns and tries to make the tag–

DICK DELAURIER: Bob is going to make the tag!

FIONA METZ: Don’t be so sure about that!

–David Gibson is on the outside and he yanks Harvey Francis off of the apron! Bob Regan isn’t fast enough. Gibson throws Harvey Francis head first into the steel steps and then slides into the ring. Danielle Pollock tells him to beat it but Gibson blasts Regan in the face with the Ruffian Kick (Superkick) before he leaves. Once Gibson is on the apron Bane covers Regan and we get another count.

1..

2..

..!

Bob Regan kicks out AGAIN! Bobby Shitake Arena can’t believe it! Undeterred, Thomas Bane makes the tag to David Gibson and then is quick to get Regan up. Bane seats Regan on the top rope and Gibson climbs up to the second rope. Gibson applies a front face lock on Regan and then joins him on the top rope. Bane gets underneath Gibson and now has him on his shoulders! Shinigami Foundation attempted a stacked superplex but Regan breaks Gibson’s grip and leaps off of the top rope! Regan nails Gibson with a flying lariat, taking him off of Bane’s shoulders! Bane can’t believe what happened and in his moment of confusion Regan is able to send him to the outside with a clothesline!

DICK DELAURIER: What a desperate effort from Bob Regan! He absolutely MUST make the tag to Harvey Francis!

FIONA METZ: Earn your supper, Francis! Stretch that wing!

The Senior Salesman drops to a knee, all of this has taken quite a lot out of the aging rookie. Bob Regan looks up and sees Harvey Francis with his arm outstretched. Regan limps over to make the tag but somehow David Gibson is back up. He grabs Regan from behind but Regan pulls him into a POWERSLAM! Gibson is planted and Regan makes the tag! The crowd pops as the newly ferocious Harvey Francis climbs to the top rope and hits the Sandusky Stomp (Diving Double Foot Stomp) on Gibson! Francis covers!

DICK DELAURIER: They are going to do it!

1..

2..

..!

Thomas Bane breaks up the count just in time! Bob Regan gathers his strength, takes off on one foot and spears Bane through the ropes to the outside! They land in a heap and Harvey Francis sees this as his opportunity. He gets David Gibson up and in a flash he plants Gibson with Fallen Lotus (Small Package Driver)! Francis holds Gibson into a pinning predicament and Daniell Pollock makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!


BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners, advancing to the Finals of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic, HARVEY FRANCIS & BOB REGAN!

"Mimi's Delivery Service" by Good Kid cues up. Bob Regan stoically makes his way back into the ring where Referee Danielle Pollock raises his hand and that of Harvey Francis. The fans in Las Vegas rejoice as the team that they refer to as “Fire Sale” are going to the finals.


In the bowels of the Bobby Shitake Arena, somebody has emptied their bowels for the last time.

It's not a joking matter; we open on a grisly and chaotic scene, amidst a storage bay used for technical equipment. There are wires and scattered doodads everywhere, tumbling through and encircling a dark pool of water, slowly being invaded by blood and white paint emitting from a 6'5, 265lbs man whose impressive muscles have rippled their last. This seems less to do with the pool of water, and more to do with the broken lighting rig lying where his chest ought to be. Sparks are coming off the wiring where it trails in the tainted puddle, and a few sandbags lie off to one side, their contents scattered and their securing ropes frayed to breaking point.

A nearby, old-fashioned boom box is playing a cassette tape, looping the opening bars of Gary Moore's "Running From The Storm".

SOPHIE WHIMM: Oh fuck... oh no... oh fuck... oh no...

The (interim) general manager is stood staring at the carnage, nervously wringing her hands. Behind her are several members of the production crew, mostly white-faced and pale but for one sturdy assistant, who steps up to Sophie and lays a reassuring hand on her shoulder. This helpful young woman digs in the pocket of Sophie's cardigan and retrieves a blue inhaler, which she efficiently presses between the panicking GM's lips, administering a couple of firm pumps.

SOPHIE WHIMM: I'm okay! I'm okay. He's dead.

PA: He is, sí.

SOPHIE WHIMM: That's not very shiny, that's not very shiny at all! Was anybody else hurt?

PA: He was with a couple of other wrestlers, but they're more or less okay. We have them being checked over now.

SOPHIE WHIMM: That's... good, but OH FUCK! THE TEMPEST IS DEAD!

An electric current runs through the puddle, causing the body to jerk around gruesomely. Somebody vomits.

PA: Dios mío. KENNY! Get this cleaned up!

Kenny the Ring Boy jerks upright, wipes the puke from his lips, and looks in horror toward the scene that somehow just became his responsibility.

SOPHIE WHIMM: The show must go on... I promised. O-OH FUCK! Get that camera out of here!

Stumbling toward the camera in shock, Sophie covers the lens with a hand as the feed abruptly cuts.
It’s the third match of the night and one that is now…in question. Dick Delaurier is on screen, seated at the announce position. He has his hand to his ear in secret service fashion, apparently receiving instructions from the brass.

DICK DELAURIER: I’m getting word from the back that The Tempest is…uh…incapacitated.

FIONA METZ: He’s dead, Dick. Say it for the people at home. Electrocuted, apparently. God this place is a shithole.

DICK DELAURIER: My understanding is that he’s on his way to the hospital and they’re still trying to revive-

FIONA METZ: I get it, man, you’re in denial. I’m shook too, I mean Jesus Christ…I really need this job. But his lips were blue-er than a fuckin’ popsicle. There goes the insurance premiums…

“For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica plays over the PA system and there’s a small pop from the Bobby Shitake Arena as Hijo de la Muerte appears at the top of the ramp. The proverbial son of death raises an arm in acknowledgement and makes his way down to the ring. Are we still doing this? How’s the Tempest supposed to compete from the back of an ambulance?

DICK DELAURIER: At any rate, I’ve also been informed that…management has found a, uh, last minute replacement for the Tempest. Wow. That was quick.

FIONA METZ: They probably paid a camera guy to take the fall. Or a security guy. Hell, you might have to get up there, Dick. RAZOR’s shameless like that. Staff shortages be damned.

Hijo de la Muerte is now standing in the ring with his arms folded as his music dies out. There’s some movement at the top of the ramp…sound techs are scrambling last minute to put something together it looks like. The crowd begins to get restless. So is Muerte. He’s throwing his hands up impatiently and jawing at the announcers.

DICK DELAURIER: And it looks like there’s confusion from the backstage techs. There’s some kind of final arrangements being made here. I don’t think Muerte has been informed who his opponent is either, he looks upset.

FIONA METZ: I’d be upset too if management made my gimmick a Halloween onesie. I bet it’s hot in that thing.

All of a sudden all the lights in the arena go out. “Black Throne” by Meishu begins to strum over the PA as the audience is bathed in the eerie red illumination of the videotron. Muerte readies himself into a fighting stance, preparing for the unknown while the crowd still murmurs in confusion. Then the beat drops–--

DICK DELAURIER: OH MY GOD! THAT’S MAD MAN MUTO! MAD MAN MUTO IS HERE IN RAZOR WRESTLING!

FIONA METZ: What the fuck is a mad man muto?


Mad Man Muto CHARGES down the ramp to an uproarious Las Vegas reception! He’s wearing a pair of loose-fitting black karate pants and a red belly belt! The Japanese hero is DRIPPING in warpaint and the crowd LOVES IT! The wildman hits the ring with gusto, sliding in to be met by stomps and kicks from Hijo de la Muerte, but to no avail! The black-maned madman gets to his feet IMMEDIATELY and starts exchanging blows with Muerte!


FIONA METZ: Holy shit, where’d they get this guy?

DICK DELAURIER: That’s Japanese hardcore legend, Mad Man Muto, of CARNAGE PRO fame!

FIONA METZ: Great, was he sitting in the front row or something? Just happened to be backstage in facepaint and pajamas huh.

Muerte is throwing everything he’s got–right hands, left hands, toe kicks. But the painted Muto is absorbing ALL OF IT, eyes wide and crazy, chin straight out. He’s slapping his head and asking Muerte for more! Muerte tries to Irish whip Muto the ropes, but Muto reverses and LEVELS Muerte with a DISGUSTING lariat! Muerte’s quick to his feet but he eats ANOTHER lariat! Then a ROLLING LARIAT to complete the trilogy! The crowd is on their feet!

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t know that Muerte was ready for this debut!

FIONA METZ: He’s definitely ready for trick-or-treating though! Gonna be hard to eat candy without any teeth.

Muerte is a bit slower to his feet this time around and is clearly trying to recover. Muto crouches and grabs his knees, waiting for Hijo’s next move. The arena is electric! Muerte rests on the ropes for a minute to gain his composure, before deciding to charge Muto himself! But the CARNAGE PRO veteran hits Muerte with a TILT SLAM that shakes the ring! Muerte scrambles to his feet again! BUT WAIT! BIG BODY BOMB on MUERTE! That’s the MAD MAN SLAM! We’ve got a pinfall!

1…

2…

…3!


BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, by way of pinfall! MAD. MAN. MUUUUTOOOOOOO.

Muto celebrates his victory and Las Vegas joins him. Hijo de la Muerta has that look in his eyes like he just got hit by a truck…because that’s pretty much what happened. Off we dance to a commercial break.



There's a torrent of cursing in Spanish as we open up in a dressing room backstage, where the members of Destructoras are gathered. The source of the audible displeasure is Calavera, whose large frame is set upon the floor, her back against a wall and one leg extended in front of her, the ankle visibly twisted and swollen. She hisses as she places an ice pack on it, drawing a reflexive sympathetic cringe from Araña Oscura, who's leaning toward her from a nearby bench.

ARAÑA OSCURA: Maybe you shouldn't keep playing with it, carnala?

Her partner grunts, leaning her head against the wall.

CALAVERA: I'll do what I want. You should have been watching my back.

ARAÑA OSCURA: I was right behind you! I saw the whole thing fall, I saw The Tempest...

She blanches, and falls quiet, as Calavera spits another rapid torrent of Spanish. Saying nothing nice. Craneo looks up from where she's sat with her knees drawn up, idly flicking through her phone. Her resting bitch face coalesces into a damning smirk.

CRANEO: She couldn't have done anything. You should have watched where you were stepping, babosa.

ARAÑA OSCURA: And now I don't have a tag team partner. It's bad enough we've lost every single match, now you can't even walk? You told me these people would learn to respect us, fear us! Craneo... hermana... will you team with me?

Craneo stares at her, slowly blinks, and then turns back to her phone.

CRANEO: I'm not a tag team wrestler.

Oscura sighs deeply, placing her chin dejectedly in her hands.

ARAÑA OSCURA: Esto realmente apesta...

??: Vaya, vaya...

A few confident footfalls herald the appearance of Peregrina Loca, still dressed for battle following her match on the pre-show. Araña Oscura looks up with a smile that she quickly forces from her lips as Calavera glares at her.

CALAVERA: You.

Pera returns the smile, and turns it on the larger Destructora.

PEREGRINA LOCA: Sí, me. ¡Hola, Calavera! It seems you've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?

Craneo looks up and across at the newcomer, her RBF frozen in place. Calavera growls.

CALAVERA: I'm fine. Bueno. Stop sitting there and throw her out of here!

The last goes to Oscura, who only throws up her hands helplessly.

PEREGRINA LOCA: I can't solve all of your sisters' problems; let's be real, nobody could. Some people are beyond saving.

She looks pointedly at Craneo, then to the youngest sister.

PEREGRINA LOCA: But I can help you, Araña.

ARAÑA OSCURA: Are you saying...?

PEREGRINA LOCA: I'm saying Destructoras are going from sisters to sisternas, but you and me, in the ring together? We could make magic! You can finally win matches, be respected, and Calavera can take all the time she needs. To rest.

The powerhouse growls again, and tries to get up, but Craneo reaches out and restrains her with a deadly calm hand.

CRANEO: Let her. She needs to learn from her mistakes, and this one will abandon her.

If looks could kill, Craneo would be a lighting rig collapsing on Pera's chest.

CRANEO: All she's ever done is run away.

ARAÑA OSCURA: Craneo, I just--

CRANEO: You want a tag partner. I'm not going to do it, so take the reject. Learn all you can from her.

Her eyes are steelfire, burning through Pera's soul.

ARAÑA OSCURA: I will.

CRANEO: I wasn't talking to you.

Pera doesn't miss a single implication, but does defiantly lift her chin, and smile at the sinister woman.

PEREGRINA LOCA: That's the difference between us, Craneo. You never, ever learn.

Craneo rolls her eyes, flicking her fingers dismissively as she turns away.

CRANEO: Hemos terminado. Leave.

Grinning, Pera turns to Araña, and bows smartly, bringing a fist and palm together.

PEREGRINA LOCA: It's a date. Don't worry, little spider. We'll show them all how high you can climb.

CALAVERA: GET. OUT.

PEREGRINA LOCA: ¡Ayayay! I'm going, but, here...

Pera holds up a finger, darts offscreen, and comes back with a bunch of grapes, which she ceremoniously places beside Calavera's injured leg. She straightens up before the large woman can grab at her, tipping a wink to Araña Oscura.

PEREGRINA LOCA: You're sick, hermanita, you need some grapes that aren't sour. ¡Adiós!

She departs with a cheerful wave, which the youngest sister reflexively returns.

ARAÑA OSCURA: ¡Adiós!

The smile dies on her lips with a nervous cough as both Craneo and Calavera glare at her.


BIG MOUTH MINDY: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a Semi-Final Match in the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic!

"Legend Has It" by Run The Jewels plays. The fans jeer. You know the deal. The trio of Pedro Gonzales, Persona Non Grata, and Mestizo make their way out onto the stage. Mestizo, the feral beast that lives on Earth with us, darts from side to side on the ramp. His mission? Take food from the hate-filled fans He is…unsuccessful. Los Rebeldes reach the bottom of the ramp and enter the ring, with the imposing PNG stepping over the top rope because that’s what giants do.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Introducing first, at a combined weight of 443lbs., being accompanied by Mestizo, the team of Pedro Gonzales & Persona Non Grata, LOS RrrrrEBELDES DEL BIEN!

Pedro Gonzales prims and poses for the fans as Persona Non Grata stands stoically in their corner. The mood and energy changes when "We Love To Rock" by The Steel Rockers kicks up. Colby Bruce, Jimmy Campbell, and Susie Ratcliffe step out onto the stage and they too get a piss poor reaction. But The Punk Rock Wrestling Band do not care. They dance and headbang their way to the ring as Los Rebeldes watch on in disgust. At least, Pedro Gonzales is disgusted.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 419lbs., being accompanied by Susie Ratcliffe, the team of Colby Bruce & Jimmy Campbell, THE STEEEEEEL ROCKERS!

Colby Bruce and Jimmy Campbell take their time getting into the ring. Bruce is air drumming but Campbell doesn’t seem to approve. He’s doing it wrong. Campbell just shakes his head and steps through the ropes. Once they are in the ring Bruce pulls out a can of Minotaur Blood: The Energy Drink For Warriors out of his back pocket and rinses it. He’s ready to fight, apparently.


In The Steel Rockers’ corner Colby Bruce begs Jimmy Campbell to let him start the match. The kid is all fired up on Minotaur Blood: The Energy Drink For Warriors. Campbell is reluctant but he doesn’t have time to answer because Bruce is already charging across the ring at Pedro Gonzales. Gonzales sees the kid coming and takes him over with a snap arm drag. Both of them pop back up and this time it’s Bruce that hits the arm drag. The kid thinks that they are playing a little game but that notion is disavowed when Gonzales feigns an arm drag and pulls the drummer into a MASSIVE capture suplex.

FIONA METZ: It seems that Minotaur Blood doesn’t do shit…

DICK DELAURIER: You thought it would?

FIONA METZ: Sounded like a good investment.

DICK DELAURIER: You didn’t…

FIONA METZ: Oh I did…

Pedro Gonzales is quite pleased with himself as he casually struts over to his corner and tags in Person Non Grata. Colby Bruce is rocked (get it?) as he stumbles up to his feet. That suplex scrambled the kid’s brain. He turns to face his opponent, who is now PNG. PNG barrels toward the kid and hits him with a shoulder block that sends Bruce flying across the ring. Bruce collides with his corner and Jimmy Campbell mercifully makes a blind tag. The Lead Singer enters the ring and stares down PNG.

DICK DELAURIER: The veteran set to go toe to toe with the heavy.

FIONA METZ: He should try to impale him with a mic stand. That’s always awesome.

DICK DELAURIER: You’ve seen that happen?

FIONA METZ: Once. At Bonaroo.

Person Non Grata advances like The Terminator and Jimmy Campbell waits until the last possible second to slip behind him. Campbell takes PNG out at the knee with a chop block and then puts a hand on the back of PNG’s head and drives his face into the top turnbuckle. PNG rebounds backwards and Campbell catches him with a Rude Awakening style neckbreaker. Campbell floats over into the cover and referee Gina Stripes makes the count.

1..!

DICK DELAURIER: Persona Non Grata says No Mas!

FIONA METZ: He doesn’t speak, Dick.

DICK DELAURIER: Figure of speech.

FIONA METZ: That’s what I’m trying to tell you. He’s mute!

Yeah that wasn’t gonna do it. Persona Non Grata kicks out at one and the only thing that Jimmy Campbell has accomplished is to piss PNG off. Campbell puts some distance between himself and PNG as his paramour Susie Ratcliffe watches from ringside. She has caught Mestizo’s eye and the malicious Mogwai is slowly creeping toward her. PNG darts toward Campbell but Campbell dives out of the way. PNG almost slams into his corner but stops himself. Pedro Gonzales makes the tag–

DICK DELAURIER: Pedro Gonzales is taking to the sky!

–Before Jimmy Campbell has a chance to evade, Pedro Gonzales flies into the ring with a springboard missile dropkick! Campbell is propelled backwards, landing high on his back. He rolls over, looking up at the lights, and Colby Bruce is cheering him on while air drumming on the top turnbuckle pad. To make things worse, Gonzales hits a standing moonsault on Campbell and hooks his leg looking for a pinfall. Gina Strips drops into the count.

1..

2..!

The fans aren’t sure who to cheer for so a “RA-ZOR WREST-LING” chant starts up. At least they are engaged! Pedro Gonzales hauls Jimmy Campbell up off of the mat but Campbell starts letting loose some big body blows. Gonzales stops that shit with a thigh press to Campbell’s midsection. Gonzales sets Campbell up for a Devil Lock DDT but Campbell swings out of it at the last second, kicks Gonzales in the midsection, then plants the Los Rebeldes member with a snap DDT! Campbell gets back to his feet and tags in Colby Bruce.

FIONA METZ: Come on, kid! I’m really counting on this Minotaur Blood stuff to be a hit!

DICK DELAURIER: The ways in which you spend your money…

FIONA METZ: That’s right. It’s MY money.

Colby Bruce pounces on Pedro Gonzales and hits him with some stiff kicks to the ribs. Bruce stands Gonzales up and then Irish whips him right into a Big Boot from Campbell. Campbell gets Gonzales up, whips him into a corner and then drops down to all fours. Bruce, all piss and vinegar, darts across the ring, steps off of Campbell’s back and hits Hellish Love (Poetry in Motion). Gonzales takes two wobbly steps out of the corner and then falls face first onto the mat. Bruce covers.

1..

2..

..!

DICK DELAURIER: Wow. Some actual cohesive tag team work from The Steel Rockers.

FIONA METZ: The kid has to know that he’s on the chopping block. Needs to spin some magic.

Pedro Gonzales kicks out! Persona Non Grata shows zero emotion because he is wearing a mask and standing ominously still. Outside the ring Mestizo has reached Susie Ratcliffe undetected. The furry little fuck quickly grabs her leg and literally bites her ankle. Susie screams and that gets Jimmy Campbell’s attention. Campbell drops off the apron and chases Mestizo away. In the ring Bruce has put Gonzales down with Guitar Lovers (Swinging Necbreaker)! But the kid doesn’t go for the pinfall. Bruce ascends to the top rope and starts air drumming. Campbell sees this and just shakes his head. Bruce flies through the air and crashes down on Gonzales with Party In Hell (Diving Splash)! Bruce covers.

FIONA METZ: The air drumming made that splash a lot more effective. I’m sure of it. My boy is running on Minotaur Blood and he is wrecking shit! Good work!

1..

2..

..!

KICKOUT! Pedro Gonzales will not go quietly. Colby Bruce gets back to his feet and looks to continue his attack but Jimmy Campbell calls for the tag. There is a brief moment where Bruce seems like he isn’t going to listen but ultimately tags in his mentor. Campbell enters the ring and starts calling the play. The Steel Rockers stand Gonzales up and they set him up for Sad Depression (Double Powerbomb). Just as they are set to plant Gonzales into the canvas Gonzales shifts his weight and takes both men down with a double head scissor! Bruce is sent through the ropes to the outside and Campbell is down on the canvas.

DICK DELAURIER: What a reversal from Pedro Gonzales!

FIONA METZ: The fuck is that Pube Mogwai doing with that fan?

With a good amount of effort Pedro Gonzales is able to tag in Persona Non Grata. The big man enters the ring but on the outside Mestizo is up to something. There is a fan in the front row enjoying a steaming hot cup of…soup. Mestizo can smell it and he wants it. The ornery Ewok snatches the cup and fills his maw. There is a moment of consideration and Mestizo spits it out. He tosses the cup over his shoulder…RIGHT INTO COLBY BRUCE’S FACE! The kid screams as that soup is PIPING HOT!

DICK DELAURIER: Good Lord!

FIONA METZ: You can’t mix actual food with Minotaur Blood! You’ll fucking DIE!

Susie Ratcliffe tries to help Colby Bruce get the soup out of his eyes. In the ring, Los Rebeldes have Jimmy Campbell. The Lead Singer tries to fight but Persona Non Grata floors him with a spinning back fist. A few seconds later, Los Rebeldes use their combined powers to plant Campbell with Mala Onda (Pop-up bridging German Suplex (Pedro) & Discus Lariat (PNG))! Gonzales releases the bridge and PNG falls on Campbell. Gina Stripes makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!


BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners, advancing to the Finals of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic, Pedro Gonzales & Persona Non Grata, LOS RrrrEBELDES DEL BIEN!

Susie Ratcliffe tends to Colby Bruce on the outside but upon seeing that her beau Jimmy Campbell is down, she abandons the untalented drummer. Susie enters the ring to console Campbell while Pedro Gonzales acts like he just won the Superbowl! Persona Non Grata and Mestizo are already halfway up the ramp as Gonzales continues to celebrate.


“Eternal Loneliness” by Alex Norte, Adam García's theme song, kicks up. Las Vegas, as usual, boos as the young Spanish lad known as Adam García makes his way to the entrance ramp. He is, of course, holding a microphone in his left hand.

FIONA METZ: Another match, another monologue from García. Well he didn’t lie on that promo, history tends to repeat itself.

DICK DELAURIER: I am sure he is here to speak about what happened two weeks ago against the GRBG Champion, Brogan Duffy.

FIONA METZ: Or as García says -- against the fat ass bastard.

The backstage folk, used to García's pre-match “ritual”, have already cut his music as soon as he's lifted the microphone.

ADAM GARCÍA: Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Adam García, and I am “THE SPANISH ACE”, which makes me…Number One.

Finishing his presentation and already at the center of the ring, the self proclaimed number one lifts his right index towards the air. The fans boo and in response García opens both of his arms to receive the cold embrace of their hatred.

ADAM GARCÍA: Tired already?, Perfect, ‘cause I have a few words for Ace Sky before this match. And the sooner I finish, the sooner I can send him to give my regards to Dewey and Shinja. Ace..Huh..Weird having to refer to someone else as an Ace, ruler of the sky, the Space Shaman, the Galaxy Guru, and from today onwards, another one of the Spanish Ace's poor stepping stones. You see Sky, I have to thank you, you are the first person in years to truly anger me, you decided to bring me down along with you, and cost me my victory for the GRBG Championship. Now that you have awakened and angered the bull, be ready to receive the impact of his horns. ‘Cause the only red I shall see tonight is your blood laying on the mat.

He points to the mat.

ADAM GARCÍA: What I’m going to do to you today will make my last opponents shiver as they realize I went easy on them. And after I obliterate you, I will make sure to reclaim what's my right. The GRBG title belongs to no other than “El Campeón”, “El As de España”, “El número Uno”. Adam García. And you…should remember that.

He tosses the microphone aside as he waits for his opponent’s arrival.


BIG MOUTH MINDY: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, from Málaga, Andalucía, Spain, weighing in at 197lbs., “THE SPANISH ACE” ADAM GARCÍA!

The fans boo some more as Adam García raises his hands, welcoming their disdain. One fan in particular, who is wearing a Paladin Of Plainville t-shirt, shouts something at García. García approaches the ropes, laughs, and spits in the fan’s face!

DICK DELAURIER: He can’t do that!

FIONA METZ: Sure looks like he did.

“Eye In The Sky" by The Alan Parsons Project kicks up and “The Space Shaman” Ace Sky charges down to the ring. Guess he didn’t like to see anyone at all get spit on.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: And his opponent, from Sugarland in Houston, Texas, weighing in at 165lbs., “THE SPACE SHAMAN” ACE SKY!



Zach Ebra calls for the bell as Ace Sky slides into the ring. Adam García tries to meet Sky head on but gets blasted on the chin with a leaping hook kick. García stumbles back into a corner and Sky runs right at him. Sky leaps, stalls, and then takes García backwards out of the corner with a monkey flip. García lands hard but is right back up – only to walk into a jumping knee strike from The Space Shaman.

DICK DELAURIER: Ace Sky strikes first! He wants to show Adam García some justice!

FIONA METZ: Space justice?

DICK DELAURIER: Sure.

Adam García powders out of the ring to regain his composure. The fan that he spit on is laughing at him. García goes to throttle the fan but Ace Sky takes García down with a tope con hiro! Sky slides García back into the ring. Sky prays in the fan’s direction and then slides back into the ring.

FIONA METZ: Did he just bow…to a fan?

As soon as Ace Sky is on the canvas in the middle of the ring Adam García hits him with a baseball slide to the face. García hefts Sky up and sends him hard into a corner. Before Sky can recover, García charges in with Estampida (Helluva Kick)! Sky staggers out of the corner and falls flat on his face.

DICK DELAURIER: Adam García has taken control of this match.

FIONA METZ: Shoulda never bowed to that neckbeard. I’m tellin’ ya.

The Spanish Ace is very unhappy. He grabs Ace Sky by the wrists and blasts him in the face with the Bull’s Horns (Kamigoye)! Sky seems to be out of it but García is far from finished. Sky starts to stir and gets up to his knees but García comes out of nowhere with a Hidden Blade! Sky appears to be knocked out cold but García won’t let Zach Ebra check on him.

DICK DELAURIER: Call it Zach! Sky is out of it!

FIONA METZ: Referee’s discretion!

Adam García pulls Ace Sky up to his feet by his wrist and then sets him up for the Grand Finale (Blade Runner). García looks out into the crowd with a scowl and plants Sky with it. But he’s still not finished. García stands Sky up again and hits a second Grand Finale, this time spiking Sky right on the crowd of his head. Las Vegas is horrified! García finally makes a cover and Zach Ebra makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, “THE SPANISH ACE” ADAM GARCÍA!

“Eternal Loneliness” by Alex Norre cues up but Adam García refuses to have his hand raised. His eyes are fixed on Ace Sky and he seems primed to do some more damage–

Dr. Kelly Costa and her medical team have to come to the ring with a stretcher for Ace Sky after that bad bump on his head. Adam García refuses to let them help but the crowd explodes! García can’t be sure why. He whips his head around to see–

DICK DELAURIER: MASARU SHINJA HAS RETURNED!

Prince Peach tries to throw a kick at Adam García but García blocks it. He catches Shinja’s leg under his arm and wags a scolding finger in Shinja’s face. Dr. Costa and her team are able to get Ace Sky out of the ring and onto a stretcher while García is distracted. García pulls Shinja in and catches him on the chin with a V Trigger. García turns back to see Sky nearly fastened to the stretcher and he gets an idea…

DICK DELAURIER: What the hell is García about to do?

FIONA METZ: Whatever the fuck he wants! This guy is a savage. A salvaje!

Adam García kicks Masaru Shinja in the midsection and lifts him up for a powerbomb! But García takes a few steps that turn into a short run and he tosses Shinja over the top rope, powerbombing him into Ace Sky AND the stretcher! Vegas can’t believe it!

DICK DELAURIER: Someone needs to stop this piece of shit. This is ridiculous.

Suddenly, the lights cut out and the arena is engulfed in complete darkness. After a few moments, hundreds of cell phone lights provide a small level of illumination, but we still can't make out much more than Adam García moving around the ring.


The PA system booms with the sound of Freedom Call's "Paladin":


At the end of the previous line, an impossibly bright spotlight hits the entrance ramp. Adam García and the audience both squint against the harsh light before realizing who is standing in the beam. The crowd bursts into cheers and García's face tells the whole story.


The Paladin of Plainville stands broad-shouldered and focused intently on Adam García. As the music ramps up again, the lights come up and he marches confidently down the ramp and slides under the bottom rope. García is on him like white on rice, peppering him with shots as he works his way to his feet. Eventually Dewey manages to duck a big right hand and starts laying into García, backing him into the ropes. Dewey shoots him off, but García reverses! Dewey ducks a vicious clothesline designed to separate his head from his body and responds with a floating enziguri that sends a dazed García crumbling to the mat! Dewey rushes to the corner and slowly raises his right hand skyward as García scrambles up with the assistance of the ropes.

DICK DELAURIER: He’s calling for it! Could we finally see it?

The crowd goes absolutely crazy while Dewey charges up his palm. García is to his feet now, turns toward Dewey.

Dewey charges!

...

...

He loads back for the strike!

...

...

Adam García's eyes go wide and he immediately drops to his belly and rolls to the floor, sending Dewey charging right past him. García is safely on the floor. He backs away, passing by Dr. Costa and her team tending to Masaru Shinja and Ace Sky. The crowd is disappointed as García retreats, a look of horror on his face as he backs up the ramp.




The scene cuts back from a commercial, and a flashback of Episode #6 begins to stream.

McGrath sets up a table in front of one of the corners and then goes to get Ninja up. But Ninja pounces on him! Ninja has a broken piece of table in his fist and he stabs McGrath in the eye! McGrath rolls around the ring in agony and Ninja takes a bigger piece of table and smashes it over McGrath’s head!

The shot cuts to black, and red text flashes on the screen: “THE DREAM IS OVER…”

Another flashback. This time to two weeks ago.

Ashford opens his fist and reveals a box cutter! Vegas collectively gasps. Ashford has a sour look on his face as he slides the blade up and then kneels beside the unconscious McGrath. Ashford slowly slides the blade along McGrath’s forehead, opening him up!

Jack McGrath is a bloody mess but Reid Ashford isn’t finished! He grabs McGrath’s left ear and holds the box cutter above his head. Referee Vivian Rosser starts calling for security but she isn’t fast enough. Ashford starts sawing away on McGrath’s ear!

BRAVE Security floods the ring and removes Reid Ashford before he can fully cut off Jack McGrath’s ear. McGrath is conscious once again, grasping at his left ear.

We fade to Jack McGrath sitting stoically with a wet towel around his neck. He exhales, staring deep into the camera with his one eye full of torment and agony.

JACK MCGRATH: It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’ve been maimed. I’ve been tortured. Most would quit, and disappear. But, I’m still standing. I know what needs to be done, and there is no turning back now.

He stands up and stalks closer towards the camera.

JACK MCGRATH: I have been obsessing over this moment for two full weeks. I once had dreams of a blossoming professional wrestling career, one where I’d compete all over the world. But, right now all I care about is ripping Reid Ashford apart. The only dreams I have are full of violence and cruelty. Death and destruction.

McGrath pulls down tightly on the towel around his neck.

JACK MCGRATH: Ashford, all of these bad things… are coming your way. The time for revenge is now…


WES EASTMAN: I can’t believe he’s late again.

Brogan Duffy is standing with the referee who is looking at his watch. Next to them a grown man in a raccoon mascot costume is dancing.

BROGAN DUFFY: At some point this is just a forfeit, aye?

WES EASTMAN: It’s kinda hard to tell with this guy. He brings a lot of business to this park so I’m not gonna say he gets ‘special treatment’ but…

Suddenly the conversation is interrupted as Brogan is rolled up into a small package pin.

1…

2…

Brogan scrambles out of the surprise pin attempted by the man in the raccoon costume who takes a few steps back and yanks off his mascot head to reveal….no face.

Oh, I guess that makes sense.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Almost had ya! Man, that woulda been silly. Huh? All this buildup and ‘boom’ rollup? That would be-

Ollie is interrupted with a swift but furious headbutt. A pinfall was counted so that meant the match was underway and Brogan was quick to capitalize on that fact, throwing punch after punch at a grown man still wearing most of a raccoon costume.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hey. HEY!

Brogan, confused as to what Ollie could possibly have to say to him.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Can I get a second? If I win I really REALLY don’t want to be accused of being the first Furry wrestling champion..

A pause.

BROGAN DUFFY: …I’m not saying you’ll win but… I suppose that’s fair.

Ollie gives a respectful bow before stripping out of the remainder of the Raccoon outfit. Underneath he’s wearing his gear along with an old faded t-shirt reading ‘Candy Boys 2000’. There is another awkward silence.

OLLIE MAVERICK: So uh….are you ACTUALLY Irish or are you one of those guys that got really into ‘Boondock Saints’ in college and wouldnt shut the fuck up abo-

Ollie is interrupted once more by a Lariat that seems to flip him inside out followed by a cover.

1…

Ollie kicks out.

OLLIE MAVERICK: You hit like you’re Irish.

BROGAN DUFFY: Stop fucking talking and fight!

That seems to resonate with Ollie who does a kip-up into a handspring back elbow but doesn’t have much control over it so it sends both men flying into the arcade near the entrance of the park.

Brogan is up first and smashes Ollie’s face into a claw machine filled with plush raccoons, busting Ollie open early. Brogan grabs Ollie by the back of the neck but Ollie grabs one of the stuffed raccoons from the broken machine and tosses it at Brogan.

Oh shit, it’s not stuffed and now Brogan has the ‘Greatest Mind in Wrestling’ ™ clawing at his face with his cute widdle hands. It’s honestly more shocking and upsetting than it is painful. Brogan grabs Rocky off of him but Rocky scampers away over towards a machine called ‘Whack-A-Rac’.

BROGAN DUFFY: You little…

Brogan goes over to the machine and grabs the little foam bopper, waiting for Rocky to pop up. He looks around and sees a big sign reading ‘INSERT TOKEN TO PLAY’. He grumbles and after a few moments trying to get a machine to take his dollar he has four tokens. He pops one in the machine and it springs to life, fake raccoons springing out of several holes but Duffy ignores them until… Rocky pops out. Brogan takes a swing with the foam bopper. Rocky ducks back into the machine before he gets hit. Brogan tosses the foam bopper aside and pulls his shillelagh from his bag. He ignores the fake raccoons as they pop up until Rocky appears once more, making sad raccoon eyes as he realizes this may be the end for him…

…Until Ollie dropkicks Brogan into a pinball machine which, as is comedy tradition, reads TILT.

Ollie returned right in the nick of time from grabbing his golf bag full of violence from the last Trash Land match he restocked and stashed behind the arcade.

OLLIE MAVERICK: You okay bud? All good? Hm? He has a bag, too?

Ollie accepts this intel from his raccoon friend who scampers off to somewhere in the park as Ollie leans down and reaches into his bag.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Jameson? What’s that?

Ollie opens the bottle and takes a sniff.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Oh! A Daddy Soda! I’ve never actually tried this before. First time for everything.

Ollie toasts the bottle to Brogan who was still recovering and he takes a swig…only to pull the bottle away and cough.

OLLIE MAVERICK: It tastes like Country music sounds…

Brogan yanks the bottle away from Ollie, takes a few huge glugs from the bottle, then bonks the bottle on Ollie’s head. Both men are slow to stand. Ollie looks like the room has gotten very spinny very VERY suddenly. Maybe it’s because he’s mixing it with whatever myriad of medications he is on combined with it being his first drink but…Ollie seems to have ZERO tolerance for alcohol.

OLLIE MAVERICK: C’mere! All three of ya!

Ollie stumbles towards Brogan who catches him and throws him right out of the arcade with a powerful german suplex. Ollie sits up and shakes his head around as if something has come loose. Well, more loose than usual. Once standing he is immediately slammed HARD back against a concession stand courtesy of a shotgun dropkick by Brogan who gets a little distance then takes a run at Ollie to give him a cannonball senton that leaves him thoroughly Sham-ROCKED!!! He is quick to make a cover and Wes Eastman appears as if he can teleport.

1…2… Ollie kicks out!

OLLIE MAVERICK: You guys… we should go to karaoke. I wanna sing Duran Duran songs. HER NAME IS RIO AND SHE-

Brogan slams his forearm down into Ollie’s jaw. Satisfied with the sudden silence, he yanks him back up to his feet. Brogan sets Ollie up and picks him up for the Irish Goodbye (Package Piledriver) but on complete instinct when OIlie is up he is able to snap off a hurricanrana sending Brogan face first into the concession stand where Rocky and several other raccoons (and a few possums) seem to be mixing condiments into a glass. Rocky seems to be in charge of the operation and finishes it off with a healthy dash of hot sauce. Ollie drunkenly stumbles over to Rocky who points to the drink.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Wake Up Juice? What does that mean? Guys I’m gonna miss you all when we graduate… -hiccup-

A possum hisses at Ollie’s feet and another raccoon bites his arm, causing him to open his mouth (apparently since we cant see his face) and Rocky tips the cup into his open mouth, making Ollie down the whole thing. Ollie makes a nose not unlike someone having a seizure as the Wake Up Juice takes effect and seems to be fully energized. He rushes over to Brogan, grabs him, and throws him into the nearest ride before jumping in to join him and the two just start BRAWLING, the Irishman throwing stiff punches and the crazy bastard snapping off hard kicks.

FIONA METZ: Seems like we can talk now. Couldn’t get a word in with Maverick refusing to shut the fuck up.

DICK DELAURIER: I personally wanted to let the moments land.

FIONA METZ: Come on.

Then they hear the ride start to come to life and do not realize which ride they are on until the entirety of the room begins spinning and they are flung backwards against the wall.

FIONA METZ: Hell, I’m gonna be sick!

That’s right, our boys have found themselves on the Gravitron. It spins faster and faster and faster and faster until….it stops thanks to a possum crawling over the control panel.

DICK DELAURIER: Both men owe that possum a debt of gratitude.

Realizing it has stopped, Ollie and Brogan rush to the center again and start beating the hell out of each other. Ollie goes for a sweep kick that sends Brogan flat on his back and grabs his throat to just start choking until Brogan rolls them over and starts raining down haymakers, Ollie keeping his arms up to block most of them.

DICK DELAURIER: What a coup it would be for Brogan Duffy to beat Ollie Maverick in his signature match type.

FIONA METZ: This is only the second time he’s been in one. How is it his signature?

DICK DELAURIER: He’s the only person who has won one.

FIONA METZ: Okay true actually.

And then…the ride starts up again. Both men are flung back against the wall, this time right next to each other. To little avail they awkwardly try and slap at each other while pinned to the wall until finally the ride stops once more. Ollie doubles Brogan over with a quick snap kick to the chest, then looks as if he’s going to hop over him to go for PLANES, TRAINS, AND PLANTAINS (Leapfrog Cutter) but Brogan is wily enough to back away so when Ollie lands Brogan is standing behind him and he locks in a standing rear naked choke! If he can bring Ollie to the ground he’s locked in the Trip to Tir na Nog! Ollie throws a few elbows back into The Mclean Avenue Mauler to no avail! Ollie seems to be fading… at least until he smacks himself in the face a few times.

FIONA METZ: Ollie Maverick is living my dream right now.

DICK DELAURIER: Elaborate.

FIONA METZ: He gets to smack Ollie Maverick in the face.

Ollie backs into Brogan to get some opposing pressure and when he feels it, he immediately runs the opposite way, taking Brogan with him as he bolts straight for the wall, runs up the wall, and backflips hitting Brogan with a Shiranui! HE reaches out and hooks the leg after he lands but the ref has no chance to count as the ride starts back up again and once more both men are flung into the wall at high speeds.

DICK DELAURIER: I think I’m the one who is going to be sick now.

FIONA METZ: Don’t puke on me. I recently discovered that isn’t a kink of mine.

As the room rotates, Brogan looks to his left to see Rocky is on the ride as well, doing that thing little kids like to do on this ride where they manage to plant their feet on the wall and stand.

Brogan is figuring out that things are very different in Trash Land. Eventually the ride comes to a stop again and Rocky scampers away. Brogan looks over at Ollie.

BROGAN DUFFY: Hey! Eejit!

OLLIE MAVERICK: Yo.

BROGAN DUFFY: Can we get offa this thing so we can fight proper?

Ollie is still taking a moment to catch his breath but gives a thumbs up in agreement. Ollie and Brogan step off of the ride together and both seem to take a moment to get their bearings in an area behind the bumper cars. Brogan takes another pull from the Jameson bottle and extends it to Ollie who seems to be shaking off the effects of the rear naked choke still.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hm? No, I’m alright. Oh hey….this is where they set off the fireworks from when the park closes. I’ve never seen it up close. You good?

Brogan nods in reply and Ollie responds by locking up and attempting a snap DDT but Brogan easily counters into a release Northern Lights Suplex.

Now in an area that has an array of carnival games, the fight makes its way over to the ‘Test Your Strength’ High Striker. The large mallet at the ready. Ollie goes to grab for the large mallet but is instead scooped up and SLAMMED on the platform meant to be hammered on the machine. Ollie writhes in pain but is quick to stand up.

OLLIE MAVERICK: AGAIN!

BROGAN DUFFY: …what?

Ollie points to the top of the tower.

OLLIE MAVERICK: We get a plush ‘Polly Possum’ if we hit the bell. Again!

Ollie stands at the ready in front of Brogan, bracing himself. Brogan shrugs and scoops Ollie up and slams him again, the indicator going a little higher. Ollie writhes in pain once more but is again back up and ready to go.

BROGAN DUFFY: What the hell is wrong with you?

OLLIE MAVERICK: I WANT THAT POSSUM. It has a little pouch with baby plush possums in it.

Brogan scoops up Ollie and slams him again but still no dice…until Brogan follows it up by bringing the mallet down on Ollie’s chest.

-DING!-

Brogan makes a cover…

1…2…th

Ollie kicks out! The excitement of a plush possum bringing him back to life even after he’s likely cracked a rib or two. Ollie stumbles over to the prize corner and gives his new Polly Possum a big hug, getting his blood all over it. Brogan is about to fight him but notices a noise coming from an area nearby… There is a coin toss game labeled ‘STEAL THE POT O GOLD’ covered in decorations of shamrocks and rainbows and all that. Out of curiosity Brogan takes out one of the tokens he got earlier and tosses it to the pot and a grimy little hand pops out of the pot of gold and grabs it…. .it looks like there is a lock on a door going downward and Brogan peeks through a grate to find…

…Little people?

WES EASTMAN: Are those….Oompa-Loompas?

As Brogan Duffy realizes what someone is keeping captive here, an impossible Celtic Rage finds his voice.

BROGAN DUFFY: No. No they are not.

Brogan rears back with his shillelagh and breaks open the lock, causing this door to be flung open by the small green-suited men.

Yes, Leprechauns.

WES EASTMAN: I’m never refereeing one of these matches ever again.

Brogan goes looking for Ollie in the park, now with an army of loyal Leprechauns at his back. He eventually finds Ollie standing in the newest part of the park, based on ‘Big Space Fights’ which is legally distinct from Star Wars. Ollie sees Brogan and his new army approaching and he makes several odd clicking and growling noises. In an instant an army also has Ollie’s back as he is joined by an array of rats, possums, and raccoons coming from all areas of the park to group behind him. Rocky is leading the charge riding on the back of a stray dog like it’s a horse.

Ollie is wielding a plastic red ‘Laser Sword’ from the popular ‘Big Space Fights’ franchise (Do not sue us please) that has been wrapped in barbed wire. Brogan looks down to realize that a raccoon has placed a matching green one at his feet then scampered back over to Ollie.

BROGAN DUFFY: Just fight me. I’m done screwing around.

OLLIE MAVERICK: No, Brogan… give in! Give in to the Tomfoolery! The Shenanigans! Join me!

BROGAN DUFFY: I’ll never join you! I-

KID KAHUNA: Hey!

Just as it seems like things are about to properly pop off, Kid Kahuna pushes through the crowd and stands in front of Brogan to talk to Ollie. .

KID KAHUNA: Listen man, I'm sick of you requesting me as an opponent every week. I try to be mahalo about being on the show but I'm tired of the abuse!

Ollie is about to say something but before he can Brogan gives Kahuna a DOlan-Plex, tossing him back into the crowd of Leprechauns who start beating up on Kid Kahuna while he’s down.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Sorry about him....I know he's my best friend and all but I really need to talk to him about manners if he is not....eaten? Is that what leprechauns do? I'm not up on Celtic mythology.

BROGAN DUFFY: Nah, they’re just tricksters. They’ll probably just dance a jig on his head and- wait a minute!

OLLIE MAVERICK: Unless he...says their name backwards? Is that...no that's Rumplestiltskin. Was he a Leprechaun? I'm probably being super culturally insensitive right n-

BROGAN DUFFY: He’s German you son of a bitch! CHARGE!

Brogan points his laser sword forward and his army charges and Ollie does the same. Soon there is an enormous battle of vermin fighting leprechauns. Neither of the men have any real ‘dueling’ prowess so basically they just reach each other and furiously whack away with plastic toys that rake across the flesh and draw blood.

The two men do not seem to be letting up and are both looking worse for wear until finally the cheaply made but probably too expensive laser swords are completely broken. Both men take the barbed wire from their busted toys, Brogan opting to wrap his wire around his arm and Ollie’s around his kickpad. Both men frantically trying to finish first to jump back into the fight.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Come on… you HAVE to admit this is fun.

BROGAN DUFFY: ….A little.

Ollie attempts a roundhouse kick that Brogan ducks under, Ollie turning around to try another kick and then himself jumping backward to avoid it and landing on a raised platform. Seeing the position he’s in, Ollie is able to jump off and hit a variant of his finisher THE FACE ERASER! (Springboard Sitout Facebuster). Ollie is quick to roll Brogan over and make a cover.

1…2…thre-NOOOOOOOO! BROGAN KICKS OUT OF THE FACE ERASER!

Ollie stands and motions for Brogan to come up to a kneeling position. It seems like he’s gonna try and seal the deal with his Gravy Train kick. Once Brogan is up to a kneeling position Ollie charges and just as he lifts his leg to snap off the kick Brogan’s barbed-wire covered forearm slams between Ollie’s legs for a low blow! Ollie drops to his knees clutching at his little Ollie which is all Borgan needs to stand and lift him and spike him right on his head with the IRISH GOODBYE!!! (Package Piledriver). Brogan gets the cover!

1…2…thre- NOOOOOOO! THESE. MEN. WILL. NOT. DIE!

Brogan is frustrated but he also seems to be laughing now. He looks down at Ollie who was struggling to move. Amidst the chaotic battle of Vermin and Leprechaun a worried Rocky comes up to Ollie carrying the Jameson Bottle.

OLLIE MAVERICK: R-Rocky? No, I don't like that stuff…

Brogan kicks Ollie hard in his cracked ribs and Rocky glares at him. Brogan had finally figured it out. This place was separate from any kind of reality he knew so he’d have to match the insanity of both this place and Ollie. He drags his weary carcass over to the bumper cars, remembering this is also where the fireworks were stored. It looked like Ollie would be down for a bit, which gave Brogan the time to rig that bumper car with as much unsafe fireworks as would fit on there. He had a plan. He’d lure Ollie over and get him to start up that Bumper car for a big joust or some such bullshit and BOOM.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hey…I really appreciate the creativity but uh…

Brogan turns around. There stands Ollie, holding the Jameson bottle from earlier with a burning rag sticking out of it.

Brogan closes his eyes and sort of accepts his fate for giving in to the tomfoolery as Ollie hurls the bottle at the car. Brogan does his best to run away but is JUST caught by the ensuing huge (and very pretty) explosion of fireworks. A safety attendant rushes to put a fire blanket on Brogan but Ollie shoves them out of the way as Brogan tries to stand only to be immediately dropped with a GRAVY TRAIN (Buzzsaw Kick to the head).

Ollie allows the Fire attendant to put the fire blanket on Brogan and then assists by ;laying on him to help ‘smother the fire’.

1..2..3!!!

The voice of the park announcer comes over the speakers.

TRASH LAND ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner….and NEW GRBG Champion… The King of Trash Land… OLLIE MAVERICK!

Brick Kind is on hand to approach Ollie (face still censored) who looks beat to shit and covered in blood. The sounds of battle between Leprechauns and Trash Vermin rages on and the entire Bumper Cars area is now actively on fire. Brogan is being given medical attention as Ollie is handed the GRBG Championship which he holds tightly to his chest.

BRICK KIND: Ollie, there is a war raging between animals and mythological creatures, the park is once again in disrepair and will require thousands of dollars in maintenance if not hundreds of thousands and….you are Razor Wrestling’s new GRBG Champion…what are you going to do now?

OLLIE MAVERICK: I’m going to Disne-

Rocky tugs on his pant leg, annoyed Ollie was about to fuck up their sponsorship paycheck.

OLLIE MAVERICK: I mean…I’m going to stay here in Trash Land because it’s better than any other Theme Park! Woo! Rocky…I’m gonna pass out now. Have someone put bits of churro in my mouth and massage my throat.

Ollie raises his championship belt before he does in fact topple over. A drone camera gives us a final shot of the war raging in the park and the enormous fire before closing on a shot of the ‘YOU ARE NOW LEAVING TRASH LAND’ sign before we close out.



The scene opens with Your Hero, and Mine, standing in the forefront of the frame. His head bowed.

MARK STORM: Destiny has a funny way of working itself out. 

His lifts his head, his hair flowing in motion, glistening. 

MARK STORM: And when destiny calls, I'm the one who answers. 

The signature smirk plasters over his lips, as he nods his head, calmly.

MARK STORM: Your Hero, and Mine. Let's just get straight to the point, shall we? Destiny awaits for me and tonight I realize, tonight, PJ Lemon succumbs to it. Destiny brings us to this moment right here at Super Unknown, and we all know, that your moment in the spotlight is coming to an end, PJ.

In the Oblivion Cage, anything goes but it's you and I where the battles lies, no one else! No Carmine, no Gregory, no Strike 2 Kill. Just you and me surrounded by the weapons at our disposal. I've got my battle scars that you inflicted on me and wear them like a badge of honor.

Believe it or not, that fight that we had, it reinvigorated me. You've awoken something inside me that I thought I had put away, that dog inside me, it's still there and you brought it back. I've gotta give it to you. And now I hope to do the same and take that World Championship away from you. With everything I have, with everything I've got... I will. Tonight, there's a change in the tides and the people can feel it too. The era of Your Hero, and Mine, is upon us!

Storm clasps his hands together as the scene gradually fades to black.


We find ourselves in the office of (Interim) General Manager Sophie Whimm. She’s had a rough night, what with the death and such. Sitting across from her is the representative from Minotaur Blood: The Energy Drink For Warriors, Denny Bullard. Sophie has a can of the stuff sitting on her desk.

SOPHIE WHIMM: I just don’t typically like very sugary drinks. I’m sure it’s shiny, I just…

Bullard crosses his arms, he’s feeling a little insulted.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Alright.

Sophie goes to take a sip when something crashes through the window of her office and lands in front of her desk. It’s a BODY!

SOPHIE WHIMM: Oh peanuts, not again!

Luckily for Sophie, this body is still moving. It’s Reid Ashford! The door to her office is kicked open and there stands the one eyed man, Jack McGrath. McGrath lets out a primal roar and rushes Ashford but Ashford sidesteps him at the last second and tosses him over Sophie’s desk. She too moves out of the way just in time.

DENNY BULLARD: What the–

Reid Ashford cold cocks Denny Bullard in the face before the latter can finish his thought. Ashford jumps up onto the desk but Jack McGrath is nowhere to be found. McGrath stands up behind Ashford and he is wielding a PIECE OF GLASS from the window! McGrath jabs the shard into Ashford’s left calf and then takes Ashford off of the desk with a high angle German suplex! Ashford lands in the pile of broken glass.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Sorry to interrupt, Jack. Would you mind taking this elsewhere? I’m in a meeting.

JACK MCGRATH: Fine.

Reid Ashford is slowly trying to crawl away, his back has multiple lacerations from the glass. Jack McGrath grabs Ashford by the belt and the back of the head and tosses him out of Sophie Whimm’s office, into the hallway. Ashford nearly collides with a road case but catches himself. McGrath rushes Gosuto Sutori but Ashford grabs him and drops him with a flapjack onto the road case! The bottom of McGrath’s chin bounces off of it and we can hear more than a few of his teeth crunch.

DICK DELAURIER: I do not believe that there are two people who hate each other more in RAZOR Wrestling than Jack McGrath and Reid Ashford.

FIONA METZ: I dunno. I hate Big Mouth Mindy.

DICK DELAURIER: Why?

FIONA METZ: She knows why.

A small crowd of production assistants and crew have gathered as Reid Ashford slams an elbow down on the small of the prone Jack McGrath’s back. Referee Vivian Rosser has finally caught up to them both. Ashford floats over and applies the Kōsatsu (Bulldog Choke)! McGrath spits out a few of his shattered teeth as he screams in agony but Rosser tells Ashford that it doesn’t matter if McGrath submits, this match has to start and end in the ring!

FIONA METZ: Always the stickler, Vivian Rosser.

DICK DELAURIER: She has a point.

FIONA METZ: Kinda makes no sense, considering it’s a Street Fight. Should be on the strip!

DICK DELAURIER: We couldn’t get clearance.

FIONA METZ: Since when does this company give a shit?

Gosuto Sutori releases the hold and stands Jack McGrath up. Ashford spots the curtain marked with a star in orange gaffer tape. Ashford sends McGrath head first through the curtain out onto the ramp! Ashford and Vivian Rosser join McGrath out on the top of the stage and there is a big pop from the crowd. Ashford looks for a running knee strike but McGrath stands, catches Ashford’s leg, and takes him over with an exploder suplex on the steel entrance ramp! Ashford lets out in pain as he rolls all the way down the ramp to the bottom.

FIONA METZ: Calling it right now, Jack McGrath is losing another eye tonight.

DICK DELAURIER: You don’t think Ashford could lose an appendage?

FIONA METZ: Imagine Jack cuts off his…

DICK DELAURIER: WHY did I even give you an opening.

Jack McGrath and Vivian Rosser descend the ramp and at the bottom McGrath picks up speed, taking off into a run! McGrath hits Reid Ashford with a running punt to the side of the head. But McGrath is like a rabid animal, he gets Ashford up and drops him with a back suplex onto the apron! Ashford tries to roll back to the outside but McGrath shoves him into the ring under the bottom rope. That’s when McGrath spots him…his father, Mr. McGrath.

FIONA METZ: How does this old bag of bones keep getting front row tickets? I never do.

DICK DELAURIER: You sit at ringside.

FIONA METZ: Yeah but like…for friends.

DICK DELAURIER: Fiona…

FIONA METZ: Yeah you’re right. I don’t have any.

Mr. McGrath does not look happy but Jack doesn’t want to hear what he has to say. Jack reaches under the ring and pulls out a garbage can, a metal sign that reads “BEST BEFORE GROCERY PARKING”, a bundle of light tubes, and of course…a table. All of it goes into the ring and Jack ascends the stairs. He takes one look at his father before entering the ring. But McGrath took too much time! Reid Ashford has the parking sign and he waffles Jack over the head with it. Jack stumbles a bit so Ashford hits him again, this time McGrath drops. Vivian Rosser calls for the bell.

DICK DELAURIER: This match is now OFFICIALLY underway.


Reid Ashford tosses the sign to the side as Jack McGrath starts to get up to his feet. Ashford backs into the ropes and then unleashes a massive King Kong Lariat on McGrath. McGrath eats it! Ashford backs into the ropes and hits a second King Kong Lariat! McGrath eats that too! Ashford backs into the ropes a third time and then comes back but this time he stops short and slaps McGrath so hard in the face that a mist of blood and whatever remaining shards of McGrath’s broken teeth fly into the air. Mr. McGrath looks very concerned at ringside.

FIONA METZ: DENTAL PLAN!

Jack McGrath fires back with a knife edged chop. Reid Ashford responds with one of his own. They are doing that old chestnut. They exchange a half dozen or so before McGrath cracks Ashford with a roaring elbow and then shoves him into the ropes. On Ashford’s return McGrath hefts him up and slams him into the canvas with a spinning powerslam. McGrath takes hold of the table and he leans it up against the nearest turnbuckle. All the while he does his best not to look at his father in the front row.

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t know how Mr. McGrath is watching this.

FIONA METZ: He’s in the match.

DICK DELAURIER: No, his father.

FIONA METZ: No shit, his dad is here?

DICK DELAURIER: Are you drunk?

FIONA METZ: Are you…not?

The one eyed man goes to grab Reid Ashford but Ashford has taken hold of a light tube. Ashford swings it over hand and smashes Jack McGrath over the head with it. Blood starts running down McGrath’s face from a gash in his forehead. Ashford kicks him in the midsection, threads McGrath’s own arm through his legs and then lifts him up and brings him down with a pump handle slam onto the remaining bundle of light tubs. McGrath arches his back in agony and Ashford covers. Vivian Rosser has her gloves on and she makes the count in the pile of broken glass.

1..

2..

..!

Jack McGrath is able to kickout, earning a pop from the Las Vegas crowd. Reid Ashford takes a handful of glass and tries to smush it in McGrath’s good eye but McGrath reaches up and stops him. McGrath swings his legs up and transitions into a Fujiwara arm bar! Ashford’s face is nearly in the pile of shattered glass! Ashford frantically looks for a way to escape – and he does! Both men stand back up and McGrath goes for a lariat but Ashford catches his arm and then takes the other. Without hesitation he starts hitting McGrath with GS Ultra (Snow Trapping Headbutts)! Again, and again, and again!

DICK DELAURIER: Bone on bone. This is sickening!

FIONA METZ: A headbutt is gonna make McGrath’s good eye useless! He’s gonna be all watery eyed like me when I watch Human Centipede.

DICK DELAURIER: That makes you cry?

FIONA METZ: A beautiful fill it is.

The Boston Cyclops goes limp and Reid Ashford releases him. McGrath drops to his knees and Ashford slaps him in the mouth. Ashford looks out into the front row at Mr. McGrath and laughs. He keeps yelling, “This is your boy, huh?” as he slaps McGrath. Mr. McGrath looks about ready to jump the guard rail but BRAVE Security stands by and with sympathetic voices they tell him not to try it. Ashford continues slapping Jack and the crowd starts to quiet. It’s a tough scene to watch.

DICK DELAURIER: This Ashford is a real piece of garbage.

FIONA METZ: More like Assford. Because he’s a piece of shit! That’s why I like him.

Reid Ashford takes the garbage can and looks to drill McGrath in the head with it. McGrath stops him and shoves him backward. Ashford stumbles and McGrath uncorks a massive running BIG BOOT INTO THE GARBAGE CAN! It collides with Ashford’s face and drops him. Within milliseconds McGrath hauls Ashford up and hits him with a half nelson suplex through the propped up table! Ashford is down, McGrath drags him out of the rubble and covers.

DICK DELAURIER: That has to be all!

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: Shows what you know, Dick.

Gosuto Sutori kicks out! Jack McGrath mounts him and just starts beating the dogshit out of him. Reid Ashford can’t cover up, he just eats every blow. Vivian Rosser considers stopping the match but Ashford gives her a look. McGrath hauls Ashford up and then drops him with Bang The Drum (Hangman's Neckbreaker) onto the garbage can! It flattens and McGrath covers Ashford again. Rosser makes the count with a relieved sigh.

1..

2..

..!

KICK OUT! Reid Ashford kicks out again! Jack McGrath is fired up. He rolls out of the ring and immediately goes under the apron. When he reappears he has in his hand…a SICKLE! McGrath rolls back into the ring but his old man hops the barricade. Two members of BRAVE Security try to stop him but Mr. McGrath starches BOTH OF THEM! Mr. McGrath gets into the ring as Jack stands over Ashford with the sickle. Mr. McGrath pleads with Jack not to use it.

MR. MCGRATH: Jack, please. If you do this you are going to lose part of yourself…forever.

Jack takes a moment to consider his father’s words but Reid Ashford’s spits a glob of blood into Jack’s face! Jack snarls, drops a knee into the center of Ashford’s chest, and uses the sickle to cut off two of his fingers! The crowd gasps. Jack then hauls Ashford up and drops him with Things Fall Apart (Vertical Drop Brainbuster) onto the pile of broken glass! Ashford is done for and Jack covers him.

1..

2..

..3!


BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner…Jack McGrath…

The arena is silent, except for Reid Ashford’s screams of pain. No music. Jack McGrath wobbles up to his feet and drops the sickle. His father tries to have words with him but Jack forcefully shoves the elder McGrath aside, causing him to spill through the ropes to the outside. Jack doesn’t even look, he just leaves the ring as Dr. Costa and her team arrive – one of the members of the team is on finger recovery duty.



In a pretape, we see Jahkay “Kano” Miller walk into a room where his partner Aroa Ramma is doing a TikTok dance. Jahkay chuckles as he tries to get Aroa’s attention.

AROA RAMMA: Hm? Promo time?

JAHKAY MILLER: Yeah. We have to cut a promo.

AROA RAMMA: Oh yeah that promo.

JAHKAY MILLER: Yes, THAT promo.

They look at each other knowingly and then turn to the camera.

JAHKAY MILLER: So we lost the tournament. But that’s just one set back. Now we can move on and keep going till we reach our goal. Tag Team Titles.

AROA RAMMA: Pretty much, we may have been a bit hostile to the poor medic a few weeks ago but that was due to emotions. Let me tell y'all what's up. Whoever wins the tournament and the Tag Team Titles had better be sure to shine em up and have a good run cause we are gonna be the ones to end it. We been doing this since the Hawaii days and on the Indies. We love this and we love to make our matches meaningful.

JAHKAY MILLER: Ya sorry Nurse Joe, you was just in the way.

Aroa punches Jahkay’s arm.

JAHKAY MILLER: Ow! Yea yea, I get it. Sorry Joe I was pissed. But anyways I really don't care who wins those belts. ‘Cause either way we gonna take em eventually. We are patient men and with patience comes reward. Even though Aroa is more patient than me. But we scheduled this time for one reason.

AROA RAMMA: To say good luck. Cause once the winner is crowned, we gonna have our sights on y'all. Those belts will come to us.

JAHKAY MILLER: To the real champions, the ones who scream–

AROA RAMMA: –Tag Team

JAHKAY MILLER: And that's true and for true.

AROA RAMMA: So yea that's all we got to say. Should we say the line?

JAHKAY MILLER: Yea why not.

Aroa giggles.

AROA RAMMA: Because I’m Insane enough to be Fortunate

JAHKAY MILLER: And I’m Fortunate enough to be Insane.

AROA RAMMA: ALL DAY!

JAHKAY MILLER: EVERY DAY!


BIG MOUTH MINDY: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, it is the FINALS of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic and it is for the RAZOR Wrestling Tag Team Championship!

"Mimi's Delivery Service" by Good Kid cues up. Pockets of the crowd cheer as “Spitfire” Harvey Francis and “Senior Salesman” Bob Regan come out together for their second contest of the evening. Regan sees a sign in the crowd that says “FIRE SALE FIRST CHAMPS” and he grimaces. Francis darts to the ring and slides in under the bottom rope while Regan takes much longer, because, old.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Introducing first, at a combined weight of 405lbs., the team of “SPITFIRE” HARVEY FRANCIS & “SENIOR SALESMAN” BOB REGAN!

"Legend Has It" by Run The Jewels cues up and out come Los Rebeldes Del Bien. Mestizo sits at the top of the ramp, apparently not interested in coming with them. Pedro Gonzales gives him a tap with the toe of his boot and Mestizo tries to bite him before bounding down the ramp. The trio reach the bottom of the ramp and see both Harvey Francis and Bob Regan standing on the side of the ring closest to the ramp, staring at them. Pedro Gonzales and Persona Non Grata enter the ring on either side of their opponents, showing a distinct lack of fear.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 443lbs., being accompanied by Mestizo, the team of Pedro Gonzales & Persona Non Grata, LOS RrrrrEBELDES DEL BIEN!


Harvey Francis starts the contest against Pedro Gonzales. The two lock up and jockey for position and Francis takes Gonzales over with an arm drag but he keeps wrist control. Gonzales fights right up to his feet, spins under Francis’ grip and applies an arm wrench. Gonzales smacks Francis in the back of the head and when Francis turns to face him Gonzales pokes him in the eye! Gonzales rolls backward, pops up, and tags in Person Non Grata. Francis tries to rush PNG but eats a massive discus lariat, which turns him inside out!

FIONA METZ: This mute bastard is going to be the difference in this match. Mark my words!

DICK DELAURIER: Marked.

FIONA METZ: Don’t actually though.

Person Non Grata takes Harvey Francis by the wrist and drags him to the Los Rebeldes corner. PNG tags Gonzales back in and PNG yanks Francis up to his feet. Francis tags PNG with a right hand but PNG responds with a throat thrust. Francis stumbles back some and Los Rebeldes flatten him with stereo superkicks! Gonzales dives into a cover while PNG stands guard. Referee Kate McHale makes the count.

1..

2..!

Spitfire is able to kick out but Pedro Gonzales keeps him grounded with a reverse chin lock. Francis has zero interest in submitting to this shit so he fights his way up to his feet. A few well placed elbows to the ribs of Gonzales break his grip. Francis takes off for the ropes but before he can slingshot himself Gonzales follows him and drills him in the mouth with a dropkick! Francis spills over the top rope to the floor. Gonzales takes a bow and then runs across the ring. He rebounds off of the ropes and then hits a cartwheel that ends with a plancha to the outside! Francis takes Gonzales’ full weight and is down for the moment.

FIONA METZ: Pedro Gonzales can cartwheel?

DICK DELAURIER: That surprises you?

FIONA METZ: Yeah for some reason it does.

Persona Non Grata drops off of the apron, runs around the ring, and smashes Harvey Francis with a falling lariat. Francis does a full backflip, landing on his face. Los Rebeldes immediately try to stand Francis up but they forgot about the other member of the team. To the surprise of everyone in Bobby Shitake Arena – BOB REGAN IS ON THE TOP ROPE! Mestizo is trying to warn his…friends (?) but it’s too late! Bob Regan leaps off the top rope and crashes down to the floor wiping out both members of Los Rebeldes in the process!

FIONA METZ: That had to break his hip. This old man is not going to wake up tomorrow morning.

DICK DELAURIER: Good excuse to give it all tonight!

FIONA METZ: I mean…he doesn’t know that he’s gonna die in his sleep. I made it up.

Bob Regan stands Persona Non Grata up and sends him head first into the guard rail. Harvey Francis is back up and he is stalking Pedro Gonzales. The groggy Gonzales gets to his feet and Francis unchains an absolutely bullet-like superkick! Gonzales takes it right on the jaw and drops. Francis climbs up onto the apron, looks around the arena, and then puts on his best mean face. Francis measures the distance and then leaps off of the apron with a 450 splash! He lands right across Gonzales’ ribs, causing Gonzales to let out this weird wheezing sound.

DICK DELAURIER: What athleticism from Harvey Francis!

While the Senior Salesman stomps the good goddamn out of Persona Non Grata on the outside, Harvey Francis stands Pedro Gonzales up and rolls him into the ring. Francis slides in under the bottom rope and Mestizo tries to grab his boot! Francis kicks the little bastard in his face and it sends him flying backward into PNG. In the ring Gonzales tries to get the drop on Francis but Francis is quick to hit him with a headbutt. Gonzales is rattled and Francis pulls him into a Go Home Driver! Francis covers and Kate McHale is right there to make the count.

1..

2..!

Bob Regan is back up on the apron after the kickout. Harvey Francis tags in his partner and then feeds Pedro Gonzales to him. Regan cracks Gonzales with an uppercut and then lifts him up for a spinebuster. Francis steps off of the middle rope with a springboard and flips over both men, catching Gonzales with a blockbuster as Regan plants him with a spinebuster! Vegas pops BIG! Francis dives through the ropes to the outside and takes Persona Non Grata down with a suicide dive as Regan covers Gonzales.

FIONA METZ: Who taught these jabronis how to do this shit?

DICK DELAURIER: I think it might be…the power of friendship.

FIONA METZ: Motherfucker they are hacking.

DICK DELAURIER: Hacking real life?

FIONA METZ: It’s been done.

1..

2..

..!

KICKOUT! Hard to believe it but Pedro Gonzales kicked out of that wicked combination. Gonzales gets up to his feet and is looking to make a tag but Persona Non Grata is still down on the floor. Bob Regan measures Gonzales and hits him with a running shoulder thrust! Regan lifts Gonzales off of his feet and drives him into a corner. Gonzales’ ribs have taken a beating and Regan continues the onslaught with some heavy right and left shots to Gonzales’ body. Regan kicks Gonzales in the midsection and then sets him up for a PILEDRIVER! Regan tries to lift Gonzales up but the latter kicks his feet wildly, not wanting to go out like that. Gonzales is able to hit Regan with a back body drop and PNG is back up on the apron. Gonzales dives and tags in his partner.

FIONA METZ: Piledrivers is an inherently evil move.

DICK DELAURIER: I wouldn’t agree with that.

FIONA METZ: That’s because you’re evil too. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.

Persona Non Grata is getting into the ring but Bob Regan makes the tag to Harvey Francis! Regan and Francis are somehow faster to the punch and they charge across the ring. They both duck under a double clothesline attempt from PNG, hit the ropes, and then come back to hit PNG with a double spear! They take the big man down and Francis makes a cover. Regan punches Gonzales in the face and he falls off of the apron as Kate McHale counts the fall.

1..

2..!

BIG KICKOUT! Persona Non Grata sends Harvey Francis a foot or two in the air on that kickout. Bob Regan wants to get back in on the action but Pedro Gonzales trips him up from outside the ring. Gonzales pulls Regan out of the ring and hits him with a German Suplex. In the ring Francis gets a head of steam, charges, hits a springboard and PNG hits him with a LARIAT OUT OF THE AIR! Francis flips backward and lands right on his neck! There is a collective gasp from the crowd – that looked nasty!

DICK DELAURIER: Oh no! That could have broken Harvey Francis’ neck!

FIONA METZ: Hopefully. This show has been long as hell.

DICK DELAURIER: Horrible thing to say.

FIONA METZ: I’m nothing if not honest.

DICK DELAURIER: You lie constantly!

FIONA METZ: No I don’t.

Within moments, Dr. Kelly Costa is on the scene with her team. They quickly assess Harvey Francis and determine that he can no longer compete. Kate McHale is about to throw the match out Bob Regan makes the tag to Francis’ limp body, enters the ring, and says that he wants to keep going. McHale agrees and Persona Non Grata immediately hits Regan with an uppercut to the jaw, an elbow to the face, a roundhouse kick to the arm and a sweep kick to complete the sadistic combo! Francis is helped up the ramp and he tries to look back at the ring as PNG covers Regan.

1..

2..

..!

BOB REGAN KICKS OUT! Las Vegas has come unglued! Persona Non Grata is unaffected. He walks to his corner and calmly tags in Pedro Gonzales. Gonzales gets into the ring and takes Regan down with a double leg. Harvey Francis disappears behind the curtain just as Gonzales hits a catapult on Regan that sends the Senior Salesman into a belly to belly suplex from PNG! The 54 year old lands with an absolute thud. Gonzales is very pleased with himself. Gonzales takes another bow as PNG gets onto the apron.

DICK DELAURIER: I can appreciate the heart from Bob Regan but he might just want to stay down.

FIONA METZ: Might not ever get back up.

The fans in Las Vegas are rallying behind Bob Regan. The Senior Salesman slowly starts to get to his feet but, like I said, he’s fucking OLD. Pedro Gonzales tells Regan to stay down but Regan throws a wild punch at him – that completely misses. Gonzales applauds the effort and then hits Regan with a German suplex followed by a waist-lock backward roll transitioned into a reverse rolling prawn hold! Regans shoulders are down!

1..

2..

..!

THE BOTTOM ROPE! BOB REGAN GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE! Pedro Gonzales can’t believe it, he’s irate. Persona Non Grata does nothing to try to calm him down. Gonzales gives a “fuck this” gesture and ascends to the top rope. The Senior Salesman staggers up to his feet but the old timer is in a bad, bad way. Regan looks around the ring for his opponent and at the last second sees Gonzales coming at him with a shooting star press! Regan falls into the ropes, out of the way, but Gonzales lands on his feet! Gonzales takes a third bow but this time Regan pulls him in and plants him WITH A PILEDRIVER! Gonzales is cross eyed as Regan makes the cover.

FIONA METZ: EVIL! EVIL! EVIL!

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: The forces of good prevail!

Pedro Gonzales is close enough to his corner to reach out and Persona Non Grata makes the tag. PNG enters the ring and grabs Bob Regan by the throat. PNG lifts him into the air but Regan punches PNG in the face! PNG releases Regan but Gonzales comes out of nowhere with the leap frog over PNG and he takes Regan down with a GUN STUN! Regan is laid out yet again and PNG makes a cover.

1..

2..

..!

KICKOUT! KICKOUT! KICKOUT! BOB REGAN WILL NOT DIE! No one can believe it! The disbelief is sustained as Harvey Francis appears from behind the curtain and he starts making his way down to the ring. Medical staff try to stop him but he starts throwing kicks so they all back off! Francis stomps to the ring and gets up on the apron. Gonzales rushes him and goes to hit him but Francis takes him over the top rope with a suplex onto the floor! Gonzales lands in a heap and Francis hits him with a moonsault! Francis looks quite pleased with himself until Mestizo charges and headbutts him in the groin!

DICK DELAURIER: That little monster!

FIONA METZ: Harvey Francis is little but I don’t think he’s a monster. More of a loser.

During all of this, the referee was trying to get some order and PNG had unstrapped the turnbuckle pad in his corner. PNG introduces Bob Regans face to it a half dozen times, bloodying The Senior Salesman. A battered Pedro Gonzales gets up on the apron and PNG makes the tag to him. Gonzales sets Regan up for a vertical drop brainbuster and then PNG lifts them both up with Gonzales on his shoulders! PNG falls backward and they execute the Impulsado Por La Locura! Regan is out cold and Gonzales covers.

Harvey Francis is up!

1..

Harvey Francis is in the ring!

2..

Persona Non Grata turns Harvey Francis inside out with a lariat.

..3!


BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic and the FIRST RAZOR Wrestling Tag Team Champions, Pedro Gonzales & Persona Non Grata, LOS RrrrEBELDES DEL BIEN!

Los Rebeldes are awarded the titles and the trophy! The fans in Las Vegas aren’t exactly happy about it. Pedro Gonzales gives the trophy to Persona Non Grata but he holds up both Tag Team Titles by himself. Mestizo enters the ring and tries to take the cup. PNG doesn’t seem to care all that much about it so he gives the trophy to Mestizo and Mestizo promptly falls over because of the weight.



Quite the sight, seeing this monstrosity of a structure lowered from the ceiling of Bobby Shitake Arena. The house lights dimmed and the spotlights strobed. Not intentionally, of course. The bulbs don’t get replaced all that often. The Oblivion Cage encases the ring and is fixed into position by the ring crew. The lights return to normal and we get our first clear view of the structure.

It’s your standard cage with a few notable changes. Weapons are distributed around the ring including; a ladder, steel chair, and a barbed wire wrapped bat. The walls of the cage are rigged with explosives – hit them hard enough and you’re gonna get mini Oppenheimer’d. Big Mouth Mindy stands outside the cage because fuck getting inside.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: The following contest is your Superunknown MAIN EVENT!

Big ass pop. Huge.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: This is an Oblivion Cage Match scheduled for ONE FALL and it is for the RAZOR WRESTLING WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!

"Short Change Hero" by The Heavy cues up. Bobby Shitake Arena pops big as “Your Hero, And Mine” Mark Storm walks out onto the stage. Storm is flanked by Gregory Murphy and the Murph Man looks very nervous. The duo march to the ring and Murphy makes not attempt to keep up with Storm. Referee Diego Leach stands by and opens the cage door for Storm – careful to stay as far away from the cage walls as possible. Storm takes a deep breath and then walks up the steps to enter the cage. He stand in the middle of the ring and singles to his supporters. He truly believes that tonight will be his night.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Introducing first, the challenger, from Brooklyn, New York, weighing in at 225lbs., he is “YOUR HERO AND MINE”, MAAAAARK STOOOOOORM!

Storm shouts out the crowd one more time and then the mood changes. The lights dim and a pink lemonade-esque hue blankets the arena. “Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet cues up. The crane camera swoops in and gets a good shot of the stage just as World Champion, “Sour Power” PJ Lemon steps out onto the stage with Carmine Dante on her heels.

FIONA METZ: Our champion! The first and ONLY World Champion.

PJ Lemon takes her time coming to the ring, laughing and taunting the fans that line the entrance ramp. Once she and Dante reach the bottom of the ramp, Dante pulls a sack out from under the ring apron. Dante tosses the sack through the door and it lands at Mark Storm’s feet. He doesn’t flinch. Lemon smirks and cautiously enters the ring. She takes one last look at the World Championship and then – TOSSES IT AT STORM’S FACE!


The ring crew, including Kenny The Ring Boy, scramble to chain the cage door and lock it as PJ Lemon takes Mark Storm down with a Lou Thesz Press! Lemon hammers away on the challenger before she takes off for the ropes, hits a springboard and blasts Storm in the face with SOUR CREAMED! The springboard Shining Wizard connects and Storm is down! Lemon quickly covers the challenger and a shocked Diego Leach starts the count.

FIONA METZ: Yes! Yes! Yes! Embarrass him again!

1..

2..

..!

DICK DELAURIER: Mark Storm kicked out of Sour Creamed! No one has ever kicked out of it!

FIONA METZ: I’m calling shenanigans! Kangaroo court! Chicanery!

NO! Mark Storm’s shoulder flies off the mat just before the three count. PJ Lemon cackles as she mounts Storm again and starts laying into him with some more heavy strikes. Once she has had her fill Lemon rolls off of him and collects the sack! Storm turns over onto his stomach and starts to get up on all fours but Lemon hefts the sack up (it’s apparently quite heavy) and then brings it crashing down on Storm’s spine with an overhead swing! Storm takes the full impact and is down again.

DICK DELAURIER: What is in that sack?

FIONA METZ: Mark Storm’s hopes and dreams. Beaten to a pulp.

PJ Lemon hauls the sack up and brings it down on Storm’s back two more times before she discards it. The mouth of the sack opens and we see that it is full…of lemons. Some of them cut, most of them not. Lemon takes one of the halved pieces of citrus and rolls Storm over. She mounts him a third time and this time she squeezes the lemon juice into his eyes! Storm bucks her off but Sour Power is laughing like a cartoon character – laying on her back, grasping at her stomach, and kicking her legs wildly.

FIONA METZ: How can you not love this woman? Things I would do to be able to do things to her…

DICK DELAURIER: This is a World Championship Match, Metz.

FIONA METZ: And she’s the World Championship of hot pieces of strange.

The fans do not like this. PJ Lemon, obnoxious as ever, walks over to the ladder and approaches a prone Mark Storm. She lifts the ladder up and tries to drive it into Storm’s midsection. But he rolls out of the way. Storm hops up to his feet and wipes the Lemon juice from his eyes – which are now beat red. Lemon charges at him with the ladder but Storm rolls through. Lemon almost collides with the cage wall (and the explosives) but she stops short. Lemon wipes her brow and exhales sharply. Close one. She turns to face Storm and he hits her with a dropkick! Lemon flies into the cage wall and there is an EXPLOSION!

DICK DELAURIER: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

PJ Lemon drops face first onto the mat, smoke coming off her body. The audience starts a “HOLY SHIT!” chant and even Mark Storm looks shocked. Diego Leach checks on the champion and Storm paces around her body. Carmine Dante is a wreck at ringside as Storm decides whether or not to go for the victory. Lemon lightly pushes Leach away and starts to get up. Storm waits, being a sportsman, and when Lemon is up to her feet – SIERRA MIST! Lemon spits lemon juice into Storm's eyes. He’s blinded! Again!

DICK DELAURIER: She really wants to blind him.

FIONA METZ: Yeah then he’d stop looking for trouble.

DICK DELAURIER: Really?

FIONA METZ: Really, bitch. Really.

The singed champion drops to a knee and she is rattled. That was clearly a desperation move. She tries to get to her feet but she notices that some of her ring gear is melted to her body. She laughs. Lemon staggers toward Storm but he surprises her with a sling blade! Lemon pops right back up but she is not having a good time. Storm cracks her with a corkscrew roundhouse kick and she falls back into the ropes near an exploded wall. Storm darts across the ring and hits her with a shoulder block that sends her hard into the wall again. She flops through the ropes and is now between them and the chain link.

DICK DELAURIER: The champion is in a dangerous position.

FIONA METZ: I’d like to–

DICK DELAURIER: ENOUGH!

Mark Storm arms himself with a chair and tosses it at PJ Lemon when she stands up. Lemon catches it but Storm charges and sends the chair into Lemon’s face with a Yakuza kick! Lemon’s head is sandwiched between the chair and the chain link wall. She drops it and hangs over the top rope, seemingly unconscious. Storm has been down this road before, he doesn’t believe that Lemon is out. He takes off across the ring and comes back with a SECOND Yakuza kick! Lemon’s head is sent into the cage wall and she crumbles to the mat once more.

DICK DELAURIER: PJ Lemon is in a very bad way. I am still a little shocked that she accepted this match at all. Locked in a cage with a man that despises her…

FIONA METZ: She’s a fighting champion! A bad ass! A schemer. A cage won’t stop her plans, you know that.

DICK DELAURIER: I certainly do.

The challenger drags PJ Lemon to the middle of the ring but he does not go for the pinfall despite Gregory Murphy’s shouting. Storm retrieves the steel chair and kicks it to the center of the ring as Lemon starts to get back up to her feet. Storm applies a double underhook and plants Lemon with a butterfly suplex onto the steel chair! He immediately transitions into an armbar! The champion is trapped in the middle of the ring and Diego Leach is right there to see if she is going to submit. A testament to her toughness, Lemon refuses to even show that she is in pain! Storm wrenches back with all of his might and Lemon’s arm is being at a very concerning angle.

DICK DELAURIER: A few more seconds and that arm is going to be useless.

As Mark Storm wrenches back with all of his might, PJ Lemon reaches into her tights with her free arm. She grimaces in pain now or in concentration. Hard to tell. When she pulls her hand out of her tight she is armed with a pair of spiked brass knuckles! Lemon lets out a war cry and starts punching Storm in the calf! She draws blood immediately and Storm has no choice but to release the hold. Both competitors are up to their feet and Lemon decks Storm with a loaded right hand. Storm tries to keep control and he goes for a lock up but Lemon starches him again and he falls face first onto the mat. Lemon inspects her spiked knuckles and they are painted with Storm’s blood.

FIONA METZ: I bought her those!

DICK DELAURIER: Actually?

FIONA METZ: Yeah I was at the military surplus store and when I saw them I just knew she had to have them.

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t think that’s ethical.

FIONA METZ: I don’t think I give a fine fuck.

The camera closes in on the challenger’s face and yep, he’s bleeding. Storm lays prone on the mat as his blood rolls down his face onto the canvas. The sadistically blithe champion takes hold of the ladder one more time and she stands over Storm. She holds it vertically and then drives it into Storm’s stomach! With each impalement attempt she shouts “CUNT!”. “CUNT! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT!” She is turning Storm’s ribs into a fine powder – or at least she is trying to. The bloodied challenger struggles to breathe after each shot and the Bobby Shitake Arena boos with all of their might.

DICK DELAURIER: We apologize for the colorful language, wrestling fans.

FIONA METZ: I fucking don’t! Cunty cunt-cunt-cunt. Penis.

PJ Lemon puts the ladder over her shoulder like a logger and waits. Carmine Dante applauds from ringside while Gregory Murphy looks beyond concerned. His eyes drift to the towel hanging around Kenny The Ring Boy’s neck. Storm gets to his feet out of instinct and Lemon launches the ladder at him like a javelin! It hits Storm in the face and before it has even hit the mat, Lemon is charging toward Storm. She blasts him with a shotgun dropkick and Storm is sent into the cage wall! EXPLOSION!

DICK DELAURIER: DEAR LORD ANOTHER ONE!

FIONA METZ: It’s like fucking D-Day in there.

DICK DELAURIER: I didn’t know you were a history buff.

FIONA METZ: The “D” is for dangerous.

DICK DELAURIER: Oh. You aren’t.

The challenger is prone on the mat and now he’s the one with the smoking body. You know what I mean. PJ Lemon considers her next move and then looks to the top rope – the one that Storm is conveniently laying in front of. Lemon grabs the ladder and leans it against that corner. She climbs up to the top rope and then swirls her finger in the air. The audience boos. Lemon calls them cunts. She jumps off the top rope and straddles the ladder all the way down! The ladder and Lemon’s full weight land across Storm’s sternum. Storm instantly starts having a coughing fit that results in him spitting up blood onto the canvas. Lemon covers.

DICK DELAURIER: Ladder assisted Whoopie Cushion?

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: Definitely a brand new sentence there, Dicky.

Mark Storm kicks out! Vegas is in shock. PJ Lemon isn’t. She almost looks happy. Storm can barely breathe but he pulls himself up to his feet using the ropes. Lemon grabs the chair and smashes it across Storm’s back. He is gasping for air but he is still on his feet, bleeding like a stuck pig. Lemon grabs Storm’s shoulder from behind, holds the chair in place with her thumbs, and hits Storm with the Lemon Drop (Backstabber) using the chair! Storm is on the mat writhing in pain when Lemon covers him again.

1..

2..

..!

DICK DELAURIER: What will it take to keep Mark Storm from winning this match?

FIONA METZ: Like…a towel probably.

Now PJ Lemon is a little upset. You know this because after Mark Storm kicks out, she starts violently and rapidly hitting him with the chair as he is prone on the mat. A good dozen times this happens. The chair is fucking bent. Storm isn’t moving when Lemon lays the chair on his sternum. She climbs up to the top rope again and points to the sky with both fingers. In a flash she has leaped off of the top rope with a Macho Elbow but at the last second Storm holds up the chair! Lemon drives her own elbow into it and howls in pain. Both competitors are down. Both competitors are fucked up.

DICK DELAURIER: Quick thinking from Mark Storm!

Mark Storm, bleeding profusely and struggling to breathe grabs the barbed wire wrapped bat. The blood on his face does nothing to hide the look in his eyes. Without a second of hesitation he starts wearing PJ Lemon out with barbed wire bat shots to the back. Lemon lets out in pain with each shot but Storm will not relent. The melted skin on her back starts to bleed from hundreds of little cuts and she is getting the absolute shit kicked out of her. Once Lemon stops moving, Storm stops swinging.

FIONA METZ: Stop! Stop! She’s already dead!

“Your Hero and Mine” drops to a knee, trying to catch his breath. He coughs a few times and then tosses the barbed wire bat onto the mat. Vegas is in stunned silence, waiting to see what happens next. Storm takes a few more seconds to compose himself and then glances through the cage wall at Gregory Murphy. Murphy nods at his client and Storm returns the gesture. Storm stumbles over to Lemon. He takes a deep breath and then reaches down. Storm lifts Lemon off of the mat with a deadlift gut wrench and then brings her crashing down onto the barbed wire bat with a sitout powerbomb! Lemon’s body bows upward in pain but Storm has her pinned. Diego Leach makes the count.

FIONA METZ: Farewell, my love.

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: Welcome back, my love.

PJ LEMON KICKS OUT! No one can believe it, least of all Mark Storm. But Storm will not be denied. Storm kicks the ladder into position and takes hold of the champion. Lemon is barely fighting back. She’s bloodied and broken, her left arm hanging by her side. Storm lifts her up to the top rope and after some digging deep in his soul he is up to the top rope with her. Lemon tosses a jab but Storm just eats it. In a second he has her set up for a superplex and after a brief struggle he takes her off the top rope with an Avalanche Falcon Arrow onto the ladder! Lemon bends in half. Both competitors are down again.

DICK DELAURIER: This is the most insane display of violence I have ever seen.

FIONA METZ: Yeah this is wild even by my standards. Gotta say.

DICK DELAURIER: Really?

FIONA METZ: Team Lemon baby!

What’s that? Yeah, a “This Is Awesome” chant. Or is it? Sorry, it’s actually a “THIS IS RAZOR” chant. Las Vegas is a chorus of support for the entire company right now. Storm slowly sits up, his eyes glazed over, his face caked with drying blood. He reaches out for PJ Lemon but she rolls onto her stomach. Storm stumbles up to his feet and starts smacking himself in the face. He stands Lemon up and with a sudden burst of energy he hits the ropes and comes back with Storm Search (Springboard Cutter)! They are both down again. After about thirty seconds Storm is able to slink his body across Lemon’s for a pinfall attempt.

1..

2..

…YOU’VE GOTTA BE JOKING!

The World Champion kicks out with a microsecond or some miniscule measurement of time before the count of three. Vegas is hot about it. At ringside Carmine Dante starts waving to the back and within moments three figures appear. One is massive, one is regular size, and the other is very, very, small. Los Rebeldes del Bien head to the ring and Mestizo is carrying a pair of bolt cutters. They reach ringside and Persona Non Grata strips Mestizo if his toy and cuts the chain off of the cage door with ease. PNG is the first one into the cage and Storm goes right after him. PNG smacks Storm with a headbutt that drops the challenger. PNG wastes no time, he grabs Storm by the legs and starts with the giant swing. After a half dozen revolutions PNG lets go and Storm goes flying into a cage wall. EXPLOSION THE THIRD!

DICK DELAURIER: This is ridiculous! This goes against the entire idea of a Cage Match.

FIONA METZ: Told ya Lemmy would find a way.

DICK DELAURIER: Lemmy?

FIONA METZ: Yeah. She’s my Lil Ace of Spades. Speaking of Motorhead, I’d love to–

DICK DELAURIER: Seriously. Stop.

Mark Storm is a smoking heap but the three members of Los Rebeldes are not finished with him. The trio surround the smoldering challenger when the lights in the arena cut out. Could it be a technical issue? Or something else entirely. It’s something else entirely. Two figures have joined the fray in the ring and they are attacking Persona Non Grata and Pedro Gonzales.

DICK DELAURIER: Hope Freya! Ax Rockwell! Two of PJ Lemon’s victims are here and they aren’t going to let her get away with this.

FIONA METZ: I thought Freya was burnt to a crisp? And I thought…well I just plain forgot that Ax Rockwell existed.

DICK DELAURIER: Hope Freya looks pretty good from where I’m sitting.

FIONA METZ: Do not objectify the talent. That’s my gimmick.

Mestizo climbs up the ropes and leaps onto Ax Rockwell’s back. Rockwell reaches behind himself and grabs the furry little trench Ewok. With all of his might, Rockwell tosses Mestizo into the unexploded cage wall. Nothing happens. Too small. The little freak takes quite the bump and PNG is all rage about it. Rockwell turns to engage PNG but the giant is already stomping toward him at breakneck speed. PNG drops his head and spears Rockwell into the cage wall! It EXPLODES! It gives way! Both men land on the broken wall on the outside and both are on fire! Kenny The Ring Boy is on the scene with a fire extinguisher.

DICK DELAURIER: PNG JUST SPEARED AX ROCKWELL TO HELL!

Hope Freya and Pedro Gonzales take a break in their brawling to stare at the carnage outside the ring. But Freya snaps back into it and blasts Gonzales with Wash Over (Capoeira Kick)! Gonzales nearly drops but Freya sends him sailing over the top rope to the outside where he lands on PNG and the leaning cage wall. Freya turns to PJ Lemon, who is starting to stand. Freya actually smiles.

HOPE FREYA: I am afraid that this night does not belong to you.

Hope Freya takes off, springboards off of the top rope and lands on Gonzales and on the cage wall with Forever Midnight (Top Rope Front Flip Foot Stomp)! Everyone that just arrived on the scene is down, outside the ring, laying in a pile of bodies and charred flesh. PJ Lemon, rocked, one armed, a little burnt, turns around and there stands her opponent. Mark Storm too is charged, bloodied, and probably dealing with some serious internal injuries. Lemon spits some blood on the mat.

PJ LEMON: Alright cunt, let’s get on with it then.

The two war torn competitors meet in the center of the ring.They start exchanging punches back and forth. Neither is getting the upper hand. Just back and forth with globs of blood flying off of both of their bodies with each landed strike. Carmine Dante gets an idea. Dante grabs Kenny The Ring Boy’s towel and stands near the cage wall. He starts trying to taunt Storm with it! Gregory Murphy is watching this happen but only for a moment. Murphy approaches Dante, grabs the towel, and wraps it around Dante’s neck! Murphy is choking Dante out with it.

DICK DELAURIER: YES! GET THAT LITTLE BASTARD!

FIONA METZ: Please, Dick. So uncouth.

Back in the ring PJ Lemon swings on Storm with her spiky brass knuckled fist but Mark Storm catches her arm by the wrist. Storm stares into Lemon’s eyes and for the first time ever – she looks legitimately scared. Storm uses his other hand and BREAKS LEMON’S WRIST! Lemon screams in pain and Storm gets her up onto his shoulders. Storm takes one step and then brings Lemon down head first into the barbed wire bat with Heroes End (One Winged Angel)! Storm makes the cover and Diego Leach makes the count. Vegas counts along loudly.

1..!

2..!

..3!


BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner…AND NEW RAZOR WRESTLING WORLD CHAMPION, “YOUR HERO AND MINE” MAAAAARK STOOOOORM!

"Short Change Hero" by The Heavy cues up and Diego Leach hands the World Championship to Mark Storm. The bloody and beaten champion drops to his knees as Gregory Murphy enters the ring to celebrate with him. Storm cradles the title, the blood from his head wound dripping onto the center plate.

DICK DELAURIER: DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD! MARK STORM IS RAZOR WRESTLING WORLD CHAMPION!

FIONA METZ: NOOOOOO! THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! WHAT THE HELL!

Liam Richardson and Miles Watson come down to the ring and are quickly into the cage. They meet Mark Storm’s eyeline as he starts to stand. It’s tense. Richardson and Watson share a look and then they embrace Storm in a lovely moment. Gregory Murphy watches as his clients all celebrate and it’s very possible that there is a tear in his eye.

DICK DELAURIER: The violent reign of PJ Lemon is finally over and wrestling fans tonight we absolutely were alive in the Superunknown! For Fiona Metz and our entire team here at RAZOR Wrestling, GOODNIGHT FROM LAS VEGAS!

Watson and Richardson lift Storm up onto their shoulders. Caked in blood, skin singed, eyesight forever changed – Storm holds the championship high as Superunknown goes off the air.