Shotgun Episode #6

Fiona isn't able to get another word in edgewise as the towering PtoleBAE marches out to the ring, a small wheeled suitcase in tow. As the small rowdy crowd cat calls and whistles at her, she steps into the ring and takes center stage. Big Mouth Mindy attempts to do her job but PtoleBAE rips the mic out of the ring announcer's hand.

PTOLEBAE: *in Italian* <Greetings mortals! I have descended from Olympus to offer you all a once in a lifetime opportunity. Have you ever wanted to be your own boss while simultaneously discovering the mysterious truth of the universe? Then look no further! I, PtoleBAE, mistress of Olympus, have come to tell you about the Diametrical Foundation! For a small consultation fee, I will help the first 50 people who sign u->

Her mic gets cut off abruptly as another voice cuts in.

NANA TSUKINA: Whoa whoa whoa, 50 cent e più Wonder Woman! This isn't your informercial, and these fine people deserve to be entertained!

The fighter-turned-producer beams as the crowd whistles and cheers her interruption. She stands there in her dayglo blazer, hair back in a ponytail and eyes twinkling behind a pair of rose tinted aviator glasses.

NANA TSUKINA: Mindy, take it away!

Mindy snatches the mic back from an annoyed PtoleBAE as an electric guitar riff hits.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: And her opponent, from Reno, Nevada by way of Saitama, Japan: making her international debut, Ryko!

As Victory Road plays, Ryko skips out through the curtain and strikes a cute pose. The lights of the small venue catch the sparkle of her gear as well as she eyes PtoleBAE with an unhinged huntress' stare. Then she prances her way to the ring, smiling for all the fans as Nana loudly encourages them to cheer during sections of the song.

FIONA METZ: Well this' already become a goddamn mess. One of them's trying to get people to join a cult and the other got lost on her way to some comicon. Fucking fantastic.

DICK DELAURIER: Say what you will, but Ryko's a talented young competitor from Japan who's looking to establish herself on the world stage right here in Razor! She looks hungry today, and that's going to be bad news for PtoleBAE.

Ryko saunters up the ring steps and onto the apron, where she thrusts an arm into the air in a dramatic pose. The fans cheer a bit, though the catcalls are equally prevalent. Her smile doesn't last long, though, as the wheeled suitcase comes hurtling into view before crashing right into Ryko. The idol plummets to the floor and the match is on!

FIONA METZ: Guess she's giving the kid a free luggage allowance.

"WYLD SMYLE" RYKO vs. PTOLEBAE

PtoleBAE rolls out under the bottom rope and immediately puts the boots to Ryko. Despite Nana Tsukina arriving at ringside, the beatdown continues as PtoleBAE drags the idol up by her hair and slams her head first into the ring steps. CRACK! With her hand still buried deep in Ryko 's hair, PtoleBAE yanks the girl's head back to slam it down again - no! The idol's face is twisted, full of violent joy. She laughs, then hammers PtoleBAE in the ribs once, twice, thrice! She then grabs a handful of the taller woman's hair and slams her face first into the steps with an even louder CRACK!

Ryko pumps her fist and then peppers PtoleBAE with forearm strikes to the back. Then she spots the small suitcase and grins. She suddenly hops up onto the ringside barrier and encourages the crowd to start clapping; as they do, she leaps from her perch onto PtoleBAE's shoulders! PtoleBAE stands up at that moment, and Ryko spins around to the front before nailing a misteriorana right onto the suitcase!

DICK DELAURIER: What a fantastic maneuver from the wild idol! She's suddenly turned this match on its head!  

FIONA METZ: That's not all she turned on its head, that towering idiot's got no fucking idea where she's at!

Nana slaps the the mat and shouta encouragement as Ryko rolls PtoleBAE into the ring and then hooks the leg!

One, two thr- PtoleBAE kicks out!

Ryko nails a pair of kicks to PtoleBAE as she gets to her knees, but the larger woman ducks a buzzsaw kick aimed at her head. She gets the rest of the way up and whips Ryko to the ropes. The fans gasp as Ryko cartwheels through a lariat attempt, then cheer as she hits a standing dropkick. PtoleBAE staggers towards the ropes and Ryko pumps the crowd up before rushing in for another dropkick - no! PtoleBAE cuts her off with a big boot! With the momentum back in her favor, PtoleBAE picks Ryko up and law darts her into the corner. The idol's head snaps back and she slumps face first against rhe turnbuckles.

FIONA METZ: Now she's even more not right in the head.

DICK DELAURIER: The absolute size and power advantage PtoleBAE enjoys looks to be overwhelming Nana Tsukina's client quickly. It certainly looks bad for the Wyld Smyle.

PtoleBAE shouts as she charges in for a clothesline to the back of the head and neck. She makes impact, but then screams as Ryko comes alive and cinches in a vyse like grip on her arm! Ryko leans out through the ropes, hanging upside down and pulling PtoleBAE's overextended arm down over the top rope with her full weight! The ref counts nearly to five before Ryko releases the hold and slips back in through the middle rope. PtoleBAE desperately tries another clothesline, but Ryko ducks behind and hits a German suplex to a pop from the crowd!

Ryko then slides out of the ring and picks up the small suitcase. She cracks a mischievous grin as an idea comes to her, and then climbs to the top turnbuckle with the bag in hand.Though she struggles to get it up with her, Ryko manages and then with a scream flies off the top rope to hit a moonsault onto PtoleBAE's arm while holding the bag! The fans cheer louder as brochures, books and sheets of paper spill out onto the canvas. Ryko writhes in pain from the impact while PtoleBAE clutches her arm.

DICK DELAURIER: Air Ryko takes flight with a carry on bag! Ryko has some serious hops and I don't think anyone expected this kind of frenetic attack from her when she first stepped through that curtain.

With the crowd clapping in time with Nana, both combatants rise to their feet. Ryko races to the corner and goes for a triple jump crossbody, only to be caught in mid air and power slammed onto the broken suitcase! PtoleBAE drapes her arm across Ryko's chest for the pin.

One, two, th- Ryko's shoulder shoots up off the mat. She rolls away from the shocked PtoleBAE, under the bottom rope and out onto the apron.

PtoleBAE pursues her opponent, reaching down over the top rope for some of Ryko's many frills. Suddenly she screams as Ryko seizes her arm and torques it, drawing another five count from the ref. When it's released, PtoleBAE staggers back to the center of the ring. Ryko meanwhile climbs back to her feet, mouth wide in a vicious grin. She shoots up to the top rope then springboards into the ring - LOV-U!!! Her eyes are wide and her smile twisted with furious malkce as she wrenches in the armbar. There's nowhere for PtoleBAE to go! She slaps the mat rapidly and taps out!!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, representing Nana Productions: "Wyld Smyle", Ryyyyykooooo!

DICK DELAURIER: The hype about Ryko appears to be very real indeed! Ryko came out here, threw caution to the wind and brought down a much bigger opponent. Nana Tsukina's taught her well, it seems.

FIONA METZ: The kid reminds me of a half starved badger on acid. In a frilly dress.

The idol keeps the hold locked in as PtoleBAE screams and the red ineffectually tries to break it up. It's only when Nana steps into the ring and pulls Ryko off that the hold is released. As the crowd cheers, Ryko's murderous smile softens, and suddenly she's a cute idol again. With Nana raising her hand, Ryko bows for the fans like she's just finished a concert. A few moments later she follows Nana out of the ring, waving happily to her fans on route to the back.

JOSH MAC vs. FABIANO PETROCCA

DICK DELAURIER: Welcome back to Rome, Italy! We already have the two competitors in the ring with the Irish national Josh Mac taking on Wrestle Italia’s homegrown talent Fabiano Petrocca. It was a nice nod from the RAZOR developmental team to invite Mac to Europe for this tour.

FIONA METZ: We have a developmental team?

DICK DELAURIER: Anyways – quite a strange backstage interaction Mac had before this match. I wonder what this all means.

FIONA METZ: I am guessing we’re about to find out…

The bell rings and Mac comes out with a shotgun drop kick that rockets Fabiano Petrocca into the turnbuckle. He then completes the attack with a crunching double knee into the corner. Mac grabs the smaller Petrocca and tosses him out of ring.

FIONA METZ: He’s not wasting anytime here.

The referee attempts to gain control, but his demands are clearly ignored, as Mac throws Petrocca into the guardrail to the delight of the fans. He quickly follows that up with a full body splash. The Italian grimaces in pain, and staggers away from the guardrail. Mac quickly ascends to the ring apron, and comes crashing down with a moonsault onto Petrocca!

DICK DELAURIER: Josh Mac is finally finding his stride!

Mac rolls Petrocca into the ring, tosses him back into the turnbuckle, and begins to deliver deafening overhand blows to his face. Petrocca attempts to fight back with right hands of his own, but Mac won’t have any of it. He simply eats a few of the right hands, and then attacks with a ferocious headbutt into Petrocca’s nose. Mac lets out a sick smile, and then promptly spits into the face of his opponent.

FIONA METZ: That’s exactly how I like to be treated.

Petrocca is absolutely dazed, and Mac does not waste any more time. He delivers a belly to belly suplex, and then pops up to the top rope. Mac bangs his chest in triumph, and launches himself for a high angle frog splash – PURE PASSION.

One – two – three!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, JOSH MAAAAC!

Mac pulls away from the referee as he tries to raise his hand. Mac promptly rolls out of the ring, leaving his opponent stunned in the center of the squared circle.

DICK DELAURIER: OH! It doesn’t look like he is done just yet…

The Mad Bull, Adam García appears on backstage, the camera follows his steps as he leaves the locker room area after what seemed to be a researching lesson about his opponent Ollie Maverick. After three years overseas he was back in Europe, finally he would be able to devour authentic european cuisine, and not bother with the unhealthy american lifestyle for at least a couple of days. García was currently on his way to catering.

Surprisingly enough, the always paranoid García, was not actually worrying about his upcoming match. Of course he watched a couple of Maverick matches, but he was certain he could take him. Sure Ollie might still be undefeated, but for García, the only reason for that was simple, Ollie and him hadn't fought yet. Now he just had to enjoy the beauties of Italy....Or so he thought.

*BAM*

Tomato sauce and dough flew and impacted in García's suit. A poor kid by the name of Ernesto screeched while continuously apologizing. This was Ernesto's first week at Wrestle Italia, his cousin Kenny had recently signed a contract with Razor Wrestling after a short internship while he however worked backstage as the catering kid for all the wrestlers in his company.

ERNESTO: ¡MI DISPIACE, MI SCUSI, NON ERA MI INTENZIONE !


García approached the kid and grabbed him by the collar.

ADAM GARCÍA: Kid, you are fuckin' dead. Not even a single day to relax in this shithole of a country. 

García grabs Ernesto and tries to powerbomb him against a table. The cries of Ernesto catch the attention from several Wrestle Italia wrestlers who try to calm the situation before someone gets hurt.

ADAM GARCÍA: This ain't over, he either buys me a new suit or get onto a damn ring against me. Call the fucking referee.

ADAM GARCÍA vs. ERNESTO "Il Pizzaiolo"

DICK DELAURIER: We are back with another unexpected match. Adam García, the Spanish Ace against newly signed Il Pizzaiolo who...might not even be a wrestler.


FIONA METZ: Well welcome to wrestlin' kiddo. 


BIG MOUTH MINDY: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Rome, Italy, weighing in at 145 lbs. Ernesto "The pizza guy"!

Ernesto is in the middle of an anxiety attack while the crowd erupts in cheers for their "homegrown talent".

BIG MOUTH MINDY: AND NOW, from Razor Wrestling, from Málaga, Andalucía, Spain. Weighing in at 197lbs, he is "THE SPANISH ACE".....ADAAAAM GARCíA

*DING DING*

"il pizzaiolo" quickly tries to roll out but García predicting this grabs his legs and tosses him back to the ring, he approaches the now laying opponent and applies an elevated boston crab. Ernesto cries in pain as he tries to hold the ropes. The screams of Ernesto are quickly erased by the presence of the crowd mixed boos for García and praise for Ernesto. Adam breaks the hold and walks towards the ropes.

ADAM GARCÍA: SHUT THE HELL UP, I'm doing my job properly. Something this guy should have done if he didn't want to end in this position.

Ernesto slowly tries to get on his feet but gets hit with an assisted enzuigiri from the Spanish Ace instead. He grabs Ernesto by the hair and tosses him against the turnbuckle, The Mad Bull from Spain starts to slap Il pizzaiolo's chest

DICK DELAURIER: That will certainly leave a mark!

FIONA METZ: That's a very basic kink, I'm more attracted to

DICK DELAURIER: LET'S GET BACK TO THE MATCH SHALL WE?

García seems to be leaving the poor kid a little time to relax, however he was just getting the distance right to hit Ernesto with an Estampida (Helluva Kick). The eyes from the pizzaiolo roll back as he unconsciously falls to the mat. Adam covers with just his right foot while holding his index finger up.

 
BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, The Spanish Ace, ADAM...GARCÍIIIIAAA.

Meanwhile, there are already two men in the ring and…HEY! WAIT A MOMENT! Aren't these the guys from the commercial we just watched? Christ, they haven't aged a day.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Introducing first, at a combined weight of NONE-A YA BUSINESS…Mariano and Ludovico. THE SUPERIOR SALTAFOSSI SIBLINGS!


Mariano, the older-yet-shorter brother, strikes a pose and gives a wide smile to the crowd while his younger-yet-taller brother stops his knees from knocking long enough to give a small wave. Nobody knows exactly where these two heating and cooling repairmen came from. Some say they immigrated here from Brooklyn, some say they were dropped off at a wrestling promoter's doorstep by a stork. The only thing for sure about the Saltafossis is that nothing's for sure. Big Mouth Mindy is about to announce their opponents for the evening when a lackey from the back slides into the ring and whispers something in her ear.


BIG MOUTH MINDY: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?


Nobody needs a microphone to hear Mindy any other time and they certainly don't need it now. The lackey nods as the ring announcer tries to shake off her shock. She clears her throat and brings the mic to her lips.


BIG MOUTH MINDY: Ladies and gentleman, I have just been informed that this match…IS FOR THE RAZOR WRESTLING TAG! TEAM! CHAMPIONSHIP!


The crowd pops for this. The Saltafossi's are just as in shock as everybody else is. Mariano gives a WAHOO in response while Ludovico's knees start to knock again as he bites his nails to the quick. The elder brother tries to calm the youngest down when Run the Jewels begins to blare from the speakers.


Pedro Gonzales slides through the curtain first like a leader should, doing his best Scott Hall impersonation. Persona Non Grata comes through second, calm and confident. Mestizo emerges last with an energy that either comes from a lot of sugar or a lot of drugs. That could go either way, honestly. The tag titles are shining under the bright lights and both teams are ready for a fight…mostly.


Because Duchess Fungo is in the front row.


Pedro smiles and seems to slide over to her, clearly flirting. The Duchess tries to act nonchalant, but the tinge of red that's being cast over her face deceives her. Mariano is watching this happen and he's a little bit pissed off. He gets out of the ring and confronts the Rebeldes leader who seems to stand there with a smirk on his face. Pedro holds a hand up to stop Mariano's bickering before pointing to the ring. The heating and air repairman turns to see his brother getting blasted by a powerful PNG headbutt. Mestizo is laughing at this turn of events.


DING DING.

LOS REBELDES DEL BIEN vs. THE SUPERIOR SALTAFOSSI SIBLINGS

Mariano goes to get in the ring to stop the assault, only to be pushed back by the ref. Pedro gives one last look at the Duchess, blowing her a kiss as he takes his place in the corner to the symphony of boos. Dirty tricks and physical greatness are Los Rebeldes' bread and butter. Tonight is no exception.


These poor Italian bois don't seem fully prepared for this match period, let alone a title match. However, they are used to having to deal with insurmountable odds. Not just in business, but in life! So the Saltafossi Siblings give it their all. Double team moves are all over the damned place to the point where the referee has given up on trying to keep anybody in a neutral corner. At one point in the process, the Saltafossi Siblings do what could be considered dirty tactics of their own with Mariano trying to throw spicy fireballs in Pedro's face. Ludovico launches an jumping uppercut with ice crystals, but PNG steps back in time to counter with a Shōryūken!


…at least, we think it's a Shōryūken.


It's an absolute battle until the final bell. As the Saltafossi Siblings try to end the match with the Superior Saltafossi Smash (pretty much a double cannonball/ground pound), Mestizo once again gets involved by distracting Ludovico and shoving him off of his perch. This is brought to the attention of Mariano who begins to rant again, giving the champs enough time to recover and plant the shorter of the siblings with an avalanche double suplex which was more than enough to get the pin.


BIG MOUTH MINDY: The winners of the match…AND STILL RAZOR WRESTLING TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, Los Rrrrrrrrbeldeeeeees del Bien!


DICK DELAURIER: An unfortunate twist of fate for the Saltafossi Siblings.


FIONA METZ: That Duchess skank sure picked some losers, didn't she?


Los Rebeldes make their ways to the back to a chorus of boos, raising their belts in the air as the siblings comfort each other at ringside.