RAZOR Wrestling Episode #11

Cameras catch up with “The McLean Avenue Mauler” as he struggles against the mob of security guards that continue to force him away from the ring. He tries to push, shove, and punch his way through the all-black-clad meatheads, but there are too many. The struggle continues until they reach a monitor, where Duffy’s eyes catch the scene playing out back at the ring. McGrath. Ashford. New World Champion. The Bastard falls still, but the look in his eye burns with a fury unseen from Brogan before. He now had a new heading. He stops his push toward the ring and marches his way further backstage.

BROGAN DUFFY: Sophie… SOPHIE!!!!

The guards start to run ahead of him to try and prevent him from (potentially) murdering the new acting Manager of RAZOR Wrestling. Duffy is certainly in no mood, as he begins throwing some men into the hall walls flanking him and clocking others square in the jaw.

It isn’t long before he reaches her office. A sign hangs on the front of it reading “Do Not Disturb, Official Consortium Business”. Undeterred, he boots the wooden door open and steps into the office, a little surprised by the presence of not just Sophie Whimm, but her new associates as well. They turn from their discussion to see a battered Bastard, a trail of incapacitated guards in his wake.

BROGAN DUFFY: Did you see-!?

SOPHIE WHIMM: Oh, Brogan! We were just talking about you!

The Yonkers man steps closer, causing Whimm to step back for a second, only to regain her composure. She doesn’t need to feel afraid considering the people she surrounds herself with now.

BROGAN DUFFY: I don’t have time for pleasantries and bullshit, now answer me!

SOPHIE WHIMM: Yes, Brogan, it was a very unfortunate situation. For you, anyhow. Worked out very well for Jack McGrath though; he beat you at your own game.

A small yet wicked grin rests on Whimm’s face.

BROGAN DUFFY: You little-

SOPHIE WHIMM: Now, now, Brogan I would consider what you say next wisely because despite how you feel about me now, I’m on your side here pal-arino. As a matter of fact, I was just speaking with Mr. Dante here about a little offer.

Enzo Dante shoots a grin at Duffy from his seat. A smug-looking one, but not sinister, and for a hot-headed Duffy it was enough to cool him down for a moment.

ENZO DANTE: Your reputation precedes you, Bastardo. Your type of violence is going to bring some much needed life back to a place near and dear to me. I’m sure you know that we will be departing for Italy for your next episode; Ms. Whimm and I would like you there.

SOPHIE WHIMM: That’s not all. In a gesture of good faith considering this evening's events, we want to give you a match against Furio Arcuri for the Wrestle Italia Campionato Mondiale. Isn't that shiny? You have another chance to be a World Champion. Make your family proud and all that good sugar. What do you say?

Brogan stands in silence, pondering the proposal laid before him.

BROGAN DUFFY: …I’ll do it.

He turns to leave but stops in the doorway, spinning back around to look at Whimm.

BROGAN DUFFY: But before I go, let’s make two things clear. One, this doesn’t end here. Not by a long shot. I’m taking this title and bringing it back with me to McLean Ave, but I will get my hands on our new poster boy and the World title he carries, mark my goddamn words.

His eyes shift to Enzo.

BROGAN DUFFY: And two, I hope you take care of your fighters, Mr. Dante. Because when I’m done making an example out of Furio, he’s going to need all the extra care he can get.

The elaborate and awe inspiring intro video for RAZOR Wrestling on GRBG plays after that nifty little cold open and it’s got an Italian flavor because the outlaw mudshow on meth is in Europe baby! Pyro and all that goodness goes off as we are inside a new venue for the first time ever, the Arena Tutto Sport in Rome, Italy. Home of Wrestle Italia.

DICK DELAURIER: Welcome wrestling fans to RAZOR Wrestling on GRBG. I am Dick Delaurier alongside the silver tongued sociopath Fiona Metz and we are LIVE in Rome, Italy at the Arena Tutto Sport. Home to Wrestle Italia and tonight–

– Dick Delaurier stops speaking because the shot switches to the entrance ramp. No music. No theatrics. Jack McGrath storms into the Arena Tutto Sport full of vigor. He holds the RAZOR World Championship high above his head and walks confidently down the entrance ramp. The Italian crowd stirs with all eyes glued on the Champion. His outfit is simple, no shirt, black jeans, combat boots, and his eye patch.

DICK DELAURIER: Well… I guess our opening segment is over because here comes Jack McGrath. This will be the first time he’s addressed the public since he cheated Mark Storm out of the World Title two weeks ago…

FIONA METZ: That’s hearsay! Show some respect for the Champ!

Behind McGrath is “Gosuto Sutori” Reid Ashford, rocking a black leather jacket, a shit eating grin and the CARNAGE Pro World Championship over his shoulder. Ashford’s hand is still heavily bandaged as he struts behind McGrath full of pride. Josh Mac, the red-headed Irish 20-year-old, is not far behind.

McGrath snatches a microphone from Big Mouth Mindy, and the trio make their way into the squared circle. McGrath, stoically, positions the strap over his shoulder.

JACK MCGRATH: If it was up to me, we wouldn’t be here right now. Italy? Of all places… This is supposed to be my shining moment, this is where I’m supposed to make my proclamation to the World. And now 95% of the crowd can’t even understand what the fuck I am saying. I am the RAZOR World Champion, and I deserve better than this.

He paces methodically in the center of the ring. Ashford and Mac nod their heads in agreement. The fans let out a raucous of boos and jeers.

JACK MCGRATH: Things were supposed to be different for me in RAZOR Wrestling. I had these magnificent dreams of competing in front of the Las Vegas faithful, showing off my brand of professional wrestling to the world. I wanted to be a role model. I wanted to be a shining star in this black hole of madness. I wanted to be different.

McGrath shakes his head and walks closer towards the camera.

JACK MCGRATH: But, no. I’m the same as every other scum bag on this roster. People like PJ Lemon were bad before they got here. But, me? I’m another type of monster. I am the first person to truly embrace what this company is. I have been molded by this environment. I am the purest representation of what RAZOR Wrestling truly is. I was the first to be infected.

The World Champion pauses.

JACK MCGRATH: I AM PATIENT ZERO.

McGrath slowly lays the World Championship down on the mat, and continues to speak to the crowd.

JACK MCGRATH: After my World Championship victory over Mark Storm, the ring was filled with garbage. Over the last few months I’ve had my eye gouged out, and my ear nearly severed, there was no way a hot dog and a plastic cup thrown at my feet were going to ruin my moment. The RAZOR Wrestling fans need to realize that there is no such thing as a fairy tale ending in this promotion. I then stood in the middle of the ring with not a care in the world, shoulder to shoulder with “Gosutor Sutori”.

McGrath affectionately throws his arm around Reid Ashford, and brings him into the center of the ring.

JACK MCGRATH: This guy right here helped me reach my full potential, and now together, we’re going to change the damn World. The infestation has already begun, and we will not be stopped….

McGrath then points behind him to Josh Mac who stands firmly with his arms crossed.

JACK MCGRATH: Josh Mac here is a prime example. Once a lost little sheep, now fighting with a purpose. Together we will only get stronger. Together we will continue to spread our ideas of violence, hostility, and harm. This is only the beginning of it all. This is the only way to true salvation.

The trio are now all practically salivating over the hard cam. Jack McGrath is leaning over the top rope with the devil in his eye. Ashford and Mac simply look possessed.

JACK MCGRATH: Together, we are CONTAGION. The disease that is RAZOR Wrestling has just mutated and it’s about to get a lot worse…


The first match of the evening sees the Kaiju tag team of Samhain and SHADOJIMA led to the ring by Shinobu Tsutsumi. Strike 2 Kill are already in the ring and we get a little reminder of what happened two weeks ago between these two teams.

Liam Richardson is cut off when he is attacked from behind. Clobbered, would be the right word. Shinobu Tsutsumi’s Kaijus, SHADOJIMA and Samhain have appeared out of nowhere! I guess Tsutsumi saw Strike 2 Kill and decided that they were a target.

Champ Marlborough darts out of frame as SHADOJIMA lifts Miles Watson up and drops him back first onto a road case! Samhain has hold of Liam Richardson. The two monsters lift Richardson up and powerbomb him onto Watson, on the road case! Shinobu Tsutsumi appears, smirking.

SHINOBU TSUTSUMI: That’s enough…for now.

Referee Danielle Pollock calls for the opening bell and Miles Watson is careful not to attack SHADOJIMA head on. Watson tests the waters and tries to shoot in on SHADOJIMA but gets hit with a clubbing blow to the back of the head. SHADOJIMA grabs Watson by the back of the neck, lifts him off of the canvas, and brings his face down HARD on the top turnbuckle. SHADOJIMA launches Watson across the ring with the Kaiju Beale! Watson lands in a heap in his corner, allowing Liam Richardson to make the tag.

FIONA METZ: Hey Dick. I bet you $100 that this match doesn’t go past five minutes.

DICK DELAURIER: You can’t say that when it’s already started.

FIONA METZ: …$50?

Liam Richardson takes a different approach. He charges across the ring but SHADOJIMA grabs him by the throat, lifts him into the air, and drills him into the canvas with his Kyojinslam chokeslam. Both members of Strike 2 Kill are laid out. SHADOJIMA tags in Samhain. Miles Watson comes back to life and looks to charge in to defend his partner.

FIONA METZ: Goodluck, kid. These Gojira looking motherfuckers don’t play.

Miles Watson runs at Samhain but eats a massive big boot. SHADOJIMA gets Watson up and in a heartbeat they have him positioned for a double powerbomb. The two Kaijus bring Watson crashing down on top of Liam Richardson. Shinobu Tsutsumi shouts at Samhain and Hell’s Refuse covers Richardson as SHADOJIMA stands with his boot on Watson’s chest. All Gregory Murphy can do from ringside is watch.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners, the team of Samhain & SHADOJIMA!

There is no celebration. The victory was the celebration. The once promising tag team of Strike 2 Kill were completely destroyed by this monster squad. Fuck, I said I wouldn’t call them that. Well they don’t have a name yet so that’s what’s happening. Unless they say otherwise because I am straight terrified of these two.

We move from Arena Tutto Sport to a public spot nearby. The sun’s just going down and a few small lights line the top of a flight of stone stairs. Occasionally red lights strobe in time to an upbeat rhythm filling the space. In the background a stately two story building stands, pillars rising up from the roof of the ground floor’s roof. All this - the Villa Tortonia museum - serves as the stage for a performance that seems very out of place in the eternal city.

At the center of the makeshift stage, being watched by perhaps a couple dozen curious onlookers, RYKO dances away with the brightest of smiles on her face. Each of her dance moves is sharp, a picture perfect example of peak idol cuteness. As the performance continues a few more scattered souls stop to watch her concert, encouraged by the metallic blazer-clad Nana Tsukina. We then get subtitles for RYKO’s song:

What can I say, what can I do

To make you see me, dear?

I’m just too plain, you won’t see me

And just walk past I fear.

I can’t keep these feelings to myself anymore,

It’s time to be brave, not look back

And kick down that door.

It’s time to unleash my full passion

With a mighty, violent roar!

My love is the color of fresh blood,

It flows free and just needs to be drawn out,

Strong like skewers pounded into your head,

Or exploding bats no doubt,

Just one little push,

A single strike

And my heart ache.. will be dead!>

As the song ends, RYKO does one last combo of dance moves and poses with her hands up in peace signs. There’s a slightly predatory gleam in her eyes as she finishes her solo. Scattered applause rings out as a few people head out, but most stay. RYKO waves to her audience happily, as if she hasn’t just sung a love song of violence. A beat later Nana leaps up onto the stage, expression concerned for a moment before she puts on a big grin and throws an arm around her idol’s shoulders.

NANA: What a lively performance! Isn’t RYKO great? Such fire and passion along with being the most adorable girl in pro wrestling! Let’s give her another round of applause!

The small crowd claps a little louder, and Nana nods confidently.

NANA: That’s the kind of entertainment you’re going to see on every episode of RAZOR Wrestling from now on! Whether it’s in the ring or out of it, no one will do it better or shine brighter than Nana Productions!

She pats RYKO on the shoulder and her grin widens.

NANA: <RYKO-chan, how about a word for our fans around the world?>

RYKO pauses, head tilted to the side in thought.

RYKO: <I guess I want to thank all the fans who came out to see me live tonight. And all the fans who cheered me on in my Shotgun debut and dark match at Arena Tutto Sport. I also want to remind everyone that this is just the beginning.>

Her smile grows wider and wilder.

RYKO: <What I’ve done already is just a hint of what I can do. No one here in Razor’s ready for what I’m capable of.>

Her eyes grow wider and even wilder.

RYKO: <Blood might flow, bones might be broken, futures destroyed. But I’ll smile all along the way as I cut through everyone to bring you joy! That’s the RYKO-chan promise!>

She poses cutely, the maniacal look slowly dissipating. Nana nods slowly, then motions towards a small table they’ve set up at the bottom of the steps.

NANA: That’s right! Now, to thank you all for coming out tonight, we’ve got a pop up merch table just for all of you! Come on down and get your signed portraits, t-shirts and CD singles of RYKO’s debut song ‘My Love is the Color of Blood’! All brought to you by Nana Productions!

RYKO skips down the steps, clearly satisfied with herself. A few moments later she’s in full customer service mode, signing autographs for a few fans who’ve taken a shining to her. Meanwhile Nana stands off to the side, speaking animatedly on her phone.

NANA: Yes.. that offer’s still on the table. I think you deserve another shot. Yes, I can come to meet with you.. Oh, you’re in England? No problem, we’re headed there soon. I promise it’ll be worth your time.. And I think the kid needs you. Badly.

The scene fades out into a commercial.

An arrhythmic strumming of tiny guitar strings greets us backstage, as the Super Destructoras are espied animatedly chatting as they walk through the hubbub of production. Prancing ahead of them is little Guadalupe, hammering away on her prized, brightly-painted mariachi guitar... until she abruptly trips and tumbles head over heels, thanks to the timely introduction of a woman's boot.

The girl's wail of pain draws a look of panic from Peregrina Loca, who puts out an arm to stay Araña Oscura from intervening as she lunges forward hastily - ostensibly to check on her daughter, and help her up, until she beholds - in all her wicked glory - the reason for this mishap. Eyes of icy fire meet her own, bold gaze, and a second later Craneo is upon her. Pera reacts with a scything high kick--

--that's caught by the Diabolical Doll, the ankle harshly twisted as she steps in, rakes her fingers across Pera's eyes, then sweeps her to the floor, following her straight into mount. She slams Pera's head off the floor with a rough forearm, then spins out, expertly hunting for an armbar - and a way to ruin the other woman's night - when she's RIPPED away by Araña Oscura!

CRANEO: How dare you?!

She hisses, grabbing her former trainee by the throat. A crowd of local talent is now watching the fight, gathering around and eagerly placing bets - all of which provides added distraction for Peregrina, who writhes aross the floor, seizes hold of the first thing she can, and rises up behind Craneo, screaming as she lashes out with the foreign object.

It shatters into pieces on impact, pitching an astonished Craneo to the floor. And, behind them, a little girl bursts into tears.

Pera's eyes are wide like saucers, as she stares aghast at the remnants of the tiny mariachi guitar and then whirls to face her daughter, just as Lupe gives a heaving sob and turns to run through the crowd. Her mother only pauses to glance at Araña, who motions that she should go, before she gives chase - shoving bodies aside.

Said bodies don't do much to stop her, crowding back together to incite the younger Destructora, who's stood over her The yelling of impassioned Italiani draws a huff of frustration from the younger Destructora. She glances down at her right wrist, and then extends a hand toward the fallen Craneo - who stares maliciously up at her, lips curled in derision.

A ripple of disappointment runs through the crowd as Craneo takes the offered hand, and allows herself to be pulled up...

Only to angrily wrench Araña's arm behind her back, driving her up against a catering table and shoving her face down toward a place of olives speared by cocktail sticks. Araña grimaces, twisting her head sideways to keep the sharp tips away from her eyes.

CRANEO: She spits on our family, and you spit with her.

ARAÑA OSCURA: You're not my family, Craneo!

That does nothing to diffuse the situation, and Araña has to fight harder to resist as Craneo leans in, snarling.

CRANEO: Ungrateful puta! I taught you everything you know.

ARAÑA OSCURA: Not everything. Not any more.

CRANEO: Prove it.

The younger woman struggles curtly.

ARAÑA OSCURA: I've got nothing to prove to you. Let me go!

Gritting her teeth, she shifts her balance, hooks a foot behind Craneo, and sweeps her free arm up and around, reversing the hammerlock with a gasp of effort and-- lets go, backing off with her hands held up, breathing hard and staring warily. Craneo turns, her rage diminishing into cold laughter.

CRANEO: The fool still has capacity to learn.

ARAÑA OSCURA: Like you wouldn't believe, Craneo. I'm getting better every day.

CRANEO: Good, because this little experiment of yours is going to end, and then you'll be putting those new skills back to use alongside your sister. Don't get too attached to the traitor - and remember, I'm doing all of this for your good, Araña.

ARAÑA OSCURA: I hope Calavera recovers soon, but, I'm not coming back. You've hurt me enough.

Craneo absolutely fumes, her nostrils flaring, her eyes like icicles.

CRANEO: Apparently not.

She feints forward, and Araña visibly has to steel herself not to jerk away, trembling as she sets her jaw. Craneo scoffs, dismissively flicks her fingers, and turns to walk away - leaving Araña blinking back tears. Looking once more at her wrist, she reaches across with the other hand, and fumbles to tear off an old, frayed black-and-white friendship bracelet, letting it fall sadly to the floor.

Craneo prowls predatorily through the crowd, eyeing several - including Kenny the Ring Boy, who actually starts to step up to her, clearly more than ready for their Colosseo match - before settling on a towering, gold-clad woman minding her own business at the back, preening herself in a mirror held up by two 'servants' who look like they'd rather be anywhere else.

She's already covered in bruises from her recent Shotgun encounter, but this doesn't save poor PtoleBAE from Craneo's lingering wrath. She kicks her in the gut, and heaves her up and over into a powerbomb straight through the catering table, scattering olives everywhere.

The Mistress of Olympus is left down, out, and riddled with canapés on cocktail sticks, as Craneo briefly hunts around for another victim, once more pointedly ignoring Kenny - and spots a small, scruffy puppy. She purses her lips, clearly considers giving it a kick for good measure...

And then simply growls at it before storming away, watched by the sad, sad eyes of a dejected mongrel - and Araña Oscura.

We get a shot outside of the Arena Tutto Sport, where a white plastic table stands. Behind the table, “Spitfire” Harvey Francis. A young woman approaches the table, looking at the different shirts folded neatly to show their logos. She looks down at one, showing the face of Ollie Maverick’s raccoon friend, Rocky Trashington - definitely a bootleg shirt.

WOMAN: Oh mio Dio, un gatto! Amo i gatti! Quanto per la maglietta?

Harvey just stares down at the shirt.

HARVEY FRANCIS: Y-you want the one with the raccoon on it. Okay, let me just check our stock real quick …

Harvey turns around, looking through a box that is quite obviously full of the shirt in question. Harvey returns to the woman, pantomiming empty hands.

HARVEY FRANCIS: Ah shucks, I guess we’re out of that shirt.

The woman points to the one on the table, questioning its availability in Italian. Harvey does not speak Italian - but he can get a grip on what she’s saying. He looks back down at the shirt, and picks it up.

HARVEY FRANCIS: Haha … well … about this one …

Harvey turns quickly, balling up the shirt and chucking it into a garbage can.

HARVEY FRANCIS: … it’s gone! You should buy our shirt though!

Harvey retrieves a FIRE SALE - All Sales Final shirt and raises it to the camera - an uncanny smile growing on his face as an infomercial bottom bar slides onto frame, and a “buy now” flashing graphic as well. The woman takes a moment to look at the shirt - then walks away. Immediately as she leaves - so do the graphics on screen.

Harvey slumps down into his chair behind the merch table, letting the shirt fall into his lap. A moment later, Bob Regan enters the frame, holding a shaved ice in either hand.

BOB REGAN: I don’t typically indulge myself in sweets, but I see this trip as a vacation. Not from work - I have a Zoom meeting in 20 minutes - but from my kids. That seems like a win to me, Harvey. I don’t think I’ve lost at all lately.

A side-eye from Harvey reminds Regan of their loss at Superunknown. Regan’s tone changes, and he hands one of the shaved ice cups to Harvey. Harvey smiles, then looks into the cup, frowning once he notices it’s now empty.

BOB REGAN: Okay - I have lost once lately. How has the sale been going?

Harvey slides a metal box over to Regan. Regan takes a moment to open the box, his eyes growing wide as he sees what’s inside.

BOB REGAN: This is from our shirt!?

Harvey shakes his head.

HARVEY FRANCIS: It’s from that stupid trash panda’s shirt.

BOB REGAN: Trash pand-

Regan notices the box of Trashington shirts.

BOB REGAN: I see.

Regan stands, removing any shirt, 8x10, and foam finger not related to Fire Sale from the table, setting them in a box behind him.

BOB REGAN: When making a sale, you need to eliminate the competition. Once you have done that … you need to control the market.

Just then, an old man approaches the table.

OLD MAN: Hai ancora quelle magliette con il procione?

[Translation: Do you still have that raccoon shirt?]

BOB REGAN: Noi non. Tuttavia, abbiamo dei saldi su queste magliette per Fire Sale, il più grande tag team americano! Sarai molto attraente per le giovani donne con questa maglietta!

[Translation: We do not. However, we have a sale on these shirts for Fire Sale, America's greatest tag team! You will be very attractive to young women with this shirt!]

Harvey scratches his head, dumbfounded. The old man smiles … maybe a bit too wide for what was said, and hands Regan 40 Euros. Regan then retrieves a large shirt, handing it to the man before sending him on his way. Harvey continues to just … stare at Bob.

BOB REGAN: What are you staring at? Is there something on my face?

HARVEY FRANCIS: You speak Italian?

BOB REGAN: You do not?

HARVEY FRANCIS: Of course not … what’d you tell him?

BOB REGAN: What he wanted to hear …

Regan peers down the walkway, staring at the man walk away.

BOB REGAN: … though, I have a feeling that man is going to be on some kind of list in the near future.

HARVEY FRANCIS: He looks freaky. Not my problem though! I’m gonna clock out and get some shaved ice - see you for our match, Bobberino!

Harvey hops out of frame, and Regan sighs, looking at the box filled to the brim with Fire Sale merchandise, still yet to be sold.



The young bucks (no relation) start this match off as Colby Bruce is in the ring for The Steel Rockers and Araña Oscura is in the ring for Super Destructoras. The two lock up off the get go and Bruce gets the upper hand, forcing Oscura into a hammerlock. Oscura reaches back and takes Bruce over with a snapmare and then drills him in the back of the head with a dropkick.

FIONA METZ: Do you see it, Dick?

DICK DELAURIER: See what?

FIONA METZ: The confidence in Araña Oscura. It’s growing.

DICK DELAURIER: It certainly is.

FIONA METZ: Makes me wanna puke.

Angry, Colby Bruce scrambles back up to his feet. Araña Oscura rushes him but he takes her down with a drop toe hold, floats over and applies a bully choke. Oscura grabs the bottom rope and Bruce is forced to break the hold. Bruce takes Oscura back down to the mat with an arm drag and then hits her with a hard soccer kick to the spine.

FIONA METZ: That’ll ruin her confidence! Nice work Rocker Junior.

Colby Bruce tags in Jimmy Campbell and Susie Ratcliffe cheers them on from the outside. Bruce shoots Araña Oscura across the ring right into a big boot from Campbell and the crowd boos heavily. Campbell takes no notice because he is too busy hooking Oscura’s leg for a pinfall attempt. Vivian Rosser makes the count.

1..

2..!

Lots of fight in the little spider as she kicks out. Araña Oscura sits up but Jimmy Campbell immediately applies a kneeling headlock. Oscura reaches out for Peregrina Loca but she is way too far away. The crowd starts cheering, trying to get behind Oscura. Given that there are no Wrestle Italia people in this match, Rome has chosen to back Super Destructoras. Nice. Oscura tries to fight up to a vertical base but Campbell decides to switch tactics. He shoots her into the ropes and on her return Campbell turns her inside out with a clothesline.

FIONA METZ: Well the Cinderella story had to end sometime. She got her one win. Not it’s back to Shotgun for her.

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t know that she’s ever appeared on Shotgun…

FIONA METZ: Damn. Not even good enough for that afterthought.

Jimmy Campbell drags Araña Oscura back to The Steel Rockers corner and tags back in his protege Colby Bruce. The duo shoot Oscura into ropes and on her return they hit her with a massive double back body drop. Oscura basically hits the rafters before she comes crashing down onto the canvas. Bruce covers and Campbell keeps an eye on Peregrina Loca, flexing his bicep to add some stank.

FIONA METZ: I like Jimmy Campbell. I’ve decided. He’s a world class prick.

1..

2..

..!

Araña Oscura kicks out! Jimmy Campbell looks more annoyed than anything. He gets back onto the apron and demands that Colby Bruce tag him in. At first Bruce is hesitant but Campbell insists. Bruce makes the tag and Campbell is back into the ring. Campbell directs Bruce and the two hit opposing ropes in the hopes of sandwiching Oscura. Bruce goes for a dropkick, Campbell goes for a lariat, Oscura rolls forward! Bruce tags Campbell in the face and Oscura makes the tag to Peregrina Loca!

DICK DELAURIER: Here comes Mama!

FIONA METZ: Oh you just love this don’t you, you perv!

DICK DELAURIER: She is an attractive woman, no doubt about that.

FIONA METZ: Unprofessional. Highly unprofessional.

Peregrina Loca is in the ring and she is ready to fuck up anything that moves. Colby Bruce goes to attack but Loca claps him with an enziguiri! Jimmy Campbell is back to his feet but Pera drops him with a leapfrog bulldog! Bruce tries to come at her one more time but Pera sends him sailing over the top rope to the floor. Loca gets Campbell up and goes for a hurricanrana but Campbell reverses it and plants her into the mat with a powerbomb! Campbell has Pera stacked up!

1..

2..!

Colby Bruce is up on the apron and he is desperately clamoring for the tag. Jimmy Campbell, having exhausted a mess of energy on that reversal, obliges his young padawan. Bruce shoots into the ring and hits Peregrina Loca with a running soccer kick to the ribs. Pera lets out in pain but rolls sideways to her corner! Araña Oscura makes the tag! Oscura shoots into the ring and hits Bruce with a springboard glancing knee strike!

DICK DELAURIER: Araña Oscura is cooking.

FIONA METZ: Does she know that you’d like to have relations with her mother?

DICK DELAURIER: Pera isn’t her mother.

FIONA METZ: Oh so you just know EEEEEVERYTHING about them. Sicko.

Araña Oscura’s eyes are wide with inspiration as Colby Bruce has fallen, draped over the middle rope facing the crowd. Peregrina Loca is back on the apron and she wants revenge. Oscura looks to Pera and they share a moment. Oscura hits the ropes and Pera makes the blind tag. Oscura nails Bruce with a tiger feint kick and then remains on the apron. Oscura leaps up for a springboard, flies diagonally across the ring, and takes Jimmy Campbell off of the apron with a blockbuster to the floor! Rome pops BIG!

DICK DELAURIER: GOOD GUMBO WHAT A MOVE!

FIONA METZ: Aight that was legit.

Peregrina Loca is in the ring. She crisscrosses the ropes and hits the awaiting Colby Bruce with LocaMotivo (La Ayakita) to complete 1-800-DESTRUCT! Colby Bruce is trapped and his partner is all kinds of fucked up. The young lad has no choice but to submit.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners, the team of Araña Oscura & Peregrina Loca, Super Destructoras!

Araña Oscura rolls back into the ring but she clearly knocked the wind out of herself. Peregrina Loca helps her young partner up to her feet and the two get their hands raised by Vivian Rosser. The streak has officially begun. (Because this is their second win, one win is not a streak you idiot.)


We find ourselves in the hallways of Arena Tutto Sport following two figures. Jahkay Miller and Aroa Ramma are charging through the hallways, Miller looking furious as Ramma tries to keep up in an attempt to calm his partner down. They reach the office of RAZOR General Manager Sophie Whimm and Miller kicks in the door.

JAHKAY MILLER: AYOO BOSS LET ME HAVE A CHAT WITH YA!

AROA RAMMA: BABE CHILL! I know you heated but chill for one moment please.

JAHKAY MILLER: Fine. .Listen, Sophie, I want something. We know we got Fire Sale tonight but you know we ain’t forgot what they did a few months ago. We want this match to be a Tornado Tag. No Disqualifications!

AROA RAMMA: Please, Sophie. We would like that. Especially with what they done. We want payback.

JAHKAY MILLER:: No. We want revenge. They wanna attack us then we gonna have their heads on a silver platter. I'm not gonna sit there and take this. I will tear them to shreds and make them pay.

Miller begins to walks away and Ramma whispers one final thought.

AROA RAMMA: Just consider it please. Thanks.

Ramma leaves and catches up to Miller, hopping on his back. The camera whip pans over to Sophie Whimm who stares blankly.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Well since they asked so nicely. I think that’s a shiny idea.

The four men go at it immediately! As you might remember, these two teams really do not care for each other. Jahkay “Kano” Miller goes right after Bob Regan with the fire and fury of a man who was once thrown off of the stage. Because he was. Kano starts mauling Bob as best as he can but the Senior Salesman is a tough old chunk of coal.

DICK DELAURIER: Kano wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted revenge!

FIONA METZ: Yeah I mean they are probably pretty salty about not earning a shot at the Tag Team Titles two weeks ago too.

DICK DELAURIER: A win over Fire Sale, who were in the finals of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic, would put Insane Fortune right back into the title picture.

FIONA METZ: Do you know that for certain?

DICK DELAURIER: I mean…no.

“Spitfire” Harvey Francis tries to come to his partner’s aid but Aroa Ramma is there for the intercept! Ramma blasts Francis with a dropkick that sends Spitfire through the ropes to the outside! Tornado Tag action! Francis is quick to regroup but Ramma has turned his attention to one Bob Regan.

FIONA METZ: Old Man River is about to get jumped by my boys!

DICK DELAURIER: They are your “boys” now?

FIONA METZ: Always have been.

Insane Fortune communicate telepathically (I assume) and they agree to hit Bob Regan with a double dropkick that sends Bob careening into the nearest corner. Aroa Ramma is on Bob like white on rice as he grabs the 52 year old and sends him hurtling through the air with a monkey flip. Bob lands hard on his back, stands right back up, and is blasted with a bicycle knee from Jahkay Miller.

DICK DELAURIER: Incredible team work from Insane Fortune.

FIONA METZ: The power of love drives them.

DICK DELAURIER: The power of revenge is sprinkled in there too.

FIONA METZ: Yeah you’re speaking facts.

On the outside, Harvey Francis retrieves the hardware from beneath the ring. He is really taking to this no disqualification stipulation, despite only finding out about it a few moments ago! Spitfire pulls out a table from under the ring. He must believe that Bob Regan is good on his own (he isn’t) because Francis takes the time to set the table up on the outside. But wait! There’s more! Francis disappears under the ring apron again and this time he pulls out a garbage can, cookie sheets, a stop sign, and a…pizza? Literally a pizza box and we can see the steam coming out of the cracks. There’s one in the chamber.

FIONA METZ: Pizza? In Italy? Ew.

DICK DELAURIER: You are kidding, yes?

FIONA METZ: The food here is straight garbage.

Jahkay Miller sees Harvey Francis assembling his arsenal and decides that he needs to go the shock and awe route. Kano hits Francis with a baseball slide and Francis slams into the barricade on the outside. Kano is quickly out of the ring where he retrieves a cookie sheet and blasts Francis in the head with it! That sumbitch is DENTED.

DICK DELAURIER: Kano is on a mission here tonight.

Kano notices the garbage can laying there on the floor and inspiration strikes. He grabs Harvey Francis and slaps him in the face a few times because…revenge. Francis is on wobbly legs when Kano doubles him over and then hits him with Dr Jr Bomb (Gutwrench PowerBomb), pancaking the garbage can! That thing is FLATTENED.

FIONA METZ: So Harvey Francis is just a non-factor in this match. Dude is more worried about collecting loot than helping his dusty ass partner.

Meanwhile in the ring, Aroa Ramma tries to take hold of Bob Regan but gets starched with a big right hand. The Senior Salesman sends Ramma into the ropes with the worst Irish whip you have ever seen and then takes Ramma down with a Lou Thesz Press. (Whoever Lou Thesz is). Bob starts hammering on Ramma with rights and lefts like Ramma lost an invoice.

DICK DELAURIER: What an explosion from Bob Regan!

FIONA METZ: This dude is 52 years old. He might as well be dead already.

DICK DELAURIER: That is a little harsh.

FIONA METZ: Only a little? I’ll try harder.

Sensing that his partner is in trouble, Kano slips into the ring with the stop sign and he smashes Ol’ Bob Regan in the back of the head with it. It works! The onslaught ceases! Insane Fortune get Bob up and without hesitation they drop him with a double DDT onto the stop sign! It makes a very satisfying sound. Harvey Francis slides the pizza box into the ring and then hustles to aid his partner because Kano has Bob covered!

1..

2..

..!

NOPE! Harvey Francis breaks up the pin with a springboard diving elbow drop onto Jahkay Miller. It likely hurt Bob Regan a bit too but you gotta do what you gotta do. Aroa Ramma opens the pizza box to reveal a piping hot pie! Told ya! Ramma grabs an off guard Francis, kicks him in the mid-section, and hits him with the POISON (X-Factor) putting Francis face first into the pie. The pie, it burns! Ramma covers!

FIONA METZ: I’ve been there.

1..

2..

..!

Jahkay Miller is driven onto Aroa Ramma with a spinebuster from Bob Regan! Who saw that coming? Not Ramma. Bob gets Ramma up to his feet, shoots him into the ropes, and then sends him over the top rope through the table on the floor with a back body drop! The table explodes! Ramma is down and out on the floor so that’s probably it for him.

DICK DELAURIER: Did you see the elevation on Aroa Ramma? He was sent to the moon.

FIONA METZ: Oh he was not.

Harvey Francis wipes the gooey cheese and hot tomato sauce off of his face. He is displeased. Francis shoots Jahkay Miller into the ropes, pops him up, and Bob Regan is there to connect with his knockout punch! All Sales Final! Francis makes the cover.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners, the team of Harvey Francis & Bob Regan, Fire Sale!

Fire Sale get their arms raised by Wes Eastman. Harvey Francis is thrilled beyond measure. Just another day at the office for Bob Regan. Francis grabs a few slices of pizza and offers one to Bob. Bob declines. The Odd Couple of RAZOR Wrestling are back on the winning side of things and Rome is about it.

Champ Marlborough is in the ring which is dressed for his new talk show “Champ’s Camp”. The ring is just decorated with cowboy and western adjacent bullshit.

CHAMP MARLBOROUGH: Hello Italy! Name’s Champ Marlborough and this is the first ever edition of Champ’s Camp. T’night my guests are the RAZOR Wrestling Tag Team Champions, Pedro Gonzales and Persona Non Grata, Los Rebeldes del Bien. So let’s give ‘em a big warm welcome!

Run The Jewels' "Legend Has It" plays to boos (and maybe a few cheers? I dunno, Italy's strange) as Los Rebeldes slides out from the back. The leader, Pedro Gonzales, wears a dark blue suit with no tie which would make him look way too formal for this interview if it wasn't for the Ollie Maverick "Faceless Face of GRBG" shirt he wears underneath the jacket. Persona Non Grata is a little more basic, a button up shirt and a pair of slacks. And Mestizo…is Mestizo, though he's having a hell of a time carrying two title belts that are bigger than he is. He teeters and totters and at one point drags the tag team titles like a mule before Flair flopping at ringside.

After the champs snag their belts from the gassed goblin, they enter the ring. Pedro opts to shake Champ's hand. PNG opts out of the niceties completely, choosing instead to sit on one of the wooden bar stools this goofy cigarette man has chosen for chairs. Pedro grabs a mic.

PEDRO GONZALES: Hola, Italia!

The reaction, regardless of what it is, makes him smile.

CHAMP MARLBOROUGH: Welcome boys. Now I ain’t gonna pull any punches here. Y’all defeated Hope Freya and Ax Rockwell thanks to a distraction from some of The Consortium’s boys. Are y’all in their pocket?

The smile doesn't really dim from Gonzales' face even as he rolls his neck slightly.

PEDRO GONZALES: That is a very good question, Señor. Asking this proves you're at least smarter than those so called "Originals".

Boo! How dare you disrespect the Original Eight! Or is it seven? Six? Who's even counting?

PEDRO GONZALES: I understand why you're asking it too. It wasn't very long ago that the younger Dante and his freshly squeezed amigo darkened our doorstep and created a distraction in one of our matches. And now, people who just so happen to be connected to a group headed by the elder Dante does the same. Anybody can connect those dots and make a conspiracy theory. But here's the truth of it. We're not in anybody's pocket.

Another round of booing.

PEDRO GONZALES: Anybody with half a brain and some self-preservation won't believe me anyway. That's fair. But to us, it doesn't matter who caused the distraction. It could've been Razor Rockwell's ghost mocking his failure of a son for all we care. The only thing that matters is what's best for Los Rebeldes and what's best for Los Rebeldes is keeping these tag team titles. Period.

PNG nods in agreement with the statement.

CHAMP MARLBOROUGH: Alright, alright, alright. That’s good enough fer me. But let’s talk about you keepin’ them straps. You gotta take on Shinigami Foundation in two weeks in Manchester. They went through one hell of a triangle tag match to earn the right. How y’all feel about takin’ them boys on?

Off screen, Mestizo has managed to enter the ring and is scrounging around behind the makeshift bar.

PEDRO GONZALES: As you may recall, Señor, the three of us were sitting at ringside for that match. We watched them seize victory and I will give it to them, it was impressive…

Almost as if on cue, the ewok creature slides a bottle of beer he found down the bar. The leader of Los Rebeldes catches it with a dramatic flourish before finishing his statement.

PEDRO GONZALES: For all of five seconds. Then they just had to try and assert dominance. They had to say "those should be our belts!" and "we're the real champions!" like a couple of niños, crying about how the big scary referee took their toys away. They really, truly believe that because they have been the big dogs wherever else they go, we're supposed to hand over our titles--championships we have earned--and say "pwese don't hurt us!"

The masked man can't help but laugh. Whether he laughs because he's relieving the memory of the Foundation's huffing and puffing or that his partner just said "pwese" unironically is unknown. Pedro doesn't seem to be ashamed at his phrasing. Mestizo huffs and tries to slide another beer down, only for PNG to catch it and crack it open.

PEDRO GONZALES: Señors Gibson and Bane are talented. They may be able to intimidate weaker men. Unfortunately for them, my hermano and I have been through enough madness in this business to not shake in our boots over a big blowhard and his enabler friend. We really hope they went back to that halfassed strip club afterwards and got their happy endings because there will be no happy ending for them in Manchester.

Third time's the charm? That's what Mestizo thinks as he damn near throws the bottle down the bar…and PNG catches it again! The furry piss goblin jumps in frustration as the champions raise their bottles in a toast. Just as the glass clinks together, there's a cheer from the crowd. It takes a moment to place the reason for the reaction but it makes itself known as two figures jump over the barricade.

THE SHINIGAMI FOUNDATION ARE HERE!

Bane and Gibson are not pleased by the trash talk Pedro's been slinging. So they start slinging some of their own outside the ring. Pedro fires back in mockery. Persona Non Grata is not bothered by this. He senses a fight, drain the contents of his beer, and in what could only be considered as pure instinct, breaks the bottle. He has the weapon in hand as the number one contenders hit the ring. For a moment, there's a pause as both teams look at each other. They look at their partners. All four men nod.

The fight is on.

A lot of things happen at once. Champ, valuing his hide, desires to hightail it the hell outta there. The two survivalists of each duo--Thomas Bane and Persona Non Grata respectfully--face off with PNG wasting no time trying to shank his adversary who is a bit too fast in this endeavor. David Gibson decides to go the straight forward route by damn near spearing Pedro Gonzales out of his shoes. The fans go apeshit, more for the absolute chaos than anything else.

Pedro somehow slips away from Gibson and delivers a low blow for good measure. Bane eventually knocks the broken bottle out of the Emperor's hand and is even tempted to use it himself before getting momentarily rocked by a raging elbow strike. Just when one side seems to have the advantage, the other rallies back. Neither team will let the other survive. At one point, they switch dance partners and no soul in this arena seems to want to stop them. Bane destroys the announce booth by using a belly to belly suplex against Gonzales. In the ring, Gibson has one of the tag titles and is about to cave PNG's skull in when from the left side, he hears a "GAH!"

He turns his head to see a Colt 45 aimed right for his skull in the hands of this fucked up Furby.

He doesn't know if it's loaded or not. He doesn't even know if this little shit even knows how to work the damn thing. But staring down the barrel of a gun is a mindscrew, even for the hardest of men. Gibson may have only froze for a few seconds tops, yet it proves to be just enough of a distraction for PNG to give him a headbutt for his trouble. Gibson is stunned as the big man of Los Rebeldes takes both titles back from the mat.

Pedro begins to rise from the collapsed table. Bane follows suit. Both men slowly begin to get up, but Bane is distracted by a ricochet bullet that barely misses his leg! He turns back to attack only to see the champions, battered and bruised and still holding their belts. Mestizo sneakily flees the scene through the crowd, fans parting like the Red Sea.


Outside Arena Tutto Sport, a white taxi pulls up to the dropoff area. The driver steps out and walks around the car and opens the back door and out steps one of RAZOR’s newest signees, “The Martyr” Joey Bryant. He has a big grin on his face as he grabs his suitcase from the back and sets it on the ground. The driver gets back in the taxi and begins to drive away while Joey just stands there, smiling and taking in the sight of the arena.

The camera pans to show the activity happening around the arena where we see Wrestle Italia star Vampa, decked out in a suave black & navy blue suit, taking pictures and signing a couple autographs for fans. Joey notices this and his eyes light up as he walks towards the small crowd and waits & looks around very patiently for Vampa to finish with the others. Vampa notices Joey and gives him a nod, and waves his marker towards him.

VAMPA: What am I signing, fratello?

Joey sticks out his hand for a handshake but Vampa leans over and attempts to sign his hand, but Joey pulls it away slowly.

JOEY BRYANT: No, no. Nothing to sign here my man, I just wanted to introduce myself and–

VAMPA: Ciao. Nothing to sign? Enjoy your stay in Italy, I must be going.

Joey sticks his hand out once again and is about to speak but he’s interrupted again.

VAMPA: I haven’t shaken a fans hand since twenty-twen–

JOEY BRYANT: I’m not a fan, Vampa. Well…I am. Sorta. Hard not to be a fan of one of the longest reigning Wrestle Italia Champions of all-time, am I right? 400 somethin’ days, right? Look, my name is Joey Br–

VAMPA: Buon lavoro, good job! You know me, huh? Once again I have no interest in touching your greasy hand so you can put that down. I really don’t like the way you say “Wrestle Italia” and it was 500 days that I was Wrestle Italia Campionato Mondiale, not “400 something”. Enzo keeps messing that number up and he knows it. I have no time for this. Arrivederci.

Vampa turns and begins to walk away but Joey just follows behind him, trying to keep up as they make their way to the entrance of the arena, Vampa signing a couple more autographs along the way.

JOEY BRYANT: Wait– hold on, Vampa! My man. You clearly don’t recognize me at all, and that’s okay, but you might want to get to know a bit about me before I see you in the ring later! Maybe we can plan a little tag-team action or something like–

Vampa continues to walk and sign items for fans but interrupts Joey’s speech once again.

VAMPA: What kind of warm-up match has Enzo given me now? Where did they fly you in from?

JOEY BRYANT: RAZOR Wrestling.

Vampa stops cold in his tracks and shoos away the last fan and turns around to face Bryant. He looks him up and down and scoffs at him.

VAMPA: Ahhhhh…RAZOR Wrestling. I was hoping to avoid the lot of you today. I can’t believe any one of you is allowed to be in this arena, let alone compete. Leave me be.

Vampa turns away once again and makes his way to the front door and tries to open it. Joey reaches around him and puts his arm in front of the door.

JOEY BRYANT: You don’t need to know what my name is, you don’t need to know anything about RAZOR, but you do need to turn around to remember this face. Vanguard series. The Colosseo Match. You heard about it? You want to win it, don’t you? Come on, Vampa. Don’t you want to restore any type of relevancy to your name since you lost your–

Vampa turns around swiftly once again and gets in Joey’s face.

VAMPA: Be careful with those next words, desert filth.

Joey gets a big smirk on his face, his eyes go wide, and he sticks out his hand one more time for a handshake.

JOEY BRYANT: Vampa…it would be so easy to just welcome me here with open arms. Show me around the place! Give me the whole grand tour. Or you can continue to act like you’re some type of big shot around here when the truth is your name is non-existent to anyone outside of Rome, Italy. Your wikipedia page isn’t that long, brother. Trust me, I kno–

Before Joey can finish, Vampa slaps him hard across the face and it sends Joey back a couple steps. Vampa turns once more to try to open the front door but Joey charges at him and hits him in the back of the head with a forearm. Vampa bounces off the glass door and Joey steps back and does a “bring it” motion with his hands and Vampa turns around and charges at him. Both men begin throwing punches at each other back & forth over & over until Arena Security quickly bursts out through the front doors and begins to pull them apart.

When there’s finally a good distance between them, we see and hear Vampa screaming belligerently at Joey while Joey just stands there with his hands up, taking deep breaths with another big grin on his face, saying not another word.


The stage, er, the ring is set for RAZOR Wrestling’s first ever Colosseo Match. Fifteen competitors are already in the ring. Twelve from RAZOR, three from Wrestle Italia. How do ya like those odds for the Away team. Referee Kate McHale calls for the bell from the outside and chaos reigns immediately.

DICK DELAURIER: RAZOR’s first ever battle royal here tonight in Rome!

FIONA METZ: It’s a Colosseo Match.

DICK DELAURIER: I mean it’s essentially a battle royal.

FIONA METZ: Do battle royals typically have four winners?

DICK DELAURIER: Well no but–

FIONA METZ: Well enough with your LIES!

The Wrestle Italia contingent of TIGRE ROSSA, Vampa, and Mercutio Gervasi immediately attack Pascal Gaudin, Craneo, and Zilpah Okelo. Their directive is pretty clear. The WI trio get the upper hand and are beating the three originals down. But Kyle Ray, Hijo de la Muerte, and Joey Bryant come to the aid of their peers – for whatever reason. Bryant goes for Vampa and the two start trading shots. Bryant, perhaps salty about his interaction with Vampa from earlier, winds up and clotheslines Vampa over the top rope.

FIONA METZ: Wrestle Italia already proving why their promotion is thriving. Ick.

Eliminated: Vampa

TIGRE ROSSA subdues Kylie Ray with a leaping leg lariat but is attacked from behind by the “Trailer Park Barbie” Daisy Duke. ROSSA, a former Wrestle Italia Campione Mondiale, is having none of that shit. RSSA knocks Duke over the top rope with a spinning heel kick and then hits her with a springboard spinning sole kick to the face. Duke falls off the apron and lands with a THUD. Back to the trailer park.

DICK DELAURIER: Daisy Duke’s downward trajectory continues.

FIONA METZ: Can you go lower than a trailer park?

DICK DELAURIER: That’s your area of expertise.

FIONA METZ: True. And you can go lower. Much lower.

Eliminated: Daisy Duke

It may come as a shock to you dear viewer but the issues between Kash Warren and Ace Sky were apparently not settled two weeks ago. Warren smashes Sky with a discus forearm but Ace Sky responds with a leaping knee strike! Sky takes Warren down with a drop toe hold. Warren is draped over the middle rope, facing the crowd, and Sky hits him with a 619! Warren stumbles back to the middle of the ring. Sky has no time to capitalize because Tormenta tries to knock him off of the apron with a running elbow! At the last second Sky low bridges the top rope and Tormenta tumbles to the outside like a big ol’ goof.

FIONA METZ: Fuck! Tormenta was my pick.

DICK DELAURIER: Who are you thinking now?

FIONA METZ: Wildcard. Kenny The Ring Boy.

Eliminated: Tormenta

The WI directive to attack the originals is still going on as Craneo is being pummeled by Mercutio Gervasi. An unlikely savior appears! Kenny The Ring Boy comes to Craneo’s aid! He must not recall how much of an asshole she is. Kenny takes Gervasi down with a poison rana and then helps Craneo to her feet. RAZOR sticks together? Nah. Craneo low blows Kenny and sends him sailing over the top rope to the floor.

Eliminated: Kenny The Ring Boy

FIONA METZ: Oh fuck right off with this.

Hijo de la Muerte goes after TIGRE ROSSA but ROSSA catches him with a high roundhouse kick to the head. The Son Of Death is rocked. ROSSA hops over the top rope onto the apron and then hits Trituratore (West Coast Pop) on Muerte! She doesn’t hold him in a pin but instead propels him towards the ropes. Muerte catches himself but ROSSA hits him with a high flipping dropkick to the back of the head he falls over the ropes to the floor.

Eliminated: Hijo de la Muerte

FIONA METZ: I honestly forgot that this guy was still employed.

DICK DELAURIER: I would imagine that he won’t be for much longer.

FIONA METZ: Why? Is it because he’s not very good?

DICK DELAURIER: That would be why.

Kylie Rae is engaged with Murder Ninja. Engaged in battle, to be clear. Ninja is choking her over the top rope, which is perfectly legal. Ninja is crazed as ever but he’s sloppy in his technique and Ray breaks free. She springboards off of the second rope to hit Ninja with a kick to the head! Ninja tries to come back from the blow but Ray nails a tilt-a-whirl hurricanrana that sends Ninja over the top rope to the floor!

DICK DELAURIER: Kylie Ray has eliminated the first ever GRBG Champion!

FIONA METZ: Alright girl make your name.

Eliminated: Murder Ninja

Ace Sky and Kash Warren are going at it again. It’s more a case of Warren wanting to embarrass Sky and Sky defending himself. Like any good competitor should! Sky peppers Warren with some kicks and then goes for a Tornado DDT! But no! Warren holds Sky up in place and then transitions into Cyclone Kill (F-5)! Sky lands with a smack on the canvas. Before Warren can try to eliminate Sky, Zilpah Okelo is at Warren’s door! Like a wolf or some such. Okelo rushes Warren but he catches her and flings her over the top rope with a belly to belly suplex! Okelo lands on the outside with a truly gross smack on the mats.

Eliminated: Zilpah Okelo

FIONA METZ: Poor Zilpah. Remember when she was in main events?

DICK DELAURIER: Yeah she was in one.

FIONA METZ: One too many I guess. Poor bitch.

Craneo blasts Kyle Ray with a forearm smash and then takes her down with a snapmare. Ray, far from cooked, rolls backward and reaches up with her legs to take hold of Craneo’s head! Craneo struggles to break free but Ray flings her forward with a modified head scissors and Craneo smacks heads with TIGRE ROSSA! Enraged, ROSSA hammers Craneo with a right hand. Craneo answers back with one of her own! Ray comes out of nowhere and hits both of them with a dropkick that sends them BOTH over the top rope to the floor.

Eliminated: TIGRE ROSSA and Craneo

DICK DELAURIER: Two for the price of one for Kylie Ray!

FIONA METZ: I swear I’ve heard that name before.

DICK DELAURIER: On the run sheet?

FIONA METZ: No. It’s as if it has been whispered to me from beyond the astral plane…

DICK DELAURIER: Have you been speaking to Hope Freya again?

FIONA METZ: Ew fuck no.

We are down to our final six. Two more eliminations and we have our winners. Pascal Gaudin finds himself in a corner with Mercutio Gervasi but they aren’t fighting. Gaudin can be heard saying “I’m European too! Let’s team up mon ami. I am more than happy to defect!” Gervasi nods and the two go to engage Kylie Ray and Joey Bryant. Ray and Bryant exchange a look.

FIONA METZ: Gang shit?

Ace Sky and Kash Warren are at it again with Warren hammering on Sky in the corner. Warren seats Sky on the top rope but Sky kicks him in the face. Sky leaps off looking for a meteora but Warren moves out of the way. Sky pops right back up but Warren puts him down with an exploder suplex.

DICK DELAURIER: These two have been focussed on one another the entire match.

FIONA METZ: And it’s taken them this far. I say keep going with what works!

Pascal Gaudin goes after Kyle Ray but she kicks him in the knee and then plants him with the KDT! Gaudin pops right back up but the Frenchman is on roller skates. Ray measures Gaudin and then hits him with a dropkick to the chest that sends him over the top rope to the floor!

Eliminated: Pascal Gaudin

FIONA METZ: Kylie Ray is running shit in this battle royal.

DICK DELAURIER: I thought it—

FIONA METZ: SHE IS RUNNING SHIT IN THIS COLOSSEO MATCH IS WHAT I SAID!

Mercutio Gervasi tries to send Joey Bryant into the ropes but The Martyr reverses it. Bryant, with a massive smile on his face, explodes into a sprint and absolutely destroys Gervasi with a big boot that sends the Wrestle Italia representative over the top rope to the floor. Gervasi is knocked out cold from that shot and it’s all over!

Eliminated: Mercutio Gervasi

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners; Joey Bryant, Kylie Rae, Ace Sky, and Kash Warren!

No music plays because…four winners. That and because Ace Sky and Kash Warren are still brawling. Kylie Ray and Joey Bryant both shrug. The two raise their hands in victory and then watch as BRAVE Security tries to separate Warren and Sky.


A very tan and well dressed Adam García appears on the RazorTron and interrupts commentary, martini glass in hand. Judging by the background García seems to be just steps away from the Arena Tutto Sport. As he sees the cameras approach he lifts the glass and winks towards the camera.

ADAM GARCÍA: Ladies and gentlemen of Wrestle Italia, my name is Adam García and I am “The Spanish Ace”, which makes me Number One. And you should remember that! Now that the introductions are done, let's get down to business shall we?

Adam points to the Arena and sighs holding the bridge of his nose

ADAM GARCÍA: Look I’m glad management is changing, whatever, that probably means I will earn more money down the line, plus I keep getting the title opportunities than I deserve. But you are telling me that from all places in Europe we could have gone first. I have to make my fucking European in ring return in low quality Spain clone #2?. Not only I’m fighting against a maniac who probably should be out in Arkham Asylum or at least promoting a new Batman TV show, I have to do it here, of all fucking places. Perfecto, perfectísimo, muchisisisimas gracias.

He sighs again.

ADAM GARCÍA: Everything in this country is mid. Seriously, a rusty ass colosseum, a tilted ass tower, WHERE IS MARIO? At least that would have been fun. Either way I ended up finding more beautiful views on Tinder than I did sightseeing in this miserable country. But at the end of the day, It’s alright, everything will be alright. No more bullshit, A one on one contest. No other contenders are trying to take me away this time. It’s just you and me... champ. Well, you, me and that Brazen Raccoon this company has made as your custom tombstone. ¿Qué suerte no?. Nada mejor que un poco de carne asada for celebrating, seguro que mis latinos haya in the back will think the same.

As he finishes to speak he raises the glass, finishes the martini and throws the glass behind him.

ADAM GARCÍA: Tonight we shall celebrate my crowning as your new champion, as a matter of fact, the number one title will not be enough, I will not only be your ace, I will be your Crimson King, tainted by the blood of those who were foolish enough to think they could win against me. Wrestle Italia, Razor Wrestling. Tonight, I shall make history.



Our special attraction match is up next as “Bastard” Brogan Duffy takes on Furio Arcuri. Both competitors are in the ring and Wrestle Italia referee Johnny Blundetto is set to referee. Duffy and Arcuri meet in the middle of the ring and Blundetto takes hold of the Campionato Mondiale. Blundetto hands it off to Big Mouth Mindy and calls for the bell.

FIONA METZ: What do you think Duffy’s chances are? Hasn’t had much like in title matches as of late.

DICK DELAURIER: This Roman crowd is already very hostile towards RAZOR talent. And this is their guy, their champion.

FIONA METZ: So his chances are…good?

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t think so.

There is an initial lock up but that’s not Brogan Duffy’s game. He breaks the collar and elbow tie up and boots Arcuri in the midsection. Duffy hits a STIFF uppercut that staggers the champion but Arcuri takes him over with an arm drag. Arcuri tries to keep Duffy grounded with a double wrist lock but Duffy fights out of it and blasts Arcuri with a hard forearm strike.

FIONA METZ: Damn that’s the kind of shot that’ll knock your dick stiff.

DICK DELAURIER: Interesting choice of words.

FIONA METZ: Appropriate though.

Brogan Duffy tosses the smaller Furio Arcuri into a corner and starts in on him with some big body blows. Arcuri tries to cover up but Duffy is hammering him with bombs to the ribs. Duffy takes Arcuri out of the corner with a snapmare and then hits him with a running penalty kick to the spine. Arcuri lets out in pain and the Wrestle Italia faithful start booing Duffy.

FIONA METZ: Oh fuck these spaghetti eating dick bags.

DICK DELAURIER: That’s borderline.

FIONA METZ: I can and will do worse.

The Bastard listens to the jeers from the crowd and he seems to be…enjoying it? Classic Duffy. Duffy yanks Furio Arcuri up to his feet but Arcuri hits him with a couple of thigh kicks and then takes off for the ropes. Arcuri comes back with a springboard cross body that takes Duffy down to the mat. Duffy scrambles back up but Arcuri puts him on his stomach with a drop toe hold and then applies a camel clutch.

FIONA METZ: More of a Carmella Clutch if you ask me.

DICK DELAURIER: Truly awful.

FIONA METZ: What do you want? My writer cracked a tooth and got hit by a car in the same week.

DICK DELAURIER: Sounds cursed.

FIONA METZ: For sure cursed.

It takes little effort for Brogan Duffy to stand up with Furio Arcuri on his back. Arcuri struggles to keep his hold locked in but with a squat and a pop Duffy has Arcuri up in a fireman’s carry position! Duffy flips off the Romans and then plants Arcuri with a JUMPING Death Valley Driver. Lil’ stank on that one. Duffy covers and Johnny Blundetto counts.

1…...

2…..

FIONA METZ: I could have smoked a brisket to perfection during this count. What is this macaroni motherfucker doing?

KICKOUT! Furio Arcuri, having had all of the time in the world, was able to kick out. Brogan Duffy eyeballs referee Johnny Blundetto. Looks like this is going to be yet another up hill climb for the Bastard. Blundetto acts incredulous and tells Duffy to focus on his opponent. Duffy serves a defiant “Oh yeah?” look at Blundetto and then mounts Arcuri.

BROGAN DUFFY: This is what you want?

Johnny Blundetto tries to back pedal but it’s too late. Brogan Duffy starts dropping bomb after bomb on Furio Arcurio. The Campione tries to cover up but Duffy got that devil in him. Duffy hits one final massive shot and Arcuri’s head snaps back onto the canvas. He’s clearly out. Duffy looks at Blundetto but the ref isn’t calling it. Blundetto has his hand to his ear, listening to instructions from someone. Duffy just shrugs and peels Arcuri off of the mat, the dead weight that he is.

FIONA METZ: And here we see how much Enzo Dante cares about his talent.

DICK DELAURIER: This match needs to be stopped. Arcuri is not conscious.

Johnny Blundetto doesn’t know what to do. But Brogan Duffy does. Duffy puts Arcuri’s head between his legs and then lifts him up. Duffy pauses and smirks at Blundetto before he drives the crown of Arcuri’s head into the canvas with Irish Goodbye (Package Piledriver)! Arcuri is still out cold and this match really should have been called but Duffy covers The Campione anyway. Blundetto begrudgingly makes the count.

1…..

2….

……….3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, and NEW Wrestle Italia Campione Mondiale, “Bastard” Brogan Duffy!

“Never Fight A Man With A Perm” by IDLES kicks up and Rome is pissed. Johnny Blundetto is pissed. Brogan Duffy is all smiles. Big Mouth Mindy collects the Wrestle Italia Campionato Mondiale and hands it to Blundetto. Blundetto acts as if he is going to hand it to Duffy but then tries to make a break for it! But Duffy has him by the collar.

FIONA METZ: He tried to rabbit! The audacity!

DICK DELAURIER: That was a poor choice by Johnny Blundetto. You don’t try that nonsense with a man like Brogan Duffy…

Brogan Duffy rips the title out of Johnny Blundetto’s hands and then releases his grip on the referee’s collar. Blundetto looks scared shitless but Duffy just pats him on the shoulder. Duffy is all smiles. For a moment. Just when Blundetto believes he is safe…DUFFY SMASHES THE CHAMPIONSHIP INTO THE REFEREE’S FACE! Blundetto drops like a sack of orzo and the fans boo the shit out of Duffy. The Bastard raises the Campionato Mondiale like a conquering gladiator.

In Enzo Dante’s office, which is serving as a holding area for the entire Consortium, the mood is tense. Dante, Mauler Metz, and Horado Basa are all very displeased with the outcome of the last match.

ENZO DANTE: <What the fuck? I thought this Brogan Duffy idiot was a goddamn loser?>

The frame widens to show Sophie Whimm doing her best to hide her smile.

SOPHIE WHIMM: I don’t speak Italian, sir.

Dante looks about ready to throttle the RAZOR Wrestling General Manager. Sensing this, Mauler Metz steps in between them to address Sophie.

MAULER METZ: He said that he’s a touch miffed that Duffy brutalized ‘is lad in such a way. Duffy should ‘ave shown some restraint.

Horado Basa is lighting a cigar, speaking as he holds a match to the end of it.

HORADO BASA: Very unsportsmanlike. This is not how they do things in Italy. In Mexico we would applaud such violence, but not in Rome. You should have done something to stop this, Señora Whimm.

Sophie evidently doesn’t agree but she responds while trying to maintain a neutral countenance.

SOPHIE WHIMM: I sure am real sorry about that. But heck, your referee should have stopped the match. That is his job, I’m pretty sure. Duffy beat the sprinkles out of your guy long before that pinfall.

Metz gets in Sophie’s face and points at her with a sudden menace.

MAULER METZ: If you think that one of these RAZOR wankers is gonna be able to do that ta my boy Tom Canterbury, you’re mental. I know who we’re gonna put ‘im up against and it’s gonna be payback for this ‘ere nonsense. The UWK Heavyweight Title stays in UWK.

Sophie is cowering now and she looks to defuse the situation.

SOPHIE WHIMM: I’m sure whomever you choose will be thankful for the opportunity! We have plenty of shiny talent that—

Metz interjects, raising his voice ever-so-briefly.

MAULER METZ: Trust me darlin’, they won’t be thankful after The Cant is through with ‘em. Believe that.



The main event is set for the fans in Rome, Italy. “The Spanish Ace” Adam García stands in the ring in one corner and GRBG Champion, “The Manic Marvel” Ollie Maverick stands in the corner opposite him. Diego Leach stands between them but does not give any instructions. Leach is waiting for something…

FIONA METZ: Let’s get this party started! We’re gonna see someone melt tonight, Dick!

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t think that they are actually going to–

The lights dim and the Brazen Raccoon is slowly lowered from the ceiling. The lights begin to strobe rhythmically along with a soft chorus of chanting that plays over the speakers in the Arena Tutto Sport. Probably easier to put the fucking thing on wheels but since when does this company do anything in a remotely sensical fashion. It is quite the sight though.

FIONA METZ: Can you believe it only took them two weeks to build this beautiful piece of art?

DICK DELAURIER: I wouldn’t think that you would support something like this.

FIONA METZ: Support it? I’m gonna buy this monstrosity from whomever wins.

The Brazen Raccoon lands with a thump on the floor and a dozen figures walk down the ramp two by two, each of them identically dressed in togas and raccoon masks. They stop and line the aisle on either side, facing one another. A very large figure, dressed in the same way, appears with a torch. The big man jogs down the ramp and when he reaches the bottom he stands before the Brazen Raccoon. He takes the torch and plunges it into the awaiting fire pit that sits under the raccoon’s belly. It bursts into flames.

DICK DELAURIER: They are actually going to use fire? Won’t it make the Brazen Raccoon too hot to stuff your opponent into?

FIONA METZ: Don’t apply logic to a match like this, Dick. Just strap in.

Diego Leach takes the GRBG Championship from Ollie Maverick and holds it high in the air for all to see. He passes it off to Big Mouth Mindy and then calls for the opening bell as the lighting returns to normal. In a flash Adam García is across the ring where he blasts Maverick with a running V Trigger! Maverick slams into the corner and drops, slumped over immediately.

DICK DELAURIER: Adam García has failed to win the GRBG Championship in the past. Will tonight be his night, Metz?

FIONA METZ: Maybe. This guy gets more and more violent every time we see him. The brother is infected, no doubt.

DICK DELAURIER: You would know about infections.

FIONA METZ: I do love the taste of penicillin in the morning.

The Spanish Ace darts to the other side of the ring and waits for Ollie Maverick to stand. The champion gets to his feet but Adam García is across the ring with the speed of the mythical cheetah and he blasts Maverick in the mush with Estampida (Helluva Kick)! The force of the blow sends Maverick up and over the top rope. He lands with a THUD on the apron and then a second, softer thud sees him on the floor.

DICK DELAURIER: Adam García came to game here tonight.

FIONA METZ: We’re going to find out how weak Ollie Maverick is outside of Trash Land.

The Italian fans are booing Adam García, likely due to his inflammatory comments earlier about their country and culture as a whole. He doesn’t care. He slips through the ropes to the outside and rounds the corner to meet the champion. But Ollie Maverick is up to his feet and furthermore, he is standing on the guard rail! Maverick mockingly waves “Hello!” at García before leaping off to catch García with a diving thrust kick to the face! García is sent reeling and he drops prone.

DICK DELAURIER: The lack of a Trash Land Buff doesn’t seem to be hurting the champion.

FIONA METZ: What in the fuck does that mean?

DICK DELAURIER: It’s a gamer term. See–

FIONA METZ: Shut…shut the fuck up. Please.

Ollie Maverick takes a moment to compose himself but Adam García isn’t down for long. García is fired up and he charges toward the champion. Maverick doesn’t flinch, nor does he move. At the last possible moment before impact Maverick reaches forward, grabs the back of García’s head, and monkey flips the challenger! García sails through the air and slams into the Brazen Raccoon. The torture device doesn’t have any give and García lands right on the back of his neck. I guess that’s why it wasn’t on wheels.

FIONA METZ: That made a very satisfying sound. Bongggggg.

The metal of the Raccoon is starting to heat up as the fire beneath it grows more intense. Knowing that it’s only going to get more difficult to stuff his opponent inside as the match wears on, Ollie Maverick hefts Adam García up and attempts to stuff him inside through the adequately sized door.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Don’t worry bud, they’ll get you out real quick!

Ollie Maverick’s words seemed to irritate Adam García enough to prompt García to drive a knee hard into Maverick’s stomach. The champion is doubled over when García grabs him by the back of the head and smashes his face into the raccoon’s ass! Once wasn’t enough, so García does it two more times. Maverick’s nose is like a blood faucet as he drops into a heap on the floor.

FIONA METZ: Blood and fire! George R.R. Martin is in the building.

DICK DELAURIER: I wasn’t aware that you liked fantasy books.

FIONA METZ: I like all the fuckin’ in the show.

DICK DELAURIER: Of course.

The champion is slowly up to his feet and he crawls up onto the apron, looking for salvation in the ring. Adam García won’t have it. Before Maverick can get under the ropes, García is up on the apron with him. Maverick throws a weak punch but García blocks it and elbows Maverick in the face. García looks behind him, applies a front face lock to Maverick and takes him off of the apron with a suplex onto the Brazen Raccoon! Maverick’s spine contorts horrifically over the metal structure and he lands face first on the floor on the other side!

FIONA METZ: That certainly was gross.

The fans in Rome are trying to cheer Ollie Maverick back to his feet but the champion is in a great deal of pain. Adam García walks around the Brazen Raccoon and looks to re-engage Maverick but stops short. García’s eyes drift down toward the fire beneath the metal structure. García smirks and grabs one of the logs that is least on fire. He takes it in his hand and approaches Maverick but Maverick uses an up kick to hit the flaming end which sends a cloud of ash and cinders into García’s face!

FIONA METZ: Flame on!

DICK DELAURIER: I’m gone!

FIONA METZ: ​​I'm so sweet like a nice bonbon.

DICK DELAURIER: Nice.

Ollie Maverick catches Adam García with a roundhouse kick to the side of the head and then whips him hard into the barricade. García collapses in the corner and Maverick measures him. A few quick paces and Maverick hits García with the Face Loosener (Running Face Wash)! García appears to be out cold and Maverick looks back at the Brazen Raccoon.

FIONA METZ: I can’t be certain but I think one of García’s eyeballs landed somewhere in the fifth row.

DICK DELAURIER: Nah he’s still whole.

FIONA METZ: Good. We already have an eyepatch guy.

The champion takes hold of Adam García and leads him over to the door of the Brazen Raccoon. Maverick tries to stuff García inside but García rakes his eyes! Maverick staggers back a little bit but then darts forward only for García to catch him with a drop toe hold that sends Ollie face first into the fire! Ollie is quick to roll away. If we could see his face…I’m positive that we’d find that his eyebrows are now missing.

DICK DELAURIER: You know I thought when we left Las Vegas we might curb the violence just a little bit.

FIONA METZ: You thought wrong bitch!

It’s Adam García’s turn now to try to stuff Ollie Maverick inside the raccoon. (Fuck that sounds bad, eh?) García has Maverick’s upper body inside the structure but Maverick kicks him in the face. Maverick scurries up to the top of the raccoon like, well, a raccoon. García regains his composure and turns to engage the champion just in time to see Maverick fly off of the top of the raccoon with a moonsault that takes García down hard to the floor.

FIONA METZ: These fans have really come to like Maverick. Probably because of shit like that. I personally think that moonsaults are trite.

DICK DELAURIER: What would you rather see?

FIONA METZ: Low blows. So many.

Ollie Maverick spots the lone burning log on the floor, melting one of the ringside mats and gets himself an idea. Maverick hops up onto the apron and we see Rocky Trashington sitting in his cage at the announce desk, holding the bars and watching with fascination. García gets to his feet and Ollie leaps off of the apron to hit him with a modified Face Eraser (Springboard Sitout Facebuster)! García’s face is sent into the burning log!

DICK DELAURIER: Good gumbo! Adam García’s facial hair is on fire!

FIONA METZ: Nah he put it out. Smells though.

Adam García rolls around on the floor clutching his face. Ollie Maverick quickly hefts him up and stuffs him inside the Brazen Raccoon. Ollie closes the hatch door and Diego Leach calls for the bell. This weird as fuck match is finally over.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner and STILL RAZOR Wrestling GRBG Champion, “The Manic Marvel” Ollie Maverick!

BRAVE Security and the ring crew quickly douse the fire and get Adam García out of the Brazen Racoon so he doesn’t melt or whatever. Diego Leach passes off the GRBG Championship to Ollie Maverick who holds it up for Rome to see. The fans are cheering him wildly and Maverick’s body language we can see that he is taken aback. Maverick collects Rocky Trashington. Maverick shrugs and holds the cage high in one hand and the GRBG Championship high in the other as Episode #11 goes off the air.

• Ryko def. Roxi Farrow
• Samhain & SHADOJIMA def. Strike 2 Kill
• Araña Oscura & Peregrina Loca def. Steel Rockers
• Fire Sale def. Insane Fortune
• Joey Bryant, Kylie Ray, Ace Sky, & Kash Warren won the Colosseo Match
• Brogan Duffy def. Furio Arcuri; New Wrestle Italia Campione Mondiale
• Ollie Maverick def. Adam García; Still GRBG Champion