RAZOR Wrestling Episode #12

The RAZOR signature plays and we get the hastily put together intro video that features a UWK logo lazily flashing throughout. We quickly cut to inside Connie Gibbs Arena and the ravenous fans in Manchester. After scanning the crowd we land on the announce desk with the voices of RAZOR Wrestling

DICK DELAURIER: Welcome wrestling fans to Episode #12 of RAZOR Wrestling on GRBG live from Manchester, England! Tonight we are guests of the legendary United Wrestling Kingdom. My name is Dick Delaurier and I am here with Manchester’s own Fiona Metz.

FIONA METZ: I am billed as being from Las Vegas.

DICK DELAURIER: Oh come on, Fiona. I know you weren’t pleased to be calling the action on Shotgun but some part of you must be happy to be back in the motherland…

FIONA METZ: I do not have a mother or a motherland.

DICK DELAURIER: You don’t have a mother?

FIONA METZ: As far as she’s concerned.

DICK DELAURIER: That’s heavy. We’ll unpack that later. But for right now we are excited to get this show going. We have a great card for you wrestling fans tonight, including two championship matches.

FIONA METZ: Alright, Dicky. I’ll cowgirl up and do my job. Only because it will take my mind off being back in this shit hole. And we do have a mental show tonight. I personally think–

Fiona Metz is cut off when the opening chords of “Never Fight a Man With a Perm” by Idles punch through the atmosphere in the venue as “The McLean Avenue Mauler” steps onto the stage. The reaction from the crowd is much warmer than it was in Rome as he holds the Wrestle Italia Campionato Mondiale over his head. A grin sits on his face, but his eyes are a different story: the look in them speaks to an internal bitterness.

He steps into the ring and almost immediately snatches the microphone out of ‘Big Mouth’ Mindy’s hand.

BROGAN DUFFY: Good evening, Manchester, you bunch of bastards!

The crowd starts to boo as Duffy tries to regain their attention.

BROGAN DUFFY: Hey, hey, hey, come on now Manchester, you know an Irish bastard’s gotta’ get his digs in. “Home of the enemy” and whatnot. But look, you’re right, my problem isn’t with all of you. Far from it, my quarrel is with another prick named Jack McGrath. Jack, you had a lot to say in Rome and fortunately for the fans in attendance, they didn’t have to process all the shit you were spewin’. I told Storm last month that this company is not a place for heroes- well it’s not a place for pretenders either. Because you’re not the embodiment of RAZOR; I am! Listen, I may be a Bastard, but at least I’m honest about it! I’ve never apologized for who I am nor have I ever pretended to be someone else. No compromises, no agendas, all Brogan Duffy; that is what I give to everyone. But you! You pathetic little tosser, you want to play pretend and act like you’re anything like me? You’ve a better chance of magically growing that eye back!

The crowd laughs as Duffy takes a moment to compose himself.

BROGAN DUFFY: And you know what? It’s funny. If you had come to this company showing your true colors, I wouldn’t have had any problem with you. Hell, I would’ve been willing to fight alongside you. But now, you and your little bitch Reid have fucked with the wrong Mick. Your little ploy cost me a World Title and a spot in the history books so no, I won’t be calling it quits. Mauling Furio in his hometown was just the start. I want that belt, and I’m tired of waiting, so if you want to embody the spirit of RAZOR Wrestling, you’ll get your ass out here and we’ll settle this RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!

Duffy spikes the microphone before laying his title down before him, gesturing to the stage and inviting McGrath to cross the line.


“Juggernaut” by Cave In roars over the sound system. The Manchester crowd showers Jack McGrath with an abundance of negative energy as he walks out alone with the RAZOR World Heavyweight Title over his shoulder. Microphone in hand, he begins to speak at the top of the entrance ramp.

JACK MCGRATH: Settle down… settle down. Brogan Duffy is living in a fantasy land because there is no way in hell that I’m meeting him in that ring tonight. So, Duffy, why don’t you go ahead and pick that microphone back up and keep dreaming? Because I only defend this Championship against worthy contenders. Professionals like Barbossa of the UWK.

McGrath smirks while the army of fans raucously boos, the title defense and mockery of Barbossa fresh in their minds.

JACK MCGRATH: And you’re surely not it, Duffy. Not even close. You had your shot and you failed.

McGrath pauses, and meanders along the top of the entrance ramp.

JACK MCGRATH: You running around with another World Championship in my promotion is driving me fucking mad. The last time I checked I am the RAZOR World Champion, and that’s the only thing that matters. So, have fun with your tin can title from a nearly defunct Italian organization.

Jack adjusts the World title strap over his shoulder and looks around the Connie Gibbs Arena.

JACK MCGRATH: And, let me make this clear, Duffy; you don’t have the right to tell me what the spirit of RAZOR Wrestling is. Contagion are now running shit. We will define what this organization truly is. Suffering and agony are imminent for all.

Suddenly, Josh Mac and Reid Ashford, the other two members of Contagion, appear from backstage. Bad intentions are plastered on their mugs. They both stand shoulder to shoulder with Jack McGrath, focusing on the man in the ring.

JACK MCGRATH: But, tonight… you’re not worth our time. Let this be a warning to you - keep my name out of your fucking mouth. The infestation is just beginning…

The trio turn away and begin to walk backstage, but Duffy grabs their attention once more.

BROGAN DUFFY: You’re right, Jack. You’re absolutely right…

Contagion collectively stops in their tracks, turns around, and listens intently.

BROGAN DUFFY: Nothing matters more than that RAZOR Wrestling World Title. That is the top prize, this shit I’m carrying is consolation. The only thing that’ll sweeten the deal is taking it from you. So, you want to run? Fine, go spread your filth with your two bitches here. But know that I won’t be far behind. The day will come where you won’t have any place to run and no more excuses to hide behind. And when that day comes, that belt is coming back home to McLean Ave with me!

Josh Mac starts stepping towards the ring, and Reid Ashford firmly grabs a hold of him. Duffy stands on the bottom rope, screaming at the trio, “you fucking cowards!” McGrath simply holds the RAZOR World Championship high for all to see.

Mauler Metz is walking through the halls of his house, the Connie Gibbs arena. Joining him on this jaunt is the UWK Heavyweight Champion, Tom “The Cant” Canterbury who has the championship over his shoulder. Mauler is sporting a massive smile but Canterbury seems less than enthused.

MAULER METZ: Feels good ta be ‘ome. I’m tellin’ ya Tommy, these RAZOR cunts have never dealt with a crowd like ours. That whelp Adam García doesn’t stand a chance against you, my boy.

TOM CANTERBURY: Wouldn’t go that far, mate. I’ve seen what the lad can do. He’s no joke. I’m not taking him lightly.

MAULER METZ: That’s because yer a rare breed, Tommy. They don’t make ‘em like you anymore.

TOM CANTERBURY: Thanks, I think. Either way, I’m just happy to be wrestling in a packed house. Been a minute since UWK had a show with this many people in the crowd.

Mauler stops in his tracks. Canterbury is wearing a knowing grin and he stops too. Canterbury faces Mauler, looking down at the old grappler.

MAULER METZ: You got something on yer mind, Tommy?

TOM CANTERBURY: I just think it’s a bit fucked that you’re spending all of your time worrying about RAZOR Wrestling when UWK is in the shitter. Bringing them here to boost our attendance numbers makes us look like wankers.

MAULER METZ: Maybe if more people stepped up, we’d be able to put buts in seats.

The two are nose to nose now. Mauler seems to forget that he is in his sixties and Canterbury is in the prime of his career. Canterbury smiles.

TOM CANTERBURY: I thought you said I was a rare breed?

MAULER METZ: Didn’t say it was a good thing. Just get out there and show these people why UWK is worth their time. Make an example out of the “Mad Bull”.

TOM CANTERBURY: I plan to. But not for you. Britain deserves a good wrestling company and I believe that UWK is that company. I’m going to do what I do. Adam García is going to remember The Cant.

Canterbury walks off, leaving Mauler in a pissy mood which is his stock emotional state.


The scene opens to a backstage area, a backdrop littered with the RAZOR Wrestling logo stands behind "THE RIPPER" Carlos Hernandez, who's definitely had about 7 Red Bulls too many. The Ripper keeps pacing back and forth in front of the camera, SEETHING as he hypes himself up.

CARLOS HERNANDEZ: SHADOJIMA! I've never been a fan of monsters - AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING DUDE!? YOU'RE THE BIGGEST, UGLIEST, MONSTER IN ALL OF RAZOR WRESTLING!

Hernandez slams his fist down on the table in front of him, causing his Red Bull to fall over and spill all over the place.

CARLOS HERNANDEZ: I KNOW WE'RE IN THE UNITED KINGDOM TONIGHT BROTHER BUT I HAD NO INTENTION OF FIGHTING THE LOCH NESS MONSTER! NESSY - SWIM ON BACK TO SCOTLAND SO I DON'T TAKE THAT BIG DUMB HEAD OF YOURS, SQUEEZE IT BETWEEN THE CLAMPS OF GOD THAT ARE THESE TWO BEEEEEEEG MEATY HANDS, AND RIP THAT SUMBITCH FROM YER NECK AND DANCE ON YOUR SCALY LITTLE BODY!!! THE RIPPER DOESN'T HAVE PATIENCE FOR GAMES!!! I CAME HERE TO BE THE TOP DOG - NOT SOME KAIJU MONSTER FIGHTER!!! I MAY BE COMING TO RAZOR WRESTLING FROM THE GREAT LAND OF JAPAN - BUT I AIN'T NO ULTRA MAYN!!! I NEVER SEEN NO GODZILLER AND I KNOW FER A DAMN FACT I HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN FACE TO FACE WITH WITH THAT SUMBITCH MOTHRA!!!

Ripper gets up in the camera, flexing REEEEEEEEAL HARD for the RipperManiacs in the audience!

CARLOS HERNANDEZ: SHADOJIMER - WHEN I WAS A LITTLE RIPPER, MY MOMMA USED TO TELL ME STORIES OF GREAT MONSTERS SUCH AS YOURSELF. SHE USED TO TELL ME STORIES OF GREAT MEN LIKE HERCULES AND HE-MAN, WHO WOULD KNOCK OUT MONSTERS LIKE THE THREE HEADED DOG-FACED FUH-REAK CERBERUS - AND THAT NO-GOOD SKELETON LOSER SKELETOR!!! YOU THINK YER ON THE SAME LEVEL OF CERBERUS, SON!? YA THINK YA CAN GO TOE-TO-TOE WITH THE SKELETOR, BOY!? NUH-UH!!! THERE AIN'T NUTHIN' YOU CAN DO TO STOP THEM, AND YOU MUST BE OUTTA YER DAMN MIND IF YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP THE RIPPER - WHO'S TAKEN THE POWER OF THE HE-MAN, OF THE GREAT HERCULES - AND IS GONNA TAKE ALL THAT POWER AND BRING IT DOWN UPON YER FREAK FACE!!!

Ripper flexes again, spinning in a little circle, hyped out of his mind!

CARLOS HERNANDEZ: AND WHEN I'VE DONE THAT - I'M GONNA TAKE THAT SUMBITCH SAMHAIM - SMACK HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD - AND SEND THAT UGLY MUG BACK TO THE HELLHOLE HE CRAWLED OUT OF!!! SAME WITH THAT BIRD-FACED CREEPY LITTLE GIRL, TSUTSUMI!!! YOU WANNA RUN WITH THE RIPPER, KIDS!? GET READY TO GET. RIPPED. UP!!!

Ripper lets out a mad howl before the scene fades to black.


The first match of the evening sees newcomer Carlos “Ripper” Hernandez being given the impossible task of defeating “Tsutsumi’s Pet Kaiju” SHADOJIMA. The two competitors are in the ring and as soon as Sean McCauley calls for the bell, Ripper walks right up to SHADOJIMA. The monster isn’t sure what to make of this. Bravery or stupidity? Probably a bit of both. Ripper lets out a primal scream and punches SHADOJIMA right in the face.

FIONA METZ: Oh cool! We’re starting the night off with gigantic mistakes.

DICK DELAURIER: I admire Ripper’s gusto.

FIONA METZ: Talk about it at his funeral.

SHADOJIMA tilts his head to the side, the shot having no effect. The monster seems puzzled, if anything. Ripper invites SHADOJIMA to have a shot of his own. SHADOJIMA immediately obliges the newcomer, starching him with a devastating right hand. Ripper pops right back up and starts offering up massive rights and lefts to the Kaiju.

FIONA METZ: In my expert analytical opinion, what Ripper has done wrong here is…exist.

DICK DELAURIER: You don’t think that inviting SHADOJIMA was a mistake?

FIONA METZ: Couldn’t make that mistake if he didn’t exist.

DICK DELAURIER: Sound logic.

SHADOJIMA is eating all of the shots being offered up by Carlos Hernandez. As soon as Ripper lets up for a brief second SHADOJIMA catches him in the mush with a palm strike. SHADOJIMA sends Ripper into the ropes with an Irish whip and on Ripper’s return SHADOJIMA floors him with a big boot that would have decapitated a lesser man. The camera zooms in on Ripper’s expression and if we had a bigger budget you’d probably see cartoon birds flying around his head.

DICK DELAURIER: SHADOJIMA is a bit of a mystery to all of us but it seems that Ripper Hernandez is getting to know him quite well.

FIONA METZ: I mean this isn’t some character. SHADOJIMA is a legitimate monster. Have you ever seen him at catering?

DICK DELAURIER: I have not.

FIONA METZ: Exactly. I’ve been told that we have to provide him with a fully grown antelope and a dark room in which to kill and devour it.

DICK DELAURIER: Who told you that?

FIONA METZ: I proper journalist does not reveal their sources.

Carlos Hernandez rolls to the outside and SHADOJIMA gives chase. Ripper is confronted by Shinobu Tsutsumi and this momentary distraction gives SHADOJIMA time to catch up to his opponent. SHADOJIMA clubs Ripper from behind and then Irish whips him into the barricade. The connection is loud and Ripper stumbles forward, holding his back. SHADOJIMA lifts Ripper up, takes a few steps toward the time keeper Chuck Lock. Lock dives out of the way as SHADOJIMA drops Ripper with a powerslam onto Lock’s chair! It’s completely flattened!

FIONA METZ: That sucks for Lock. He brought that chair from home.

DICK DELAURIER: No he didn’t.

FIONA METZ: Excuse me for trying to inject some stakes into this match.

SHADOJIMA rolls Ripper back into the ring. Once he himself is back between the ropes SHADOJIMA charges and hits a rising Ripper with a running knee lift. Ripper is stunned and SHADOJIMA winds up and turns Ripper inside out with the Servant Blade (Discus Lariat). Manchester pops as Ripper does a full rotation and lands on his face.

FIONA METZ: Welcome to RAZOR, Ripper. Here there be monsters.

The Kaiju doesn’t go for a cover. He hauls Ripper up and launches him into the closest corner. SHADOJIMA stomps toward his opponent and lays into his body with a series of scary fast strikes. Ripper tries to cover up but SHADOJIMA is drilling him with each blow. SHADOJIMA grabs Ripper under the arm and propels him across the ring with the Kaiju Beale! Shinobu Tsutsumi is quite pleased as SHADOJIMA looks to her for approval.

DICK DELAURIER: SHADOJIMA is perhaps the scariest member of our roster.

FIONA METZ: I dunno. Peregrina Loca has told me some stories about her past that gave me nightmares.

DICK DELAURIER: Such as?

FIONA METZ: Childbirth.

SHADOJIMA allows Ripper time to get to his feet. Once he is up Ripper explodes off of his feet and hits SHADOJIMA with a battering ram headbutt to the stomach. Ripper catches SHADOJIMA with an uppercut and then another! The Kaiju is stunned and Ripper leaps up for a hurricanranna! No! SHADOJIMA uses his otherworldly power to hold Ripper up in the air! Ripper clubs SHADOJIMA on the top of the head to no avail. SHADOJIMA takes two steps and drops Ripper over the top rope to the floor with a powerbomb!

DICK DELAURIER: SHADOJIMA’s power is beyond scary. He tossed Ripper over the top rope like he was nothing.

FIONA METZ: I mean Ripper kind of is nothing. We don’t really know this fool.

The Manchester crowd is in shock. The sound that Ripper’s body made as it impacted the floor was nasty. SHADOJIMA stands in the ring, looking down at his opponent. Shinobu Tsutsumi starts shouting at him to finish it. SHADOJIMA exits the ring and rounds the ring post to collect his opponent. Ripper, somehow, is starting to stand! This infuriates the Kaiju so he charges forward. Ripper sees him coming and at the last second Ripper catches SHADOJIMA with a drop toehold that sends the monster face first into the ring steps! Manchester pops!

DICK DELAURIER: Ripper has heart! SHADOJIMA is stunned!

FIONA METZ: If you have a nuke in your arsenal, Ripper, now is the time!

DICK DELAURIER: Would a nuke effect SHADOJIMA?

FIONA METZ: Probably not but it’s worth a shot!

Getting a momentary reprieve, Ripper knows that he has to act quickly. He pounces on top of SHADOJIMA and starts up with the ground and pound. It seems to be effective until SHADOJIMA reaches up and grabs Ripper by the throat. Ripper fights against SHADOJIMA’s grip but he can’t break it. SHADOJIMA gets up to his feet, lifts Ripper into the air, and drops him with a Kyojinslam (Chokeslam) onto the steel steps! Ripper lands at an awkward angle and I expect that someone, somewhere in the crowd, vomited. It was a disgusting visual!

FIONA METZ: Hey if his career is over, at least he got to perform in this shit hole!

Referee Sean McCauley pleads with SHADOJIMA to get Ripper into the ring. Interesting idea but SHADOJIMA completely ignores him. The Kaiju stands his opponent up and tries to shoot Ripper into the barricade. Somhow, Ripper reverses it at the last second and sends the monster into the barricade! It barely stuns SHADOJIMA but in no time Ripper charges foreward and puts SHADOJIMA through the barricade with the Heat Seaker (Spear)!

DICK DELAURIER: Good gumbo! Ripper just obliterated SHADOJIMA!

FIONA METZ: You sound like you’re calling the action for the latest Street Fighter!

Both competitors lay in the rubble of the busted barricade and some front row seats. Referee Sean McCauley has his big boy pants on now and is making a ten count. Ripper crawls out of the rubble toward the ring. The fans in Manchester are losing their minds. Ripper is able to get in at a count of six. That little gamble clearly took a lot out of him.

FIONA METZ: Have we ever had someone lose by count out?

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t believe so. Referees are typically pretty good about not having that happen. But Sean McCauley hasn’t been with us that long…

FIONA METZ: Oh so he wants to assert his authority. Great match to try that out in. Idiot.

At the behest of Shinobu Tsutsumi, SHADOJIMA sits up at a count of eight. The Kaiju is blinded by rage! SHADOJIMA stands and is distracted by a fan who is screaming obscenities at him. SHADOJIMA grabs a fan by the throat as Tsutsumi screams at him to get in the ring. The look of fear on the fan’s face is real…he is looking into the face of death. Sean McCauley is at a nine count. SHADOJIMA shoves the fan aside and lumbers toward the ring but he isn’t fast enough. McCauley reaches a count of ten!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner by count out, Carlos “Ripper” Hernandez!

Shinobu Tsutsumi can’t believe it. Sean McCauley raises Carlos Hernandez’s hand but that is shortlived because SHADOJIMA is back in the ring. Both McCauley and Ripper bail out of the ring. McCauley takes off through the crowd as Ripper jogs up the ramp. Tsutsumi explains what happened to SHADOJIMA and the Kaiju roars in anger. Within seconds SHADOJIMA is out of the ring and chasing Ripper up the ramp. Tsutsumi chases after them both as we cut to a commercial break.



Oh an interpromotional contest! How delightful. Despite being adored by the typical RAZOR Wrestling fan base, the team of RYKO, Jahkay “Kano” Miller, and Aroa Ramma did not get a warm reception from the Manchester crowd. Nana Tsukina tried to turn the tide but to no avail – once Team UWK was on the scene Team RAZOR was booed relentlessly.

FIONA METZ: This is why I left! This garbage city doesn’t appreciate talent. How can you hate Insane Fortune? They are in love.

DICK DELAURIER: What about RYKO?

FIONA METZ: What about her?

The match starts with “Wylde Smyle” RYKO against “High Caliber” Polly Green. The two have a standard collar and elbow tie up. Green, energized by the raucous crowd, goes for a cheeky Green Screen (Osaka Street Cutter) in the opening moments. RYKO stops that nonsense with a forearm smash to the back of Green’s head followed up with a devastating German suplex. Pockets of the Manchester audience actually cheer for that display.

FIONA METZ: Of course they warm up to RYKO. Her brand of pop is big with idiots.

DICK DELAURIER: That isn’t very kind.

FIONA METZ: Have you ever known me to be?

DICK DELAURIER: When you’re drunk.

FIONA METZ: (burps) Not today, Dicky.

Wanting to up the pace, RYKO makes a quick tag to Jahkay Miller. Kano immediately tags his partner Aroa Ramma. Interesting strategy. Polly Green is up to her feet but she is suddenly blasted with a double dropkick from Insane Fortune. Green is launched across the ring into her own corner where “Lord Suplex” Lennox Davies makes the blind tag.

FIONA METZ: I’ve wrestled this bitch. He’s good.

DICK DELAURIER: Is he one of the competitors that you ran away from?

FIONA METZ: I didn’t run away. I left for love. Only Insane Fortune and I know what it’s like to be in love.

DICK DELAURIER: That simply isn’t true.

FIONA METZ: Are you married, Dick?

DICK DELAURIER: Certainly. My wife Matilda and I have–

FIONA METZ: (snoring)

Lennox Davies enters the ring and barrels across the canvas with an attempt at a double clothesline to both members of Insane Fortune. Kano and Rama both roll forward, pop up, and smash Davies in either side of the head with a sandwich enziguri combo! Davies is absolutely rocked and forced to roll out of the ring to recover. This being lucha rules, Rough Stuff McDuff enters the ring as the legal competitor.

DICK DELAURIER: Lucha rules are in effect. This is perfectly legal.

FIONA METZ: But is it moral?

DICK DELAURIER: …yes.

Insane Fortune aren’t used to trios rules and they are blindsided by the mammoth former UWK Heavyweight Champion. He clobbers both of them with a double running lariat and they are down. McDuff yanks Kano off of the mat and plants him on top of Ramma with a scoop slam. Both members of Insane Fortune roll out of the ring, leaving the door open for RYKO to re-enter the fray.

FIONA METZ: I can’t tell who is legal. What is this, a match in Jacksonville?

DICK DELAURIER: What happens in Jacksonville?

FIONA METZ: They forget the rules. Florida, baby.

RYKO climbs to the top rope and Rough Stuff McDuff doesn’t care for that. The freight train that is the Scottish Sledgehammer charges toward RYKO but she sails through the air and manages to take him down with a meteora! RYKO is feeling quite pleased with herself, so much so that she doesn’t notice McDuff instantly gets back up to his feet. McDuff grabs RYKO and sets her up for (what we can assume will be) a life ending powerbomb! At the last second, RYKO spins around and drives McDuff head first into the canvas with VTB 33 (Poison Rana)! RYKO tries to cover but McDuff rolls out of the ring to safety.

DICK DELAURIER: RYKO has just obliterated a man twice her size!

FIONA METZ: I know that game. Leave ‘em weak in the knees and they are yours forever.

DICK DELAURIER: Your life is a mystery to me.

FIONA METZ: Me too, honestly.

Forlorn, RYKO looks to exit the ring to give chase but Polly Green attacks her from behind. Green takes RYKO down with a back suplex. RYKO gets right back up but Green darts toward her and nails her with a shotgun dropkick! RYKO is propelled into the corner and smacks against the turnbuckles. RYKO is in a daze as Green moves in for the kill.

FIONA METZ: Polly Green and I trained together back in the day. She is a real nasty bitch, let me tell you.

DICK DELAURIER: So RYKO is in some trouble?

FIONA METZ: The most.

Polly Green sits RYKO on the top rope and she is ready to make some magic. Unfortunately for her, Jahkay Miller is back in the ring and he CRACKS here in the back of the head with a superkick. Green is on ice skates as Kano lifts her up into an electric chair. RYKO shakes off the daze and stands on the top rope. Kano gives her the thumbs up and RYKO leaps off the top rope! She takes Green off of Kano’s shoulders with a meteora! The two crash into the mat and RYKO pops up after the impact and covers Green. Gina Stripes makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners, the team of RYKO and Insane Fortune, Team RAZOR!

No music plays but bloodcurdling screams are heard. Kenny The Ring Boy, bloodied and battered, is tossed through the curtain at the top of the stage. The perpetrators are quickly revealed as SHADOJIMA and Samhain. The monsters barrel down the ramp toward the ring. Everyone is scared. The Scottish Sledgehammer tries to meet them head on but SHADOJIMA turns Rough Stuff McDuff inside out with a lariat. Aroa Ramma sees Samhain coming and vaults over the top rope with a crossbody to meet the monster at the foot of the ramp. Samhain catches Ramma! Samhain plants Ramma on the floor with a powerslam.

FIONA METZ: Looks like SHADO is still salty about that count out loss.

DICK DELAURIER: Shinobu Tsutsumi isn’t out here with the Kaiju. They are completely unchained.

FIONA METZ: This is going to be a fucking bloodbath.

Jahkay Miller loses his SHIT. Miller bullets through the ropes at Samhain with a suicide dive but Samhain catches him! Samhain tosses Miller to SHADOJIMA who plants Miller with a powerbomb onto the apron. Lennox Davies tries to engage the Kaiju but they grab him around the throat, lift him up, and plant him with a double chokeslam on the floor.

DICK DELAURIER: Why isn’t security stopping this?

FIONA METZ: Hard to move when you’ve got piss in your pants.

DICK DELAURIER: True.

Polly Green and RYKO are left in the ring and the Kaiju turn their attention to them. The monsters enter the ring and Polly Green decides to strike first. She charges at SHADOJIMA but he launches her over the top rope to the floor with the Kaiju Beale! Green lands on the floor with a sickening thud. RYKO is all alone with the monsters.

FIONA METZ: Uh oh. Wylde Smyle is about to become Ground Frown.

DICK DELAURIER: What?

FIONA METZ: Because we’ll have to bury her – listen, you’ve gotta work with me here, Dicky.

RYKO has nowhere to run! She hits Samhain with a dropkick that somewhat staggers him and then she takes off for the ropes. She does a triple jump and flies back at SHADOJIMA looking for a crossbody but he catches her. SHADJOMIA repositions Wylde Smyle and plants her with Into The Shadows (Tombstone Piledriver) dead center in the middle of the ring. The Manchester crowd is too terrified to boo but they are not happy about what has just transpired. SHADOJIMA and Samhain on the other hand, raise their arms in triumph.

In the hallways of Connie Gibbs arena we see a production assistant rushing through the corridors evidently looking for something. He stops in his tracks when he reaches a locker room door that sports the CØNTAGIØN logo. The PA takes a deep breath and does a rhythmic knock with a very happy tune. Probably to show that he isn’t a threat. A few moments later, the door opens and there stands Josh Mac.

JOSH MAC: Aye, fuck do ya want?

PA: Sorry to bother you Mr. Mac. I have a note here for Mr. Ashford.

The door swings open further and there stands the CARNAGE Pro World Champion, “Gosuto Sutori” Reid Ashford. Ashford looks as grumpy as ever and he grabs the note with his bandaged hand, still healing from having his fingers reattached. Mac piefaces the PA out of frame and looks to Ashford inquisitively.

JOSH MAC: What’s it say?

REID ASHFORD: ”Hiya champ. I heard that your digits are gonna be fully healed soon and you’ll be fighting fit to defend that little piece of gold that you wear around. I’ve decided that it would look better on me. See ya soon, cunt.”

JOSH MAC: Who has the balls to send you something like that?

REID ASHFORD: I don’t think balls have anything to do with it.

Ashford crumples up the note and tosses it away. Ashford disappears back into the locker room and Josh Mac stands there looking perplexed as the scene fades out.

“London Calling” by The Clash kicks up. The fans lose their minds as UWK President and member of The Consortium, Mauler Metz comes out and gets a big pop. Mauler struts to the ring and takes in the sights of his full arena. Been a while since that has been true. He enters the ring and casually glances over to the announce desk before he takes a microphone from Big Mouth Mindy.

MAULER METZ: Oi! We got a right rowdy buncha cunts in the building tonight, ya?

The audience gets even louder, which brings a bigger smile to the face of Mauler.

MAULER METZ: I want to tell all of yas a story. On April 2nd 1989, in this very building, I became UWK Heavyweight Champion after beating an Italian menace by the name of Enzo Dante. 34 years later UWK is still here, still going strong.

Cheers. Big cheers. Even if going strong maybe isn't the most apt phrase.

MAULER METZ: This company has faced its ‘ardships. When Scott Rivers, Malcolm Street, Charon, and Kriegshund all decided to leave in 1998 it crippled us. It made Fast Eddy Gant close the doors. But I couldn’t ‘ave that. So I bided my time and twenty one years later I was able to realize me dream of having UWK reign again. Because I ‘ad a secret weapon. I was set to build the company around the best young wrestler in the world.

Mauler looks to the announce table and locks eyes with his daughter. The camera pans over to Fiona Metz and she couldn't look more uncomfortable.

MAULER METZ: You wanna come join me, lass?

At the announce desk Fiona Metz glances over at her broadcast colleague Dick Delaurier. Dick subtly tries to tell her to remain calm but Fiona shrugs. Fuck it. She removes her headset and stands up from the announce table. She gets a ferocious chorus of boos as she walks up the ring steps and enters the ring.

MAULER METZ: Me own daughter. She was meant to be the face of UWK for the new generation. Of course, I trained ‘er m’self. She ‘ad natural ability and a mind for this business like no other. We were set to relaunch and what happened, Fiona?

Fiona doesn’t respond. She has a look of shame on her face.

MAULER METZ: Nothing ta say? You’re always full of little fuckin’ quips but nothin’ ta say now eh girlie? Well I’ll remind everyone for ya. Ya fuckin’ left. Ya left me, ya left this company, and ya left these people. And for what?

Fiona still doesn’t respond, her eyes on her shoes.

MAULER METZ: For nothin’. She ran away to America with some dickhead to get married in Las Vegas. ‘Ow did that work out fer ya, Fiona? ‘Cause yer not married anymore. 'e fuckin’ left ya because you’re a toxic little bitch.

An “Ohhhh!” from the crowd. We can hear Dick Delaurier remove his headset but the camera is firmly fixed on the ring.

MAULER METZ: I’m disappointed. This is yer opportunity to explain yerself and cat’s got yer tongue. Because you don’t 'ave an explanation. Yer just a selfish little cunt who only looks out for ‘erself.

Dick Delaurier has entered the ring. He approaches Mauler which prompts a laugh from the UWK owner.

MAULER METZ: Fuck do you want? This don’t concern ya.

Fiona glances up at Delaurier and they share a look.

MAULER METZ: This is between me and me daughter. So fuck off back to the desk, lad. None of yer business.

Delaurier is still looking at Fiona. Mauler takes one step toward them and BAM! Delaurier absolutely STARCHES Mauler Metz with a right hand! Within moments BRAVE Security is in the ring to stop any retaliation on the part of Mauler. We hastily cut to a commercial.



VROOM! VROOM!

The sound of an Indian Scout Sixty revving up its engine welcomes us as the scene fades in. The newest member of RAZOR Wrestling, Jacky Sweetwater, is on this classic bike. Behind him is an attractive female with her arms around his exposed, eight-pack abs. Jacky revs his engine again before turning it off and addressing those watching on the screen.

JACKY SWEETWATER: Nothing like the sound of liquid cool V-twin, I’ll tell ya that. The sound of my hog all revved up is music to my ears. Oh! My apologies! Here I am talkin’ shop and I’ve forgotten to introduce myself. You may have seen me previously, like when I kicked Masaru Shinja’s ass all over the ring in a ‘dark match’, which uh- Believe me when I say this, but when Jacky Sweetwater is in that ring I’m the main event, baby. You come and pay to see me!

Jacky, fresh off his win against Shinja, had the confidence of a king after being victorious in a battle.

JACKY SWEETWATER: That’s right. Hell’s Heartthrob, Jacky Sweetwater has found his way to RAZOR Wrestling. This is the place to be! There’s a lot going on in RAZOR and I can’t wait to dive right in. I see guys like Jack MacGrath and I can’t help but admire his gumption. His fortitude. His deranged and devious attitude. I’m tellin’ ya, baby, if he’s running things around here this place is gonna be sick! Then we got a guy like Ollie Maverick as your CRBG Champ. Do you really want the blurred face of a loser to be the face of your division!? No way, Jose! You need someone with movie-star good looks, a priest-like personality, an all-around sexy friggin’ beast like Jacky Sweetwater holdin’ that strap!

Jacky’s voice echoes throughout the backstage area as he continues.

JACKY SWEETWATER: Some of you dweebs might be asking ‘Why, Jacky? Why?’ And there’s only one reason why… One-half ALPHA Wrestling Tag Team Champion. One-half Southern Wrestling Federation Jokers Wild Cup Winner and Tag Team Champion. You hear the name Sweetwater and all that follows me is sweet, sexy, success!

He takes a look back at the blonde Brit on his bike and beams.

JACKY SWEETWATER: Emphasis on sexy, am I right sweetheart? Anyways! Everywhere I go, I become an instant star. Your eyes can’t help but stay glued to the screen. Your body grows moist with excitement. You can’t help but bite the side of your lower lip in anticipation of what’s to come. I’m a walking ratings-spike, baby! All you Brits, like the babe behind me, witnessed the debut of Jacky Sweetwater in the ring. You all see what I can do. But to those who were unfortunate to witness the debut of Jacky Sweetwater? All I can say is just wait and see. Good things come to those who wait and by the end of the night? This gal behind me ain’t gotta wait too long if ya pick up what I’m puttin’ down!

We don’t. Nevertheless.

JACKY SWEETWATER: RAZOR Wrestling, consider this a warning. I ain’t here for a long time but I’m here for a good time. We’re gonna make it last for as long as it takes and we’re gonna have fun doing it… at least fun for me. So hide your ex-wives and let the rats come out and play, Jacky Sweetwater is about to make RAZOR his bitch!

With that, Jacky cackles as he turns on his bike and rides away into the sunset... or the exit.

We are set for our first of two Vanguard Series Semi-Finals as a new rivalry between “Space Shaman” Ace Sky and “The Prodigy” Kash Warren enters the third chapter. The two combatants make their entrances, passing by the Vanguard Championship that sits atop a lovely blue velvet pillow on a pedestal. Wonder how much that cost? Referee Zach Ebra lays down the rules to each man and calls for the bell.

FIONA METZ: So like…are you good?

DICK DELAURIER: Why wouldn’t I be?

FIONA METZ: Well you punched Mauler in the face.

DICK DELAURIER: I’m great. He deserved it.

FIONA METZ: (quietly) Thank you, Dick.


Ace Sky comes out of his corner with a dropkick like a shotgun blast. Such a shame that it completely missed or it would have looked very cool. Sky scrambles back up to his feet to try another drop kick but Kash Warren is faster. Warren blasts Sky with a pump kick that sends the latter hard into the corner. The Space Shamana staggers out from the corner just for Warren to flatten him with a big elbow strike! Sky doesn’t go down but the poor lad can barely stand.

DICK DELAURIER: Blistering shots from Kash Warren. He is one hell of a striker, although that’s not what he’s known for.

FIONA METZ: Nope. He’s known for his knowledge of foraging for wild mushrooms.

DICK DELAURIER: I feel like you’re lying.

FIONA METZ: Your feelings do not betray you.

Kash Warren grabs Ace Sky by the wrist and pulls him into an absolutely VILE European uppercut. Sky tries to roll out of the ring to safety but Warren reaches through the ropes and grabs Sky on the apron. Warren stands Sky up. Sky’s attempts to fight back are all for naught as Warren brings him back into the ring with a suplex! Big time impact. Warren covers and Zach Ebra makes the count.

1..

2..!

Ace Sky kicks out! The Prodigy applies a chin lock, trying to keep Sky grounded. Sky does his best to fight out of it but with every movement from Sky, Kash Warren jerks the move in tighter. Don’t be gross. Manchester starts to get behind Sky and this gives him the energy to rise to his feet. Both men are up and Sky is slowly breaking Warren’s grip. Just as Sky is about to free himself, Warren blasts him with an elbow strike to the back of the head! Sky drops to all fours and the bell dings to signify the end of Round One.

FIONA METZ: One round down, five to go. Any time I had one of these matches I hated them. The Brits have no idea what they are doing.

DICK DELAURIER: You are British.

FIONA METZ: Not anymore!


The competitors get a brief respite before Zach Ebra calls for the bell to start Round Two. Kash Warren rushes after Ace Sky but Sky slips through the ropes and catches Warren with a gamengiri! Warren is staggered and Sky flies into the ring with a springboard! Sky sails through the air but Warren is waiting for him. Warren strikes first, hitting Sky with a brutal European uppercut out of the air!

DICK DELAURIER: Good gumbo! Talk about anti-air artillery.

FIONA METZ: That was some sexy alliteration.

Ace Sky is in big trouble as he gets to his feet – he’s like a baby giraffe learning how his sticks work. Kash Warren can smell the blood in the water! Angela DiAmante shouts to her client and Warren strikes. He puts Sky on the canvas with a double leg take down and mounts him. Sky is already covering up before Warren even starts in with the shots. No matter. Warren lays into Sky with brutal elbow strikes. Sky continues to try to cover up but within no time he slowly drops his hands. Zach Ebra has no choice but to call the match for Warren with a knockout.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner in Round Two of the match, moving on to the FINALS of the Vanguard Series, “THEEEE PROOOODIGYYYYY” Kash Warren!

"DOA" by I Prevail [feat. Joyner Lucas] cues up. Zach Ebra raises Kash Warren’s hand in victory as Angela DiAmante enters the ring to celebrate. Warren holds up his index finger. I think it means one of two things. A) That he is number one or B) There is only one person left for him to beat. Either way The Prodigy is going to the finals.

Somewhere backstage we see a somewhat haphazardly erected backdrop with the RAZOR Wrestling and Nana Productions logos emblazoned in an alternating pattern. The muffled sounds of the crowd and in ring action can be heard in the background. The camera lingers on the empty space for several awkward moments before its mic picks up a pair of footsteps. First to appear before the camera is Nana Tsukina in her sparkly plaid blazer. The head of Nana Productions shoots a death glare into the camera that's normally reserved for her opponents.

NANA TSUKINA: What was that? Did my girl do something to upset those monsters? I won't forgive anyone who acts so dishonorably!

She throws her arms up in a frustrated shrug. Meanwhile Ryko staggers into the frame, blinking rapidly as she clears the cobwebs. When she finally looks up at the camera, her cute idol face is gone; RYKO bears only a detached, threatening expression. As she speaks we get subtitles at the bottom of the screen.

RYKO: <Well well, I didn't.. I didn't know that we had Kaiju like this in RAZOR. So big, so powerful! We didn't even see them coming until it was too late. My body.. everything hurts. They could've killed me out there.>

Her lips start to curl up into a wicked smile.

RYKO: <But they didn't finish the job. Sloppy, sloppy Kaiju! But it's okay, because they did give me something fun.. they.. the pain they inflicted on me is wonderful! I feel so alive! It's like I'm back in the streets with a bunch of posers who don't get how bad they screwed up by coming after me. And that's a feeling I love. It's a promise of so much more fun!>

She winces from the damage done to her, but her eyes remain wild.

RYKO: <Hey, Halloween Man and Dinosaur Dude, do you get what you did tonight? Look into my eyes and tell me that you understand. You just started a turf war with RAZOR R.. I mean, Wyld Smyle RYKO. You're both huge, you're both monsters, but I'm crazy and creatively violent enough that it doesn't matter. The two of you started this, but now I'm going to stalk you, hunt you down and carve you up. Nothing will save you from the sparkling orgy of violence I'm about to unleash on you.>

RYKO's smile grows more demented as she continues on.

RYKO: <It's open season on Kaiju now. Your days are numbered, and the calendar is counting down to the moment I take you out. That's a RYKO promise.>

She flashes double peace signs and smiles cutely, but her eyes remain a window to her truly chaotic soul. With a sign Nana puts her arm around RYKO's shoulders and nods to the camera.

NANA TSUKINA: If those monsters want to kill the joy Nana Productions is bringing to the world here on RAZOR, there's only one thing we can do. We're going to become monster hunters. Now RYKO is fired up, but to battle monsters we need a party of heroes. And to help RYKO, I went out and found no less than a world champion! So let me introduce you to the newest talent signed to Nana Productions!

Nana motions to her left, and a beat later Saya Onikawa steps into view. The KCW World Championship rests on her shoulder, a reminder of her Shotgun debut. After a glance to the other two, Saya frowns a little.

SAYA ONIKAWA: <Tsukina-san, you didn't tell me that the other girl was Razor Riko.>

Nana shrugs and smiles.

NANA TSUKINA: <Well, surprise! I think you two will work great together. After all, you started off in the same place. It's like getting the band back together. Or in this case getting the idol unit back together.>

Saya continues to stare dubiously at RYKO, then finally nods in acceptance. She turns her attention to the camera and fans.

SAYA ONIKAWA: I'm Saya Onikawa. People who know me are wondering why I'm here in RAZOR instead of a big time Joshi ring. I know it's weird for someone who debuted on a big stage to show up on a show that's broadcast by a network called GRBG.. garbage? But you know what?

She cracks a little smile.

SAYA ONIKAWA: Back home, people called me garbage. They probably still think I stink and belong in the dumpster. I don't care what they say. I'm aiming for the top now. And if I'm on the garbage network, I'll just go ahead and become the Queen of GRBG. Whatever it takes, I believe in tomorrow and I'll fight anyone to prove I am a world champion level wrestler. This one's a start!

She hefts the KCW belt and her smile grows.

SAYA ONIKAWA: But maybe it doesn't count? I won it from a butler and I heard the place it's from is gone. So I'll just have to aim for the RAZOR World Championship instead.

After another awkward glance to RYKO she nods.

SAYA ONIKAWA: And since RYKO needs backup, I'm going to be the Shining Hero of Nana Productions. From right now, here in Manchaser-

NANA TSUKINA: Manchester.

Saya's face screws up as she focuses on the name of the city.

SAYA ONIKAWA: Here in Mencaster?

RYKO: Man-che-suta.

SAYA ONIKAWA: Manchester! Whatever! From today I'm part of this unit! Let's fight some monsters!

RYKO looks a little bemused, Saya flustered as Nana puts an arm around both of them.

NANA TSUKINA: That's right, so monsters? Get ready to face the Ponytails!

RYKO's face lights up at this reveal. Saya's face falls and she glares at the grinning Nana as the scene fades out.



It’s tiiiime for the second Vanguard Series Semi-Final Match as “The Martyr” Joey Bryant takes on Kylie Ray to see who will meet Kash Warren in the finals in Guadalajara in two weeks. The two competitors make their individual entrances. Joey Bryant eyes up the title on its pedestal as he passes but Ray appears indifferent. Vivian Rosser explains how this nightmare works then we are off and running.

FIONA METZ: The last British Rounds Match ended in two. I expect the same to happen here given the physical mismatch.

DICK DELAURIER: Don’t count Kylie Ray out. She showed her tenacity in the Colosseo Match and she is an Olympic gymnast. A two sport Olympian at that.

FIONA METZ: This is not the Olympics. This is something…dumber.


The two competitors meet in the middle of the ring, with referee Vivian Rosser getting out of the way. Joey Bryant, with the 100+ pound weight advantage, and over a foot in height advantage, holds out his hand to Kylie Ray. Ray accepts it, her little paw looking even tinier once compared to that of Bryant. The two then each take a step back. Bryant starts to circle, his dukes up. Ray looks around and then puts her hands up too.

FIONA METZ: Ha! She’s going to try to box with this brick shit house?

DICK DELAURIER: I think it’s more of a statement.

FIONA METZ: She admitted that she is afraid.

DICK DELAURIER: Perhaps she no longer is.

FIONA METZ: Well that’s just irresponsible.

Joey Bryant fires a “shot across the bow” of sorts with his right hand. Kylie Ray easily evades it and then moves in for a thigh kick. Bryant is able to move his massive frame to the side and she only grazes him. A smirk from Bryant. Ray doesn’t like that. She fires off another thigh kick and Bryant evades it again. Frustrated, Ray lunges forward and drives a knee into Bryant’s stomach.

DICK DELAURIER: What a shot from Kylie Ray!

FIONA METZ: A lesser man would have puked!

The big lad from New York staggers around the ring for a moment and Kylie Ray is able to pop up and hit him with a hurricanranna! Joey Bryant is down for a millisecond before popping up to one knee. Bryant claps for his opponent and Ray smiles…for a second. Ray goes super sonic and blasts Bryant with a dropkick that sends him spilling through the ropes, onto the apron! Ray goes to engage but Vivian Rosser acknowledges the bell. End of Round One.

DICK DELAURIER: Not enough time for Ray to fully capitalize!

FIONA METZ: Okay I’m kind of starting to like this type of match.


Vivian Rosser backs Kylie Ray away as they get their brief rest period. Joey Bryant checks his mouth for blood, smiling. He re-enters the ring and Rosser asks if he’s good to go. He scoffs and says “Yeah” with a laugh. As soon as Rosser calls for the single bell, Ray launches herself at Bryant but he catches her over his shoulder. Bryant positions his hand on her stomach and propels her into the air! Ray is at least ten feet above the canvas and she comes crashing down face first.

DICK DELAURIER: The elevation!

FIONA METZ: This is why MMA has weight classes.

DICK DELAURIER: This isn’t MMA.

FIONA METZ: Yes it’s something…dumber.

DICK DELAURIER: You said that already.

FIONA METZ: It’s called a callback, Dicky.

Kylie Ray has had the wind knocked out of her. She struggles to get up to her feet but when she does Joey Bryant nearly DECAPITATES her with a running knee strike. The 125 pounder careens through the air and lands with a thud on the canvas. Bryant stomps towards her, lifts her up and applies a front face lock. With ease Bryant hoists Ray up and takes her over with a Fisherman’s suplex. Bryant points his toes and keeps Ray’s leg hooked for the pin. Vivian Rosser makes the count.

FIONA METZ: Score one for the big man!

1..

2..!

DICK DELAURIER: Not quite!

Kylie Ray kicks out! It’s a little unimaginable that with the weight difference she would be able to do this but with the right training you can do anything. Joey Bryant hauls Ray up to her feet and peppers her with a few shots to the mid-section. The final few blows in the combination literally lift Ray off of her feet. Bryant applies another front face lock and lifts Ray into the air. He holds her completely vertical for what seems like forever and then brings her crashing down to the mat with a suplex. Just as Bryant goes to cover again, the bell sounds. Round Two is done.

DICK DELAURIER: Saved by the bell!

FIONA METZ: (singing) It’s alllright. Cuz I’m saved by the bellllll.


Vivian Rosser backs Joey Bryant away from Kylie Ray. The referee asks Ray if she is able to continue and Ray nods, fighting to get some air back in her lungs. Rosser gives them a few more seconds and then calls for the bell to open round three. Bryant charges toward Ray and she comes to life hitting him with a dropkick to the stomach! Bryant drops to a knee and Ray takes him over with a Judo throw!

DICK DELAURIER: Perfect technique from Kylie Ray!

FIONA METZ: Can’t believe she put the big fucker on his back!

Joey Bryant gets back up to his feet but Kylie Ray takes him over with another arm drag. He is back up again and she hits him with a dropkick to the face! Bryant is staggered and Ray goes through the ropes to the apron. Bryant is slowly turning to face her and she launches herself into the ring with a springboard and connects with a missile dropkick! The Martyr is down! Ray makes a quick cover and Vivian Rosser counts.

1..

2..NO!

Joey Bryant powers out at a count of two, sending Kyle Ray a few feet into the air with that effort. Bryant tries to get up to his feet but Ray leaps over him and rolls him up with a cradle!

1..

2..NO!

Manchester is getting hyped! Joey Bryant has kicked out again! Bryant starts to stand but Ray hits him with a low thrust kick, causing him to drop his head. In a flash, Ray drops him with the KDT! Bryant is laid out! Ray covers again.

DICK DELAURIER: Kylie Ray is about to get a fall!

1..

2..

…

FIONA METZ: Ha! This match is such a cock tease!

Ding! No! The bell sounds to signify the end of Round Three. Manchester deflates, they thought they were going to see a fall. Kylie Ray can’t believe it but Vivian Rosser is forced to back her away from Joey Bryant, who gets a few moments to recover.


Joey Bryant gets back up to his feet but his bell done gone got rung. Vivian Rosser calls for the bell and round four begins! Kylie Ray dashes across the ring but Bryant is ready! He delivers a right cross the finds nothing but air because Ray has slipped behind him! Ray hits a springboard kick to the back of Bryant’s head and then takes him down with a crucifix pin!

FIONA METZ: Come on give us one!

1..

2..

FIONA METZ: You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!

NOPE! Joey Bryant is able to kick out. But he’s on the mat now and Kylie Ray keeps him there with a leaping double stomp to the mid-section. Ray turns her attention to the corner and with perfect fluidity and breathtaking speed she is able to hit Bryant with a gold star split-legged moonsault. Ray hooks the leg for yet another cover.

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: WHAT IS THIS MATCH?

Manchester is in shambles. Joey Bryant kicks out again! Some dueling chants have started up with “LET’S GO JOE-Y” and “RAY ALL DAY”. Less creative than we’re used to in Britain but blame that on the writer, not this crowd. Bryant is back up but Ray hits him with a chop block. Bryant drops to a knee but Ray kicks his leg out of his leg (R.I.P. Owen) and transitions into the Down Under Crusher (Calf Crusher)! Before she can get it completely locked in we hear that irritating ding! Round Four is in the books.

FIONA METZ: Kylie Ray is getting royally fucked over here.

DICK DELAURIER: Nature of the beast!

FIONA METZ: Well this beast is fucking her. Wait…


Kylie Ray is trying to keep herself composed, she knows that she is in control and Joey Bryant is hurting. The Martyr shakes off the cobwebs and Vivian Rosser calls for the start of Round Five. Ray cautiously approaches Bryant and he swings for another right cross. Ray sidesteps it and tries to take Bryant over with an arm drag but Bryant plants his feet. He’s not going anywhere. Bryant cracks Ray with a spinning back elbow and she drops.

FIONA METZ: That’s it. She’s dead.

DICK DELAURIER: That shot landed perfectly!

Vivian Rosser checks with Kylie Ray to see if the latter is still conscious. Ray starts to get up to all fours so…yeah, she’s good. Joey Bryant, hobbling slightly, walks over and reaches down. He grabs Ray in a waist lock and deadlifts her off of the canvas with incredible power! Bryant tosses Ray backwards with a German suplex! Ray does a half rotation and comes crashing down on her face. The crowd pops BIG!

DICK DELAURIER: Good gumbo! Kylie Ray was flung!

FIONA METZ: You said she was a gymnast…

Joey Bryant knows that it’s now or never. He hauls Kylie Ray up to her feet and she starts desperately hitting him with weak blows to the midsection. Bryant delivers a big uppercut to her ribs and then hoists her into the air for Martyrdom (Spinning Brainbuster)! Bryant brings Ray crashing down to the canvas and floats over into a cover.

1..

2..

..3!

FIONA METZ: Finally!

DICK DELAURIER: Still one more round for Kylie Ray to tie things up!


Joey Bryant earns a fall. Kylie Ray has one more round to try and tie this up. Should she do so it will go to sudden death overtime! Vivian Rosser gives each wrestler their final break and then calls for the start of round six. Ray is rocked but she is able to get to her feet. Bryant grabs her, transitions to a reverse waist lock and lifts her up for a second German suplex! He tosses her backwards but Ray does a complete backflip and lands on her feet!

DICK DELAURIER: Listen to Manchester! They have come unglued for Kylie Ray!

The crowd is cheering for both competitors but a slight majority is roaring for Kylie Ray! Joey Bryant turns around and walks right into a standing Spanish Fly from Ray! Ray knows that it isn’t enough to keep him down, evident by the fact that he starts to stand back up. Ray hits a springboard and comes back with a poison rana! The crowd of Bryant’s head is driven into the canvas and Ray makes a cover.

FIONA METZ: Holy fuck she’s gonna do it!

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: COME ON!

Joey Bryant kicks out! The crowd is on their feet in Manchester. Kylie Ray tries to Irish whip Bryant into the ropes but he reverses it. On Ray’s return he goes for a big boot but Ray slides on her stomach behind him, pops up, and takes him down with a crucifix pin! The back of Bryant’s head hits the mat almost as if this is a driver/pin hybrid of the move! Vivian Rosser drops down to make the count.

1..

2..

..Ding!

NO! Time has run out! Kylie Ray can’t believe it. Joey Bryant survives the onslaught from the Olympic Gymnast to move onto the finals of the Vanguard Series.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner by a score of 1-0 in the sixth round, advancing to the finals of the Vanguard Series, “THE MARTYYYYYYR” Joey Bryyyyant!

Cut - somenaan Remix" by Sweet Pill/somenaan cues up. Vivian Rosser raises The Martyr’s hand. Kylie Ray sits on the mat, disappointed. Bryant doesn’t celebrate, he approaches Ray and holds out his hand. She takes a minute to consider the offer. Ray reaches up and Bryant helps her to her feet. Bryant raises her hand and Manchester cheers wildly. One hell of a match between these two and the fans show their appreciation.

In the makeshift office of The Consortium we find FLG Owner Horado Basa seated in a large leather chair. He is enjoying a cigar and a glass of mezcal, he looks quite content. Which usually means that he has something horrible to talk about.

HORADO BASA: Hola fans of RAZOR Wrestling. My name is Horado Basa and in two weeks RAZOR Wrestling will be visiting my home of Guadalajara. RAZOR will be guests at the Palacio Dorada of my company Fábrica de Lucha de Guadalajara.

Basa takes a long pull from his cigar and then streams a fine jet of smoke into the air.

HORADO BASA: My company, FLG, has many more luchadores on the roster than UWK and Wrestle Italia. There will be a great many interpromotional matches. We will also see the FLG Campeonato Supremo defended by the long reigning champion, Craneo.

The FLG Owner takes a small mouthful of mezcal and lets out an obnoxious “Ah.” of satisfaction.

HORADO BASA: These will all be fantastic matches and they will draw a big house for us. But there is one more pieza de puzzle that I believe will send our attendance over the top. I would like to see the GRBG Championship defended. Now we saw a newcomer here tonight, a latino like myself, pull off the impossible. Carlos “Ripper” Hernandez was able to defeat the demonio SHADOJIMA.

Basa ashes his cigar.

HORADO BASA: So in two weeks, Carlos “Ripper” Hernandez will challenge Ollie Maverick for the GRBG Championship. The match will be sponsored by Señor Jim Toro’s Back Alley Bull Fighting. What better stipulation to attach than to make it a partido de cuerda de toro. A bull rope match. I look forward to seeing you all in Guadalajara. Adiós.

The Consortium member raises his glass and we cut to a commercial break.



The next match is like cows that smoke weed because it is HIGH STAKES. Fire Sale makes their entrance and gets a pretty good reaction, a reaction that puzzles the stoic Bob Regan. Harvey Francis on the other hand is stoked to get a warm welcome in Manchester, unlike some of his RAZOR compatriots.

DICK DELAURIER: Six weeks ago Fire Sale made it to the finals of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic. Unfortunately for them, they were defeated by the current Tag Team Champions Los Rebeldes del Bien. Is tonight the night where they earn another chance at the gold?

FIONA METZ: I mean no one likes an odd couple tag team more than me but Super Destructoras have something special going on. Is there anyone on the roster who is improving as quickly as Arana Oscura?

DICK DELAURIER: A good observation!

FIONA METZ: What happened? I blacked out.

Super Destructoras are out next and Arana Oscura gets a massive pop. Peregrina Loca also receives a good reaction, but the crowd is in love with the young FLG graduate. Super Destructoras hit the ring and seem ready to continue their undefeated streak.

DICK DELAURIER: Two of the hottest up and coming tag teams in RAZOR are set to get after it with a Tag Team Title Match on the line! Here we go!

The bell sounds with referee Wes Eastman on the call. “Spitfire” Harvey Francis starts the match against Arana Oscura. The two speedsters trade some quick cruiserweight style offense until Oscura gains the upper hand with a big armdrag! Francis is surprised by Oscura’s speed. He staggers back to his feet only for Oscura to catch him with a flying head scissors!

DICK DELAURIER: Arana Oscura comes out hot! The confidence in this young lady is growing every time we see her.

FIONA METZ: Because she keeps fucking winning.

Harvey Francis slides on his back right to the Fire Sale corner. Arana Oscura looks to keep the pressure on but Francis puts his hand up and “Senior Salesman” Bob Regan makes the tag. Regan enters the ring but the 53 year old takes his time and that gives Oscura the opportunity to hit a HUGE springboard. Oscura shocks Regan with a flying crossbody. Oscura covers and Wes Eastman is there to make the count.

1..

2!

FIONA METZ: Damn I thought she had him for a second.

DICK DELAURIER: It’ll take a lot more than that to keep Spitfire down. He wants another crack at those Tag Team Titles badly.

Bob Regan barely stays down for a two count. Peregrina Loca shouts for Arana Oscura to make the tag but Oscura doesn’t hear her. Or does she? Oscura catches Regan with a basement dropkick to the knee, hits the ropes, and comes back with a MASSIVE shining wizard. The Senior Salesman is laid out and Oscura covers again.

1..

2!

FIONA METZ: She almost had him! Arana Oscura is lighting Fire Sale up. Pun super intended.

NOPE! Bob Regan kicks out again and the weekend warrior is visibly frustrated. Peregrina Loca is practically reaching across the ring for the tag but still Arana Oscura doesn’t make any moves to get to her partner. Oscura wants to do it all alone, apparently. Oscura grabs Regan by the arm and tries to send him into the ropes but Regan reverses the momentum and on Oscura’s return Regan blasts her with a clothesline. Oscura gets turned inside out and Pera hangs her head in frustration.

DICK DELAURIER: Arana Oscura is trying to wrestle this whole contest by her lonesome.

FIONA METZ: Which shows her inexperience. She has forgotten that she has a partner.

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t think that is the case.

Bob Regan, gassed (because he’s old), makes the tag to partner Harvey Francis. Francis leaps into the ring and along with Regan hits a double leg sweep on Oscura. Francis screams “ELBOWS FOREVER!” and Regan just sighs. The two start dropping elbows onto Oscura, one after another. They hit a half dozen each until Regan is spent and has to get out of the ring. Francis could go six more but Oscura has rolled out onto the apron.

DICK DELAURIER: Arana Oscura is in deep trouble, Metz.

FIONA METZ: Yeah because she’s wrestling this like a handicap match. You have a partner, idiot.

Arana Oscura stands on the apron but Harvey Francis meets her with a running forearm. Francis keeps Oscura from falling off of the apron and brings her into the ring with a suplex. Francis then darts to the nearest corner, climbs to the top rope, and leaps off with the Sandusky Stomp I (Diving Double Footstomp). Francis covers.

FIONA METZ: It’s over.

1..

2..

..!

DICK DELAURIER: Not quite!

Spitfire moves to the Fire Sale corner and tags Bob Regan back in. Peregrina Loca is pacing back and forth on the apron near her corner. Francis feeds Arana Oscura to Regan. Regan lifts her up for a powerbomb and then brings her crashing down right into a backstabber from Francis. Francis pops back up and in a flash he is across the ring to knock Pera off of the apron, Regan makes a cover. Wes Eastman makes the count.

1..

2..

..!

Arana Oscura kicks out! The Webweaver just barely got her shoulder up. Bob Regan looks irritated. I think. Peregrina Loca tries to get into the ring but Wes Eastman stops her. Seeing their opportunity, Regan locks Oscura in a figure four leg lock while Francis applies a dragon sleeper! Oscura is being torn in half! Pera gets back on the apron which lets Eastman see what is happening and he starts a count. Fire Sale break the hold and Francis returns to the apron.

DICK DELAURIER: Fire Sale are really working as a proper team these days. It’s a fire cry from when they first started working together.

FIONA METZ: These boys want the gold. They got so close but it was taken away. I’m a woman, I know all about almost feeling satisfied and then…not. It sucks.

Bob Regan, sucking wind, readies his right hand for his patented Knockout Punch. Arana Oscura slowly gets to her feet. Regan is slow to go for the punch so Oscura sees it coming. She dives under it, rolls through, dives again and tags in Peregrina Loca! Manchester cheers as Pera enters the ring with murder on her mind.

DICK DELAURIER: The tide has turned! Here comes Mama!

Peregrina Loca hits Bob Regan with a basement dropkick to the knee. The old man crumbles instantly. Harvy Francis tries to come in to help his partner but he gets planted with a jumping ddt from Mama! Regan is back up but not for long because Pera Pera puts him down with a leapfrog bulldog! Mama is cleaning house! Francis stands and instantly gets cracked with an enziguri that sends him through the ropes to the outside.

FIONA METZ: Big Mama’s House! Pera is running traaaaain.

DICK DELAURIER: That live has been written in your notebook for weeks.

FIONA METZ: Don’t look at my notes.

DICK DELAURIER: You write in Sharpie. And it's the only note.

FIONA METZ: I was saving it.

Knowing that she has a window to claim victory, Peregrina Loca tries to finish Bob Regan off with Pera Driver (Wrist-Clutch Exploder Suplex) but to everyone’s surprise he reverses and sends her shoulder first through the turnbuckles, into the ring post in her corner. Oscura makes the blind tag and leaps into the ring to take the pressure off of her mentor and partner.

FIONA METZ: This is it kid, this is your chance.

DICK DELAURIER: …and look who has decided to join us.

Just as Arana Oscura looks to engage with Bob Regan her attention turns to the entrance ramp. FLG Campeón Supremo, Craneo, with the tiel over her shoulder appears with Oscura’s sister Calavera. Oscura sees them immediately and gets distracted. Regan makes the tag to Harvey Francis.

FIONA METZ: Get your mind on the match, little spider!

Spitfire appears as if he is going to engage with Arana Oscura but instead he runs across the ring and blasts Peregrina Loca with a superkick that knocks her off of the apron. Oscura’s eyes are still fixed on her “sisters”. Fire Sale surprise Oscura and put her down with a lariat/legsweep combo. Immediately after that, Fire Sale hit Oscura with All Sales Final (Harvey pops someone up, Bob drops the opponent with his Knockout Punch). Francis covers.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners and Number One Contenders to the RAZOR Tag Team Championship, the team of Harvey Francis & Bob Regan, FIIIIIIIRE SALE!

After Fire Sale make their triumphant exit, we're left with two defeated, crestfallen Super Destructoras - and the laughing figures of Calavera and Craneo, who remain upon the stage, the former with her arms crossed about her midsection. The other, moving forwards, spinning a microphone by its lead to land it with a sharp smack in the palm of one hand.

CRANEO: Poor, little, runaways.

Her voice as cold as her porcelain countenance suggests, blood-red lips pulling into a machete-keen smirk, Craneo takes a couple of steps down the ramp and raises her free arm, gesticulating to the crowd who respond with a resurgence of hatred.

CRANEO: You had them all believing, didn't you? And then you choked, failed. Like you failed your daughter, and you--

Her railroad spike of a stare impales Araña Oscura, who tries to draw herself up proudly. It's a real shame that her lip is trembling.

CRANEO: You failed your sister, and you failed me. After all I did for you, Araña. A few lies, a few whispers in your young, innocent ears, and you start to believe in anything but what we gave you? We could go back to that, you know. Who we were.

Craneo arches a brow, daring the greenhorn to do or say anything. She's grown in confidence, and it's to a small expulsion of delighted shock from the crowd that Araña strides to the ropes and throws out a hand, demanding a microphone of her own. A ring crew member scrambles to oblige, and then somebody else moves. Much, much faster than he does.

Calavera BARRELS down the ramp, straight toward the member of the ring crew, who's smiling as he starts to hand up the mic...

And then he's flying through the air, LAUNCHED by the big woman. The ring crew kid’s skull bounces off the corner post, his body ragdolling, and Peregrina Loca has seen enough. She crosses ringside in a blur of motion, launching into her signature side kick, a loud crack as her foot impacts Calavera's head. The burly Destructora takes it like a champ, though, growling as she rounds on Pera, trading wild blows before bundling the older woman up and onto her shoulders; crushing her abruptly and brutally against the unyielding floor with a Samoan drop!

Araña Oscura comes flying over the top rope-- only to get snatched out of the air by her sister!

Thanks, say the crowd, we fucking hate it. And Craneo's smirk is a filthy stain across her maligned face as she looks to her stooge, and extends an arm, slowly turning her thumb downwards. Calavera roars, and-- LUNA ILLENA!! Jackhammers the rookie for worse measure.

CRANEO: ¡Un puto par de idiotas! Who thought they could be champions. Oh, but you promised her gold, didn't you, Perra?

Shaking her head, Peregrina gets to her knees, glancing warily at Calavera - who snorts and folds her arms. Craneo pauses for dramatic effect, her nostrils flaring, and then she unzips her jacket and parts it about her waist, revealing the glinting form of the FLG Campeón Supremo belt.

CRANEO: It was a shame to bring this to such a pathetically small, damp little island - but I'm honoring these 'people' as I'm honoring you. Our dear mentor, Horado Basa, can recognize game. That's why this title is mine, but we're going to need a challenger.

Pera surges to her feet, and Calavera rumbles forward to intercept her - halting when Craneo orders her to in their native tongue. She's staring levelly at Pera, who stares right back, fire in her eyes.

CRANEO: Patience is a virtue you've always lacked. In Mexico, you will get your hands on me. Bring the other traitor, and after I retain this championship I might be nice enough to let her touch it - once she sees the error of her ways and returns to us.

Craneo doesn't just drop the mic, she tosses it onto the ramp so that it bumps and rolls all the way down, making a tremendous noise through the arena P.A., culminating in a whine of feedback that only stops when Calavera loudly CRUSHES it beneath a boot on her way back up.

The reigning FLG Campeón Supremo spins regally on her heel and makes her exit, pursued by a bear.



Our cameras shift their focus to the backstage of Connie Gibbs Arena, where under the whispering of the backstage crew we hear a slight knocking on the walls of one of the locker rooms.

Adam García is the author of said sound, his eyes currently have a slight red tone, and his face displays clear signs of a not-so-proper night's sleep. He had lost his second match in this company two weeks ago, and of course, this match had also been for the title. However unlike his past encounter, this time he couldn't blame anyone else, there had been no interference this time. As far as it goes he lost fairly (as fairly a match without DQ can be).

Seeing the cameras, García reverts to his usual personality, showing a sly faint smile trying to hide the fatigue that was still showing on his face. Brick Kind as usual makes an appearance in García's room. As a matter of fact, in the few months that Adam has been with this company, it seems that this journalist has been the only person other than him who has ever entered his locker room.

BRICK KIND: Good evening Manchester, my name is Brick Kind and I’m with "The Spanish Ace" himself, Adam García, who will be challenging Tom Canterbury for the UWK Heavyweight Title tonight.

A faint heckling sound from the crowd is heard throughout the introduction of "Mad Bull" Adam García, at the crowd's reaction García can't do more than grin.

BRICK KIND: García, people backstage have been talking about you and your supposed curse, what’s your opinion on tonight’s match?

ADAM GARCÍA: Cursed, huh? Yeah Brick, I'm fucking cursed. I hadn’t lost a single match in my career since becoming the Spanish Ace. Yet look at me now, how many meaningless matches do I have to win before I can finally get my hands on that title? The GRBG title belongs to me, regardless of how much the public may hate me or that idea, they know I deserve it.

Adam bangs on the wall yet again.

ADAM GARCÍA: There is no one in this company who deserves that title more than me. And look, I was able to blame Maverick and Sky for costing me that match against Duffy in my first title opportunity. But now…now I got no one to blame other than myself. Losing against Ollie was my mistake, and yes, Maverick has my respect for defeating me cleanly, something the rest of the fuck ups of this company can’t do. But I’m not making that mistake again. Curse or no, third time's the lucky charm. Tonight I will defeat Canterbury and take that title back to RAZOR Wrestling. Hell, I might defend it weekly if necessary, and one day or another I will come back for that GRBG title. After I’m finished with that? The RAZOR World title will also be mine. Drinks on me tonight, Brick. See ya in a bit.

García unlocks the door and walks out of his locker room heading towards the backstage curtains as he awaits for his theme song to play so he can perform his entrance.

Our second interpromotional is up as “Mad Bull” Adam García looks to take the UWK Heavyweight Championship from Tom “The Cant” Canterbury, who has held the title for over 500 days. Both competitors make their entrances. Kate McHale takes the title from The Cant and calls for the opening bell.

DICK DELAURIER: You must have some very personal feelings about this match, Metz.

FIONA METZ: Meh. The Cant was always cool to me. He doesn’t like my old man very much but he loves UWK. He is fighting for this company, not for Mauler.

There is a feeling out process at first. Adam García clearly doesn’t want to jump headlong into this contest, he can’t afford any big mistakes. Tom Canterbury, as confident as ever, has the swagger of a man who doesn’t feel that his title is in jeopardy. The Cant lazily shoots in on García. He wasn’t actually trying for a takedown, he’s trying to get García on his heels. Mad Bull is quick to evade. He’s a might jumpy.

FIONA METZ: He may say otherwise but Adam García is clearly fucking nervous. If he loses this match, who knows when he’ll get a title opportunity of any kind.

DICK DELAURIER: Fair to say. García has one of the best records in the company but when it comes to big time matches he can never seem to get the job done.

FIONA METZ: And now he has to face a technical God like Tom Canterbury. Not an ideal situation for this tough little bastard.

Adam García and Tom Canterbury continue to circle one another and García tests the waters with an attempt at a thigh kick. Canterbury easily evades it. García throws another and this time The Cant moves into it and catches García’s leg. The Cant is looking for a dragon screw but García plants his hand and flips out of it.

DICK DELAURIER: Quite the dichotomy right now. García isn’t rushing into things because he doesn’t want to make a mistake. Canterbury isn’t rushing in because he wants to mess with García.

FIONA METZ: I told you The Cant was cool.

Perhaps out of boredom, Tom Canterbury shoots in on Adam García. This time The Cant has him and forces the Mad Bull down to the mat with an expertly applied front face lock. The Cant quickly transitions into a laying hammerlock but García fights up to his feet. García reaches up and takes Canterbury down to the mat with a snapmare. The Cant rolls through and is back up to his feet.

DICK DELAURIER: A deliberate pace to start us off here. Neither man has had a real upper hand so far.

FIONA METZ: This is how BritWres goes. You don’t need to do a bunch of wacky shit all the time. It’s about getting into your opponent’s head.

DICK DELAURIER: You sound like you miss it.

FIONA METZ: Like I miss getting finger banged behind the bleachers.

DICK DELAURIER: So…a lot?

FIONA METZ: No comment.

The Cant wags a scolding finger in Adam García’s face. It’s going to take a lot more than that, kid. Enraged, García hits a spinning hook kick to The Cant’s midsection. García is sudden in taking off for the ropes. He comes roaring back and looks for a running v trigger but Canterbury sidesteps him and slaps him in the back of the head. The audacity.

DICK DELAURIER: Oh that is not going to sit well with the Mad Bull.

FIONA METZ: The Cant knows what he’s doing. He wants to piss García off. He wants him to make a big mistake.

Adam García tries to stay composed but The Cant’s show of disrespect combined with the absolute loathing from the crowd is clearly getting to him. Canterbury smacks him in the back of the head again. The Mad Bull is…more mad. García catches The Cant with a leaping knee and goes to send him into the corner but The Cant reverses it and sends García into the corner WITH AUTHORITY. García staggers out, The Cant hits Golden Gun (Leaping Leg Lariat). The Cant does a lazy cover and referee Kate McHale makes the count.

1..

2..!

Adam García kicks out and he is frustrated. The Cant knees García in the back of the head and then looks to apply a Fujiwara arm bar but García scoots out of it. Canterbury sends García into the ropes but García comes back with intense speed and takes Canterbury down with a sling blade. Canterbury is right back up and García blasts him with a rushing European uppercut. Canterbury spills through the ropes to the outside.

DICK DELAURIER: Adam García has his opening! Does he take a big risk?

FIONA METZ: If he is going to the he needs to do it quickly.

Time is of the essence for Adam García. He darts across the ring and then propels his body through the ropes like a cruise missile. The topé suicida sends Tom Canterbury crashing into the barricade. García quickly sends Canterbury into the ring and then climbs up the apron, and then up to the top rope!

DICK DELAURIER: This is Adam García’s moment!

Tom Canterbury gets to his feet and Adam García comes off of the top rope with a moonsault. The Cant takes a quick step backwards and García lands on his feet. The Cant lunges forward and catches García in a sleeper hold! Canterbury drags García down to the mat and gets his hooks in for the full rear naked choke. García is dead center in the middle of the ring with nowhere to go!

FIONA METZ: This is exactly what Adam García couldn’t afford to let happen.

DICK DELAURIER: Perhaps he is still too green to win a championship in the big leagues.

FIONA METZ: He has the ability but not the mental game. Few do.

The crowd in Manchester is cheering for The Cant, who is sporting a great big smile. His teeth are lovely, for a Brit. Adam García is reaching out for the ropes but The Cant has the hold locked in tight. Kate McHale asks García if he wants to quit. García screams “No!”. García is able to shift his weight and The Cant’s to reach the bottom rope and force the break.

DICK DELAURIER: García desperately needed that.

FIONA METZ: It doesn’t matter. The Cant isn’t a regular competitor. If he has a hold like that locked in on you for any length of time you are fucked for the rest of the match. García is in deep water and he’s drowning.

The Cant drags Adam García up to his feet and slaps him in the face. García wobbles but stands up straight. The Cant slaps him again. García staggers but again, stands up and gets in The Cant’s face. The Cant goes for a third slap but García slips under it and delivers a LIGHTNING QUICK half and half suplex! Both men are down!

DICK DELAURIER: HALF AND HALF SUPLEX! Adam García has some room to work!

Tom Canterbury’s eyes are glazed over, he probably doesn’t even see his UWK cohorts Barbossa and Prince Thief coming to the ring. Manchester cheers, happy to see the UWK legends coming down the ramp. Before Barbossa and Thief can get involved, three figures hope the barricade and attack them!

DICK DELAURIER: The UWK Legends are here but Contagion has arrived to intercept! What the hell is going on?

FIONA METZ: Seems like one plan got canceled out by another. Who’d have thunk that Contagion would help anyone but themselves? Sweethearts!

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t know about that.

Manchester boos wildly as Josh Mac and Reid Ashford go to work on Prince Thief while Jack McGrath throws bombs at the man he beat one week ago on Shotgun, Barbossa. Contagion fight the UWK infantry up the ramp and this prevents them from getting involved in the contest.

DICK DELAURIER: The UWK contingent has been neutralized. This match will remain one on one!

FIONA METZ: I was looking forward to a shmozz but I guess a straight up match is fine too. Man, I miss Vegas.

Back in the ring Adam García and Tom Canterbury are both up to their feet. The Cant tries for one more disrespectful slap to the face of García but García blocks it, grabs The Cant’s head, and plants him with Grand Finale (Blade Runner)! The Manchester audience is in shock. García makes the cover and all of the air is sucked out of the arena as Kate McHale makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, and NEWWWWW United Wrestling Kingdom Heavyweight Champion. “MAAAD BULLL” ADAM GARRRRRRRRRCÍA!

"Number One" by GoldenBoys kicks up. Kate McHale presents Adam García with the UWK Heavyweight Championship. He holds it in his hands, emotional for only a moment. But then his expression turns to an evil grin. García holds the championship up for Manchester to see and garbage starts flying into the ring. Someone even throws a pint glass, no idea how they got that. It misses García’s head by inches.

DICK DELAURIER: Adam García has shattered the glass ceiling!

FIONA METZ: I’m honestly shocked. It won’t last because he is not going to make it out of Manchester alive on his own.

Adam García is walking up the ramp and there he is greeted by Jack McGrath, Reid Ashford, and Josh Mac. García stops in his tracks. It’s tense for a few seconds until McGrath holds out a black CØNTAGIØN shirt. García considers the offer for a moment and then accepts it. The quartet stand with their arms raised at the top of the ramp as Manchester calls for the execution of all four of them with tremendous enthusiasm.



Crashing. Banging. Cursing. It can all be heard coming from The Consortium’s office. The brave cameraman moves in closely and peaks his lens through the crack in the door with the boom operator doing his best to get his microphone in there too.

MAULER METZ: Is this a fuckin’ joke, mate? Adam García, the lad who can’t win a fuckin’ title to save his life, beats my best wrestler? No fuckin’ way I’m gonna stand for it. Basa, you gotta make ‘im and those Contagion cunts pay.

Mauler smashes his fist into a wall, leaving a giant hole. It’s his arena, I guess.

HORADO BASA: Honestly Mauler, I would think that you would be more upset about Dick Delaurier assaulting you. The announcer packs quite the punch.

ENZO DANTE: Not something that I expected.

Dante and Basa both share a chuckle. Mauler is too irate to notice that his compatriots are laughing at his expense.

MAULER METZ: Don’t you worry about that cunt. ‘e’ll get what’s bloody comin’ to ‘im. But the two of you don’t seem concerned that we ‘ave lost two World Championships to the RAZOR wankers.

Basa puts on his best calming voice, which is easy with that silky Latin accent.

HORADO BASA: And what better way to pay that back then to have their World Champion destroyed.

MAULER METZ: The fans loathe that cunt McGrath. They’ll be right chuffed to see ‘im get taken out.

The Wrestle Italia owner tries his best to calm Mauler down with a hand on his shoulder. He speaks slowly.

ENZO DANTE: If he goes down, then their World Championship will be vacated. We can easily orchestrate a way for one of our people to take it. Even if one of them has to lay down for the other to claim it.

Mauler stops huffing and puffing for a moment. He exhales sharply, accepting the idea.

MAULER METZ: That’s actually not a bad fuckin’ idea. But who is gonna take McGrath out?

HORADO BASA: I have a plan. We will do Ms. Whimm a favor and get rid of the entirety of Contagion. Then we can regain the UWK Heavyweight Title, claim the CARNAGE Pro World Title, and the RAZOR World Title.

MAULER METZ: You think Whimm will go for it?

HORADO BASA: We all know she has no choice.

We hear someone clear their throat. The camera turns as sharply as it can without being noticed and we see RAZOR General Manager Sophie Whimm seated cross legged in a large leather chair. She waves with a forced smile on her face.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Hey fellas. I’m sitting right here. I think it’s shiny that you want to devour my company and everything but–

She is cut off by Mauler, who grabs both arms of the chair that she is sitting in and gets in her face.

MAULER METZ: This is ‘appening, Whimm. Nowt you can do about it.

SOPHIE WHIMM: (defeated) …I know.

The three members of The Consortium share a laugh and the camera backs out of the room. Completely unnoticed. That is until the boom guy trips. The two crew members take off down the hall, a scene of panic before we cut.

It’s tiiiime for the main event. Before any of the hot tag team action can begin, the sage is flooded by some PIGS. Manchester Police, the very same dickheads that arrested Molly Bones a few months back, come out in force and split their numbers to stand on either side of the curtain.

DICK DELAURIER: Manchester Police are here.

FIONA METZ: ACAB.

DICK DELAURIER: That is true but there is a reason for them being here. Let’s take you back to two weeks ago and the first edition of Champ’s Camp…

David Gibson turns his head to see a Colt 45 aimed right for his skull in the hands of this fucked up Furby.

He doesn't know if it's loaded or not. He doesn't even know if this little shit even knows how to work the damn thing. But staring down the barrel of a gun is a mindscrew, even for the hardest of men. Gibson may have only froze for a few seconds tops, yet it proves to be just enough of a distraction for PNG to give him a headbutt for his trouble. Gibson is stunned as the big man of Los Rebeldes takes both titles back from the mat.

Pedro begins to rise from the collapsed table. Bane follows suit. Both men slowly begin to get up, but Bane is distracted by a ricochet bullet that barely misses his leg! He turns back to attack only to see the champions, battered and bruised and still holding their belts. Mestizo sneakily flees the scene through the crowd, fans parting like the Red Sea.

FIONA METZ: I mean, I get it. But do we really need this many donut munchers for Mestizo?

DICK DELAURIER: Think about what you just asked.

FIONA METZ: Fuck. Yeah, I guess.

Out first is the tandem of Thomas Bane and David Gibson, Shinigami Foundation. This duo has never faced the champions so they may have that edge. They pass through the sea of security and police en route to the ring. Manchester gives them a warm welcome because…lesser of two evils?

DICK DELAURIER: Shinigami Foundation lost in the semi-finals of the Riggs & Murtaugh Tag Team Classic but they have a chance at redemption here tonight.

FIONA METZ: Los Rebeldes have been defending these titles every chance they get. They are a fucking unit right now. If Shinigami bring anything less than their best, they are fucked.

The RAZOR Tag Team Champions, Pedro Gonzales and Persona Non Grata, Los Rebeldes del Bien are out next. Mestizo leads the way and he is stopped by a police officer. PNG looks ready to throw down. The officer pats Mestizo down and doesn’t find a weapon. The boys are allowed to pass but one officer indicates that he has his eyes on the piss soaked Mogwai.

FIONA METZ: That’s fucking racial profiling.

DICK DELAURIER: What race is Mestizo again?

FIONA METZ: If you don’t know, I’m not gonna tell you.

Both teams are in the ring. Mestizo sits on the ring steps, glaring up the ramp at his would-be captors. Referee Diego Leach takes possession of the Tag Team Titles, holds them up, and then hands them off to Big Mouth Mindy. Leach waits for Pedro Gonzales to take his place in the corner while Thomas Bane does the same in his corner. With a representative from each team in the ring, the match begins.

DICK DELAURIER: Here we go. Title defense number four for Los Rebeldes begins!

FIONA METZ: You’re speaking like they are going to win.

DICK DELAURIER: No I am stating the facts.

FIONA METZ: A new path for you!

Persona Non Grata starts things off with David Gibson. The waste exactly no time as they immediately start throwing bombs at each other back and forth. Gibson gets the upper hand after a sharp right hook that stuns PNG. Gibson grabs PNG by the wrist and yanks him into a GIGANTIC belly to belly suplex! The impact shakes the ring. Gibson quickly tags in Thomas Bane.

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t think we’ve ever seen PNG laid out so quickly.

FIONA METZ: These Shinigami boys are hungry and PNG is a meal.

DICK DELAURIER: Good gumbo.

The duo of Shinigami Foundation measure Persona Non Grata and once the latter is vertical, Bane and Gibson hit him with a beautiful set of dropkicks! PNG falls backward, catches himself on the ropes, propels himself forward and TRUCKS both men with a double clothesline. Feeling groggy, PNG tags in Pedro Gonzales.

DICK DELAURIER: There is the PNG we know.

FIONA METZ: And like! Maybe not love. Too early to tell.

Pedro Gonzales vaults over the top rope and connects with a wicked face bicycle knee strike to Thomas Bane that sends Bane hurtling towards a corner. Person Nona Grata stands David Gibson up and launches him over the top rope. Gibson lands with a satisfying THUD. PNG and Gonzales collect Bane and quickly drop him with a double STO. Gonzales covers and Diego Leach is there to make the count.

1..

2!

Thomas Bane is quick to kick out but Pedro Gonzales immediately stands him up. Gonzales plays to the audience in Manchester for a moment and is met with boos. He shrugs and then takes Bane over with a capture suplex! Bane is down and David Gibson is still down on the outside. Gonzales climbs to the top rope and goes for the imploding 450 splash but Gibson has come back to life and he drags his partner out of harm’s way! Gibson hops back up on the apron and makes the blind tag.

DICK DELAURIER: Shinigami have a chance to turn things around!

FIONA METZ: This Gibson guy is tenacious. He wants to win, badly.

Pedro Gonzales is back up to his feet but is favoring his ribs. David Gibson enters the ring and SMOKES Gonzales with a running forearm. Gonzales collapses, catching himself on the middle rope. Gibson quickly hauls him up and hits him with a vile backdrop driver! Gibson reaches back and hooks Gonzales’ leg! Diego Leach is right there to count.

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2..!

Pedro Gonzales kicks out! Mestizo is up, pacing around ringside now. We can hear his little goblin snarl every time he passes by the Shinigami Foundation corner. David Gibson shoots Pedro Gonzales to that very same corner and makes the tag to Thomas Bane. Gibson seats Gonzales on the top rope. Bane gets Gibson up on his shoulders, Gibson applies a front face lock to Gonzales, and then in one quick motion Gonzales is yanked off of the top rope and taken over with a stacked superplex! The ring rumbles as all three men hit the ring. Bane scrambles to make a cover.

DICK DELAURIER: GOOD GUMBO! What a superplex!

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..!

FIONA METZ: PNG was there in a GIF!

DICK DELAURIER: What?

FIONA METZ: It makes more sense written. People reading the results will laugh. They might die!

Persona Non Grata enters the ring and delivers a stiff boot to the back of Thomas Bane’s head, breaking up the fall. David Gibson comes to the rescue and blasts PNG with a running forearm. PNG answers back with a lariat that’ll knock your dick stiff. Gibson has been dropped. PNG gestures to Pedro Gonzales and the two use their tandem skills to hit Bane with a leap frog stun gun! PNG dumps Gibson to the outside and Gonzales covers Bane.

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..!

DICK DELAURIER: How on Earth?

Kickout! Thomas Bane barely made it out of that one. The referee Diego Leach is concerned with the action in the ring, he doesn’t see Mestizo mauling David Gibson on the outside. But one of the piggies sees it. A particularly brave member of the Manchester Police marches down the ramp to confront Mestizo. Mestizo stops his onslaught, stares at the cop quizzically for a second. A smarter man would flee. This cop doesn’t. Mestizo launches himself forward and headbutts the bobby in the bean bag!

FIONA METZ: Yes! ACAB, you filthy pricks!

DICK DELAURIER: This is not going to end well for Mestizo.

That’s it! Mestizo is being arrested! The Manchester Police swarm ringside and subdue Mestizo. They pull out of adorably small handcuffs and restrain the little bastard. Persona Non Grata exits the ring and tries to help his…friend (?) but David Gibson comes out of nowhere and blasts PNG with a Ruffian Kick (Superkick). PNG is staggered and then planted on the floor with a t-bone suplex by Gibson!

FIONA METZ: No! PNG you have to save that little freak!

In the ring Pedro Gonzales is distracted by Mestizo being handcuffed. Gonzales is torn. Does he try to end the match? Or does he go help Mestizo? Doesn’t matter because Thomas Bane catches Gonzales with a roll up! Gonzales rolls all the way back and meets Bane with a basement dropkick to the face.

DICK DELAURIER: Gonzales needs to focus on this match or Los Rebeldes are going to lose the titles!

FIONA METZ: This is like that scene in E.T. when he looks like a piece of old white dog shit and the FBI or whatever is taking him away.

DICK DELAURIER: I know exactly what you mean.

Diego Leach is trying to get Persona Non Grata to get back to his corner. This gives David Gibson the opportunity to sneak into the ring. Pedro Gonzales is looking to end things with Thomas Bane but Gibson surprises him and plants him with Hellgate (Pumphandle Sitout Facebuster)! Gibson quickly drags Bane into the cover and then flees the ring. Leach turns around and sees the pinfall attempt.

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..!

DICK DELAURIER: Another big save from PNG!

Persona Non Grata dives on top of Thomas Bane and breaks up the fall at the last possible second. Mestizo is being carried up the ramp in cuffs but he is struggling like his life depends on it and the horde of the policemen can barely contain him. In the ring PNG evades a strike from David Gibson, who has slipped back in to help out Bane. PNG lays Gibson out with Mexican Magma Drive (Cobra Clutch → Half Nelson Throw)!

FIONA METZ: And goodnight to you Mr. Gibson.

DICK DELAURIER: Thomas Bane is in a heap of trouble.

FIONA METZ: The state of him!

David Gibson is down and out. Los Rebeldes see their opportunity. Persona Non Grata feeds Thomas Bane to Pedro Gonzales who pops him up for a German Suplex and PNG blasts him with a discus lariat! Mala Onda! Gonzales bridges into a pin. Leach, doing his best to officiate through all of this mayhem, makes the count.

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..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here are your winners and STILL RAZOR Wrestling Tag Team Champions, the team of Pedro Gonzales & Persona Non Grata, LOS RRRRRRREBELDES DEL BIEN!

Los Rebeldes snatch their championships and quickly leave the ring to go after Mestizo. An army of Manchester Police and BRAVE Security stand in their way. PNG looks as if he is going to fight all of them until Pedro stops him. Los Rebeldes are surrounded as Episode #12 goes off the air. See you in Mexico, kiddies!

• Jacky Sweetwater def. Masaru Shinja
• Saya Onikawa def. Waffug
• Carlos Hernandez def. SHADOJIMA by Count Out
• RYKO & Insane Fortune def. Lennox Davies, Polly Green, & Rough Stuff McDuff
• Kash Warren knocked out Ace Sky in Round Two; Advances to the Vanguard Series Finals
• Joey Bryant def. Kylie Ray (1-0); Advances to the Vanguard Series Finals
• Fire Sale def. Super Destructors; #1 Contenders to the Tag Team Titles
• Adam García def. Tom Canterbury; New UWK Heavyweight Champion
• Los Rebeldes del Bien def. Shinigami Foundation; Still Tag Team Champions