RAZOR Wrestling Episode #2

Episode #2 kicks off with RAZOR General Manager Hank Malone on his way to the ring to the tune of "When The Levee Breaks" by Led Zeppelin. Once he's in the ring, “The General” takes a microphone and is met with a neutral response from the Las Vegas crowd. They don’t know if they hate him or not yet!

HANK MALONE: How do you do, Las Vegas?

They pop. That’s where they live! Guess they don't hate him...yet.

HANK MALONE: Name is Hank Monroe, General Manager of RAZOR Wrestlin’. I’m the Sheriff ‘round these parts and I'm embarrassed to say that last week the Sheriff was in dereliction of his duties. Lotta people ain’t happy about what almost happened to Ax Rockwell at the hands of PJ Lemon.

At the mere mention of Lemon’s name Las Vegas pipes up with a chorus of boos. She is probably backstage, grinning ear to ear.

HANK MALONE: Thing is – wrestlin’ is dangerous. Wrestlin’ here in RAZOR is dangerous. I’m no advocate for a feller gettin’ sent up like it’s burnin’ man–

Burning man, that happens here! A bunch of wooks and burnouts in the crowd cheer.

HANK MALONE: –but it got people talkin’. Can’t complain about that. And Ol’ Ax is a tough son of a bitch. I knew his daddy and I’ve known him since he was knee high to a jack rabbit – he’ll be just fine. That bein’ said, if PJ Lemon wants to get nuts, then I’m gonna give her the opportunity to get nuts.

Whatever could “The General” mean? The crowd waits and Monroe milks the anticipation.

HANK MALONE: Next week Lemon is gonna–

“Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet cues up and the audience goes mental – with anger! “Sour Power” PJ Lemon prances out onto the stage and skips down to the ring. The audience members lining the ramp shout expletives at her but she just mimes crying before slipping into the ring.

DICK DELAURIER: One show is all it took for PJ Lemon to become the most hated competitor in RAZOR.

FIONA METZ: And she loves it because she’s out of her mind.

Malone doesn’t look upset that Lemon has come to the ring, he even tries to hand her a microphone. She doesn’t accept it, she has one stuffed in her waistband. Her microphone is bright yellow and the wind muff is shaped like a lemon. How quaint.

PJ LEMON: Alright, cunt? My match is first up here tonight so I figured I’d come on out and let ya tell me about my punishment face ta face. It is a punishment, right? You’ve got to show the rest of the cunts in the locker room that bad girl actions like what I tried last week won’t go without an answer right? What a big man you are. We’re all very impressed. Gotta say.

“The General” knows what Lemon is trying to do and he doesn’t let it get to him.

HANK MALONE: I know why ya did what ya did, Lemon. Had you actually been able to go through with it, we’d be havin’ a different conversation right now. But ya didn’t. Masaru Shinja sent you runnin’ for the hills with yer tail stuff between yer legs. Ain’t that right?

Lemon twists up her face, trying not to give anything away.

PJ LEMON: I “ran” away because the stink of gasoline was making me light headed! I didn’t want ta get injured. I was protecting your investment in me, cunt. But no worries on that front because Shinja is gonna get me at 100%. Now what have ya got for me next week Hanky?

Monroe smirks.

HANK MALONE: Since you want to get “hardcore”, I’m gonna give ya the chance to do just that. The network, GRBG: A Streaming Platform, they love ultraviolence. So next week yer gonna have the first ever Las Vegas Street Fight in RAZOR. I haven’t settled on an opponent yet but you’ll know by the end of the night.

Lemon is both excited and angry. She doesn’t like the game that Malone is playing. But there is no time for more chatter because–

–”Money For Nothing” by Dire Straits blasts through the p.a. system. Everyone in Bobby Shitake Arena gets on their feet as “Cooler Than Cool” Masaru Shinja struts to the ring, followed by his manager Oh Tadao. Shinja takes his time, engaging with the fans that line the entrance ramp and Lemon is less than impressed.

FIONA METZ: Am I the only person who doesn’t think that this guy is cool? He seems like a bit of a dork to me.

DICK DELAURIER: That is precisely what makes him so cool.

FIONA METZ: That makes no fuckin’ sense.

Shinja gets in the ring and Lemon tries to hit him before the bell but Shinja effortlessly glides out of the way and wags a scolding finger in Lemon’s direction. Lemon snarls. The two lock up and Shinja forces Lemon down into a headlock. Shinja gives her a pat on the head and then releases her.

FIONA METZ: Shinja is playing with fire right now. Literally. Does this guy want to become Johnny Storm, tonight?

DICK DELAURIER: Johnny Storm..?

FIONA METZ: The Human Torch.

DICK DELAURIER: Now who’s the dork?

“Sour Power” stomps on the mat in frustration as Shinja poses for the Las Vegas fans. Lemon shoots in on Shinja and picks his leg but Shinja does a backflip, landing on his feet! Shinja poses again but this time Lemon blasts him with a forearm shot that rattles Shinja. Lemon forces him into a corner and hits him with a running knee to the face.

Lemon works Shinja over with some stops and chin locks for the next few minutes. The excitement in the crowd dies down and then vanishes entirely when Lemon blasts hits Shinja with the Lemon Drop (Backstabber)! Lemon sticks out her tongue at Tadao, who is ringside, and then makes the first cover of the contest.

FIONA METZ: She’s got him! It’s over for “Lamer Than Lame”!

1..

2..!

DICK DELAURIER: He’s still cool! Shinja stays in this contest.

Shinja kicks out and the crowd comes back to life. Lemon tries to keep Shinja on the mat with some stomps and kicks but Shinja “hulks up”. After one final desperate kick to the mid-section, Shinja stands up straight and poses. The audience loves it. Lemon rushes him but Shinja evades her attack, sends her into the ropes, and then catches her with a top shelf German suplex!

“Sour Power” tries to recover quickly but she walks right into an abdominal stretch. With Lemon trapped in the hold, Shinja starts singing! “Millions of lemons, lemons for free, millions of lemons, lemons for me!” and Lemon is screaming in pain. Lemon reaches out for the ropes so Shinja pulls back and modifies the hold into a pinning predicament!

DICK DELAURIER: It could be all over for PJ Lemon!

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: You’re going to have to kill her to keep her down!

Tadao lets out a frustrated grunt as Lemon kicks out just before the count of three. Shinja isn’t deterred, he peels Lemon off of the mat but she knees him in the groin! It goes undetected by referee Vivian Rosser and in no time Lemon blasts Shinja with Sour Creamed (Springboard Shining Wizard). Lemon covers, staring at Tadao at ringside, as Rosser makes the count.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, “Sour Power” PJ Lemon!

“Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet kicks up and Vivian Rosser raises Lemon’s hand in victory. Lemon grabs her custom lemon microphone from the corner and the music dies down, but the jeers from Las Vegas do not.

PJ LEMON: Gotta say, Malone, I hope whoever you’ve got for me next week is a little bit tougher than this cunt. I’m gonna find out who it is and I’m gonna give everyone a little preview of what to expect next week, tonight!

Lemon gives Shinja a parting soccer kick to the ribs before she leaves the ring, bathing in the hatred that she is receiving from the fans in Bobby Shitake Arena.



Pascal Gaudin and Sabine Moreau are in the catering area and both are wearing a look of complete disgust on their respective faces.

PASCAL GAUDIN: Look at this disgusting assortiment de nourriture. I would not feed this to a dog.

SABINE MOREAU: (laughing) Or to Hope Freya.

PASCAL GAUDIN: No. I would allow her to eat this. She likely already has, because she has no sense of class and an even more diminished sense of grace. She is a pretender, she is a fraud. She is a charlatan, pretending to be an artiste.

SABINE MOREAU: You are the only artiste in RAZOR, mon amour.

PASCAL GAUDIN: Of course an intelligent beauty such as yourself knows that. You are the epitome of class and grace. Tonight in the main event, Hope Freya will quickly understand that her success in RAZOR Wrestling is merely un rêve.

The two walk out of frame. Honestly? The catering looks great, these two are just snobs. I eat it all the time. It’s great. Respect to our catering team.

“La Muñeca Diabólica” Craneo comes to the ring flanked by Calavera. We get a split screen of Craneo’s loss last week to Masaru Shinja and thus, the reason for Craneo’s pissy expression. Craneo enters the ring and starts hitting the ropes in typical luchadora style.

DICK DELAURIER: Craneo is looking to get back on track after suffering a loss in her debut last week.

FIONA METZ: Way to bring it up, Dick. I’m sure that she’s acutely aware of what happened.

“The Fortunate Son” Ax Rockwell is out next and he doesn’t seem like himself. The energy that he brought to the ring last week was nowhere to be seen. I guess nearly getting set on fire can have an adverse effect on one’s enthusiasm.

FIONA METZ: Why does Ax look so sad? This is his hometown, right?

DICK DELAURIER: Well he did lose in the main event last week. And then…

FIONA METZ: Riiight. The fire.

The bell sounds and it’s clear that Rockwell is jittery. Rockwell’s focus just isn’t there and that leaves the door wide open for Craneo to surprise him with a shotgun dropkick. Rockwell slams into the corner and Craneo steps off of the middle rope, leaps, and spikes Rockwell’s head into the canvas with a tornado ddt. Craneo scrambles into the cover.

1..

2..!

DICK DELAURIER: Rockwell kicks out! Maybe there is some fight left in The Fortunate Son.

FIONA METZ: Or was it instinct?

DICK DELAURIER: It could have been instinct.

Rockwell is able to kick out and he immediately rolls out of the ring. Rockwell is trying to regain his faculties when he is approached by Calavera. Referee Wes Eastman warns Calavera not to touch Rockwell to which Calavera responds, “No hablo ingles.” with a knowing grin.

FIONA METZ: Don’t be xenophobic, Eastman!

“The Fortunate Son” gets up to his feet and Calavera shouts something inaudible at him in Spanish. Rockwell is distracted enough to not see Craneo hit the opposing ropes and then fly over the top rope with a tope suicida! Craneo lands hard right on top of Rockwell, taking him down.

DICK DELAURIER: This is not good at all for Ax Rockwell. He has been playing from behind this entire match up.

The audience in Bobby Shitake Arena are collectively upset. This is not the Rockwell that they want to support, he is a shell of himself! Craneo mounts Rockwell on the outside and starts hammering on his stitched up forehead, which was caused by PJ Lemon in their match last week. Referee Eastman warns Craneo to lay off of Rockwell’s injury and the luchadora turns to look at Eastman with fire in her eyes.

FIONA METZ: I told you to watch the casual racism, Eastman!

DICK DELAURIER: How was he being racist?

FIONA METZ: Blood is a big part of lucha culture.

DICK DELAURIER: Is it?

FIONA METZ: You are so fucking white. It hurts to hear.

Craneo slides back into the ring and gets in Eastman’s face. It’s clearly all an act because with Eastman distracted Calavera charges and catches Rockwell in the side of the head with a running knee. Calavera hefts Rockwell up and slides him into the ring. Craneo immediately goes for a cover but Rockwell wisely rolls onto his stomach.

FIONA METZ: That’s the smartest thing Ax has done tonight.

“La Muñeca Diabólica” waits for Rockwell to get to his feet, which takes more than a few moments. The audience starts booing. Rockwell finally stands and Craneo takes him down with a lightning quick springboard crossbody! With Rockwell prone on the canvas, Craneo hits Cerebro Rojo (Springboard Moonsault)! Craneo hooks the leg and Calavera screams at Eastman to make the count…in English.

DICK DELAURIER: I thought she didn’t speak English?

FIONA METZ: Eeeaasy there Dick, walking a fine line my friend.

1..

2..!

In what comes as a surprise to most, Rockwell kicks out again! Craneo can’t believe it, she thought that all of the fight that Rockwell had in his body was gone. Frustrated, Craneo starts stomping on Rockwell relentlessly. The fans in Las Vegas start to chant for Rockwell and…it appears to work!

DICK DELAURIER: Ax Rockwell is coming to life!

FIONA METZ: Probably too little, too late.

Rockwell fights up to his feet and with a sense of urgency Craneo hits the ropes and looks for a springboard double ax handle but Rockwell catches her out of mid-air and plants her hard into the canvas with Raw Enforcement (Double A Spinebuster)!

FIONA METZ: Or not.

Bobby Shitake Arena has come roaring back to life with a “LET’S GO AXE!” chant. Rockwell is feeling it and he calls for the end. Rockwell stalks Craneo but something outside the ring catches his eye. Calavera has a book of matches in her hand, which she sets on fire! Rockwell looks horrified.

FIONA METZ: Genius!

DICK DELAURIER: Is fire part of lucha culture too?

FIONA METZ: Don’t be obtuse, Dick.

Calavera waves the flaming match book around and Rockwell is transfixed. Eastman tells Calavera to get rid of the match book but it’s too late! Craneo comes out of nowhere and rolls Rockwell up. Eastman makes the count!

1…

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, “La Muñeca Diabólica” Craneo!

Craneo gets her hand raised by Wes Eastman and the audience boos this result like crazy. Calavera enters the ring and embraces Craneo. Rockwell sits up in the ring, defeated in more ways than one. Craneo and Calavera taunt Rockwell before taking their leave.

DICK DELAURIER: Another loss for Ax Rockwell. Maybe his time in the ring is over. The incident with PJ Lemon last week seems to have broken him.

FIONA METZ: If that’s all it takes then he has no business being here. For real.

Referee Wes Eastman tries to check on Rockwell but Rockwell shoves him away out of frustration. Rockwell looks like he is going to attack Eastman for just a quick second but ultimately he just leaves the ring in stoic fashion.



We join “Sweet Talker” Zilpah Okelo as she walks toward the gorilla position. We literally catch her mid-sentence and the cameraman is struggling to keep up with her frantic pace.

ZILPAH OKELO: …fuckin’ little bitch puts his foot on the fuckin’ rope like she’s in the match. Bitch was not in the match. French pussy is lucky I don’t go and beat his ass right now but I’ve got other work to do.

It would be fair to think that Okelo had been ranting since last week, when Sabine Moreau helped Pascal Gaudin defeat Okelo in singles competition. “Sweet Talker” is irate and she doesn’t care who knows it.

ZILPAH OKELO: That shit happens once and it don’t fuckin’ happen again. Shit is gonna be different tonight. Imma go to the ring and beat the fuck out of this Russian bitch. He ain’t got any clue what is about to happen to his punk ass. On God, I’m gonna fuck this motherfucker up like he’s never fuckin’ experienced. I’m serious, don’t test me. This man is gonna–

Okelo reaches the curtain and there stands “The Mystic Tsar” Sergei Ivanov. Okelo stops in her tracks, not out of fear, but out of surprise. Ivanov almost looks amused.

SERGEI IVANOV: Please, continue. What exactly are you going to do to Sergei?

Okelo doesn’t miss a beat.

ZILPAH OKELO: I’m gonna beat the shit out of you.

SERGEI IVANOV: Will you? Well I do not want to keep you waiting. Shall we begin?

Okelo takes a moment to consider the offer. And–

–Zilpah Okelo and Sergei Ivanov spill through the curtain and onto the entrance ramp! Okelo has put Ivanov in his back with a double leg takedown and she is hammering away on him. Ivanov is able to shift his weight and gain top position. Ivanov starts raining heavy blows down on Okelo. Bobby Shitake Arena has come unglued!

DICK DELAURIER: Zilpah Okelo and Sergei Ivanov don’t want to wait to get to the ring.

FIONA METZ: I personally love this approach. Who needs a referee getting in the way?

DICK DELAURIER: All that referee Kate McHale can do right now is watch.

FIONA METZ: Easy pay day for the zebra!

“Sweet Talker” bucks Ivanov off and quickly gets to her feet. Okelo catches him with a running forearm that floors Ivanov. Okelo turns and sees a fan holding out a beverage. Okelo grabs it from the fan, gives the fan a nod of acknowledgement, then smashes the drink into Ivanov’s face which gets a huge reaction from Las Vegas.

FIONA METZ: Gotta stay hydrated.

DICK DELAURIER: I think that was beer.

FIONA METZ: Even better!

“The Mystic Tsar” is temporarily blinded and Okelo darts forward to hit him with a leaping knee to the chin! Ivanov drops and rolls down to the bottom of the ramp. Okelo stomps down the ramp with murder on her mind. She marches over to the timekeeper and commandeers a steel chair.

DICK DELAURIER: Okay so Okelo doesn’t care about winning, she just wants to hurt someone.

FIONA METZ: After what happened to her last week, I get it.

Ivanov is up to his feet and Okelo tosses the chair to him. She looks for a superkick but Ivanov sidesteps the kick and cracks the steel chair over Okelo’s head! Okelo drops to a knee and Ivanov looks to hit her in the head with it again but Okelo hits him with a low bow! Ivanov lets go of the chair, it falls to the floor.

The fans are loving this and referee Kate McHale half heartedly tells Okelo to get Ivanov into the ring. Okelo flashes a glare at McHale and the referee shuts right up. Okelo sends Ivanov face first into the ring post and it makes that beautiful No Mercy 64 “bingggggg” sound. Okelo grabs Ivanov by the back of the head and drives his face into the ring steps.

FIONA METZ: I honestly don’t know who to cheer for. They are both insane.

DICK DELAURIER: You could try to call the match without bias.

FIONA METZ: Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. One of them is gonna make me like them more than I like the other.

The fans are loving every second of this and Okelo can feel it. Instead of getting Ivanov in the ring, Okelo grabs the back of his head again and smashes Ivanov’s face into the stairs several times, successfully busting him open. Okelo finds the steel chair and slides into the ring. Okelo heaves Ivanov’s body up onto the apron and pushes him into the ring.

“Sweet Talker” enters the ring just as McHale asks Ivanov if he is good to start the match. Okelo doesn’t give Ivanov a chance to answer, she jumps on him and starts pounding on him with a barrage of heavy strikes. Ivanov doesn’t try to block the shots, he simply raises a thumbs up and McHale takes that as a sign that she can officially start the match.

DICK DELAURIER: And this match is officially underway.

FIONA METZ: I would have been fine if they just kept beating the piss out of each other all over Bobby Shitake Arena.

The bell rings as Okelo continues to wail on Ivanov. McHale kicks the chair out of the ring and Ivanov shoves Okelo off of him. Okelo gets to her feet, looks for the chair, doesn’t see it, and quickly decides to go for a superkick. Ivanov catches her boot, spins her around, and flattens Okelo with the Chernobog Elbow (Roaring Elbow)!

DICK DELAURIER: Ivanov just flattened Okelo!

FIONA METZ: Now that it’s a real match, Okelo doesn’t have shit!

Ivanov takes a moment to regain his composure but Okelo is quickly back up to her feet. Okelo screams at McHale, asking where the steel chair went. McHale, shaken, points to it on the outside. Ivanov doesn’t attack, he tells Okelo to go get it. This pisses Okelo off and she rushes Ivanov again but he puts her on the mat with a headlock takeover.

DICK DELAURIER: Finally, a wrestling hold.

FIONA METZ: Don’t be an asshole, Dick.

“The Mystic Tsar” tries to transition into a rear naked choke but Okelo rolls backward out of it and hits a leaping double stomp to Ivanov’s stomach. With Ivanov subdued, Okelo exits the ring and collects the chair. She gets back into the ring and McHale tries to grab it from her but Ivanov yells “Let her!”.

DICK DELAURIER: Ivanov wants Okelo to use the chair?

FIONA METZ: Referee’s discretion, Dick. Might as well let them go at it!

DICK DELAURIER: I actually agree with you.

FIONA METZ: Oh happy day.

Ivanov welcomes a shot with the steel chair. Okelo doesn’t hesitate, she smacks Ivanov in the face with it! Ivanov is staggered a bit but he stays on his feet. Ivanov says, “Snova.”, which means “Again” for those of you who do not speak Russian.

DICK DELAURIER: This is insanity.

FIONA METZ: This is fantastic.

After the briefest of consideration, Okelo blasts Ivanov in the head with the chair again. A fine mist of blood is sent into the air from Ivanov’s head but he does not leave his feet. Okelo drops the chair and smokes Ivanov with a superkick. Ivanov goes down and Okelo covers.

DICK DELAURIER: This has to be over.

1..!

FIONA METZ: Nope!

Ivanov kicks out at one and Okelo can’t believe it. Both competitors get back up to their feet and start throwing bombs at one another. Ivanov battles back, hits an uppercut to Okelo, takes a few steps back and then delivers a heavy clothesline to Okelo! She drops, but scrambles back up to her feet only for Ivanov to meet her with Leshy’s Test (Bicycle Kick)! Okelo is laid out and Ivanov covers.

1..

2..!

Okelo kicks out and Ivanov doesn’t look surprised at all. He looks like he’s having fun. Ivanov gathers Okelo up, shoots her into the corner, and follows her in with another heavy clothesline. “The Mystic Tsar” puts Okelo in a tree of woe and she is in big trouble. Ivanov moves to the middle of the ring and then charges in looking for a spear but Okelo sits up on the buckle at the last second! Ivanov’s body goes between the buckles and his shoulder hits the ring post. He falls back onto the mat in a prone position and Okelo stands on the top rope. Okelo leaps from the top rope and hits Sweet Low Down (Low Down Frog Splash).

DICK DELAURIER: What an evasion from Sweet Talker! Okelo is about to win this one!

1..

2..

..!

FIONA METZ: Russian machine doesn’t break!

Ivanov kicks out! Okelo, undeterred, mounts Ivanov again and starts hammering away on him with furious rights and lefts. Ivanov is bleeding like a stuck pig but he is also laughing! Okelo hits one final brutal shot and Ivanov looks to be out cold. McHale tries to check on him but Okelo shoves him away.

DICK DELAURIER: It looks like the Russian machine just broke.

FIONA METZ: Oh fuck off.

The bloodied Ivanov gets to his feet, probably out of pure instinct. He can’t see, he doesn’t even seem like he knows where he is. Okelo measures “The Mystic Tsar” and then blasts him with another superkick. Ivanov is staggered but Okelo pulls him in and hits him with World War Z (Riptide) onto the steel chair. Okelo covers and McHale is more than happy to count the fall.

1..

2..

..3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, “Sweet Talker” Zilpah Okelo!

“Sound The Horns” by Wu-Tang Clan kicks up and Bobby Shitake Arena gives the winner, Ziplah Okelo, a standing ovation. Okelo looks quite pleased with herself and she gives Ivanov a nod of respect before leaving her bloodied opponent alone in the ring.



In a pre-recorded segment, “Dreamweaver” Hope Freya rollicks through a stark white room. Freya seems to look everywhere but at the camera as she ruminates aloud about her upcoming match against Pascal Gaudin.

HOPE FREYA: I wonder a lot. I wonder about a great many things. I desperately wonder about the stars and the heavens. I wonder about the animals and the insects. But I do not often find myself wondering about people. People typically do not interest me.

Freya stands on the tips of her toes and slowly spins around.

HOPE FREYA: Pascal Gaudin does, however, interest me. He does not like me, despite knowing very little about me. I suppose it was his willingness to jump to conclusions about me that has drawn my curiosity. What level of self-loathing makes someone lash out in such a way?

Dreamweaver stops and lands flat footed on the ground. She gazes into the camera with a glassy, unflinching expression.

HOPE FREYA: I will find out tonight. It’s my experience that you truly get to know someone when engaged in combat. It is a belief that has been assured by centuries of combat. Tonight, I will come to know you Pascal. I will learn about your soul.

In a flash, Freya slides out of frame, as if she was never there at all.

It’s tiiiime, for the main event. “Only Shallow” by My Bloody Valentine kicks up and out comes “Dreamweaver” Hope Freya. She floats down the ring, swaying and sashaying, which delights the fans in Bobby Shitake Arena. She enters the ring and with a pirouette she dramatically drops to her knees and the music cuts out.

DICK DELAURIER: This match came about because Pascal Gaudin was offended that Hope Freya was being referred to as an artist of the ring. He and Sabine Moreau believe that he is the only wrestler in RAZOR who should be referred to as such.

FIONA METZ: A battle of the art school nerds! I’m sure that this is going to be thrilling.

"Symphony No. 5" by Ludwig van Beethoven begins playing and out comes the arrogant “Maître Artiste” Pascal Gaudin. Sabine Moreau is on his arm and the two pace to the ring with their noses turned up at the fans. Once at ringside, Gaudin gives Moreau a delicate kiss on the hand and he enters the ring.

FIONA METZ: Why can’t I find a man like that?

DICK DELAURIER: Because you are abrasive and rude.

FIONA METZ: Okay I’m feeling very attacked.

Freya and Gaudin lock up to start the match with Gaudin doing his best attempt at some chain wrestling but Freya is able to slip his grip at every turn. Gaudin tries for a kick to Freya’s midsection. Freya spins out of the way and falls into the ropes dramatically. Gaudin is trying not to get upset but the Parisian isn’t doing a great job at hiding his frustration.

FIONA METZ: I am starting to see why Hope Freya is so hated. The laissez faire attitude is grating on me.

DICK DELAURIER: I didn’t know that you speak French.

FIONA METZ: Ew, I don’t.

Gaudin shoots in on Freya, trying to pick her leg but Freya drops into a front face lock and wrestles Gaudin down to the mat. Gaudin slips out and tries to apply a head lock of his own but Freya drops to a knee and back tucks into a kneeling position. Gaudin faces the crowd, screwing his face up in frustration. Moreau encourages him to keep his cool from ringside.

The Frenchman turns to face Freya but like a bolt of lightning she strikes with a running dropkick that sends Gaudin crashing into the corner. Gaudin stumbles forward only for Freya to take two steps, leap into the air, and catch him with a picture perfect Hazy Hurricanranna that puts Gaudin on his back.

DICK DELAURIER: My God! Hope Freya is so fast. She can go 0-60 in no time at all.

FIONA METZ: I knew a guy like that once.

DICK DELAURIER: I don’t want to know.

FIONA METZ: I’m saying he used to cum really fast, Dick.

DICK DELAURIER: Yeah I got that.

As Freya takes a bow for the adoring audience, Gaudin rolls out onto the apron. Freya prances over to grapple with him on the apron but Gaudin catches her with a throat thrust. Gaudin turns Freya around and then snaps the back of her neck off of the top rope as he falls to the floor. Freya is down for the first time in this match and the audience doesn’t like it.

DICK DELAURIER: That whiplash effect has Freya down and out, momentarily.

Gaudin wipes his feet on the apron, scoffs at the audience, and enters the ring as Moreau cheers him on. Freya gets to her feet but Gaudin hits her with a drive-by knee to the side of the head. Gaudin peels Freya off of the mat and shoots her into the ropes. Freya tries to leap over Gaudin’s clutches but he catches her and drops her over his knee with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! The audience gasps, Moreau pops, and Gaudin makes the first cover of the contest.

1..

2..!

FIONA METZ: She isn’t finished but she is definitely in trouble.

DICK DELAURIER: An astute observation. Pascal Gaudin is known to work the neck, spine, and back to soften up opponents for The Gallery submission.

FIONA METZ: Don’t patronize me.

Dreamweaver kicks out and Las Vegas exhales a collective sigh of relief. Gaudin knows that he has to capitalize because Freya is slippery as hell. Freya rolls onto her stomach and Gaudin drops a leaping knee onto her lower spine. He quickly positions himself and applies a textbook camel clutch, wrenching back on Freya’s neck. Freya appears to be in quite a bit of pain but she doesn’t make a sound. What a tough cookie! Disturbed that Freya isn’t even close to submitting, Gaudin re-positions and places a knee on her lower back while yanking back on her neck.

FIONA METZ: Frenchy is really putting in the work on Freya’s neck! She’s gonna have Michael Keaton Batman syndrome.

DICK DELAURIER: What does that even mean?

FIONA METZ: Watch the movie, Dick.

As he has Freya locked in the hold, Gaudin blows a kiss to Moreau. This moment of unfocus allows Freya to shift her wait and knock herself loose with a back elbow. Gaudin darts toward her but Freya is too quick, she smashes Gaudin in the face with a scorpion kick! Gaudin falls back into the ropes and looks momentarily dazed.

DICK DELAURIER: That was the break that Freya needed! Gaudin is rocked.

FIONA METZ: I’m surprised that she could do that with a softened up spine.

With Las Vegas on her side, Freya saunters over to Gaudin and starts hitting him with pointed knees to the ribs, while favoring her own lower back. Gaudin tries to cover up but Freya’s knee strikes are expertly targeting his open areas. Gaudin is able to shove Freya away but she responds by blasting him with Wash Over (Capoeira Kick)! Gaudin drops to the mat and Freya makes a cover as Moreau shrieks at ringside.

1..

2..!

FIONA METZ: The Artiste will not die! But if he did, would this match get a better rating?

DICK DELAURIER: What are you talking about?

FIONA METZ: Their work is worth more after they die! I swear, I’m wasted on you.

Gaudin is able to kick out and Moreau squeals in approval. Freya gets up to her feet but her lower back has taken some punishment. She isn’t as quick as she’d like to be. Gaudin stands and goes for a lock up but Freya evades it, springboards off of the middle rope, and hits him with the Dream Sequence (Spike Poisonrana)! Gaudin’s head is drilled into the canvas. Freya covers again!

1..

2..

..!

Moreau is up on the apron just as Gaudin kicks out! Referee Diego Leach warns Moreau to get away, lest she be ejected! Lest she be ejected! Moreau gives Leach a sour glare and drops down to the floor. Freya peels Gaudin up off of the mat and takes him over to the corner. Freya attempts a high roundhouse kick but Gaudin drops to a knee, pivots behind her, and drills her in the lower back with a hard forearm smash.

DICK DELAURIER: Did you see the look on Freya’s face when Gaudin landed that blow?

FIONA METZ: The classic “I might be fucked” face. I know it well.

Freya has collapsed into the corner and Gaudin hits her with a half dozen more forearm shots to the small of her back. Freya’s body goes limp and Gaudin pulls her by the waistband into his clutches and in one fluid motion he tosses her high overhead with a German suplex! Freya lands high on her shoulders and Gaudin scrambles into a cover as Moreau applauds from ringside.

1..

2..

..!

DICK DELAURIER: Hope Freya kicks out! Much to the delight of Las Vegas.

FIONA METZ: Not the whole city.

DICK DELAURIER: No, Fiona, not the whole city.

Frustrated, Gaudin gives Freya a hard stomp to the small of her back and then lifts her up to her feet. Freya tries for a quick right hand but Gaudin ducks behind her again and this time he bundles up her one arm and sends her backward with The Artiste Statement (Half And Half Suplex)! Moreau screams from ringside, ”Couverture, couverture!” and Gaudin does just that.

FIONA METZ: End of the line, Dreamweaver!

1..

2..

..!

DICK DELAURIER: Not quite! Hope Freya refuses to go down easy.

FIONA METZ: Me on the other hand…

DICK DELAURIER: Will you stop?

Freya just gets her foot on the bottom rope but Gaudin thinks he’s won! Gaudin starts celebrating and that gives Freya a reprieve. Moreau tells him that he hasn’t won and Gaudin nearly loses his cool. He turns back to Freya and lifts her up, looking for a reverse DDT that no doubt would set up The Gallery (Dragon Sleeper w/ Body Scissors), but Freya spins around and takes him down with Sleep Paralysis (STO into a Koji Clutch)! Gaudin is trapped in the middle of the ring.

DICK DELAURIER: Sleep Paralysis! Gaudin has nowhere to go!

Even though his paramore is trying to inspire him to reach for the ropes, from the outside. Gaudin can’t seem to move his body in any direction. Freya has the hold locked in tight and Gaudin is fading fast. Moreau is beside herself, doing whatever she can to inspire her amor but Gaudin knows that it’s hopeless. It’s either tap or go to sleep. He taps out.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, “Dreamweaver” Hope Freya!

"Only Shallow" by My Bloody Valentine cues up and referee Diego Leach raises Freya’s hand in victory. Bobby Shitake Arena cheers for Dreamweaver and she does a nice little bow for them. It’s all celebrations and cheers until–

DICK DELAURIER: You have got to be kidding me!

FIONA METZ: Shit meet fan!

–PJ Lemon enters the ring out of nowhere and clobbers Freya from behind! Freya drops to the canvas and the audience is back to booing. Lemon has ruined this feel good moment at the end of the show. “Why is she always doing this?” you might ask. It’s because she’s a jerk. But don’t tell her I said that, please.

DICK DELAURIER: PJ Lemon must think that Hope Freya is her opponent next week!

FIONA METZ: And she has the drop on her! Fuckin’ brilliant!

Gaudin has left the ring by now but he and Moreau watch Lemon lay a beating on Freya without moving a muscle to help Freya out. Why would they? Lemon has Freya mounted and is laying into her with rights and lefts. But then, the audience shifts their jeers to cheers! Someone has come out onto the ramp!

DICK DELAURIER: Ax Rockwell is here! Is he coming to get revenge for what PJ Lemon did to him last week?

FIONA METZ: Uh…doesn’t look like it.

Lemon hasn’t noticed Rockwell, who is standing at the top of the ramp. “The Fortunate Son” takes one step forward but no more than that. He looks very uneasy, despite the support from the audience. Rockwell hangs his head in shame and disappears back behind the curtain.

FIONA METZ: What a coward! He is terrified of PJ Lemon!

The beat down is never ending! Freya can’t seem to defend herself. “When The Levee Breaks” by Led Zepplin hits and the audience pops again! What a roller coaster of emotions. Out comes “The General” Hank Malone with a microphone! Lemon stops beating on Freya and her eyes fix on the figure at the top of the ramp.

HANK MALONE: Alright Lemon that’s enough. If you’re attacking Hope Freya because you think that Freya is your opponent in the Las Vegas Street Fight next week – then you are wasting your time. Your opponent isn’t Freya…

A figure has come through the crowd and is now in the ring standing behind an oblivious Lemon, armed with a steel chair. The fans are going insane.

HANK MALONE: It’s Zilpah Okelo!

Lemon turns around just in time to evade a steel chair swing from Okelo! Lemon bails out of the ring and at first she looks shocked but that expression changes to one of delight. Lemon saw what Okelo did earlier tonight. Okelo stands on the middle rope, armed with the chair, and she gestures for Lemon to come get some while screaming profanities. Lemon hops over the barricade and disappears into the sea of people. That’s it, that’s all folks!