Shotgun Episode #1

PASCAL GAUDIN vs. CORVO PRATEADO

The bell sounds and "Maître Artiste" Pascal Gaudin squares up with the Brazilian starlet. They lock up but Gaudin immediately takes her down to the mat with an arm drag and then blasts her with a dropkick. Gaudin takes a bow as Sabine Moreau claps from ringside. Prateado looks to fire back while Gaudin is show boating but he catches her just in time with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.

DICK DELAURIER: Pascal Gaudin hasn't lost a step during his suspension.

FIONA METZ: I'd say he's even better! We learn to appreciate certain artist's genius with time, you know.

Prateado writhes in pain on the mat as Gaudin prances around the ring -- he is clearly having fun with this. Prateado gets up to her feet and she throws a kick at Gaudin but he evades it and suddenly drops her with The Artiste Statement (Half And Half Suplex)! Prateado is prone on the canvas as Gaudin climbs to the top rope. Gaudin bows for his (less than) adoring fans and then comes off of the top rope with the French Connection (A top-rope diving elbow drop)! Gaudin covers and picks up the 1-2-3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, "Maître Artiste" Pascal Gaudin!


Gaudin snatches the microphone from Big Mouth Mindy and grabs the lens of the in-ring camera.

PASCAL GAUDIN: Vous voyez ça, Monsieur Storm? Vous voyez comme c'est facile pour moi? Ce sera encore plus facile quand je te battrai le 2 Juillet!

"Maître Artiste" lets the microphone fall from his hands and he slips out of the ring. He and Moreau walk up the ramp arm in arm.

Jack McGrath walks gingerly through a backstage hallway of the Bobby Shitake Arena. It was only one week since Murder Ninja had gouged his left eye out with a glass table shard. Jack currently adorns an eye patch. Not the best look.

His tepid pace increases as he spots Sophie Whimm, Personal Assistant to the General Manager. She would have to do right now.

JACK MCGRATH: I need to wrestle - tonight.

Sophie turns around and is astonished to see McGrath standing in front of her, fully dressed in his wrestling attire.

SOPHIE WHIMM: I don't think anyone expected to see you tonight, or anytime soon!

JACK MCGRATH: I get it. I really do. But, I need to get back in that ring. When I found out that I'd never see out of my left eye again I was destroyed - but, the only thing that is going to make me whole again is if I start to fight.

Sophie takes a deep breath.

SOPHIE WHIMM: There's no way I can authorize this. You were released from the hospital only five days ago...

JACK MCGRATH: I really don't give a shit. The fan support has been immense since I've been sidelined, and I'm not waiting a second longer.

Sophie shakes her head, and realizes this is an argument that she can not win.

SOPHIE WHIMM: Fine. You're up next...

McGrath storms off towards the ring.

JACK MCGRATH vs. JOSH MAC

"Juggernaut" by Cave In erupts over the PA system, and out comes Jack McGrath, adorning that damned eye patch. He is beaming with adrenaline as he stalks towards the ring and meets Josh Mac, the 20 year old Irish rookie, in the center of the squared circle.

FIONA METZ: What the fuck!? McGrath is actually wrestling tonight?! 

DICK DELAURIER: Well, that's a shocker. I'm curious to see how his balance, reaction time, overall vision, mental stability, and ring awareness will fare tonight.

FIONA METZ: You really summed it all up there, didn't you?

The bell rings and McGrath lunges towards Josh Mac, but the more agile rookie slips beneath his grasp. Jack turns around quickly and nearly loses his balance. Mac takes advantage of this stumble, and takes out McGrath's knees with a drop kick. Mac waits for McGrath to get back up to his feet, and rocks him again with another drop kick to his back side.

Jack McGrath rolls to the outside, and slams his fists down onto the ring apron. The frustration is obvious, and something the fans would never witness before the injury. Suddenly, Josh Mac is airborne and takes out McGrath with a cross body!

He rolls McGrath back into the ring, and attempts for a pin, but McGrath immediately kicks out!

DICK DELAURIER: The Irish rookie is really putting the pressure on McGrath here!

Back to their feet now, McGrath throws a haymaker, but misses wildly. The bigger man tosses another, and has no luck again! McGrath finally gets his bearings in line, and connects with a big time right hand! He then tosses Mac into the corner, and crushes him with a massive lariat, followed by an elbow! 

McGrath does not waste anytime, kicks the high flyer in the gut, and delivers a vertical drop brainbuster - COLD SNAP! 1- 2 - 3!

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Here is your winner, JACK MCGRATH!

Jack stumbles out of the ring, a bit disoriented from the contest. The fans in attendance show their appreciation for McGrath, but also slightly concerned - which is a bit rare from this Vegas crowd.

FIONA METZ: This probably wasn't the best idea for Jack to return immediately to the ring, but alas - he is back!

DICK DELAURIER: Let's just hope he takes care of himself moving forward...

SOPHIE WHIMM: I really need you to try and follow me on this. Your match was supposed to happen on one of the last shows. That was some time ago, now. Can you talk to him about this? Isn’t this your job?

Sophie asks this of the very tall gentleman wearing blue medical scrubs and a name tag reading ‘LESLIE L’. Leslie is standing with his arms folded and looming over her and the other individual at the desk. The other individual is messily consuming a burrito. It’d probably be unpleasant to watch if the individual's face weren’t blurred out of this broadcast entirely. Oh hey, Ollie’s back.

LESLIE LILYHAMMER: I’m just here to make sure he behaves himself. I’m not his interpreter.

The individual whose face is blurred out is also wearing medical scrubs but they’re green and his name tag simply reads ‘PATIENT’. He props up his matching green Crocs on the desk. The kind of Crocs they give you in places now where they don’t want you to have shoelaces so you don’t hurt yourself.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Look, I think we can all agree that time has no meaning so if you’ll just escort me to Trash Land I can get this invitational on the road.

SOPHIE WHIMM: If you would like to reschedule the Trash Land Invitational we can do that. Molly and Hank would be THRILLED. They very much appreciate the financial support from Mr. Trashington but I need you to appreciate that we need time to gather the talent and resources and advertise and…

Sophie looks to Leslie again for help. Leslie is playing Candy Crush on his phone. She decides to try a different strategy.

SOPHIE WHIMM: …I just know how important this is to both you and the Company and we want to make sure we get it right. Get everyone hyped. Get you in….actual gear. Did you come here straight from the facility.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Yeah…I actually came back because I left my van slash home parked here but then I remembered I had the Invitational but you know what? You speak the true true. This is an important event and it needs to be treated as such. Balloons! Confetti! Gardening Equipment to be used for a purpose WILDLY inconsistent with the reason it was initially created. Okay. You’ve got me again but uh… I AM on a work release right now so uh… do you have any kickable ass on deck? If I can’t do something today that gets you guys to cut me a check then I have to go back to the bad room that I hate.

Sophie looks up to Leslie yet again who has bothered to look up from his phone to nod, basically confirming what Ollie said.

SOPHIE WHIMM: If you’re ready now we ca-

Ollie jumps out of his seat causing Sophie to flinch.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hell yes! Just point me to the violence!

Sophie points in a direction. It may not even be the right direction but it is ‘away’ which is a great direction for Ollie to be. Ollie gives a thumbs up and begins walking in that direction. Leslie clears his throat.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Hm? Oh. Right!

Ollie picks up the pet carrier next to the desk.

OLLIE MAVERICK: Come on Rocky! It’s time to resume my life as a responsible tax-paying American citizen!

Ollie leaves and Leslie follows with a bored sigh.



We come back from a commercial for Life Insurance or some shit I dunno I wasn’t paying attention to find Kid Kahuna in the ring enjoying a positive reaction from the crowd. He smiles and waves to the fans as he keeps his eye on the entranceway when suddenly ‘2econd 2ight 2eer (that was fun, goodbye.) by Will Wood begins playing and Ollie Maverick emerges, strutting along to his music and his face as always completely digitally blurred from the broadcast. Having not changed from his scrubs and crocs we saw him wearing backstage. With the fun dancing and everything…the crowd is getting into it a little.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: Ladies and Gentlemen, making his Razor Wrestling debut….recently released from the Shady Acres Mental Health Facility… OLLIE MAVERICK!

Ollie hops on the apron and does a lucha roll into the ring and then immediately launches himself at Kid Kahuna, mauling him like some sort of feral animal, taking him to the ground and throwing frenzied punches before finally setltling on grabbing his head and repeatedly smashing the back of it into the canvas. The crowd is no longer into it.

FIONA METZ: Yeah, it was definitely a good idea letting this guy out. American healthcare is great.

Ollie notices Leslie Lillyhammer has joined at ringside, carrying a pet carrier. This causes Ollie to get off of Kid Kahuna and allow him to stand. Ollie backs into his corner and after a bit of a talkin-to from the official and Kid Kahuna being asked if he was good to fight our match finally officially begins. Ollie marches toward Kid Kahuna with his chin stuck out and demands Kahuna take a swing. Kahuna obliges and Ollie seems pretty overjoyed about it, holding his jaw and having a good laugh. Kahuna whips Ollie into the ropes and Ollie bounces back with a handspring back elbow that takes Kahuna off his feet. Ollie follows this up with a standing 450 splash and a two count pin.

DICK DELAURIER: The kid has actual talent. I could see him going far if he doesn’t kill someone with a box cutter.

Ollie motions for Kahuna to get up eagerly and when he’s finally to his feet we hear Ollie loudly announce ‘ALL ABOARD!’. A kick to the left calf, then the right calf. A savate kick to the gut that doubles Kahuna over swiftly followed by a rolling front somersault kick that leaves Ollie on his back and Kahuna kneeling. Ollie kips up to a standing position and Kid Kahuna is taken on the GRAVY TRAIN! (A devastating buzzsaw roundhouse kick to the head of a kneeling opponent.) that both knocks Kid Kahuna out and busts him hide open. Ollie makes the cover for the pin

1-2-3! Mercifully the bell rings and Ollie climbs off of Kahuna.

BIG MOUTH MINDY: And here is your winner….oh, gross.

Ollie is wiping off as much of Kahuna’s blood as he can onto his hands and smearing it on his face. It’s still blurred out but everyone there seeing it in person could tell you he has a genuine beaming smile on his face.

DICK DELAURIER: This is… just a horrifying display.

FIONA METZ: Yeah, imagine being knocked out by a dude in Crocs.

Ollie backs away from Kid Kahuna and rolls out of the ring, Leslie Lillyhammer scolding him as he makes his way to the back, not taking his eyes off his handiwork, the camera on his censored face before we cut to commercial.